Draftsmas Eve Eve! Tuesday Open Thread

It’s almost here! It’s almost here! The most wonderful time of the year- Draftsmas Eve! The night where every fan can go to sleep and dream of the franchise-changing pick their team is going to make the next day, before the harsh sunlight of Reality reveals that they end up trading a second-rounder to move up two spots to reach for a guard.

This year has been interesting, because in the absence of an Apparent Franchise Quarterback we don’t really have an epicenter for the Mock Industrial Complex’s endless debates.  In a year with unprecedented seismic shifts in the existing quarterback market, the choice between Malik Willis and Kenny Pickett just doesn’t carry the same gravity.  There is also a surprising amount of nuance being shown in the M.I.C. regarding scheme and competitive timeline, meaning that two pundits who assess Ikem “Ickey” Ekwonu in the same way may have him going first overall or twelfth based on need and fit.

By the way, he is my very favorite player in this draft. The man is an absolute gigantic beast of an offensive lineman who played lead in musical theater in high school.  I would kill to have him protecting Josh Allen.

Our very own Horatio’s Mock Draft is holding up well almost a month later, despite the Iggles and Aints doing a little reshuffling in the middle. And even if the picks aren’t quite right, the analysis is spot-on.  For example:

They’ll still need a QB, and it looks like the top remaining prospect is North Carolina QB Sam Howell. He’s been described as “a poor man’s Baker Mayfield”, which is perfect, because Detroit is a poor man’s Cleveland.

Now, this was back when the Smart Money was on Baker Mayfield going somewhere normal like Seattle.  But the market has changed, so why settle for a potential Baker Mayfield when you can overpay for the real thing? Mayfield seems like exactly the sort of jacked-up semi-talented headcase that Dan Campbell wants to gnaw on a femur with. A Jim McMahon to Campbell’s Mike Ditka. MAKE IT HAPPEN, DETROIT!

Look for my long-form standalone piece on Thursday about how the blatantly anti-free-market draft process is actually essential to preservation of player livelihoods. Guaranteed to piss off the Defector staff!

Other Final Draft Thoughts:

-Houston is not expected to draft a QB, although if anyone would reach for a Liberty “University” quarterback in the Top 10, I would expect it to be Jack Easterby’s God Botherers.

-Aidan Hutchinson is probably a very nice young man.  But this shit, with the eyeblack?

Just…no. This was Joe Laurinaitis, a professional wrestler known as “Road Warrior Animal”:

This is James Laurinaitis, his son and a highly-respected NFL veteran:

If anyone was going to pull this look off, it was going to be James. But even he knew to keep it tasteful.

-Pitt quarterback Kenny Pickett went from this:

to this:

I’m not saying he won’t be a good quarterback, just that he’s following the Aaron Rodgers Hobo Curve at an alarming pace.

-Speaking of Rodgers, having the draft in Vegas is a tremendously terrible idea. They invited 21 players to the “green room” where they will wait for their names to be called: