Saturday Morning Nihilism – The Kyiv Mule

Ya Lebowski, we believe een na-shing!! – so says this late March morning during a stupid international break.

So, without stealing any of Sharky’s thunder (he’s the one who teaches all y’all of classy, legitimate cocktails), I wanted to introduce the Clubhouse to two friends.  On the right, my 2nd favoUrite brand of ginger beer.  Fentiman’s is #1, but is not only expensive, but also now very hard to find (THANKS Obama1!!1111).

On the left, is a handsome bottle of hydrocodone, which will substitute for the vodka.  Drink down #2 with a swig of #1, viola you have just made Hippo’s Kyiv Mule.

You can also barely make out the margins of my Superb Owl 50 champions Donks coaster.  That part is optional, but surely enhances the experience.

I saw a bumper sticker downtown with the Uke flag and “Fuck Putin.”  I also discussed current foreign policy with my very right-wing (but not-Trumpy) and we disagreed on almost nothing.  Like I said, 90% of Americans seem on the “Fuck Putin” train, and Diamond Joe needs to say that phrase early and often.

My rabidly conservative friend thinks Taylor-Greene should be in a lunatic asylum, and Rep. Adolf Sitler (h/t, Rikki) aka Madison Cawthorn – should be shot for treason.  He also weirdly hates the Irish (from an Anglophile perspective I thinks).  Even though he’s Catholic himself, almost on the Mel Gibson scale.  Odd duck (hey, LIKE ME!), we enjoy each other’s drunken company.  Always end up singing Elvis Costello, it seems.

Anyway, I wish the Prem was on teevee, but it ain’t.  Fuck if I know what to do, or talk about.  Stupid basketball will take centre stage late.  Whoopidy-doo.

Oh yeah, there’s this.  Miss the World Cup, followed by win the European Euros (beating England at Wembley, no less), followed by miss the World Cup AGAIN.  Yep, the Eye-Tie national team is like a box of chocolates.  Do read the whole thing.

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King Hippo
Reclusive, vulgar Broncos fan. Also a proud fookin' Evertonian. Likely dropped on my head repeatedly as a small child. [Insert George Carlin quote followed by thoughtful nod.]
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Dunstan

One of the things I like about curling is that they have snacks during the mid-game break.

Don T

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Horatio Cornblower

That’s good trolling!

scotchnaut

The college coaches I admire the most? It’s the folks that created dominant programs out of nothing-guys like Wooden, Coach K, Dean Smith, Jimmy Johnson, Bear Bryant, Bowden and many others simply gathered in-state (and surrounding) talent and ran with it.

The dudes that I respect are the ones that created something out of nothing, and that has to include Geno from the Huskies. Others I’d include are Dave Smart from Carleton, Few at Gonzaga, Chris Peterson at Boise State, Jim Calhoun, Lefty Driesel at Maryland, Tarkanian at UNLV, Cremins at Georgia Tech, Bo Ryan at Wisky (that upset of the undefeated Kentucky team? Are you kidding me?) and Huggins at West Virginia. There might be others.

scotchnaut

Pat Summit, Tennessee

Horatio Cornblower

Summit created women’s basketball as an entity of it’s own.

As for Geno, he got there while I was in school. One night we walked over to Gampel because the Russian team, (look, they were cool then, OK?), was there for an exhibition and supposedly had some 6’7″ monster. We walk right in the doors, which were literally wide open, and grab whatever seats we want.

My gf at the time lived out-of-state (no, not Niagara Falls), and had decided to drive down to surprise me. She gets to the dorm, someone tells her I’m at the game, she walks over, goes through the still wide open doors, and sits down right next to us, because there are maybe three dozen people in the whole place.

Suffice it to say, what Geno has built there is nothing short of incredible.

Last edited 2 years ago by Horatio Cornblower
TheRevanchist

Tara VanDerveer.

WCS

John Beilein deserves a lot of credit for getting WVU back on track. In five years, he took the Cousin Fuckers to an Elite Eight, a Sweet 16, and won the NIT before leaving for Meatchicken. Huggins took that foundation and turned into the most successful 15 seasons in school history.

yeah right

I’ve reached critical mass! I went into a meat market to procure some fish – lovely fish too – and the store had everything. Beef and pork and lamb and they had a deli and made sandwiches. Anyway I’m wearing my mask as always and I get in the car to drive home and the smell of the market stuck to my clothes and it smelled like blood and I almost threw up.

I’ve been vegetarian for over a month now and I’m very, very confused by this development.

Christ, I can still smell it and I just took a 4 mile walk on the harbor.

2Pack

Our senses are really something amazing. You put something up for a bit, and the rest of you reacts. Id take some beans, the good ole meat substitute.

me eating.gif
scotchnaut

Howie Mandel is morphing into a Minion in real time.

scotchnaut

The UCONN women’s basketball program and Matt Gaetz-what do they have in common?

They’ve both attended more than 20+ Sweet Sixteen affairs.

TheRevanchist

Both take trips, to either the final four or Epstein island. Scoring is involved.

scotchnaut

The post-game wrap-up on TSN is hilarious. Most of the clips prepared by the editors were of Notre Dame highlights because until the very, very end it seemed like they were going to win.

Horatio Cornblower

Somewhere Muffet McGraw is foaming at the mouth while trying to blame this on Geno Auriemma.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

DR. MRS. DEADLY: I definitely prefer thick cut bacon.

RIKKI-TIKKI-DEADLY: Nobody who actually cooks the bacon themselves would say that.

Dunstan

I hope you’re not relying on the stovetop method, that is truly a messy pain in the ass.

For years I was a microwave bacon guy, and I’ll still do that if I’m in a hurry. But these days I put the bacon on a wire rack in a roasting pan in a 375 over. Takes about 20 minutes and you get evenly cooked bacon that doesn’t curl up or twist. You can lay some foil or parchment paper on the bottom of the roasting pan if you want to make cleanup easier, or just drain the grease out of the pan if you want to save it for something.

Game Time Decision

I skip the wire rack and just put the bacon in the bottom of the pan, with foil on the bottom to make cleanup easy.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I usually use the pan to cook eggs too, which is why I prefer stovetop. Cook the bacon, drain most of the fat, then cook the eggs. Then put them both on a bagel along with some cheddar and some garlic chives.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

The problem I have with it is that it curls. It’s not like it tastes better than regular bacon; it’s just a bigger pain in the ass to cook.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

My thinking is that people like the idea of thick-cut bacon because it creates the impression you’re getting more bacon. You’re not, though. It’s like thick-sliced ham. It’s a big step down from thin-cut stuff.

scotchnaut

That was fucking bananacakes at the end. WOW!

scotchnaut

HOLY SHIT! WHAT A CRACKER OF A GAME!

scotchnaut

Folks like to crap on the quality of women’s basketball but every time I see a missed layup I’m reminded of the Syracuse men’s basketball program.

scotchnaut

Wolven-ettes mounting a comeback.

scotchnaut

You’re not dead yet. Perez has ice in her veins.

scotchnaut

You missed an insane game. Their press is phenomenal.

Buddy Cole's Halftime Show

I will say one thing, Lia Thomas has boosted Ivy League women’s swimming ratings and brought awareness to a neglected sport. Also excited: people with a big tit and cock in spandex fetish.

scotchnaut

I’ve no idea how bags of Salted Egg Salmon Skin snacks from Singapore made it to my dumb grocery store in my old dickbag town but I’m forever grateful.

yeah right

Even the Champions League is on break. The fuck?

yeah right

For the 5th consecutive Saturday I find myself at the motherfucking laundromat. The washer in our building has been dead for a month. This really kills the shit out of a Saturday.

scotchnaut

If you still have cable and need to kill four hours, the director’s cut of Lawrence of Arabia is on TCM at 1pm.

Gumbygirl

I don’t have cable cuz I’m fancy and a totally 21st century tech mama! But I do have Youtube TV. So far, so good! It has all the channels I watch, including TCM and the NFL Network. 65 bucks a month. Gumby got HBO Max as an add on for like 14. He watches way more movies than I do. Cable is just ridiculously pricey. My last bill was like $260, fuck that. I have internet for $55, don’t need to bundle a home phone. So basically I’m paying half of what it was.

Gumbygirl

They offered me a reduced rate for a year. I don’t think so.

scotchnaut

Holy Fuckballs! My cable package is about $130 and I get all the sports I want plus tons of ‘community events’ channels from “Fly-In Only” First Nation reserves.*

*if you want to know when the sewing circle in Moose Factory convenes, you just come to me.

Gumbygirl

I NEED to know!

rockingdog

Found a funny;

“i was born in the wrong generation” bro we can literally fry shit with the air. what else do u want

rockingdog

LOL

There’s a dude named Reed Lebstor on the UMass hockey team…sounds like Red Lobster 🦞

https://mobile.twitter.com/EvanMarinofsky/status/1507484706245328898

TheRevanchist

I hear he’s an alright guy, but will get a little crabby when it’s past his bedtime.

Gumbygirl

He’s not big enough for hockey. He’s a shrimp!

2Pack

Could use the rest this weekend. Home team has been decent recently. 7 to play and they have clawed their way out of the cellar. Still need to move up a couple positions to ensure they stay in the B Series next season, but hey, looking much better than we did around the holidays.

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scotchnaut

It’s nice to see that she has another hobby other than crushing watermelons between her thighs.

ArmedandHammered

Is it sledgehammer shaped?

scotchnaut

I am never going to financially recover from this

-Gallagher, seeing the price of watermelons skyrocket

Senor Weaselo

Hey, at least they’re tax write-offs.