Do you like it when people fling things? Whether it be insults, frisbees, boogers or footballs, I’m in. And speaking of, we’ve got the latter happening ce soir. But first, one item caught my attention today.
Newsy Notes:
-It seems that the NFL and the Bundesliga will be collaborators, err, partners in some sort of joint venture. Will it take long for Goodell to try to poach all the best minds in the league under the guise of Operation Buroklammer? Time will tell. Rog said, “The Bundesliga has long been regarded as the leading league in Germany…” Officials overseeing the Deutsche Einhockey Liga were less than amused at the shade that was thrown.
To The Game!
Bolts/Chiefs:
-K.C. kicker Butker and wr Keenan Allen are no-shows tonight and (very importantly) Chargers cb J.C. Jackson is a game-timer.
-Are we falling for DeAndre Carter’s showing last week? The dude is a 29 yr. old journeyman on his 9th(!) team (and he sat out a year) and simply caught a Raiders D by surprise. I guess we should admire his sticktoitiveness.
-Might Be Related To The Above: Do I have the balls to insert Josh Palmer into my fantasy lineup? I DO NOT.
-I guess you guys/gals swimming in Canada’s nutsack have Amazon Prime as the provider for this tilt. Me? I just turn the channel to TSN like I’ve been doing for a dozen years or so.
-The Stat Monkey Rises: The Chiefs are 13-3 in the last 16 although the Bolts have won 2 of the last three. The O/U is 54 and K.C. is favoured by 4.
-The Chiefs have yakked about a ‘balanced offense’ without Tyreek in the fold but in reality JuJu and Kelce gobbled up the majority of the catches. Meanwhile, Herbert was throwing to 11 different fellas last week including un-household names such as Tre McKitty and Zander Horvath.
Potential Bolts Stratergery: Putting Derwin James on Kelce-when he was on him the latter had 5 catches for 68 yards and zero TD’s. When Derwin rotated away or was hurt the tight end went for 12 catches, 227 yards and 2 TD’s.
-Say a prayer for Chiefs right tackle Andrew Wylie-he’ll be getting a fat dose of Joey Bosa or Khalil Mack or both on a rotating basis. He’s over-matched.
She should be a great tilt. Enjoy.
Is that Goodell’s boy toy?
If anything, I think Goodell is the boy toy in that relationship.
They both seem like bottoms to me. Would they just…inverse scissor?
Why does it feel like anytime a man is disparagingly implied to be gay, it’s always taken a step further and their role in the relationship is guessed as well?
I would say because it’s a…race to the bottom.
/is immediately dragged out behind the clubhouse and shot
Good scotchnaut call, leaving Laura Palmer on his bench.
I did not. I feel like dancing right now but not in a good way.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=h0YI_eHg3Aw&ab_channel=CristianStefan
I should watch Twin Peaks again. It was my kind of weird, and this time we don’t have to worry about Gumby passing a piss test. I’m willing to bet it’s better with a buzz.
To get everyone up to speed, tonight’s MARQUEE MATCHUP is Hippo’s Stoma Fuckers Untd against my Brick’s Left Foot.
I have no players going tonight while he has three.
Wager accordingly.
I’ve lost 8% win probability already
Anyone have mahomes or helaire?
Asking for … a friend
In my office league, I have CEH, and my opponent this week has Patty.
Nope
“Rode bulls with mother” is surely a pornhub category
Top ten search term in Spain, no doubt.
Amazon showing a stat about catches between Herbert and Keenan Allen (who is not playing) #relevant
It’s a morale move. Graphic designer have very fragile egos.
One knee, elbow, and arse cheek
one ass equals two feet
Somebody likes them thicc.
mckinnon scored?
Touchdown!!!!
Free Amazon Echo for any Amazon Prime Order $100 or more for next 60 mins.
Is this Good Bosa or Evil Bosa? I get them confused.
“AAYYYYY IT’S-A ME, JOEY BOSA, AND-A IMMA JUMPIN OFFSIDES ‘ERE!”
Throw it high, get the PI
“That’s What Home Cooking Is All About!”
Textbook Arm Punt
Dad: so are you still doing that dumb thing where you imagine God and all the players going to extreme lengths to screw over your fantasy team?
Me: I’m starting mahomes and two chiefs receivers while my opponent is starting Edward’s hel aire.
I imagine the chiefs kick returner taking the kickoff at the 20, then running back to his own one yard line to down it. Edward’s helaire comes in at the qb position in shotgun, takes the hike, throws a soft lob pass to a d-lineman who intentionally bats it back to him. None of the defenders try to tackle him as he take the ball 99 yards for the score, they all flash him a thumbs up as he gets points for the pass completion, the passing yards, the catch, the receiving yards, and the touchdown. They also let him do a two point conversion. When the chargers get the ball back they are allowed to take the ball all the way to the one yard line where they intentionally fumble allowing the chiefs to repeat the process as before.
By half time Edwards hellaire has set a nfl record for pass completions, passing yards, passing touchdowns, receptions, receiving yards, receiving yards and two point conversions in a single game. The camera pans over to the chiefs sideline where brocky’s receivers are in street clothes, then patrick mahomes comes in at the side of the frame wearing a towel on his head, flips the bird directly into the camera all while yelling “FUCK YOU BROCKY YOU LITTLE BITCH!”
*beat*
Dad: you know a simple “Yes” would have been okay
Was Mahomes gonna…..take a bath with State Farm guy?
***must not make Rodgers joke***
Is this game only on Amazon?
Because if so, fuck Jeff Bezos and looks like I’ll get some reading done.
That will be me when Apple gets the damned Sunday Ticket rights
free on twitch.tv / primevideo
Touchdown!!!!
All Amazon prime orders -20% off for next 15 mins.
Jerry Jones turning up his hearing aid wondering why he didnt draft whore bath
Stoma Fuckers Utd grateful for the pass TD
me, watching cbs commercials: wow, not missing all these cop shows
me, watching prime commercials: wow, not missing all these shitty two-dollar shows
Imagine what a wet bag of shit AZ must be
Arizona is known for it’s dry bags of shit.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lixII1thTO4&ab
If there’s one extended scene I could watch over and over again, it’s this one. When I saw it in the theatre way back when I was laughing so hard I was choking. I had to go back two separate times to watch the movie to get thru the entire scene.
Williams is such a ridiculous safety valve-just toss it up and let him get it.
So Staley is high then.
Are the Clips actually good-GOOD?
Wait until their inevitable 11-6 record misses the playoffs.
Not with that dummy play-calling. Jeebuz!
It’s still early. And they’re still drenched in the Spanos stench.
You gotta adjust for Thursday. But yeah.
That MVS plays for the Chefs? I thought that was Hippospeak , lol!
He gets to play just not touch the damned ball
I hate being IT Support for the family. Shouldn’t the nephews be picking up this work?
If my dad asks the game is on Netflix, it was easier to explain then bringing up Prime and why he cant just change the channel
“Eh I dont know why the game won’t come on, I guess we’ll have to sit quietly and talk about our feelings instead”
“Yes, slights first. I’ll start.”
THIS CHIEFS TEAM LEMME TELL YA I CALL THEM DIVORCED LADIES NIGHT OUT BECAUSE I SEE SO MANY HYPHENATED NAMES
Debbie Lively-Cougar is not amused.
Neither is Karen Dimansa-Anigerr
Center scoreboard on the
AmazonBezos cast, how are you guys feeling about that?Has anyone noticed that Andy Reid is fat?
If he had gone Harvard we would have a goldmine on our commenting hands.
Those Prime Cameras add 20² pounds.
AWS server farms are working OT for this night shift.
Good thing slaves don’t make time and a half
Excellent! Old Chiefs receiver reminds me of Deadspin commenter “Over The Dwayne Bowe”.
LOOGIT ALL THEM WHITE TOMAHAWKS!
“I prefer warm pink center on both of mine.”
-A.Reid
Evening Folks
Alternate streams available in Espanola
Cool. I live a mere 35 minutes from there!
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Espa%C3%B1ola,_New_Mexico
“Part of the Albuquerque-Santa Fe-Las Vegas combined statistical area”
That’s a funny euphemism for “all of New Mexico”
I’ve been there
Where the fuck is asshat Collinsworth? I mean, this is an improvement.
but it is a bit odd that hes doin this game and bama isnt playing
Don’t say his name again, that fucking goblin might appear.
https://twitter.com/JuMosq/status/1570476477585707008
chiefs fans: let us do the tomahawk chop and chant like the 90s atlanta braves
kc chiefs: *only wins one title like the 90s braves*
chiefs fans: our team is so good, why did they only win one super bowl…
Y’all think Mrs. Hardman just misheard the lyrics to that Peter Gabriel song about Steven Biko?
Think I will start MVS in money league and for Stoma Fuckers Utd.
Can someone translate this one? I’m stumped!
Forget it, he’s rolling.
Stoma FUckers Utd is his Fantasy team you see.
Aha! Who is MVS?
I’d like to officially invite you to our (any) fantasy league next year.
Ha, why do you think I don’t play!
Valdez Scantling
Do I already hate the Prime broadcast? Yes. Will I watch anyway? Also yes. So long as picture quality holds.
.
Drink us, Redshirt! We want to be with our friends!
Is there a more uncomfortable pre-game panel than this Amazon Thursday crew?
I don’t know, I like Fitz and Whitworth.
I also like Fitz.
It’s not a like/disklike issue. More like the vibe is one where tonight is their first time actually trying to interact with each other. Lot of deer in the headlights staring into the camera from what I’ve seen so far.
Yeah, it is kind of unnatural, but I guess time will help. They aren’t actively pissing me off, so yay?
Little victories and all that. I want to like Fitz, he seems to not take it all too seriously.
I need to roll a doob. Seems like a lot of work, for some reason. I’ll whine about it for awhile first, that should help.
That’s why my mom goes with gummies. No work, tastes good, wakes up tomorrow.
“Your Mom seems cool. Can I get her number?”
-Bill B., Foxboro, MA
I get really grossed out if gummies are too weedy. It’s like drinking bongwater. I found a new kind I can tolerate, they’re sour, which helps. I normally don’t mind rolling one up, but I have shitty papers right now.
Use Bible paper. The Numbers book. The small type gives the ink for a smooth smolder IN HELL.
Fitzmagic beard looking in season shape on the prime TNF panel
He went to Harvard you know.
His beard has it’s own Masters degree.
Have I mentioned that I can’t stand Al Michaels? I can’t stand Al Michaels.
Never trust a man who has never eaten a vegetable.
I know. That fucking disgusts me. My older brother eats like a toddler, but even he eats corn and spinach. Like a big boy!
“Selfish asshole”
Terri Schiavo
I heard a radio interview with Michaels and it was so weird the way he explained it. He’s acting like a 4 yr old as far as this one thing is concerned and has completely dug in his heels. WTF?
My daughter: Mom’s gone, what’s for dinner?
Me: Burgers and fries, you’re picking them up.
/Hands over cash
BUT MRS CORNBLOWER THINKS YOU TWO WONT SURVIVE!!!
She’s coming back tonight, she just has a meeting.
She has enough faith in us that she can skip one meal without worrying.
/upon Mrs. Cornblower’s return:
“Shame Burger, maybe?”
-Hippo, somewhere in The Carolina’s
Man, do we ever parent similar like.
Having perused my Freezer Vodka lineup-apparently my earlier drunken self did have the balls to put Josh Palmer into the starting lineup. Not sure I trust his instincts but I’ma roll with it.
I’m getting buffering problems on the Amazon feed. I think we’re in for a long night of tech problems.
I’m far from what you’d call IT savvy but have you tried playing Jimmy Buffet and then re-booting?
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uqiUjwi0rqs&ab_channel=JimmyBuffett-Topic
Also will be on several twitch channels like primevideo since amazon owns them
With Keenan Allen out, should I move Mecole Hardman off my bench?
Thanks; I’ll hang up & listen to your answer.
Hardman had 6 targets last week but there’s a bunch of mouths to feed. [shrugs shoulders] Idunnaknow.
/You’re welcome
//what other options do you have?
Never trust anyone with Me to start their name. Too self absorbed.
For those of you that feel like winning some DFS cash on the showdown tonight, Boris has his showdown advice up over on that other site.
Clickity Clackity.
My donation to Gamblor for Boltman is 25 bucks on
Ekeler td
Ekeler over 49.5 rushing
Williams over 59.5 receiving
Bolts +4.5
I have nothing to do until game time, I’ll remain bored up to five minutes beforehand then EVERYONE will need EVERYTHING for the four hours of actual gameplay.