Manners, You Fuc*s! – Monday Open Thread

This has been a long ass workday. But I’ll be damned AND may Gamblor forsake me: I’ll post this about 30 minutes by the deadline.

A Puerto Rican 30 minutes, K? This is an isolated event, we’ll crush stereotypes at a later date.

I have to get back to work. If you must knowwww, more administrative work. There were some invoices written in the passive voice and I, just… That is unacceptable businessin’, is all. My aim is to convey this precise message:

[DATE AND AMOUNT]

Pay me or whatever.

Just kidding!

Best,

🔪

Oh please. Don’t judge me. If I were you, maybe blame capitalism, huh? Manners > money.

In my humble opinion.

/remembers Mr. Burns aghast “’More important than money?’ Who is this?”

//

NFL NEWS

-The Schedule release is next Thursday. Which, OK.

I’ll have summin’ to say about that. Will update later. No promises on coherence. Here goes. In a just world,

[spastic laughter]

three prime time games (T, S, and M NFs), across 18 Weeks, plus Thanksgiving, means your team will get a standalone game at least once in two months on average. Alas, Jesus Christ.

The Rams were pried from St. Louis to LA with the league’s blessing, and the NFL got validated with an Owl. The NFL knows money; it traffics in no other currency and would put the Jags every other week if–HAHAHAHA you get Jets @ Commies on Sunday Night AND YOU’LL FUCKEN WATCH.

Some teams will be more favored than others. That’s that. No matter how successful your team is, it will never be on prime time as frequently as the Cowboys. So you just have to adjust your expectations. Wish contextually:

• May the Bears be able to take a lead in 2022
• Hopefully, the firing of Joe Judge, and subsequent sterilization of the facilities, will make the Jints competitive.
• Mason Rudolph will disappear from our lives.

But sometimes the NFL and fellow capitalist pigs just get cute and outsmart themselves.

-Tody it was leaked that the Week 2 MNF will be a doubleheader. The Titans play in that MNF but, as you can plainly see: no exclamation point. Any MNF doubleheader after Week 1 is unprecedented, but goddamit the schedule:

All times Central:

Sept. 19 – Week 2

Titans @ Bills – 6:15 PM (ESPN)

Vikings @ Eagles – 7:30 PM (ABC)

This is a dynamite slate. Why do start times overlap? Disney’s enterprising daughter and entitled son (resp.) are broadcasting each! This is pure

Fucking

Folly.

I don’t get it. This kind of intramural corporate jousting brought Enron down!

Let’s talk reasonably. Even competitor networks—Fox, NBC, Nickleodeon—respect the sanctity of a full NFL game. Allow me to summarize how it’s been, all times Central:

12:00 M – game 1

3:15+ PM – game 2

7ish PM – game 3

Saturdays, Thanksgiving, same thing: 3+ hour cushion. Playoffs, ha. How I wish my co-citizens would protest a XIXth Century return on abortion with the zeal of the overlapping NFL playoff games riots.

Everyone loses with overlaps. The 3+ hour cushion has got to be the standard. With that cushion, if the first game spills over—what a great early game! Scripted plays in the later game do not produce points (source: narcotics).

SPROTS TONITE

All times Central.

GRANDES LIGAS

A’s (Blackburn) @ Tigres (Pineda) – 6:10 PM

Guardianes (Plesac) @ Medias Blancas (Kopech) – 7:10 PM

Mantarrayas (Springs) @ Angelinos (Syndergaard) – 8:38 ON THE DOT

Ositos (Hendricks) @ Padres (Gore) – 8:40 PM

Marlins (Hernández) @ Serpientes (Castellanos) – 8:40 PM

Filis *puff, coughs* (Suárez) @ Marineros (Flexen) – 8:40 PM

Balboas (Gomber) @ Gigantes (Rodón) – 8:45

NBA CONFERENCE SEMIS

Celtics @ Bucks – 6:30 PM (Bucks lead 2-1)

Grizzlies @ Warriors – 9:00 PM (Warios lead 2-1)

STANLEY CUP PLAYOFFS

Panthers @ Capitals – 6:00 PM (Caps lead 2-1)

Rangers @ Penguins – 6:00 PM (Pens lead 2-1)

Avalanche @ Predators – 8:30 PM (Avs look to sweep)

Flames @ Stars – 8:30 PM (Stars lead 2-1)

TOP FLIGHT FÚTBOL

Completists can feast on the full calendar here.

Brasil

Avaí hosts Coritiba – 6:00 PM

Chile

Unión La Calera hosts Audax Italiano – 7:30 PM

Ecuador

Macará hosts Independiente del Valle – 7:00 PM

FINALLY,

I haven’t eaten anything today, but these Coors banquet beers sure are filling! I’m defrosting some shrimp, will fry some plantains—which is a great breakfast to have anywhere. Have a look at Horatios’s dream job draft.* Godammit; youse too fun. The comments is where it’s at. I offer slight tardiness. You’re welcome–no no, you deserve it. /Air hug

* Personally, I fear lapsing into embarrassment expressing how immensely satisfying it is to work for myself. My full endorsement to everyone whose boss has said: “You don’t work well with others”.

Banner via here.