Hello there fellow DFO’er.  Hope you’re well today.  And thanks for coming back to see last weeks comments of the week as decided by my brain.  There’s no reason as to why some comments make it and others don’t. Seriously. There isn’t.

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This weeks cheesy motivational quote is:

The trouble is, you think you have time [in bed].
Jack Kornfield

also said by everyone most mornings
Just five more minutes. mom

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As a reminder, Sunday comments stand alone and Monday comments will go on the next week’s post.

Note that during the offseason, I’ll probably look at the Sunday posts.

Without further ado, here are the comments of the week.

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THESE HIPPO THOUGHTS I CALL THEM THE LAST WORDS OF ASHLII BABBITT BECAUSE MOST OF IT IS INCOMPREHENSIBLE SOUNDS BUT IT AIN’T GONNA CHANGE WHAT HAPPENED ANYWAYS SO WHAT’S ON TONIGHT?
blaxabbath

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I should have realized this on my own, but hey – stupid. I just read, and it floored me – the Josh McDaniels Raiders are the only 0-3 team in the NFL.
King Hippo

Taking a page out of the ’72 Dolphins playbook, Trent Green drinks Drano out of a champagne flute in celebration.
scotchnaut

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It’s impressive how astonishingly awful Urban Meyer is.
WCS

The magnitude impresses, the awfulness was RIGHT TEHERE.
Don T

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loooong overdue for mccarthy to fuck something up time management-wise
fleshwound_NPG

you NAILED IT
King Hippo

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I legit don’t know a single person who doesn’t prefer the manningcast
Brocky

As annoying as they can be, at least they’re trying to provide actual insight. It never ceases to amaze me that networks pay former star players huge money to say things that I could hear from the guy next to me at the sports bar. “What a great throw by [insert star QB] That’s why he’s [the goat/one of the best in the National Football League].”
Dunstan

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Mr. Ayo

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Is it just me, or is Troy morphing into skinny Rex Ryan?
Doktor Zymm

Well, show him your feet and let’s see.
SonOfSpam

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THIS COWBOYS I CALL THEM LINDSEY GRAHAM BECAUSE THEY LOVE GETTING ALL THE SACKS
SonOfSpam

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There’s no chance Daniel Jones survives this game as a functional human being.
Horatio Cornblower

This implies he’s a functional human being to begin with.
WCS

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┏┓
┃┃╱╲ In this
┃╱╱╲╲ house
╱╱╭╮╲╲ we root for
▔▏┗┛▕▔
╱▔▔▔▔▔▔▔▔▔▔╲
Scorigami
╱╱┏┳┓╭╮┏┳┓ ╲╲
▔▏┗┻┛┃┃┗┻┛▕▔
Sharkbait

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“I’m surprised that the Cowboys didn’t attempt a FG there” say two announcers who have apparently never seen Mike McCarthy coach a game before.
Horatio Cornblower

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https://i.postimg.cc/d0vgydwm/image0.jpg
Sharkbait

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I really need to live stream Mrs. Sharkbait on twitch or something. She game the Manning double bird to the “How bout them cowboys” clip they just showed on the manningcast.
Sharkbait

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Eli looked dumbfounded after that block
Sharkbait

You could have just used the first 3 words in that sentence.
litre_cola

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After the Pro-bowl announcement today Twitter was offering ideas

NFC vs AFC paintball
Tug of war
Jeopardy
Cook Off, like Chopped with the real judges
Dog Show
Non Madden, video game contest, COD or Fall Guys
Scrabble or Battleship
Spur

real life battleship starring Dan Snyders yacht
Gatoraids

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The ButtPunt is nice, but if that punter and blocker was one yard closer, it would’ve been the best football thing ever.
Redshirt

If Kareem Hunt were the personal protector, we’d have been treated to:

The KHunt Punt!
LemonJello

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Polling is back baby!
Game Time Decision

“HUZZAH!”
-the regulars at Spearmint Rhino
LemonJello

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No way he [Todd Marinovich ] can afford Wild Turkey.
SonOfSpam

What makes you think he purchased it?
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

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Oh look, another fun update on the Favreness:

Wow — from horrible to even worse. To save money, Brett Favre suggested using PRISON LABOR to build the volleyball facility that was built using misspent funds intended for poor families in Mississippi, the poorest state in the country. https://t.co/WuVU0Jz1Lm pic.twitter.com/PRaaqoYOSD

— The Tennessee Holler (@TheTNHoller) September 28, 2022

BrettFavresColonoscopy

What better way to get Mississippi on board than proposing slave labor?
Mr. Ayo

Sharkbait

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I say this with all seriousness —

In Brett Favre’s defense,

blaxabbath

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Guttersnipe was so good I just had to read it again.

It sucks that I had to work and couldn’t comment properly. A couple of questions:

A) wtf is 5-pin? I’ve never heard of that.
2) brothel? Was that of the legal or illegal variety?
ballsofsteelandfury

Can you think of 23 more questions about it?
WCS

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Now that the Queen is dead, I can’t wait to see King Charles III hire a hooker that looks just like her for Camilla’s birthday.
SonOfSpam

Wow.
WCS

Oh sorry. Maybe hit a little close to home for you royal-adjacent types.
SonOfSpam

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Okay, I need someone to explain the Swinger pineapple thing to me. (From the morning thread)
ballsofsteelandfury

They are a symbol for swinging on cruise ships. Apparently you put one on your door and that is an invite.

Also, in Mexico at all inclusives if you’re wearing shirts with pineapples on them in certain resorts it is game on.
litre_cola

I can see the t-shirt one leading to a lot of misunderstandings.

Also fun, quite a few government buildings in the Caribbean have pineapples on them, so I really kind of hope some horny tourists wander in on the regular
Doktor Zymm

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People still buy tvs? Seriously, get a projector. I will never go back
Doktor Zymm

Would you say you’re projecting?
litre_cola

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/At the Clubhouse

Our scene opens as we pan the room, coming to rest on Horatio, who is in his underwear, (it’s seen better days), trying owlishly to get the sense from a Superboy comic, (a shiny new quarter to the first person who IDs the novel I just stole that line from).

/Balls bursts excitedly into the room

Balls: Horatio! Horatio! You’re an attorney, right? You can witness my signatures on this application to the Space Marines, right? Wouldya, wouldya, wouldya?

Horatio: (sighs) (doesn’t look up) You know that section says ‘aural stimulation’, right? Not, you know (makes obscene gesture)

Balls: (tearing up) It does? Aww, man. I thought for sure…(trails off while tearing up application) (wanders out of room)

Horatio: (looking up). That’s the third fucking time this week. We have got to get Armedandhammered to start putting ‘aural’ in all caps and bold.
Horatio Cornblower

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But are they [WarHammer Space Marines] capable of the most powerful force in the Universe, love?

/is ripped apart by a Space Marine

-gurgle-so that’s-urk-a ‘no’-gag-on the love?*

*this could also be White Mac trying to speak after spraining his ankle.
Horatio Cornblower

WCS

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Excellent research!

I think.

WCS

We are all Towelie.
SonOfSpam

That is me every single day….
ArmedandHammered

“No me!”
“Large fries, please.”

— Josh M., Las Vegas, NV and Trent G., parts unknown, trying to replace a lightbulb with a stalk of celery
WCS

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I’m heading to bed, but before I go, let me introduce you to the Pink Fairy Armadillo. They’re found in Argentina, and only grow to about 5 inches long. They have silky fur, and a nearly transparent shell. The blood supply up there is what gives them the pink color. Oddly cute!

Gumbygirl

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I will officially be in London for work in a couple weeks. That’s one fewer week I have to do actual work before I start my vacation spree at the beginning of November. Huzzah for going through the motions!
Doktor Zymm

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Baseball season is almost over. That means it’s almost hockey season
Sharkbait

 

https://twitter.com/StinkfaceM/status/1575295723092209664

Senor Weaselo

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Brett Favre's foundation, Favre 4 Hope, aimed at helping disadvantaged children and cancer patients, gave funds to USM Athletics
from @KatieJStrang & me: https://t.co/2W8PWijhuw

— Kalyn Kahler (@kalynkahler) September 28, 2022

Sharkbait

Jeez. The “Brett Farve Is a Total Asshole” file is getting pretty thick.

(Unlike other things about Brett, according to photo evidence)
BeefReeferLives

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Send your thoughts and prayers to Tua… by placing a “Tua Special” parlay on the BetKings sprots app, the official betting sponsor of the NFL!
herodotus450

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Brocky

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My doctor sent me a sinus symptom questionnaire that uses a form called SNOT-22. Well played.
Dunstan

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Tua Tagovailoa Takes Tumble, Thalamus Turns To Tapioca.
Cecil Rhodes

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Courtesy of Yahoo: “T. Tagovailoa’s status changed from doubtful to out!”

Yeah, no shit.
Senor Weaselo

“A. Lincoln (Head) status changed from doubtful to out.”
Redshirt

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SonOfSpam

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THIS TUA TAGOVAILOA, I CALL HIM RICHARD HAMMOND FOR HAVING A SECOND SERIOUS INJURY FOR OUR ENTERTAINMENT EXCLUSIVELY ON AMAZON PRIME.
Senor Weaselo

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For fuck’s sake, he shouldn’t be in. One of these days there’s going to be a class-action lawsuit against the NFL for shit like this.
Doktor Zymm

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whoever came up with this “Funderstruck” ad campaign should have all their fingernails and toenails yanked out
King Hippo

Unrelated, I saw this and thought of you

Brocky

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Brett Favre Makes Amends By Sending Photo Of His Penis To Every Mississippian On Welfare https://t.co/7kLRLAYjOY pic.twitter.com/YLv7Mk2ho5

— The Onion (@TheOnion) September 30, 2022

Horatio Cornblower

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I had three mushy bananas sitting on my counter, so what do you suppose Gumbygirl did? That’s right ( you’re so smart!) I made banana bread. It is baking as we speak, smells so fucking good!
Gumbygirl

Fax me three loaves. Money order’s on the way.
WCS

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Final greetings from Canada, everybody! Headed home tomorrow.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Oh! And since it’s Sexy Friday, I’ll do a little bit of oversharing: I lost my Canadian Virginity last night!
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

You humped a moose?
TheRevanchist

No, no, obviously he was balls deep in a beaver.
Mr. Ayo

I thought it was apologizing during sex
Doktor Zymm

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Gene, Gene made a machine, and joe, joe made it go. Art, Art let a fart and blew the whole damn thing apart.
TheRevanchist

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Folks, I have come to a decision about tonight: I am going to get drunk.
Horatio Cornblower

While I’m concerned that it came down to a last minute decision, I am satisfied the proper conclusion was reached.
Mr. Ayo

“Game time Horatio, how do you feel? Can we put you in?”
Horatio flexes liver, kidneys, pancreas
“A bit stiff, and that locker didn’t help, but…I think…Yes, I AM going to get drunk!”
totally imaginary crowd goes wild
Doktor Zymm

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Hurrah for Sexy Friday!

I really wish I wasn’t so stupidly busy with work. I had a funny post idea about Goodell suspending Tua for making a gang sign on TBF. Ah well.
Wakezilla

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If I wanted to watch Baseball, espn, I’d be fucking watching baseball.
herodotus450

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You know what? I think after 45 years, I’m going to walk away from the NFL. The Tua thing is proving to be a bridge too far. This is nothing more than a criminal organization. I don’t buy merch, tickets, or even RedZone anymore. But after what happened to that young man Sunday and Thursday, this league is no longer welcome even on television screens in my home. I’d still like to hang around here if I can, but I’ll be driving Uber on Sundays now, and ignoring this national embarrassment for the remaining years of my life.
Fronkenshteen

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Took my morning walk today and when I got home I weighed in at 215.

I haven’t seen that number since 2002.

I can wear my skinny ass 36 inch waste button fly Levi’s.

I’m fucking fit!
yeah right

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Does anyone have experience with the Mighty Vibe music player?
blaxabbath

That doesn’t sound like a music player
Doktor Zymm

HUSBAND: Honey, did you order a “mighty vibe” from Amazon?

WIFE: Yeah…it’s, uh, a music player.
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

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[sees Horatio run through the clubhouse wearing nothing but a UConn bandana wrapped around his wingwang]
[checks the score of the UConn/Fresno St. game]
“Ah. Well done, Huskies!”
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

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In response to me not knowing Scott Frost was fired, could someone tell me when the next autogyro to Siam is? I have a letter that I need to get to the Prussian consulate.
litre_cola

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Doktor Zymm

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Her: [opens the door without knocking] “HELLO!”

Me: “Hey.”

Her: “Where’s Mrs. Scotchnaut?”

Me: “She’s not here. You’d know that if you’d bothered to call beforehand.”

Her: /hesitates “OK, see ya!”
scotchnaut

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JPP can’t count on one hand the number of teams he’s played on.
LemonJello

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I thought “Washington Football Team” was actually a pretty good name, and I liked just the number on the side of the helmet. It’s my hometown team but Dan Snyder has completely repulsed me away from them.

And many people have said, “Commanders” sounds like a fictional NFL team from a bad sports movie, which sort of suits the reality of this organization.
Brick Meathook

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Attempted coal fire wings in the backyard pizza oven. olive oil, rosemary and sea salt. I think theres something there for sure.

Sharkbait

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I am considering doing billable work.
King Hippo

Consider doing billable work (0.4); correspondence re considering billable work (0.3); conference call re working on a Sunday (0.5); reject idea and watch football and drink (5.5)
Dunstan

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Wait, ROB RYAN IS ON THE LAS VEGAS RAIDERS????

How have we not created a series of posts on The Wolfman in Vegas???
ballsofsteelandfury

“AH, WOO. WOLFMAN IN VEGAS! AH, WOO!”

-Warren Zevon’s estate, trying to help out
scotchnaut

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Don T

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I’m being inducted into my hs sports hall of fame on Friday. Only took 20+ years.

So, sorry Kliff Kingsbury you idiot, I’m off to Men’s Warehouse.
blaxabbath

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Huh. Pats/Pack feed was some interesting Impressionist art for a few seconds there.
Petronel

Do you want your Monet back?
scotchnaut

Nah, as long at it doesn’t happen again this Cezanne.
Petronel

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I hope Revanchist is enjoying his continued erection, and that the clock continues to bleed dry.
King Hippo

What the fuck? Why would you wish that on him? And why is it bleeding to begin with?

Oh. You said “clock.”
Dunstan

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Cris and Mike: “Andy Reid has won 2 out of every 3 games in his career over 24 years and all its cost him is two sons and his immortal soul.”

Oh, sorry, they left that last part out.
Horatio Cornblower

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THIS GUY CRIS COLLINSWORTH I CALL HIM ‘DIOGENES’ BECAUSE HIM SAYING HE’S NOT AN EXPERT IN ANYTHING IS THE MOST HONEST THING THAT’S EVER BEEN UTTERED DURING AN NFL BROADCAST!!!
Horatio Cornblower

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THIS PATRICK MAHOMES I CALL HIM HURRICANE IAN BECAUSE HE’S ONLY IN TOWN A SHORT LITTLE WHILE AND IS WRECKING TAMPA’S SHIT IN RECORD TIME
The Maestro

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[runs through the clubhouse wearing nothing but a bandana wrapped around his wingwang yelling “WINLESS NO MORE!”]
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

HOW MANY WINS?!
Looks down at wing-wang
ONE!
Doktor Zymm

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Tom Brady is older than me, and I’m quite happy that he absolutely looks older than me now. SEE WHERE YOUR ANTI-TOMATO AND IODIZED SALT GODS HAVE GOTTEN YOU NOW AND WEEP!
Doktor Zymm

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Mandatory is for the WATCH, not the paying of attention. And deffo not having the volume on/listening.
King Hippo

-my parents at my grade school concerts (sniff)
Redshirt

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Thanks for all the comments and funny and everything else.

Stay busy and safe out there.

NOTE banner image from here