Instant Hippo Thoughts – Week 6, 2022 Season

Holy bananacakes, even if you expect the unexpected…Sunday was quite the surprise.  And mostly in a good/fun way, for once!

At 1-4 and staring into the abyss, most of us were wondering “how low can it go” for the Yinzers.  Turns out, the trip to Buffalo was rock bottom, and they weren’t going to take no for an answer (insert The Ben joke).  Despite being down their top THREE corners, despite losing Uncle Jack to a head owie I’m sure his back just tightened up in the first half, Bollo del Verdad came back into our lives and hearts.  And he took down an extra-bitchy MRSA Dreamboat, 20-18.  Our strawberry-avoidant parrot (read the late thread) decided to rip his OL on the sidelines, which doesn’t come off as projection AT ALL.  I enjoy thinking about how Brady will have ZERO friends from his playing days (once he retires).  Anyway, the PIT defense rose to the challenge, limiting the Bucs to 4 FGs and a late screen pass TD.  They could not, however, tie the game with a two point conversion – and Bollo converted TWO 3rd and longs to allow them to keep possession and bleed off the clock.  Good for him, really.  And as Fronk noted – what a fucking coach Mike Tomlin is.

Had your fill of Schadenfreude?  I hope not, because Q-aaron got skullfucked.  At home.  By the Noo Yawk FITBAW Jets.  Jest no more, as Robert Saleh predicted.  They didn’t even get much production at all from MILF-hunter Z, which makes the 27-10 final all the more impressive.  That defense is legit, Sauce Gardner is both (i) awesome at footy; and (ii) a master postgame troller.  Blocked a punt for a score, too.  All of a sudden, both Easts look pretty damned good, don’t they?  What a time to be alive.

Both Bays fall to 3-3, which ain’t good even in the softer NFC.  Who wouldn’t love a playoffs with NEITHER prima donna involved?

Gutty win for a star QB that we actually DO like, as Joe Burrow took another beating – but kept plugging away until a late, beautifully-done long TD to Chase.  Cincy had been behind pretty much the entire game, until taking that 30-26 lead that would serve as your final.  Beatie Mixon somehow only had EIGHT rushing attempts, though at least he caught one of Burrow’s 3 scoring tosses.  Somehow (maybe just bias), WKRP’s 3-3 mark seems like they are staying in the fight.  Still don’t think you want to deal with them come January.

Because I am always on drugs, Balls had to remind Hippo that Believeland fired Grumblelord, and as such he would really enjoy rubbing it in.  Final from NE Ohio?  P*ts 38, #ThePauls 15.  The Lost Zappa Brother went off for 309 yards and 2 scores.  Will we even see The Legend of White Mac again, outside of clipboard duty?  Now supposedly the runts of the AFC East…don’t look now, but New England is also back up to .500.

Our intrepid Tomsulas brought their bindles into Georgia…and laid an absolute turd.  When they climbed all the way out of their early 14-nil hole, you thought normalcy was re-established.  Instead, Sherman’s Ashes re-took a 21-14 led going into the half, and managed the ONLY points of the 2nd half.  28-14, an easy home Falcons win.  Both teams are 3-3 (at this point, who ain’t?), with Santa Clara looking like a complete mystery box, week to week.

Well, the Humps CAN’T BE, since they have a Glorious Draw on their Meh Resume.  But Matty Ice finally broke out of his slump, in a surprisingly watchable, back-and-forth 34-27 win over the Jaguras.  DUUUUUVVVVAAALLLLL had been playing some pretty killer defense (especially against the pass), but it collapsed under the Gravy Boat’s weight.  We have no clarity in the Surly Duff Division (as is appropriate), but the two usual contenders (TN and IND) might be finding their stride a bit.

Has there ever been a duller 5-1 team than Minnesota?  Ask any of their support if they fucking care.  The defense dominated early, killed another LOLfin QB (Teddy Ballgame came back in, and put up some empty calorie numbers), let Miami back in it…and got some stops and turnovers when they needed them most.  24-16, Vikes.  Dingleberry is still…what he is, but that Division looks well in hand.  Very tough group of skill players to keep in check for four quarters, especially if the defense is above-average.  Miami has now lost 3 on the spin, with Purple Monkey Dishwasher coming back to face the rejuvenated Stillers in Week 7.  Yeah….that should be…something.

Early last, but certainly not least…the Noo Yawk FITBAW Giants are goddamned 5-1.  Let that sink in.  Of all the teams to face, I expected them to have maximum difficulty with Lamar! and the Ratbirds, especially down 10 in Q4.  But Brian Daboll has changed their mentality entirely.  The defense stood up and turned the game on its ass.  Dimebag (who had been mostly bad all game) put together one nice drive to cut the margin to 20-17, with 4 and change to play.  Back to that defense, as they would force fumbles on consecutive Charm City drives, converting the first into 7 points, and the 2nd into a Saquon slide inside the two so they could go into victory formation.   24-20 for the home side, who refuse any and all limitations anyone outside tries to put on their ceiling.  Damned good win.  Obama Duck had a monster game on the ground, which looked like it would be the main storyline.  But life comes at ya fast.

That’s a combined 9-3 for the NY/NJ squadrons.  Could have made lots of money betting on THAT before the season started!

A close game is not necessarily equivalent to a good game.  Exhibit A, Black Panthers at RRRRRRRRRRRRRAM IT!!  The Gospel According to Fatthew is a forgiving tome, thus he tossed exactly one TD for each team.  But CLT couldn’t hold back its own offensive ineptitude forever, and LA ran it in twice late.  24-10.  BLECH.

Exhibit B, Truthers and Qards, with FG after FG.  Kind of a Pete Carroll wet dream, though.  Until the punter shit his pants, dropped the ball in the end zone (instead of taking the safety with a 9-point lead).  WOMP WOMP.  Azizona missed the extra point, because of course they did.  12-9, going into Q4.  MVP candidate Geno Smith was held in check most of the day, but he led his charges to an immediate reply (after the special teams woopsie-doodle).  19-9 it became, and 19-9 held up through a series of Quirky Qards’ Q4 gaffes.

Bananacakes AFC Divisional Round re-match in Kansas City!  Sort of a slow start, until Brokeback engineered a 2-minute drill TD – despite once facing 3rd and 13 on his own ONE yard line.  Mahomes then hit two quick passes to set up a Buttkicker (fresh off IR) FG attempt, 62 yards into the wind.  Which he, naturally, nailed – taking us into the half at 10-10.  OK, maybe we can has game.  Ping-pong back and forth, KC ahead 20-17 late, and seeming somewhat fortunate to be in the driver’s seat.  But they couldn’t press their advantage, going 3-and-out on what could have been the dagger drive.  Brokeback hit Dawson Knox (of all people) with 64 seconds for Mahomes to respond.  Incomplete (but with gift defensive holding) followed by a horrid pickerception.  It would have been a 3-4 yard completion, with THREE Bills in the area.  Just horrific stuff.  This one’s on you, Patrick Price trying to take a bath with your State Farm agent.  24-20, Buffalo absolutely in the AFC driver’s seat.

We are used to being force fed NFC Special Needs Division primetime matchups.  But the Non-Gendereds at Iggles in Week 6 is a real monster of a matchup, with neither team having lost since Week One (and Philly not at all).  I thoroughly enjoyed the blitzkrieg 20-nil 2Q lead, not so much so the foot-off-gas-taking that got Dallas back to within 3.  One can get too cute by half sometimes, ya know?  But Hurts jury-rigged a TD drive together, inexplicably went for two, then the defense showed back up.  Presumably Cooper Rush’s wife cried a little extra (my sound was off, no goddamned clue what that was all about).  26-17, fin.

See you for my donkey show Donks tonight.  I shall try to curb mah enthusiasm.