Monday Morning Mock Draft: Fantastic Beasts & How To Draft Them

Today’s topic is brought to you courtesy of my dog. During our multi-mile hike through the local woods, (he brings me along as bait, using me to lure all the deer flies and mosquitos away from him), it occurred to me that having a fantastical pet would be pretty cool, and using that idea for a draft topic would mean I wouldn’t have to use up some of the ideas Scotty’s given me without first telling him ahead of time so he can have the first pick.

Next week though, Scotchy, next week.

As you may have guessed from that preamble we’re introducing fantastical pets. A couple of rules. First and most important they have to be fictitious. You can’t draft your first dog, although I would understand the urge. Second, and this is probably a very important rule for, (gestures vaguely at entire clubhouse), all of you, you can’t have sex with it. Don’t go drafting Jessica Rabbit and claiming you just have a thing for bunnies. Nobody’s buying that one.

(drafts Jessica Rabbit)

With the first pick in the draft I will take Ghost, the dire wolf from Game of Thrones. Loyal as can be, absolutely vicious when needed, might be telepathic, goes for walks by himself, (sometimes for multiple seasons at a time), and has a pair of fuzzy ears just begging to be scritched.

Go ahead Ed, let your cows wander into my yard again this summer. See what happens.

The rest of you are on the clock. Go get that imaginary furry, scaly, winged, whatever domestic companion you’ve always wanted!

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LemonJello

2nd Pick: Pegasus

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BrettFavresColonoscopy

Yeahright opened it up on Star Wars, does Yoda count as a mythical creature? If so, Yoda. If not, I guess a Taunton.

Gumbygirl

Gumby chooses Top Cat.
🎵 Top Cat
The indisputable leader of the gang!
He’s the top, he’s the tip
He’s the championship!
He’s the most tip top
Top Cat!🎶

WCS
Last edited 2 years ago by WCS
BrettFavresColonoscopy

“I went down the middle my whole career”

Yeah, 7-9

Sharkbait

Remy the Rat. I’ll take a Michelin starred rat chef with the voice of an angel

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Oh man I wish I’d made this pick

2Pack

I see none of my friends from the Great White North have dipped into their home band Rush yet… so in the second round I select – The Snow Dog… or TSD as he likes to go by.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

4. Ladyhawke. Sure, according to the killjoy rules I can’t have sex with it, but maybe, just maybe, if I catch her in the right mood I can have sex with the astonishingly beautiful lady it turns into! And if not, hey, it’s cool – it’d still be cool as hell to have a hawk as a pet.

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scotchnaut

I’ll take Gromit-he keeps to himself but he’s there when you stumble across a sheep-rustling operation, which happens more than you’d think.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Also he helps keep you supplied with cheese, which is also a very good quality.

Fronkenshteen

Uncle Pecos: A real Crambone!
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BrettFavresColonoscopy

Pig of Eden that supplies infinite pork products

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yeah right

Chewbacca.

That is all.

SonOfSpam

I’ll take Dug from “Up” because he’s SQUIRREL!

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ArmedandHammered

Hobbes from Calvin and Hobbes…

Sharkbait

Steal

Game Time Decision

It’s not nice to steal a boys stuffed animal

The Maestro

A dynamite pick.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Damn, good one.

Fronkenshteen

I’ll take Philo Beddoe’s beer-drinking, sucker-punching companion. Right turn, Clyde!
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Gumbygirl

I have to leave in a minute, so my next pick is the little elephant/dishwasher/ vacuum from the Flintstones.

Gumbygirl

Mammoth, not elephant, but you know what I mean!

BrettFavresColonoscopy

If Foghorn Leghorn is eligible, I’ll take Bugs Bunny. We’re gonna be rich!

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Insert your own Lola Bunny joke here.

Sharkbait

Insert? I thought you weren’t allowed to have sex with your pick

Game Time Decision

Lola bunny (the grey one) being shy

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Last edited 2 years ago by Game Time Decision
ArmedandHammered

I would take Sylvester the Cats son – “Oh, Father!”

Game Time Decision

Dino from the Fintstones. Slightly more domesticated than Blue (below)

LemonJello

Blue would be eyeing Dino like he was the Prime Rib station at the buffet.

Game Time Decision

Absolutely. And then at me once done with Dino

LemonJello

1st pick: Blue, the Velociraptor.

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Game Time Decision

*click* *click*

Gumbygirl

My pick is Barf!

Barf.jpg
LemonJello

He’s his own best friend!

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Barfolomew! He was on my board.

SonOfSpam

Must remind you, not allowed to have sex with it.

Gumbygirl

But we can cuddle, right? RiGHT?

SonOfSpam

Just keep it chaste missy.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

This works out well cause I brought John Candy back to life a few drafts ago. Because if you thought a Mog smelled bad when he was alive…

Last edited 2 years ago by Rikki-Tikki-Deadly
litre_cola

What’s better than 1 pug? Two!

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ballsofsteelandfury

I’ll take Güenter from Futurama

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Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

3. Can’t believe you chumps let me sit on this one until the third round: Rikki-Tikki-Tavi

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Last edited 2 years ago by Rikki-Tikki-Deadly
BrettFavresColonoscopy

Jessica Rabbit is out but are the kinda racist animated bullets fair game?

SonOfSpam

I’ll take Baloo from Jungle Book; big ol bear who can just chill and hang out with you.

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SonOfSpam

(please note: I am not a small Indian boy)

scotchnaut

But you want one, right?

yeah right

On a very related note I’ll take Ben the Bear from Grizzly Adams.

A real bear who could protect my righteous ass.

2Pack

Foghorn Leghorn. My role model since way back when. And I would certainly party, and engage in mayhem, with that Dude.

ArmedandHammered

“I say, I say 2Pack, how about we go and find some hens, chicks are a little too young for me?”

Game Time Decision

Stampy from the Simpsons

ArmedandHammered

Gizmo from Gremlins

Gumbygirl

Don’t feed him after midnight!

WCS

Santa’s Little Helper and Snowball II
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Sharkbait

Does that mean I get Woodstock too?

Sharkbait

Next pick is Snoopy.
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Last edited 2 years ago by Sharkbait
yeah right

Next pick: I’ll draft the dog from the movie “The Artist.”

This is something because in all honesty I’m not what you would call a “dog person” but this was the greatest dog ever.

The Maestro

My second pick in this draft has to be the illustrious Ray Smuckles.

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Last edited 2 years ago by The Maestro
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

First clip of Giuliani is of him DRINKING.

(water, but still, excellent subliminal work)

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Inspired by but different than Maestro’s pick, my friends and I would always yearn for a stenographer monkey who can stay in a backpack recording the hilarious/ridiculous goings on for future reference. So I shall draft a stenographer monkey.

ArmedandHammered

Ruth from The White Dragon

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Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

One of McCaffrey’s critters was on my board, but I just couldn’t resist the adorableness of the No Such Thing guy.

yeah right

In all honesty, i mis-read the title of this post at first and thought it said “Fantastic Breasts and Where to Find Them” and I was all ready to draft Heather Graham in Boogie Nights.

ArmedandHammered

Mine would be Denise Milani

yeah right

Straight up steal right there.

litre_cola

Katy Perry over here.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

2. The dragon from “There’s No Such Thing as a Dragon”. Adorable and manageable as a pet, but capable of growing to great size if needed.

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Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Sorry for the interruption, but Liz Cheney just described an election night Rudy as “apparently inebriated”.

ArmedandHammered
Last edited 2 years ago by ArmedandHammered
yeah right

Yeah but God’s an asshole.

Dunstan

I’ll take Mouse, Harry Dresden’s dog from the Dresden Files.

Sweet-tempered, intelligent, and can kick the ass of mortals and supernatural creatures alike.

Sharkbait

Dogmeat. Unkillable loyal pal.

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yeah right

Gage, the cat from Pet Sematary.

At the very least he’ll be a conversation starter.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Falkor

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Last edited 2 years ago by BrettFavresColonoscopy
Gumbygirl

🎶The Neverending Storeee-eee-eee-eee🎵

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

1. I’m pretty sure I don’t want a pet that talks, and I’d like something that is fluffy and cuddly and not dangerous to me but *very* dangerous to anyone who threatens me, so I’ll take the snow leopard Stelmaria from The Golden Compass.

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The Maestro

Because I know they are not really a thing… at least, outside of those people who are El Chapo cocaine money rich… I have spent my entire life wanting a fully trained monkey butler.

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BrettFavresColonoscopy

Cerberus

King Hippo

Babu the ocelot. He’d remember me.

King Hippo

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litre_cola

Frank the Pug from Men in Black. I mean he’s an Alien, who is a pug that can talk!!!!!

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Last edited 2 years ago by litre_cola
ballsofsteelandfury

I will take a dragon. Yes, I know that’s generic. I can go with Puff or many others and I know Hedley will show up and make me choose, so I’ll choose Danaerys’ dragon from Game of Thrones only because she might want to hang out and play with my dragon.

Gumbygirl

That’s hopeful reprobate, mister!