Hello there fellow DFO’er. Hope you’re well today. And thanks for coming back to see last weeks comments of the week as decided by my brain. There’s no reason as to why some comments make it and others don’t. Seriously. There isn’t.
This weeks cheesy motivational quote is:
It is impossible to live without failing at something, unless you live so cautiously that you might as well not have lived at all – in which case, you fail by default [in bed].
J.K.Rowling
As a reminder, Sunday comments stand alone and Monday comments will go on the next week’s post.
Note that during the offseason, I’ll probably look at the Sunday posts.
Without further ado, here are the comments of the week.
INT. DEADLY HOUSEHOLD – EARLY MORNING
DR. MRS. DEADLY, ESQ.: …I’ll just use the bathroom and then we’ll walk the dog?
RIKKI-TIKKI-DEADLY: Sounds good. [settles in to watch a few post-game analysis videos]
DR. MRS. DEADLY, ESQ.: [begins vacuuming]
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly
I don’t know why everyone says the NfL has such a great on-field product when it is so clearly just the raw ingredient for the much superior Hippo Thoughts
Doktor Zymm
Mrs Deadly Esq can run, she can hide, but she can’t escape this household’s Raiders allegiance.
blaxabbath
Redshirt
Particularly the Jets score.
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly
Jet fuel melts Steel teams
Sharkbait
I for one am looking forward to the many Zapp Brannigan memes that will come out of Zappe starting now.
Sharkbait
The kid has a crew cut and plays for the Pats, this is entirely appropriate
Doktor Zymm
Brocky
Spur
“But her shemales!”
-H. Walker
scotchnaut
BrettFavresColonoscopy
These gender revels are getting out of hand
Spur
Just remembered I need to cook a whole bunch of bacon tonight. However, I am hungry now and bacon takes a while so I will also have some microwave popcorn.
Doktor Zymm
An ancient ancestor of this:
WCS
Eli manning’s unrelenting roasting of his brother will never not be funny.
Also this
Brocky
Lookit all that disrespect with all these jerseys untucked. How. Dare. They.
Everyone’s running stairs after the game.
ThePirateSloth
“Wait, we’re allowed to run up the stairs now?” – Eli Manning, excited about the prospect of violating one of the household’s most sacred rules
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly
“Put the scissors down first” — Olivia
Dunstan
DFO; come for the dick jokes, stay for the Diogenes references that go over everyone’s head.
BrettFavresColonoscopy
“I got it right away. I don’t know what’s wrong with you.”
-Lea Michele
Horatio Cornblower
The light burned out in my garage, and I’m skeered to go out there, or I would send you a picture of my beautiful blue ball!
Gumbygirl
I used to have my own too, and it was also blue. Too bad it’s gone, or we could both share pix of our blue balls.
SonOfSpam
See, I thought racquetball was the only sport where blue balls are fun.
Senor Weaselo
Listened to “Coal Miner’s Daughter” about 55,000 times now since the news hit. Jesus. The woman’s voice cuts like a blade.
Fronkenshteen
“Loretta Lynn? No, she wasn’t there that night.” – Ray Lewis
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly
Unconfirmed, but salty
Don T
This is beautiful Don T.
I never had the chance to care for my parents when they needed it. They both traveled on pretty quick after their diagnosis. Part of me is relieved because it seems like a tall task.
You have a beautiful family and I hope you have your mother near you for a long time to come.
yeah right
“HI I’M MARK DAVIS AND I WOULD LIKE ONE DOUBLE HAMBURGER WITH DOUBLE CHEESE!”
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly
HI I’M MARK DAVIS AND I LOCKED MYSELF INSIDE THIS FOODING SEAT
WCS
Evening. That was some good fastin’, and then some good eatin’.
BrettFavresColonoscopy
WCS
Fun fact: Yom Kip-Purr is Jay Cutler’s favorite holiday.
/just kidding, he cares not for holidays
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly
Hines might have made the best move all night by getting taken to the hospital three plays into the game. He didn’t have to sit through this mess & likely got some Hippo-grade painkillers for his owwie.
Beerguyrob
Not much you can do against an offense capable of scoring six points in fifteen minutes.
makeitsnowondem
The Richard Sherman PTSD flashback on the post game has been the best part of this game [TNF].
Sharkbait
Wow the “win” “””””””probability”””””””” is exactly 50% after the score is tied at the end of regulation. I wonder what kind of super computer it took to come up with that result.
herodotus450
Thanks to DK Metcalf, every time I now see a cart on the field for a player I think the guy has to poop.
Beerguyrob
Russ read the defense just like Lea Micheal there.
Mr. Ayo
The two endzones, I call them infinity, because they can be approached but never actually reached.
Redshirt
THSI GAME, I CALL IT THE EIGHTH SEAL, CAUSE IT’S WORSE THAN WHATEVER HAPPENS WHEN THE SEVENTH SEAL IS OPENED
jjfozz
Is teh Hippo still awake for this display?
litre_cola
Mr. Ayo
This game is such a shitshow, I bet German viewership is through the roof.
LemonJello
Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha.
Mr. Ayo
If Melvin Gordon carried a baby in Texas someone would call it in and get 10k.
litre_cola
I’m completely tickled by the fact that (in my mind) Elway’s nickname inside the Donks organization is “Applejack”.
Office Clerk #1: “Did you see that memo that Applejack sent out regarding proper game-day wear?”
Office Clerk #2: “I’ve never pressed ‘delete’ faster in my entire career.”
scotchnaut
Me: well since I have last place, I’ll get first in the waiver wire. With Taylor injured, hines will get the start. Should get a decent chunk of points
God:
Brocky
MICHAELS: This stadium opened the night before 9/11, and of course the whole world changed the next day.
ME: No shit, Ed McCaffrey broke his leg.
makeitsnowondem
call now
2Pack
Todd and Jim Tomsula need to pair up and solve mysteries on the freight train network around California.
WCS
Their preferred varietal of “rails” may vary, but brother they both gots a ticket to RIDE
King Hippo
“No, they don’t”
-Scotchnaut
BeefReeferLives
Per the prompt, I walked into a restaurant where lady bfc made a reservation and she was meeting me there and the hostess was like “are you sure you have a reservation” and I was all “how dare you” and apparently lady bfc made the rez for next week.
They were shockingly cool about it.
BrettFavresColonoscopy
Doing yard work, hit the back of my head on the stupid shed as I backed out the door.
Texted PirateWench about it, her immediate response:
ThePirateSloth
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly
Everything. It’s October, and shotzi blackheart is on my TV, so Where’s a great out of context picture of her
Brocky
@Balls is there an AVN award for best sci-fi/fantasy/horror porn?
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly
Yes, past winners have included:
Star Whores
Close Encounters in the Third Input
Planet of the Gapes
Rodzilla
Logan’s Runny Jizz
Men in Black Men
Ex-Men (that’s a trans movie)
Starship Poopers (did well in Germany)
Yourassic Park (POV thing)
Lower G.I. Joe
Rear Ender’s Game
Aeon Fux
Avatard (just a bunch of simple people painted blue and given MDMA)
I, Blowbot
The Osmegma Man
Scrotal Recall
SonOfSpam
Brick Meathook
ballsofsteelandfury
I believe you and I have both been inside her. Not at the same time, but still.
ballsofsteelandfury
“Two Guys One Plane” would be a great title for a book about the lives of Euclid and Archimedes.
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly
Entire family is gone to Street Fair up state. Entire house is quiet.
Redshirt is content.
Redshirt
Happy 70th Birthday, Putin!
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly
You did me very solid last week- click is DONE brutha
King Hippo
I too have clicked. Gotta be .043 for Boris so far.
Horatio Cornblower
Are you telling me that a heavily favored team from Toronto came up short in the play-offs? In October!? I mean I’d understand it in June, hell I’d expect it, but October?
Horatio Cornblower
Toronto choking memes will never not be funny.
Sharkbait
Woooo, my Blazers won!
Gumbygirl
WCS
Vape only, I’m babysitting FIL.
Gumbygirl
My wife was just vaping out of her purse at our bar.
I married out of my league.
Horatio Cornblower
Greetings from Carter Finley fellow DFOers, had to leave our seats due to a lighting issue and the NC State FSU game is delayed. Also FSU fans won’t shut up with the chant
Is this a good enough reason to start drinking?
BaldingSpiritually
Holy fuck the movement on that goal.
I haven’t seen an attack like that since Lord Rhodes learned there were diamond mines 100 yards down the road.
Horatio Cornblower
(running down the secret wooden path to the clubhouse)
“I’m late! I’m late! Whose playing?!”
(checks phone; sees its Giants and Qaron)
“Eh, I’m already late. I’ll just sneak in for the Early Games.”
(stops, falls back asleep under tree)
Redshirt
CBS’s Lineup Tonight:
7pm: (in progress) “I Fell And I Can’t Get Up!”
8pm: “There’s Someone On My Lawn! Help!”
9pm: “The Amazing Race Riot”.
10pm: “The Good Wife (That Washes Dishes Without Being Told To).”
scotchnaut
7pm: 60 Minutes (unless preempted by your death)
Gatoraids
Next week all I want to see is whoever Tampa plays decide that they’re going to get penalized for even breathing on Tommy Boy and just say “fuck it” and go all out. Hit him in the head. Pile drive him like Jim McMahon. Hide a steel chair in the huddle and just wallop him with it. Just fucking drive him into the ground until only his twitching feet can be seen.
I am almost positive Gisele can and will cover any resulting fines.
Horatio Cornblower
It’s the Stillers, so welcome aboard the Yinzer garbage pile.
WCS
Me:
Redshirt
SHAN’KLOR may own the kickers but he still addresses Justin Tucker as “Sir”.
Redshirt
and without adding “you’re making a scene”
King Hippo
Or, y’know, that. That’s also hilarious.
The Maestro
but is it a sandwich?
Horatio Cornblower
A football is made out of pigskin, which is essentially just extremely overcooked bacon. Therefore, it gains enough support to qualify for initial proto-sandwich status.
If we consider the stadium grass as a suitable vegetable matter, we’ve now gained two essential ingredients that pushes our scenario here into clear simple sandwich territory, comparable to a lettuce wrap or sushi roll.
The Maestro
I can’t tell if the “g” on my keyboard is malfunctioning, or I’m just having trouble hitting the G-spot as usual.
Dunstan
“No one’s gonna confuse Joe Burrow with Favre” is a thing that Collinsworth just said, apparently not having see any sort of news media in the last few weeks.
Horatio Cornblower
Joe Burrow stole a bunch of money from Mississippi welfare recipients too??
Doktor Zymm
I was thinking ‘Joe Burrow sent unsolicited dick pics to Jen Sterger too?’, but Brett’s such a great all around guy that we’re both right.
Horatio Cornblower
That was a touching story from Melissa Stark about someone yelling “Hey, isn’t that Joe Burrows’s mom!?”
Too bad she left out the part that Zach Wilson was the one yelling it.
Horatio Cornblower
Thanks for all the comments and funny and everything else.
Stay busy and safe out there.
NOTE banner image from here
I’m so glad you got 2Pack’s picture in there. That was classic!
I missed some good stuff last week!
Never forget
Blew a significant lead, were absolutely screwjobbed by penalties, yet still managed to keep the game within reach only to blow it by failing to execute on the final drive?
That’s My Raiders!
The refs screwed us more, just to mention that.
The RTP was a travesty (add it to this season’s pile) but from what I’ve read the refs went overboard with make-up calls. The next seven penalties in a row were against the Raiders.