…With a name like BattleBots: Champions, it’s been right there this whole time. Also, bonus points because I’ve been sitting on this title since, like, last Thursday, when there was still a Queen of England, and not a coronation in the waiting, and the British monarch uses Zadok the Priest. Boom, bonus joke!

Anywho, welcome back to the Beat! It’s dawn of the final day. Eight bots remain. One of them will win the Golden Bolt. Let’s get to it. To the fights!

Ribbot vs. End Game
Ribbot: 3-0, #2 seed, lost in round of 32 to Hydra; defeated Lock-Jaw in gatekeeper final
End Game: 3-0, #1 seed, lost in round of 16 to Minotaur; 2020 champion (Season 5)

It’s the first of three, yes, three rematches in the first round. These two bots squared off two seasons prior, where the foam frog was foamier and froggier, but also, Ribbot won that fight by KO after the bots went weapon to weapon a whole bunch.

This also could have been, according to chalk, our final. Yes, we know, chalk, especially in BattleBots, never happens, and it didn’t from jump as Ribbot became this year’s high seed 1st round upset, joining Lock-Jaw (best we got), Witch Doctor, Tombstone, (no one in Season 4), and Copperhead. There’s always one. Yes, yes, End Game also got upset, but that was at least the second round.

Though the vert was what got them the win in 2019, Ribbot went with the undercutter attachment in an attempt to cut down End Game’s lengthy forks. End Game countered this by… not having forks, but going back to their wedge.

The two bots spun up rather than a rush one way or another. It was going to be weapon to weapon then. Ribbot charged and proceeded to go many feet in the air. How high? Well, it hit the Lexan above the drivers’ booth. Also the frog came off, but that was secondary.

Primary was that Ribbot was now inverted, so the undercutter was now an overcutter. End Game sent it for another slightly lesser moonshot, flipped Ribbot over, and put the frogless bot under the pulverizer. Ribbot was not particularly mobile, but still moving somewhat, so End Game went to try and take out the tires from the drive side that still worked. It flipped Ribbot back over, but it was very much over.

End Game wins by KO in 61 seconds. They’ll get either Tombstone or Tantrum.

Skorpios vs. HyperShock
Skorpios: 1-2, #32 seed, lost in round of 32 to End Game; defeated Bloodsport in gatekeeper final
HyperShock: 2-0, #13 seed, lost in round of 32 to P1; defeated Gigabyte in gatekeeper final

This is a trilogy fight! These teams have faced off twice. The first time was in 2018, where a Skorpios that had just gotten its weapon arm lopped off by Rotator managed to attach an angle grinder to the robot… and beat HyperShock by a JD. The second time was the previous season, where Skorpios manhandled HyperShock to another JD win to go on to fight and beat Icewave and claim the bounty. Which is how Skorpios earned its gatekeeper status and took down Bloodsport. Well, HyperShock got here eventually, the long way around.

This was as opposed to the fight. HyperShock avoided the box rush and delivered a blow to Skorpios’s front wedge that sent it spinning like a dying top and right into the corner. HyperShock hit it once and off the Lexan, a second time and over the wall for a quick OOTA KO. Which is only not allowed by grapplers holding and placing the robot over the wall. Verts, flippers, and the like? Apparently still okay. Aaaand… time!

It probably took you longer to read this fight. HyperShock wins by KO in… 24 seconds. I believe that wins fastest KO of the year, beating End Game doing the same to SawBlaze in 29.

Witch Doctor vs. Glitch
Witch Doctor: 2-1, #24 seed, lost in finals to Tantrum; defeated Whiplash in gatekeeper final
Glitch: 3-0, #9 seed, withdrew from tournament; defeated Rotator in gatekeeper final

The fight we were supposed to have wayyyyy back in the first round. Except Glitch’s weaponry stopped working and they had to withdraw. And guess what? This time, due to this being now their tenth fight of the season, it was Witch Doctor with the time crunch to see if they could get things repaired in time or if they were the ones who’d have to forfeit (and making this matchup an immediate fight card fight if not main eventer). But Witch Doctor was able to get everything done in the nick of time and the fight was on. They also had to put on, for once, their own (tiny) forks.

Witch Doctor circled looking for an opening, while Glitch pivoted thanks to the omniwheels. Witch Doctor was having fork issues, getting caught in a killsaw slot, as the two bots danced and oléd. (Incidentally that’s why they’re hesitant on putting on the forks in the first place.) But Witch Doctor got the first nibble and got out of the way.

A moment of Glitch getting stuck (and there actually was a timeout around the midpoint of the fight) meant Witch Doctor finally got a chance to flank the omnibot and take something of substance off Glitch. Then the rear was open for Witch Doctor to have a couple big hits, then one more if they’re done to take them into the screws. Well, that answers that question about Witch Doctor getting an easy draw.

Witch Doctor by KO in 2:26. They get HyperShock next, and that one will be fun. I’ll explain later. For Glitch, the potential magical 10-0 run doesn’t get realized.

Tombstone vs. Tantrum
Tombstone: 2-1, #23 seed, lost in round of 32 to Jackpot; 2016 champion (Season 2)
Tantrum: 2-0, #11 seed, won Giant Nut; 2021 champion (current)

Out of the three rematches, this is by far the most intriguing. Now hopefully without a fist in the wall, as we mentioned from the Season 3 whiteboard fight, post-Tombstone’s upset at the hands of Bombshell.

As for more recent fare, Tombstone is 5-5 in its last 10. The power’s always been there, but maybe right now it’s a little too powerful. It’s been digging its own grave most of those losses. Ray and co have the S7 bar on, which to my knowledge doesn’t have a separate tooth, so the solid piece might tank better. I don’t know metallurgy, so don’t ask.

Tantrum’s now the hunted, the only bot now that hasn’t lost in 2021 thanks to Glitch going down. Can the puncher get its revenge from 2018? This’ll show just how far it’s come. They’ve added steel bars to the front to try and even further beef up the front. I mean, in the fight in 2018, it was a speed controller that came loose, the armor was fairly fine. Minus the arm. Less fine, Ginger missing the button at first with her punch. Hey, happens to the best of us.

Tantrum with the rush, and from the initial contact Tombstone was already unstable, as slow-mos showed that the bars Tantrum had applied to the front of the bot had chipped the S7 bar. But that didn’t change the danger, as Tombstone was able to whip around and do some more damage to the front of Tantrum. But also sparking all over as it was in the one-wheeled death loop.

Tombstone was having weapon and drive issues and smoking. A count was imminent. Between this and managing to do plenty of damage but lose the fight to HyperShock in the re:MARS tourney (if we ever get to see it), we need a more robust Tombstone.

Meanwhile, they lost one of their srimech fists, but three years later, Tantrum has officially come full circle.

Tantrum wins by KO in 1:25.

Semifinals
Witch Doctor vs. HyperShock

It’s the battle of… whatever building in Miami these two teams have as their shop! Winner gets the Technical T-Rex Trophy? Hey, and Technical T-Rex is even there with HyperShock! As for the combatants, HyperShock has the super long forks. Witch Doctor has forgone the forks. And Technical T-Rex gets to press the button.

The two bots did a bunch of donuts and played some sort of silly buggers, but H got the first hit, a small shot on Witch Doctor. But Witch Doctor was able to get Will Bales and HyperShock overcorrecting, flip it over, take off a tire… and get said tire stuck in the weapon cavity. So on one hand, HyperShock was down to three wheels, but on the other… for the time being Witch Doctor was down a weapon.

HyperShock could drive on 3 wheels, but was gyroing, and climbing up against the wall. They did eventually get off the wall and pointed in the right direction and got a big hit in… which freed the tire from WD, which was not smoking and barely mobile, unlike HyperShock.

So Witch Doctor could potentially pick and choose. But Mike Gellatly got too close and HyperShock sent Witch Doctor 10 feet up. HyperShock was basically just driving in a circle, then gyroing itself over to be somewhat mobile, only for Witch Doctor to get the hit, some more damage and a belt came off, and that would do it.

Witch Doctor wins the shop battle by KO in 2:49, and that was a Fight of the Year candidate. That was fun. And we know who HyperShock’ll be rooting for this one. As Will put it, HyperShock didn’t get so much as a scratch on the sides and top and back throughout their previous five fights (boos from the crowd) and Witch Doctor came in and won it.

So Andrea, Mike, go win the whole damn thing, please.

End Game vs. Tantrum

The two most recent champs get to square off! Winner gets a rematch with Witch Doctor, as these two bots dealt Witch Doctor her two losses between Fight Night fights and the tournament. And this is itself a rematch of last year’s semifinal, where End Game ended Tantrum’s Cindarella run via KO.

Tantrum’s in a state though. The weapon’s not spinning and the armor’s bent due to the damage done by Tombstone. Yeah, it may be a glass cannon right now, but the Reaper still hurts.

End Game is going with their fork combo which has been so effectively deadly. Or deadly effective.

Tantrum went to circle, which was exactly what Nick Mabey of End Game said, as the two bots locked horns, neither fork getting under. End Game had more push though, but the two retreated. After more clashing, End Game got the first real solid hit, flipping Tantrum over, then chaining the attacks, continuing to somersault it and knock it around. And now End Games’s forks were winning.

End Game had a brief gyro stunt, but Tantrum’s weapon was down. They knew they had to break End Game’s weapon, but End Game was happy to oblige the suicide charges, taking the other forks off and maybe a fist from the arm.

End Game throttled the weapon down to both safe the motors and to prevent Tantrum from breaking it, and basically held this down, though one more flip from the forks ended the fight. It went to the judges, though it seemed pretty open and shut.

Props to Tantrum at less than full strength for surviving the full three minutes, but End Game wins by unanimous decision and gets a rematch from this year, against Witch Doctor, for the Golden Bolt.

GOLDEN BOLT CHAMPIONSHIP
End Game vs. Witch Doctor

Both bots took some damage, and so, like any other tournament, attrition sets in. Running on spares of spares, especially Witch Doctor, which is now in its 12th (and final) fight of the season. Nobody will have had more this year, or in any season since, I don’t know, The Big B? A quick wiki check says nope, never. The Big B just had 9 fights en route to the Season 4.0 lightweight finals. For End Game, bolts were sheared off, electronics and mechanical stuff dead and had to be replaced. So yeah, welcome to finals action.

Witch Doctor came in with the single disk this time, End Game with the long forks.

Both came out gingerly, because it’s a final and you don’t want to make the first stupid move. End Game was trying to corral and control Witch Doctor with the forks, but Witch Doctor immediately for the wedgelets by going at an angle, chopping away at one side. But the forks did their work and the other side of the forks still worked and got under, got Witch Doctor up in the air and now End Game could work in the corner and take part of the ribcage. One more hit formally ended it.

End Game wins by KO and win the first-ever Golden Bolt! Aaand, now I have to channel my inner Yinzer. Ehem…

CONGLATURATIONS WITCH DOCTOR! I hate to do this since they’re one of my favorite teams and the Technical T-Rex plushie banana for scale and everything, but… Andrea, Mike, Witch Doctor. This losing in the finals has to stop. You’ve become the first team to lose two Giant Nut finals, and now you managed to pull off the rare double of losing TWO hardware finals IN THE SAME YEAR. There’s a word for that, and that word is: pain. Excruciating pain. The re:MARS Bolt was nice and are, but the haters will say the fan vote fed you an 0-4 Bronco and not peak Bite Force leading to a rematch of the final you had just filmed.

You shut up anyone who thought that this run to the finals was a fluke thanks to the Glitch gremlins and Minotaur controversy. (By the way, thanks to that fight there are some rule changes, involving a Match Steward, potential judges’ appeals, and bots getting stuck being a potential TKO.) And having 12 fights over a 2 1/2 week or so time period is absolutely grueling, it’s the most fights any robot has had in BattleBots. (Tantrum was second with 10 thanks to only having two fight cards.) You guys are without a doubt one of the best teams in the modern era, and especially since the Fight Night format began in 2018. But you gotta get it done when it’s winning time. Climb that last hill.

Until then, 2021 was a golden (no pun) opportunity to get not one, but two pieces of hardware, and both times it slipped through your skeleton fingers. But, unfortunately, as much as I love you guys, we have to pull out the Adam Sandler.

Please don’t make me have to do this again next year. Don’t let this be my “STILLERS GAHNTA DA SUPER BAAL.”

We also, finally, got to find out this year’s Giant Bolt winners. These awards are your honorary awards, voted on by assorted people.

Rookie of the Year: A relatively new award, given last year for Rusty, but now they have to keep giving them out! Co-winners: Glitch-Combat Robotics at Berkeley (Kyle Miller, captain) & Riptide-Break32 (Ethan Kurtz, captain). Glitch gets the full body of work of going 7-1 and making the Golden Bolt tourney, and had they not had to withdraw might have gotten it outright. But Break32 became as high as Break8 thanks to its Cinderella quarterfinal performance. The two teams each received a retired pulverizer head as their trophy.

Most Destructive: Voted on by the judges for “gourmet damage.” Winner: HyperShock-Team HyperShock (Will Bales, captain). HyperShock was the only robot over the course of the event with two OOTAs (Lock-Jaw and Skorpios), but the Champions run, breaking Valkyrie’s weapon shaft and de-shelling Gigabyte in a new point of failure is what got it the nod over Cobalt’s destruction of Ghost Raptor or Uppercut continuing to blow up robots with fuel tanks. By the way, thanks to this and the re:MARS win over the summer, HyperShock now leads the way with three Giant Bolts, which Will responded by posting this photo of the Bolts in the shop.

Founders’ Award: An award given by Greg Munson and Trey Roski to a team that best exemplifies the spirit of BattleBots. Winner: SawBlaze-Team SawBlaze (Jamison Go, captain). It’s not the Giant Nut Jamo was looking for, but he’s always been the sportsman. At some point I’ll go see Silent Spring kick ass at NHRL.

Grant Imahara Award (Best Design): An award voted on by the teams for revolutionary design. Winner: Blip-Seems Reasonable Designs (Aren Hill, captain). The flywheel flipper deserves a mention for rookie robot of the year, but obviously not the team, as big bro Tantrum won the Nut and all. But Aren is the head of the joint teams, (and the Nut is in his garage), so he gets the honor of the single-season version of “Yes, the Giant Nut threads into the Giant Bolt.” By the way, so does the Golden Bolt, though I hope Nick posts a picture to show it.

So that does it for the episodes. We’ll have the BattleBots Beaties in a week or two for all the awards that aren’t real awards, like Best Driver, which I will continously be salty about them discontinuing. We’ll also have some news and notes. Until then, this is Senor Weaselo signing off.

Oh yeah, and tickets are available now for World Championship VII, mid-October in Vegas. (Unless they’re sold out already.)