Your Monday Night NFL Football Doubleheader Open Thread

This will be quick and dirty as I’ve be sleeping all day. The transformation into Hippo is almost complete.

Newsy Notes:

-The Chiefs Willie Gay has been suspended for 4 games for violating-you guessed it-‘personal conduct policies’. I think Andy must be happy because it fills his one per year quota.

-Trey Lance (or is it Lance Trey?) had surgery first thing this morning to repair his ankle. First thing this morning Jimmy G went out and had himself a huge, satisfying breakfast. He tipped 75%.

-Truth Biscuit threw OC Matt Canada under the bus yesterday. That noise you hear is Kenny Pickett’s music.

To The Games!

Titans/Bills:

-These guys have played 5 years in a row but you don’t hear too much about this being a rivalry.

-Josh Gordon is Back! Where is the faith in Racey McMath? They’re treating him like a damn variable.

-Titans are getting an early start on devastating injuries-they have 7 players on IR already.

Vikes/Eagles:

-I’ve the notion that J.J. will no doubt cause the Eagles to rue the fact that they chose Jalen Reagor over Jefferson. Funny that Reagor, now on Minny’s roster, will get a front row seat to the proceedings.

-How did Devonta not even get a catch last week when the Eagles piled up 38 points of offense last week?

-Can’t help but think that old dependable Kirkie will get the Vikes up early in this game. The question then becomes, “Will Philly stick to their incredibly effective run game or will they panic?”

Do that thing.

 

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Gatoraids

Im more interested in the Eagles Vikings game, but even more interested in not hearing Buck and Aikman for now

King Hippo

I’ve gone back to “volume just loud enough for ambient sound, but just below making out what those two idjits are saying.”

LemonJello

Obligatory:

THIS IGGLES D, I CALL THEM AN ALABAMA FAMILY REUNION BECAUSE THEY’RE GOING TO SPEND ALL NIGHT TRYING TO FUCK COUSINS

Spur

Viks alive. NOICE

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

ARE YOU WATCHING, RUSSIA? THIS IS HOW ARTILLERY WORKS!

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

(of course Russia is watching, the NFL is one of maybe like five corporations in the whole world that would refuse to stop doing business there)

LemonJello

Josh Allen is the Sex Dragon’s second coming.

Doktor Zymm

Perhaps his mother was a cheerleader when Rex was unleashing the dragon back in high school!

Dunstan

Most important skill for a QB: VOICE INFLECTION, or EYE DISCIPLINE?

LemonJello

Where does grittiness fall on this list?

Doktor Zymm

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Clearly eye discipline

Last edited 2 years ago by Doktor Zymm
Gatoraids

GRITTITUDE

Brick Meathook

Am I to understand that these two “double-header” games are being played simultaneously?

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

“Yes, that’s how these things work.” – Fred Smoot

/will be making these jokes all night, apparently

LemonJello

Too bad Lea Michele won’t be able to read any of them.

Last edited 2 years ago by LemonJello
Doktor Zymm

And they didn’t even bribe Scott Hanson to do a Very Special Red Zone

Doktor Zymm

Shouldn’t the iggles have some sort of horrible eagle shriek that plays after a TD?

WCS

A lot of their horrible fans shriek. Does that count for anything?

LemonJello

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Doktor Zymm

This happened after a home game against the Vikings also!
https://youtu.be/HGDaghuCBTA

Mr. Ayo

BLEERGH is feasting on Iggles tonight.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

It seems imperative that an NFL “doubleheader” that includes the Vikings would feature a banner image of Fred Smoot.

I’m not mad at you, , I’m just disappointed.

LemonJello

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Dunstan

I play about one game of chess every five years, but I am enthralled by this alleged cheating scandal. Even before the “anal beads” conspiracy theory was brought up!

ballsofsteelandfury

As you can tell, I too am intrigued.

ballsofsteelandfury

If you think about it, it’s straight out of Goldfinger except more… erotic?

Spur

mixing business with pleasure

Mr. Ayo

Having the MIN/PHI game on 2nd screen and the TV switching to that game is very disorienting as the TV is quite a bit ahead.

Mr. Ayo

On the plus side, I get instant replay on every play.

WCS

Dane Jackson

LemonJello

He may be only mostly dead. Laura Rutledge reporting he had movement in all extremities.

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Last edited 2 years ago by LemonJello
Col. Duke LaCross

Dane Jackson

Doktor Zymm

Do they show horrific injuries like that in closeup on the big tvs in the stadium like they do for us at home?

Horatio Cornblower

The fact that they didn’t even show him getting loaded into the ambulance does not bode well.

Spur

The ambulance not having its sirens on was bad sign

Horatio Cornblower

Yeah, when the EMTs decide they can take their time it’s probably not great.

Doktor Zymm

He was definitely moving right after the hit, although looked like a lot of pain. Pain is probably good here though, cause that’s a sensation transmitted by nerves and such

Horatio Cornblower

“Remember kids, behind every silver lining, there’s a dark cloud!”

-George Carlin

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

HARF HARF EVERY SILVER LINING HAS A TOUCH OF GREY

LemonJello

There was a surprising lack of replays on the big screens at FedEx Field.

But maybe that’s just because Little Danny won’t pay for the hardware upgrade to allow for that capability.

Col. Duke LaCross

I think so, there was an audible groan from the crowd right before ESPN showed the replay.

WCS

That doesn’t look optimal…

Horatio Cornblower

When the ambulance came out my daughter asked if they would stop the game if a player was seriously hurt and it’s taken me this long to stop laughing at her and type this out.

King Hippo

Y’all need to show her clips from the Madden varietal we used to play (with the ambulance running fuckers over)

Horatio Cornblower

I literally said “The ambulance could run the guy over and the game would start again as soon as they scraped him off the turf. There’s advertising to sell and gamblers to keep happy.”

Brocky

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ballsofsteelandfury

They’re so adorable when they’re young and naive.

Brocky

There’s a joke to be made there about about a handful of disgraced celebrities, but even I have depths I won’t sink to

Doktor Zymm

That one lesser footy game that one time they delayed the game for a few whole hours

Horatio Cornblower

Oh right, when the Danish guy had literal heart failure.

Dunstan

I’m digging AT&T Lily’s new look.

I mean, I liked the old look, too.

Basically I’m just a horny dude.

Brocky

So, I think I may have a new favorite “out of context” gif:

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Brocky

Gotta say, feels really weird posting this when I did

King Hippo
Horatio Cornblower

I’m sure it’s nice but it also wants my password for the NC State sports fan blog and I’m not gonna lie here, I do not have one.

WCS

Try “pillzgamblordonks69”

Horatio Cornblower

“EvertonIsRuiningMyLife”

King Hippo

c’mon, you KNOW Hippo is too WASP-y for “69”

King Hippo

wow, it doesn’t even let ya read it?

Welcome, Non-Hoopsball UConn – 24 Sept 2022 Game Thread (7:30, FSCar/ESPN3)

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KingHippo_fka_BJD95 Posts: 5,868PFN Referee
2:52PM
Like most of y’all, I can only really think of UConn in basketball terms. They came to Reynolds my freshman year, and beat us. Because everybody other than Dean Smith made Les Robinson their punching bag.
I do have a few friends who went to school there, and they have a great sense of humour about their football program, such that it is. An independent which can brag only about not being UMass or New Mexico State. My buddy studied in Storrs a few years earlier, and his only memory of NC State is Fire and Ice coming to town and rugging them ragged.
It’s nice when misery is shared, yes?
Anyway, I told my buddy (and his wife, also a UConn grad) that they could stay in my guest room if they were coming down to the game. His response – I wouldn’t even cross West Hartford to watch UConn “play football”, let alone state lines. But thanks anyway!
He also assures me that they will go back to being their stereotypical raging Yankee assholes (see Calhoun, Jim), come basketball season. Which we in West Raleigh no longer recognize as competitive sportsball.
NC State is favoured by a modest 38.5 points. This is an improvement over last week, when Michigan was -48.5. And the Wolverines covered.
Not that I have anything against a pre-Clemson bye week, mind. Let’s get that OL and WR corps a little confidence.

  1. Remembering Basketball HellWho did you root for when Jim Calhoun met Coach K for the NCAAT title?
  2. 12 votes
  3. Calhoun (I have lost mah Rebel bonafides)
  4.   0.00%
  5. Coach K (for once in my stupid life, and fat lot of good it did)
  6. 41.67%
  7. Heat death of the universe
  8. 58.33%
Horatio Cornblower

Awww.

That Fire & Ice game was something. UConn lost, but Gamble nearly exploded. Say what you will about Calhoun*, games back then were events.

*I mean, look, you’ll be right; I’m not kidding myself that the man was a saint.

King Hippo

I suspect that the Calhoun experience is much like rostering Aqib Talib. When he’s YOUR psychotic asshole, he’s awesome!

Horatio Cornblower

Look, he drubbed Coach K twice in the NCAAs, and your obviously bent and twisted poll aside, that makes up for pretty much anything.

WCS

BLEERGH WANTS CHEESESTEAKS

Mr. Ayo

Oh no, there’s a man down.

King Hippo

So cute how worried ESPN is about people’s ability to watch TWO football matches at the SAME TIME. Like the remote control just got invented.

LemonJello

Jebus, that was almost a “friendly fire” decapitation live on tv!

Col. Duke LaCross

That was Johnny Knoxesque.

Doktor Zymm

Encouraging that he turned out mostly okay, although it was a career ender

Brocky

I remember that day. I was at the colts/titans game celebrating my graduation, and a bunch of comments on the old site were commenting on the injury.

My dad STILL brings up me being on my phone

Doktor Zymm

Aw crap, ded buffalo

LemonJello

“Quick! Get me the wings before someone else gets them!”
-A. Reid to his assistant

Horatio Cornblower

Necks are not supposed to bend like that.

King Hippo

But OH THE PILLS!

Dunstan

“You’d be surprised.” — Mike Glennon

Spur
Horatio Cornblower

I love it when overcoaching from the sideline undoes a successful play.

Horatio Cornblower

I think I need 80 points from Allen and Singletary to pull out a win this week.

Kinda nice to watch the game without an ounce of hope or tension.

Doktor Zymm

This microwave popcorn is marked ‘best by september 2020’

I am gonna see if it pops anyway and doesn’t taste like rancid cornhole

UPDATE: It is totally fine. However, I have no idea where my parents keep the bowls large enough to hold a bag of popcorn nowadays

Last edited 2 years ago by Doktor Zymm
Horatio Cornblower

A Year Of Living Dangerously, Doc Zymm Edition.

Spur

The New Adventures of Pepto Bismol, a Zymm Tale.

LemonJello

I Do Not Remember Eating That: A Dok Zymm Miniseries

ballsofsteelandfury

Is Rancid Cornhole a tribute band for:

A) Rancid
B) Korn
C) Hole
D) All of the above

LemonJello

Yes.

Horatio Cornblower

Noted hot bed of the Confederacy New Jersey.

LemonJello

Does that Jeep have TruckNutz too?

Doktor Zymm

Fun thing about my parents house, they still get full-on cable, so I have both games available to swap between!

Gumbygirl

My tv has the weirdest remote. There’s no last channel button, so I have to back button to the guide, and then scroll to the other channel. It’s too much work! WHAAAAAAAA!

Doktor Zymm

You should write a strongly worded letter to your remote provider!

Gumbygirl

Dear LG, you total piece of shit….
Sincerely go fuck yourself,
Gumbygirl

LemonJello

What did Eli do this week that made Olivia ground him and take away our Manningcast?

Spur

preordered the new call of duty without permission.
He REALLY wanted that open beta.

King Hippo

THat really is a fat fucking crowd. Makes the KC locals look positively anorexic.

LemonJello

Indy fans were sweating this comment*

*just like any other comment, or flight of stairs, even just walking to the bathroom first thing in the morning

Gumbygirl

What the hell? ” I have to see that from down the line to see if that was a bad call.” You could see it from space, idiot.

LemonJello

Refs keep making calls like that, they’ll end up going over the falls with cement shoes.

WCS

3rd and 21 is NFL BLITZ worthy

WCS

Hope Don T found a Burger King and is able to watch this on a completely legal and legitimate live stream.

Spur

Oh, a night game in Buffalo. So the NFL deliberately scheduled this game as early as possible to keep the casualties low

Spur

Cant wait for League to roll out 2 Games on Tuesday next year

ballsofsteelandfury

I can see now why someone mentioned last week that Laura Rutledge looks like a dominatrix that escaped her dungeon for a bit to catch a ballgame.

WCS

There’s been one series, and four injuries already. Snipers arrive early for Bills Mafia.

ballsofsteelandfury

How many dildos on the field?

ballsofsteelandfury

Is it dildos or dildoes?

Last edited 2 years ago by ballsofsteelandfury
WCS

Dildi

King Hippo

Derrick Henry and the Angry Yard

Spur

Evening Folks

King Hippo

Seven Nation Humps Army

King Hippo

I’d say BUF needs to put in the walk-ons, but they’re already letting the fullback score.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

If I don’t watch these games, they’ll be more entertaining for the rest of you right? That’s what I learned from only watching Bears-Packers yesterday.

ballsofsteelandfury

I think it makes a big difference if the team you root for is playing or not.

WCS

/walk into Clubhouse

//looks around, sees no one

///eyes Diet Dr Pepper two-liter and gummies

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ballsofsteelandfury

Finally a game I can watch before bedtime!

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