It’s 11:43 AM (B)EST time, so this is still the morning. Apologies for the lateness, but I forgot about this last night, then I had a compelled deposition this morning where I had to actually pay attention. I hate those. And on a Monday, no less.
I have a couple of good ideas from Señor and Scotchy, (the latter surprisingly not having to do with disposing of unwanted…leftovers), but I’m going to save them for a time I haven’t pissed away the morning with real life employment activities.
Today you are drafting the job you want, not the job you have. In an ideal world, where money doesn’t matter and you can just do what you want, what would that thing be? The only rule here is that it has to be an actual job. No matter how appealing that Spenser Gift’s iron-on is, there is no such job as “Female Baby Inspector”, at leas not that you would put on a W-2, so you can’t draft that here.
If I had my druthers, and didn’t have college educations to pay for, school loans and a mortgage, I would have skipped law school and gone on to become a forest ranger. Maybe not John Francis Smith up there, (the ranger in Yogi Bear not only has a name, he has his own Wikipedia page!), but someone who got to spend a lot of time outdoors, keeping the wilderness wild and living the life. And if an occasional poacher disappeared into a hot spring, well, there are perks and then there are perks.
With the one qualification that it has to be a real job in mind, and with noon rapidly approaching, I’m cutting this short and telling you that it’s time for you to 
[…] will fry some plantains—which is a great breakfast to have anywhere. Have a look at Horatios’s dream job draft.* Godammit; youse too fun. The comments is where it’s at. I offer slight tardiness. You’re […]
I’ll take children’s book author
“Eh, the groupie scene isn’t what you’d hope it would be.” – Brad Childress
Host, Jeopardy.
All my disdain will be greedily consumed by the pathetic contestants.
Brewmaster at a really good brewery.
Obviously I’m gonna need to know a lot more about making beer than I do right now.
Artists’s depiction:
I think it’ll end up more like this
Beerfest is now on Netflix. I’m due for a rewatch.
Owner / operator (when i feel like it-as in I don’t have to scoop the litterboxes if I don’t want to) of a chain of cat cafes / adoption centers.
Love dem lil furball kittehs. Be a nice way to be around them & give back to them a bit.
Volunteer at your local shelter. They can always use the help, and they always have cats and dogs desperate for attention.
Democratic Senator from the GREAT State of North Cakalaky, provided that I can do this without fundraising somehow.
*as with my Footy Manager career, I will eschew suit and tie for trackies, dis Hippo built FOAR comfort nae speed
Violates Senate floor rules, but so does supporting the overthrow of the US Government and Hawley is still there so all good I guess.
Alright it’s been an hour and I need to pay attention to this meeting so getting this pick in, maybe I tag back in later, maybe I don’t–
AFL umpire
Great pick. When did they do away with the white lab coats?
Gumby has always said he wants to be a kids soccer referee. He knows nothing about the game, he’s in it for the shiny shorts, long black socks, and the whistle.
Hey, someone’s gotta sample the product to write these reviews… Why not me?
https://www.medicaljane.com/category/strains/
It’s right there in your name and all
Indeed. All I need to do is find a way to combine it with reviews for steakhouses. Perhaps finding new and interesting “pairings” would be the way to go. “The Grandaddy purple had an earthy tone with went quite nicely with the Chateaubriand au champignons”
Ha, working at the dispensary down the street from me was my next pick! The nicest people work there, and they are always having fun.
Literary critic. Get to read and judge people and their work with little to no recrimination.
4. Hollywood Producer. I’ll take mine extra sleazy, please.
Professional Pic-a-nick Basket Thief
You just made the list.
CEO of any charitable organization. You get to live a nice cushy lifestyle but still brag about how you’re helping save lives or whatever, but without all that tedious “dealing with actual people who need help” that your underpaid low-level staff and volunteers have to do.
My Aunt Mary was the senior vice- president of several charities- first was Save the Children, then the March of Dimes. Many, many perks to those jobs. She was also on the board of regents at Notre Dame, also perkilicious.
Do they let members of the board of regents murder students at Notre Dame, or is that perk reserved for coaches only?
As far as I know, she didn’t kill anybody. She was a former nun, still super Catholic even after she decided she liked dick.
I would like to have Vanna White’s jerb.
But how long would you last before yielding to the incontrovertible desire to kick Pat Sajack’s smarmy teeth in?
I would whisper lefty slogans in his ear as we’re walking out, just to watch him try to keep his fake smile and pleasant patter!
“Black Lives Matter, Pat. My body, My Choice. Eat the Rich.”