Oh Lordy, did some things happen yesterday! Let’s head over and take a look at a few items.
Fallout:
-Dank Prescott is gone for 6-8 weeks and if you leaned into the ‘Boys hype and got yourself some skill dudes from that squadoo you would appear to be screwed. Without Dank back there defenses are going to “Pack That Box!” vs Zeke. CeeDee Lamb’s breakout season has also been put on hold. Two catches on 11 targets!? And now he gets Cooper Rush. Them Jones Boys done it again, I’ll tell you what!
-T.J. Watt has a torn pec-will he wear down just like his older brother? It might be a bit too quick to jump to that but where else was I going to jump?
-The Cards have switched things up and instead of fading down the stretch Kliff’s Kops are fading straight out of the gate.
-The Giants won their first home opener in six years and are being rewarded with a first place spot in the slovenly NFC East.
To The Game!
Broncos/Seahawks:
-May as well get this revenge game out of the way the first week of the season. One wonders what kind of hellfire Noah Fant will unleash on Denver.
-Pete Carroll insists that nothing is wrong but the Vegas 0/U of a paltry 5.5 wins tells a different story. Carroll has also advocated for “Booing” Russell Wilson when he makes his way on to the field. Classy.
-Kudos to Geno Smith winning the starting job battle-was anyone on the coaching staff awake for the entire thing?
-A Slow Start? Very few Donks starters played minutes in the preseason. I think the Cards took the same approach. Hmmm…
-Courtland Sutton’s prop for catches is 4.5. That appears to be “first half achievable”.
Get at it, lords and ladies.
Fuck. All. Of. These. Broncos WILSON Fans.
Play-calling too cute by half
I was promised a back breaking fumble.
OK
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Lean that stick a little more assholes!
That said, what a stupid challenge.
good thing that timeout won’t be necessary
Look at the bullshit! Where’s the index card!?!?
I’ve installed fence posts, and I would not hire these refs to install fence posts unless I wanted shitty uneven fenceposts.
Lol at Sharpe losing it
With all the goddamned yelling, that stadium must reek like hops, weed, hand-rolled cigarettes, and rancid coffee breath.
I would say shame, but we all know it doesn’t
Got a pretty good spot
oh, we gon’ get a Carroll spot challenge
The 9/11 Commission was nothing but JEW LIES!!!11111
Goddamn I love these things
?v=1644238417
Come on Donks. Eat this clock, kick the FG as time expires
Vikes/Iggles ought to be good
Iggles will get thumped.
SKOL rarely is week-to-week consistent
What’s going to be higher the over/under line or the % chance we get a Xmas Ape Meltdown if Drew’s Vikings go 2-0?
Still having trouble understanding why the clubhouse is all in on Nantz and Romo, but down on Buck and Aikman.
Nobody likes Nantz, and we started souring on Romo last season
Outfuckingstanding.
I didn’t think we liked anyone other than the Manningcasts
My vote is the Mannings
Sorry. Thought everyone was sweet on Tony. I always found his voice to be nails on a chalkboard, which was decidedly inconvenient since it NEVER STOPS TALKING FOR THE ENTIRE BROADCAST. He also seems to see himself as something of an oracle for a player who won absolutely nothing in his career.
I know y’all want a backbreaking pickerception, but we’ll fumble trying to set up the FG instead.
Geno doesn’t know how to kill clock does he? Has he ever played with a lead?
He broke in with the Jests, so you know.
Seahawks pass blocking survived losing Wilson
If Petey took a deep shot to Metcalf, he’d walk in for 6
Cant block that long
I’m relegated to watching the game on my phone while my gf watches the Emmys and get upset at me for not paying attention to an award show I don’t care about
I would mock you, but then again, you’ll still be having carnal relations later
Some sort of TV show will probably win?
I wonder how many relationships are getting wrecked by the Emmys not being on sunday.
LET RUSS HOOK!
*exit stage left*
I wish I still had a copy of photoshop and could stick a pair of fishnet legs on the man
he do have nice calves!
Oooh, something to do at work tomorrow!
I don’t know where Marshawn Lynch is right now, but I hope he’s experiencing a lovely glow of satisfaction
He’s actually at the game.
Nice! I hope many people have bought him overpriced shitty beers!
What a surprise that another Wilson drive ends in 3 points
Just like old times.
HEY DONKS! STOP TRYING TO KILL HIPPO!
I bequeath my Monday morning column to….
I legit have no idea who the broncos coach is.
I understand I could find that information in a second, but I legit don’t care
LET RUSS SOUK!
He might find some great deals!
Let Russ Wook
5th or 6th 12th man penalty
THIS GAME WANTS ME DED
Its a long season. Just relax. Wilson’s gonna be fine. Having a pretty good game tonight too.
It’s not Wilson, it’s the rest of the shitstains on the team!
Patience friendo. Shall be fine.
/has money line
/am high
First game of the season. Breathe in, breathe out, repeat. We can revisit during week 8
IN. COM. PLETE!
IN. COM. PLETE!
IN. COM. PLETE!
Pete Carroll would sit on a fucking 7-3 lead like Mother Fucking Goose.
Why is Sharpe sounds like he’s broadcasting from an AM-radio station three states away?
You’d think the Broncos would be doing better considering they are playing a case of Mellow Yellows
Looking very 8-9
6-11
the NFC is weak enough for y’all to get there 😀
Mellow yellow is legit underrated
It tastes like flat Mountain Dew.
Shannon Sharpe is hard enough to understand but with a shit mic its fucking impossible.
This will end 20-20in regulation. As is week one custom.
We can only hope!
Damn, Steelers. They had to be selfish and claim the win.
KJ Hamler is fast. He might not be a great run blocker
Sharpe has shitty wifi
Probably doesnt tip.
Here comes Wilson to lead his team to 4th quarter victory. He’s so good at this.
No. FUCK off
“Thanks, Troy. We’ll be back after this break.”
Oh that fat guy, he used to be a RB, he tucked and was about to run before he fell over. I’m sad he didn’t get to TD and take some oxygen!
Geno Smith hasn’t had to deal with this much unwanted Chubb since puberty
HEY LOOK ACTUAL PASS DEFENDING
CHUBBSACK.
BRADLEY CHUBB IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL AND I SHOULD HAVE WORN HIS 55 SHIRT TONITE BUT THE 12S GOT IN MY HEAD
Maybe Russell Wilson and Baker Mayfield should have stopped at digging one grave in their pursuit of vengeance
To quote Hippo’s Equine Lord and Savior, “It’s time to hit the hay.”
May you all drift off to slumber on a cloud of nanobubbles.
LET RUSS TOOK!
Starring Liam Neeson as Pete Carroll.
Geno redemption arc engaged
LET RUSS DOOK!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=42BBdzzgPNM
Clickbait Sprots is going to be pretty good this week.
Manningcast:
Joel McHale: hey peyton, what’s bigger? Your forehead or John elway’s teeth
Peyton: anyways, we have shannon Sharpe coming up next…
Jeff Winger!!
I’ve made peace that I essentially work on the Greendale music department. Except we get paid on time.
If only it was Reality Show Clip Time!
THIS GENO SMITH, I CALL HIM NEW YORK CITY, BECAUSE THE DAY AFTER 9/11 HE’S PROVING THE JETS DIDN’T DESTROY HIM
BANNER THIS MAN.
FUCK YEA #OBIWANGENOBI
THIS GAME, I CALL IT MY MARRIAGE BECAUSE THE FIRST HALF WAS GREAT AND, BUT THE SECOND HAS BEEN MARRED BY MISTAKES
Dunno which of you is Melvin and which is Javante, but I hate y’all both right now.
AND YES I TALK MOAR SOUTHERN WHEN ALL PISSED OFF AND SHIT
Hoding
Two pass interference calls resulting in 1st and goal (at least one of which was correct) and two fumbles at the goal line. Someone has some bad karma in the Denver huddle!
Let’s ride.