All words that follow belong to Scotchy, by the magick of e-mail (the Aqib Talib pic is based on Hippo’s joy at the new announcer pairing).
Many, many thanks to Hippo for helping things along as I (and Rikki) try to sort out what the banana is going on with my pooter.
To The Games!
Minny vs. Arizony:
It looks like wr Hopkins will be primarily matched up with Peterson, who did his usual shutdown thingy last week to the tune of 13 yards receiving allowed. His partner-Breeland-was in a giving mood and gave up 113 yards. Quietly effective fantasy qb Cousins best do all his leg stretches and more pre-game ‘cause he’ll be running plenty-though it’ll be away from Chandler Jones and Co.
Falcons/Bucs:
You’d have thought (well, I did) that Ryan and Ridley would rack up all kinds of garbage points last week but the O was just that futile. It should play out that way for the rest of the year, starting here. Funny how Brady found another division that sucks balls and gifts his team a 6-0 or 5-1 record. #notfunny
Cowboys/Chargers:
If the fur, I mean, balls don’t fly in this tilt many fantasy folk’ll be upset. But between Dallas’ piddly excuse for a secondary and Prescott and Friends firepower, that over/under of 55 should be toast. Joey Bosa can’t wipe the grin off his face given that La’el Collins has been switched out for Terrence Steele.
Titans/Seahawks:
Tennessee allowed 4 passes of more than 20 yards last week and goodness me, I believe that very well might be one of Wilson’s strengths. Ah yes, his total of 60 scores of 20+ yards since 2016 is numero uno in the league. Unleash the hounds, um, Metcalfs! This doesn’t look like a good gamescript for Henry but he does have a habit of bouncing back from lousy performances. We shall see.
See you down below.
Ok, I now need 19.5 from A-A-Ron and Davante. Last week they combined for 16.65.
They will likely light it up against Detroit, simply because everyone tends to light it up against Detroit.
Very entertaining game. Can’t wait for tomorrow, when I’m sure Detroit and Green Bay will produce a similarly exciting tilt.
Way to jinx it, Cornblower
It’s a patented Bill Simmons double-reverse-jinx, in that I expect that game to pretty much suck.
Now someone please kill me for referencing Bill Simmons.
Michelle Tafoya, that man you’re interviewing is not vaccinated, take two steps back
Spectrum lost NBC, so I am missing th whole 4th quarter. Damn them!
Happens after every Andy Reid loss. “Hell of a coincidence, if you ask me.” – Andy Reid
I don’t know about Appleby’s, but all-you-can-eat establishments have decided it’s just cheaper to burn down.
Good Christ. Win in DFO ball by 4.04, thanks solely to that Zeuerlein FG.
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA SUCK IT CHIEFS!
Donks and Raiders tied for 1st, as all predicted.
The Autumn Wind was a Raider today indeed!
Lamar is pretty good for a dumbass
That’s a ballsy call right there. Good for Harbaugh.
GO FOR IT COWARDS!
Atta boy!
On a day that featured so much bad coaching…SNF redeems the profession.
Watkins still helping out KC…
Baltimore’s clock management achieved Reid-like levels of incompetence tonight.
Edwards-Helaire is not having a great season so far.
Umm. . . . sudden change?
SUDDEN CHANGE!
DERP
Butker to win or lose. So it is written.
So it is NOT written.
Hopefully in pencil.
Same one I used lancing that boil.
SUDDEN CHANGE
Per the exchange below, reposting
https://twitter.com/Super70sSports/status/1432725304339050506?s=19
If I remember correctly, Tomczak responded to that tweet that he was ready.
So in that Halloween Movie Part 78, Jamie Lee is now the Cryptkeeper, right?
The way the Ravens’ season started, I’m shocked Lamar didn’t break his neck on that celebration
Nothing like having Williams on your FF roster, seeing him run it down to the 1/2 yard line, and knowing that there is no chance that you’re getting a TD out of it.
I am fading Lamar! and had the same sinking feeling. Lead is under 5, thank fuck that missed two-pointer eliminates MOST possible OT scenarios.
That’s my FF RB right there, baby, running 25 yards sideways to get 1 yard forward!
/I will not win a game this season.
Lol how sloshed is Michaels? Making his own background music
Hippo, I’m planning to put in a couple hours of writing tomorrow. I also have to get a pot roast started. If anything remotely publishable emerges, I’ll reach out.
Keep us posted on the pot roast!
And let me know if you need any garlic because brother, I have some.
These awards shows are a good way to remember who died this year
I prefer Rod n’ Todd.
I legit would likely have no idea yogi bera was dead without one of those shows telling me
I prefer Gary Larsen’s version, NBC:
I like it when it was it was Land of the Lost.
Sleestaks! The least scary monsters/ aliens ever.
Just poke them in the eye with a sharp stick.
Just hate to see Tyreek Hill surprised by a hit from an unexpected direction.
I’ll give Cris this much: saying “combo platter” in a game with Andy Reid on the sidelines is a ballsy, stampede-defying move.
Here’s another submarine story. I hope,this doesn’t bore you.
This is the “ice” story.
On our 40 day patrol, we would leave our base at Kings Bay Georgia and head north to the Arctic.
Now, I was an engineer so we always knew the outside ocean temperature and pressure because we had essential cooling systems we monitored and we had to adjust these. If we went deep we had to adjust every pump because water was squirting everywhere.
Now, if we went really far north, into ice cold water, our boat would freeze up inside and there would be ice inside the boat.
The rest of the boat was about 30-40°F.
We all wore sweaters but the engineroom (where I worked) was always a comfy 70°F due to our steam systems. In the Arctic it was the best place on the boat.
We had visitors by crewman who ordinarily I didn’t think even knew where the engineroom was, and a submarine is a tube.
We liked the visits. We had a toasty spot, we were good hosts, and and we had a coffee machine, so we all had fun and we were all warm.
Did the cooling systems get adjusted if you were silent running or avoiding detection or whatever it’s called? Could the Russians detect you by your heat signature?
”Silent Running” meant all crew comfort systems were shut down. Essential weapon systems were the priority; the crew had to gut it out.
Sound is really the only way to track a submarine. They would try to track us thermally and magnetically but those are sketchy at best. We could fool those systems easily. We knew our business. We had a lot of tricks.
Thanks, that’s interesting. You have any thoughts on the Australian sub deal story?
Nope
You’re never going to get a cable news gig if you don’t invent opinions on things whether you have them or not…
MAKE HER RACE TYREEK DAMMIT!
“Now this is football tonight! This is football tonight!”
Thanks, Cris, for that trenchant analysis of this football game that we’ve been watching for three quarters, you goddamn chucklefuck ventriloquist dummy.
Instead of a banner, can we nominate a tombstone?
I’ll be your Huckleberry.
Just got back from consuming much garlic and walking the dog, turn on the TV and I already want to murder Collinsworth with a shovel.
By all means, go forth. This last quarter would be much more enjoyable without Beavis talking over it.
Yean, I don’t think many juries would convict me.
Actual text I received earlier today from a friend who lives nearby: “please tell me you have an alcohol take home box.”
He’s playing single dad while his wife is on the IR, and stopped by with his kids. He did not leave empty-handed. I know my role.
This is some Pete-Gillen calibre timeout usage
My dad just told me that he believes that bears would have won one of their playoff games against the [*Redacted] s has Mike Ditka started Jim Harbaugh rather than Doug flutie.
I don’t know how to respond to this, i also dont think the timelines match?
So, it’s true that the 1986 Bears lost the divisional round (after a bye) at home to the Redacteds, 27-13.
Flutie was the only Bears QB that game, and had an ugly 11 of 34 for 134 with 1 TD and 2 INT, 33.5 QBR game.
Jim McMahon tore his rotator cuff in Week 12 after a hit by Green Bay nose tackle Charles Martin, who was ejected and received — get this — the first multi-game suspension for on-field conduct in NFL history. (I’m relying on Wiki here)
However, Harbaugh was not on that Bears roster. Mike Tomzcak and Steve Fuller were the other QBs on the roster.
Oh, and Flutie was traded to New England in 1987, so that was his only Bears playoff appearance.
That Martin hit was one of the worst cheap shots of all time. Proto-Haynesworth.
Didn’t he have McMahon’s name listed on the towel hanging from his pants?
Martin deserved jail time for that hit.
It was Tomczak. And I think they would’ve won that game. Flutie was ass on the Bears.
Tomczak went 7-0 as the starter that year, but went 74-for-151 (a 49% completion), for 1105 yards (7.3 yards per attempt), and a whopping 2 TDs to go with 10 INTs. A 50.2 rating.
Flutie’s numbers (other than W-L) were much better in limited duty. So I suspect this is an early version of “Tomczak is a good GAME MANAGER”
7-0 with a 1-5 TD/INT ratio?
How is that even possible?
Really fucking good defense, I assume. That Bears team — just one year removed from their 15-1 Super Bowl season — only allowed more than 14 points in 3 of their games.
Oh, and Payton ran for 1300+yards and 8 TDs
Even as a Cowboys-Dorsett fan from that era, Payton is far and away the best RB I’ve ever seen.
You are correct. Flutie was only on the team in 1986, Harbaugh played from 1988-1993.
Thanks for the input guys!
4th and 27?NFL BLITZ!
Trying to hold onto a fantasy lead while fading Lamar! is like trying to lance a boil with a sharpened pencil.
Coach D’Amato: spends four and half minutes saying a football game and life is won by an inch at a time
Chiefs/Ravens: proceeds to score several touchdowns from distances of hundreds and thousands of inches
Thank jeebus Kelce scored
It’s only the third quarter. What the fuck is the over/under on this game?
It was 55 last I heard.
I think the over is going to win.
Not if the Ravens score -5 points on this drive!
Travis Kelce is a cheat code that gained sentience.
Idk why but I was assuming this game was gonna suck
So, I’ve just had the game on in the background while doing cocktails and cooking, but… it seems like a good one?
oh, indeed (RIP Omar)
That’s my read on it. I don’t really care about either team but they are entertaining me.
Yeah, I don’t mean to sound surprised. The Chiefs are very good, the Ravens are kind of good, and you’ve got exciting playmakers on both teams.
I think I want to write something. Send it to DFO Submissions?
You can e-mail it to me, if you want. Or Rikki can give you MAGICK POSTING POWERS
Unless you are from Northern Ontario and have a penchant for train folk. Then your access has been revoked.
I’m gonna go ahead and call it: Clyde Edwards-Helaire stinks. Biggest mistake this franchise ever made was to cut Kareem Hunt. Well, that and the Jovan Belcher “Shoot Your Shot” motivational campaign.
Belcher and Hunt shot their way out of town; one of them literally.
Look, I was going to hell anyway.
Series finally is Ordinary Joe getting unplugged from life support after being in a coma for 30 years. The reason he their is because the women in his dreams hit him with a car while DUI.
That’s pretty funny, but it would have been funnier if he was an antivaxxer and it was COVID that got him.
What the fuck is Collinsworth talking about? They weren’t AGGRESSIVE, the Chefs just gave up 20 on the very predictable draw play on 1st and 25.
Col. Joseph Lee Burrow on Twitter: “Father— The day was lost. The man with the Red Rifle an early casualty, momentum should have been ours. But I was hit multiple times; my sidearm misfiring thrice in rapid succession. Whilst I stayed in the saddle, we were defeated. I won’t be giving Mother that Red Rifle. —Joseph” / Twitter
Capt. Andrew Luck (ret.)’s replacement
Masterful drive, great clock management. Almost like Andy Reid DOES know what he’s doing.
Either that or he allows his assistants to work while he devours fish and squid on the sidelines.
it can be two things!!
Goo goo g’joob
Thank god the Bucs don’t play the Chefs during the regular season. Getting through the commercials would be a slog.