Your Thursday Night NFL Football Open Thread

Oh my, this looks like a quality tilt with all the scoring! Hope it lives up to the hype in my brain. Let’s take a look at that after we take a look at other things.

Newsy Notes:

-The Covid list reminds me of a late-era Robert Altman film in that you’d be hesitant to list all the stars on the roll for fear of missing two or three. She ain’t pretty.

-Is a Jacksonville win a mortal lock this weekend? An utterly despised coach that lived his short (13 weeks!) tenure in some figurative hovel beneath the contempt of everyone that interacted with him will certainly get his comeuppance in the form of a W, led by wr Jones, rb Robinson and the prized rook qb. Say (yet another) prayer for Houston.

-Former savior-in-waiting Cam Newton now looks to be splitting time with the not remotely capable P.J. Walker in the Carolina backfield. I guess that’s the best way for Carolina to get that Heisman winner in the draft.

-Speaking of, one of the top rb’s in that draft, Kenneth Walker, will be skipping the Spartans bowl game. What’s good for these coaches that leave teams high and dry is also good for the gander. (this joke would have been fabulous had he played for Oregon)

To The Game!

Chiefs/Chargers:

-As I noted a few weeks ago, Chiefs DC Spags would get the team’s D in working order and lo and behold, during their 6 game win spree they’ve held every team under 20. I think that run will end tonight because Chris Jones, the lynchpin of the new look is absent ce soir.

-For an 8-5 ‘inconsistent’ team, the Chargers can take the lead in the AFC West with a W here. Going forward they would have the advantage because they will have swept the Chiefs.

-Easier typed than done though because K.C. is 18-3 on the road since 2019 and the Chargers don’t exactly have a home field advantage.

-Mr. Deep Ball, Justin Herbert hasn’t had that much success vs these guys on throws over 20+ yards-he’s only 2-of-9 against them. Still, Mahomes has not thrown a TD since week 9 against any other team aside from the Raiders.

-So should the Chiefs run the ball against the Chargers lousy ground D? Slow that assumption down-L.A. has held Mixon to 54 and Barkley to 64 yards the last two weeks.

Do your thing.

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Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

congrats on the spawn’s acceptance to Tennessee, here’s to hoping he comes home with the prized Teabag Award.
comment image

Spur

This NFL Covid outbreak gets worse every hour. By Saturday Haslam will have put Mayfield in a gently used iron lung.

Month from now we hear about all the extra life policies Haslam took out on all his players.

jjfozz

Also, I’ve been gorging on My 600 Pound Life episodes.

jjfozz

The analytics say…so fucking tired of hearing that. analytics are great but they don’t measure flow of the game, emotion, how many beers I’ve had before I go apeshit when harbaugh pulls the old 2 point conversion play that don’t work

King Hippo

The concussed fucker wouldn’t have dropped that.

jjfozz

Would someone do the world a favor and shove Terry Bradshaw into a bubbling pool of acid? Please?

King Hippo

Bet the crying would get MOAR realistic…

Doktor Zymm

Terry Ceviche!

BugEyedBoo

I think that uses lye, but I guess I shouldn’t be so picky.

LemonJello

Seems unnecessarily cruel to the acid, but please proceed.

jjfozz

A music producer Flow La Movie died in a plane crash today. While I never celebrate someone’s death, that’s a stupid name, even for someone in the music industry. Also, his wife has gigantic fake bobos

LemonJello

In the event of a water landing, could they be used as flotation devices?

jjfozz

yes, and also double as a life raft that seats 20

Dolph Ucker

Please inflate your own breasts before assisting others with theirs.

Spur

Damn shame this Charger team has no home.

Doktor Zymm

Just a lonely boy

Mr. Ayo

What is a fumble?

King Hippo

When you tuck rule it and you’re not a LEEDER OF MEN like Dreamboat

Game Time Decision

HAHAHAHA

instead of the Matrix commercial I got the CanCon feed for an ad with Howie Mandel for Homesense. Not quite the same

Brick Meathook

It’s raining in L.A.! Yea!

Spur

oh, the humanity!

Dunstan
litre_cola

May really slack off tomorrow during work, get high and make a bunch of xmas cookies.

Doktor Zymm

I’m sure all of us here say you may!

Dunstan

If Andy Reid suddenly leaves the sideline, it’s because I’m making meatballs.

jjfozz

People who make cologne commercials need to be flayed alive. christ they’re fucking dumb

Gumbygirl

Gumby is completely mesmerized by the Charlize Theron one. FLASH-LIGHT!!

litre_cola

Gently used? Oh, flaaash light, flash light.

King Hippo

In his defense…it has Charlize Theron

Spur

comment image

Brocky

Time for a math lesson.

Flip a coin 5 times

2*2*2*2*2= 32

So if a league has 10 teams, their are five mathcups with 32 possible outcomes, ignoring ties.

Why am I telling you this? Because the old brockster just happens to be part of a ten man league with only 4 playoff spots, meaning it’s the last game of the regular season, and while I initially thought i was in a “win and you’re in!” situation, but my curiosity got the better of me, so I punched my league info into a playoff machine, turns out, of the 16 scenarios where I win, I make the playoffs in 14 of them. So not only do I need to win, I need one of the top three seeded teams to win their matchup (coincidentally non of them are facing each other)

All three of them are projected to lose. Fuck you universe

Spur

I was told there would be no math

jjfozz

YOU GO TO HELL WITH YOUR WORD PROBLEMS

Brocky

IF I SUFFER YOURE GOING TO SUFFER WITH ME GOD DAMNIT!

jjfozz

I posted something in Facebook tonight about me and my son, I worked in the fact he got his vaccine booster just to piss off the fucktards in my wife’s family who are anti vaxers.

hoping my mother in law saw it.

litre_cola

LOVE IT!!!!

Brocky

I posted on Facebook for the first time in forever a few weeks ago with this gen:

I hate Aaron Rodgers so much I’m going to get a booster just to flex on him!

No one reacted

rockingdog

LOL

It would be hilarious if alcohol had gotten stronger since the 60s like weed did. Your dad tries a sip of your Coors Lite and passes out.

Spur

That’s rocking??

Game Time Decision

I was in post secondary when there was the stupid strong beer wars. Even then the strong beers suuuuucked

litre_cola

Maximum Ice, Black Ice, XXX! Hell yes

Doktor Zymm

How much is a 40 oz nowadays? I assume inflation has hit there as well

Spur

Evening Folks

Happy Last Real Work Day Eve

Mr. Ayo

THIS GUY GUYTON I CALL A GUY BECAUSE IT’S HIS NAME!

Gumbygirl

My brother is a Guy. Actually, he’s a Francis, but my dad used to come home from work and say ‘how’s the little guy?” when he was a baby. I was learning to talk, and started calling him Guy-Guy. It stuck.

jjfozz

Hi Fozz, this is the brain dead project manager that has sent you 20 emails today
Yes?
What client is this blog for?
The client name is in the file name
Oh, didn’t see that

Okay, ask me again in another 5 minutes and I will leave a dead puppy in your car.

Mr. Ayo

You got a job? Bummer, dude.

jjfozz

Nah, not yet. I’m still freelancing, but this project manager is dumber than Troy Aikens

ArmedandHammered

And frame them as the one who killed the puppy.

LemonJello

Is there a shortage of dead hookers in Baltimore available to be put in his trunk?

jjfozz

Never a shortage of those in this city.

Doktor Zymm

To be fair, some of them are only dead in spirit

jjfozz

Mahomes is the guy who walks past you when you drop something in the grocery store parking lot and doesn’t offer to help.

jjfozz

Oldest just got into University of Tennessee.

King Hippo

He can challenge Headliner to a game of horseshoes. A game of HORSESHOES!

litre_cola

He is the not “run through a wall” one right? Congrats!

jjfozz

No, that run through the wall son is going to jail, not college

LemonJello

The Marines are always looking for talent.

litre_cola

The youngest will bail him out or lawyer him out.

Gumbygirl

Is that his first choice?

jjfozz

He has his heart set on Univ of South Carolina, but he was pumped about getting into Tennessee

Gumbygirl

You can’t beat those Cocks!

King Hippo

All I know of The Matrix is that it supplied “Red Pill” to those Q-fucktards, so I am glad to have never seen any of the moving pictures.

Dunstan

I thought I was the only one!

King Hippo

we’s can scoff at the plebians over brunch, eh?

BugEyedBoo

Don’t let those fuckers ruin it for you. The first one is really good. Don’t bother with the rest.

Last edited 2 years ago by BugEyedBoo
Game Time Decision

Yes Troy the guy shaking on the stretcher is just cold. No other reason for the shaking

Wtf Troy

King Hippo

it’s cold FOAR LA GUYS

Game Time Decision

So like 95?

litre_cola

Balls has worn his Cavalry FC toque all week

LemonJello

Too bad he was using it as a banana hammock and not as a skull covering.

Game Time Decision

Still keeping a head warm

litre_cola

Uhh, it was -34 here today and I was nae shivering outside in a hoodie Troy.

Game Time Decision

Damn. +12 here today but windy. Wasn’t cold outside in a hoodie either. Lol

hippofant

That was Joe. So the comment wasn’t concussion-induced, surprisingly.

Last edited 2 years ago by hippofant
Game Time Decision

Was it? That kinda makes it worse

Last edited 2 years ago by Game Time Decision
Mr. Ayo

Poor guy just needs his blankee.

Last edited 2 years ago by Mr. Ayo
jjfozz

Yeah, what the fuck was that? Maybe a piece of Troy’s brain stem shook loose and was blocking oxygen

hippofant

I kinda love that that comment was so fucking stupid people are just assuming it must have been Aikman.

Spur

If anyone would know what that player is going through it’s Troy

Doktor Zymm

Oh right, today is Thursday and it is nighttime and there is football. Two redeyes in the same week, with the one last night resulting in very little sleep because of a gigantic teenager wedged in the middle seat of my row, followed by a day of meetings, has destroyed whatever tenuous sense of time I had. So, Hello, fellow time-bound humans!

hippofant

Doktor, with all you fly, how are you not upgraded to 1st class comfort business executive plus plus supreme with extra cheese every time?

Doktor Zymm

I was in Main Cabin Extra (and ended at 2 on the upgrade list) but this kid was HUGE. His teeny tiny mother and sister were in the row one ahead, they clearly didn’t want to sit with him.

Brick Meathook

If you fly coach you are cargo.

Fly business class, get in that big seat, board first and get a free drink, and then watch and look down on all the coach passengers as they walk back into steerage with rest of their poor and filthy peers, barely holding on to any shred of a reason to continue in their miserable lives. Plus there’s no middle seat.

Doktor Zymm

Domestic first is still nothing to write home about, and only United has brought back PDBs. Nawt worth it to pay the extra for domestic.

Brick Meathook

Yes it is. Life is too short to sit in coach.

Gumbygirl

Where in the world is Doktor Zymm?

Doktor Zymm

Maryland right now! Florida tomorrow, then a boat!

LemonJello

“We’ve secretly replaced the turf at SoFi Stadium with FedEx Fields’….let’s see if anyone notices.”

hippofant

Brandon Staley forgot to reup his anti-curse insurance after Thanksgiving apparently.

ArmedandHammered

“Luckily we replaced the LA’s Rams Dr’s. with ones that graduated from the US. Hopefully this will save the players lives.”

Last edited 2 years ago by ArmedandHammered
Doktor Zymm

I assumed they used SoFi to finance portions of the turf purchase and they used the health of the players as collateral on the loan that is now being called in

ArmedandHammered

Well So-Fi is sort of a loan shark.

Mr. Ayo

And Keenan is ded.

litre_cola

NO HE IS NOT

LemonJello

HE HAS RISEN! and limped to the sideline to get treatment by the medical staff.

hippofant

Joe WHAT THE FUCK

Dolph Ucker

I think I figured out how to log in.
But
making pizza
drinking beer
So much input
Thinking maybe that
jalapenos
pepperoni
sausage
bacon
artichoke
onion
green peppers
garlic
and mushrooms
is too much
or
not enough.

ArmedandHammered

To use the comments, you don’t need to hit enter after every word.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

You
can
if
you
want
though.

ArmedandHammered

I
Know
Was
A poor
Joke

litre_cola

The green pepper people are going to come at you.

ArmedandHammered

Why, he has it listed.

litre_cola

There are big time green pepper haters around these parts. Zymm and teh Hippo for sure, there are others.

ArmedandHammered

No issues here, we eat quite a few per month.

LemonJello

Have you tried cheesesteak stuffed green peppers? Delightful.

ArmedandHammered

Those do sound good.

Doktor Zymm

Worst. Pizza Topping. Ever.

litre_cola

There it is.

Gumbygirl

Gumby hates them too.

Doktor Zymm

And we know he has good taste because he married you!

LemonJello

Poetry.

rockingdog

That’s Rocking!

LemonJello

Someone want to tell the Clipper’s D that its OK to start playing again?

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I gave blood today!
comment image

Game Time Decision

So a cheap(er) drunk tonight

And noice

Redshirt

Depends on where you found the blood.

LemonJello

Was it your blood this time?

rockingdog

Thatsssss Rockingggg!!!

Mr. Ayo

Are you part of scotchy’s hobo laundering network?

rockingdog

Found a funny;

whenever i feel my anxiety getting worse i drink a big coffee and go on social media so i can try for a new high score

Game Time Decision

Funny yet so wrong

rockingdog

I just saw they were taking a guy of the field.
What happened??

LemonJello

Clipper (Parham) potentially got Shaziered in the end zone.

Last edited 2 years ago by LemonJello
ArmedandHammered

He tried to catch a ball, was tackled, did not seem to be bad, but his motions have me worried for spinal injury. That was not him showing he was OK, but was more like a rictus.

hippofant

Parnham stretched out and briefly caught a back-of-the-endzone pass. He rolled over and landed on his left, I think, and then the ball jarred loose and he went totally unconscious, arms locked in a bent position. Not sure if he hit his head or neck or back on the ground, but definitely a central nervous injury of some sort. They stabilized him without moving him or removing his helmet. Arms locked in bent position all the way off the field on the backboard. Fucked up shit.

hippofant

Oh also it was almost entirely no contact. A safety maybe glanced him with a foot hopping over him, but it seemed almost entirely a freak accident.

hippofant

Warren Sharp’s got a tweet here, but it’s pretty much NSFL:

https://twitter.com /SharpFootball/status/1471654267425538049

BugEyedBoo

Landed on the back of his head. Was knocked out; he was in that pugilistic response pose, which you get when you’re knocked all the way out.

rockingdog

Oh shit.
That’s not rocking. 😮

LemonJello

“Has anyone suggested slathering him in brown sugar and pineapple?”

LemonJello

“If surgery will be involved, might I propose a spiral cut?”

litre_cola

Maybe dig a hole in the ground and cook it there.

LemonJello

Jeebus, did they use VX as paint thinner in that end zone?

hippofant

Justin Herbert is murdering all his own receivers.

Mr. Ayo

Ded clipper

Last edited 2 years ago by Mr. Ayo
Gumbygirl

Go for it.

hippofant

Daaaaaaang man, falling down like that after hitting the open-field block set-up too. So many open-field runners don’t do that right, and Roberts does, but he just faceplants! Gah.

LemonJello

Inglewood! Up to no good!

King Hippo

Erin, showing some cougar flesh for Pizzaface Boi. She don’t even need the moneys smgdh

King Hippo

Suits and tennis shoes is SUCH a dumb look. Makes one seem…Darnold-ish

Mr. Ayo

What’s so bad about wanting to look special?

ArmedandHammered

OK that was a cool intro. First time seeing the intro.

LemonJello

“Triple stack? That’s one of my top 100 breakfasts!”
-A.Reid

Gumbygirl

Now I want pancakes.

ArmedandHammered

So who is going to replace these chuckelfucks next year?

LemonJello

♫Meet the new chucklefucks♫
♫Same as the old chucklefucks♫

with apologies to The Who

King Hippo

I started CE-H, so apologies to all who get fucked by his inevitable 6 carries for 11 yards.

Fronkenshteen

I’m holding Kamara, Edmonds, CE-H, Rhamondre, and Rashaad Penny.Need 2 RB & a flex out of that motley lot. Part of me wants so badly to pocket CE-H this week. But then Conner will recover miraculously, and Damien Harris will start as well. I fucking HATE Thursday games.
Have to choose between Taysom Hole and Tua [sound of hip snapping] as well.
Every inch of my grisly body and mind is a testament to bad decisions made. Week 15 will be no different.

Last edited 2 years ago by Fronkenshteen
King Hippo

This is my mindset (and body-set) EXACTLY

Redshirt

.

CD79916D-DFA1-4B2C-9F89-1BDBC1B409CE.jpeg
Game Time Decision

We’re 15 days from 2022
We’re also 15 days from 2019 being 3 fucking years ago. Wtf

ArmedandHammered

Evening all.

litre_cola

Howdy! I need Chiefs, over, Hill td. Let’s gooooo!

*Plus way more ff stuff than usual for a Thursday

ArmedandHammered

So glad I did not do fantasy this year

ArmedandHammered

I have enough disappointment, exhaustion, and worry in my life, don’t need more.

King Hippo

This is my last

litre_cola

I don’t feel bad I quit your lge after this year then! HAIL GAMBLOR

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