2022 Post-Plague Madness – Thursday Session the First

Hey howdy, imaginary friend-erinos!  Have you enjoyed the last few weeks of sportsball respite?

FUCK NO, YOU DIDN’T.  Neither did Hippo.  And especially not Other Hippo obvs.  Let’s look into the first orgy of basketballing matchups, shall we?

(also Happy Alcoholism Day, if y’all happen to be Irish)

11S Michigan (-2.5) v. 6S Colorado State (12:15, CBS)

Hey, look-y loo.  First fixture of the non-play-in round, and first glaring seeding error.  If your pool is weighted for “seed/upset bonus” points – AS IT 100% SHOULD BE – you are pretty much locked into Meechigan.  As distasteful as it is to back Juwan Howard.  Fuck’s sake, he made Wisconsin hoopsball a sympathetic figure.  Hope you enjoyed the trip anyway, JV hardwood RRRRRRRRAM IT!!

13MW South Dakota State (+2) v. 4MW Providence (12:40, truTV)

Vegas saves Hippo from himself, as I always, ALWAYS love the Jackrabbits.  And they never, ever end up winning.  This ain’t enough juice to get me on the SDSU moneyline.  Sad Hippo, but saved $50.  Cooley High Harmony onto the Round of 32!

9W Memphis (-2.5) v. 8W Boise State (1:40, TNT)

Penny Hardaway’s Memphis is fools’ gold.  Like watching a car crash or some shit.  They’ll fold at the first sign of adversity, just a question if Smurf Non-Turf can provide same.  Likely not betting here, neither.

16E Norfolk State (+21) v. 1E Baylor (2:00, TBS)

We all know BayBay ain’t gonna ask for no permission, but Nor-FUCK ain’t gonna offer much resistance anyway.  I suppose mixing in one shit-kicking in with three close matchups is good tournament scheduling.

14S Longwood (+17) v. 3S Tennessee (2:45, CBS)

So many double entendres, so little time.  So little time because the Lancers (heh) will be gone before you even notice.  Rick Barnes has the Vols cooking with gas.

12MW Richmond (+10.5) v. 5MW Iowa (3:10, truTV)

This is a lot of RESPEK for Team Cornpone, or a lot of shade thrown at the Spiders.  I will leave it up to the viewer to decide.

16W Georgia State (+23.5) v. 1W Gonzaga (4:15, TNT)

You will watch maybe 45 seconds of this game, and want all 45 back.

9E Marquette (+3.5) v. 8E U*NC (4:30, TBS)

True, I dislike Shaka Smart.  Very much.  But he’s Hippo’s Stalin against the Hitler that is the inbred jackass dickmonkey Tarholes.  PLEASE DO A GOOD, FOR HUMANITY’s SAKE.