Your First Post-Christmas Slate of NFL Football Games Open Thread

Did you pour some whiskey or Baileys (‘Elf Cum’, as Dave Attell called it many years ago) into your coffee to take the edge off this morning? Atta boy/girl! Let’s get to work.

To The Games!

Lions/Falcons:

According to PFF, Cordarelle Patterson has taken a snap at safety this year-you can’t get that guy off the field! Our favorite meathead (meatball?) coach has the talent-free Lions playing hard but now they’ve been saddled with a Boyle. Gotta lance that thing in the offseason, coach.

Bucs/Panthers:

Coach Rhule, in what is clearly not some sort of desperation move-he’s just going to get the best out of both-will have both Cam and Darnold behind center today. The Bucs are down a bunch of skill guys but it won’t matter.

Ravens/Bengals:

The surprisingly competent Huntley is down and some dumb Johnson is in. What was I saying awhile back about your backup having at least some of the same abilities as your starter so the there could be some flow to your offense? This is what a half-decent franchise does. A shitty one puts an immobile giraffe out there and then moves on to a practice squadder poached from another team. Speaking of…

Giants/Eagles:

How about that Philly luck? They’re chasing a playoff spot and have been gifted with Garrett Gilbert and Jake Fromm in successive weeks. The offense has been pulling their weight though-since wk 7 they’re 5th in Expected Points Added and that number should improve after today.

Chargers/Texans:

Everyone and their fortune teller thinks that this is a smash spot for the likes of Herbert, Jackson, Allen and the like and my fantasy team agrees. When the Chargers are leading they don’t take their foot off the pedal-they still throw 61% of the time.

Rams/Vikes:

Cooper Kupp is +3500 to win MVP despite being on a pace for 199(!) catches and 1,973 yards and 17 TD’s. Cousins uneven play hasn’t hampered Minny too much the last few weeks but expect the trio of Donald, Floyd and Miller (they each had a sack of Wilson last week) to supply their own special brand of pressure.

Bills/Pats:

New England will be without Agholor (meh) and rook rb Stevenson (oh!) today. Even though I’m inclined to throw out some of what occurred in that Weird Windy Game a few weeks ago I will say that The Old Curmudgeon proved himself to be far more flexible in his game-planning than McDermott and Daboll. The Bills are just too dependent on their qb making game-breaking plays and when he isn’t the O has no structure and seems disorganized.

Jags/Jets:

Saved the best for last! (or almost forgot about doing this game) I took the Jags D because Zach looks like a shell of a Mormon out there and I wanted a rooting interest in this tilt.

Get after it.