Have you enjoyed the bread and circuses of JV NFL 2022? I sure have. My own team was mediocre and schizo, but I am used to that. Twas nice to see U*NC get knowcked down off their “pillars of sand” pedestal, first by Georgia Tech, and then at home by my Shitty (but LITERATE) Wolves. Enjoy Son de Clem force feeding you a shit sandwich tonight (8:00, ABC, Hippo refuses to fully preview a Holes game, as he hath done all season).
Thanks to Lincoln Riley’s “tackling is soooooo passe” philosophy, the stupid Bucknutz will make the field, despite having their cocks ripped off at home by Lesser Harbs last week. Give us 12, and right soon. I am so sick of the same asshole bunch every season.
But hey, at least Bloodeyes (America’s newest sweetheart) won I mean, fought valiantly to tie things up before losing by 3 in OT, so we don’t get to see if the not-Condi Committee would have boned TCU to put Saban’s worst Bama team of the last 10-15 years in instead. They probably would have so done, had it ended 28-20 in Normal Time.
So, it’s all about seeding now. Let’s look at the games going into the 2nd half, first!
Coastal Cakalaky (+7) at Troy – Sun Belt Championship (3:30, ESPN)
Nobody in their right mind is betting on a SECONDARY Troy side after last night’s epic bedshitting. How many of their recruits were totes excite, before finding out these Trojans…play in fookin’ podunk Alabama? Chanticleers is also the best nickname in sportsball, and it’s not even close. TRUE HIPPO STORY – my daughter confirmed (as we had coffee at The Chanicleer in Cary, North Cakalaky) that she didn’t read The Canterbury Tales in high school. Welcome to Nobummer’s Murrika, libtards smgdh. HIPPO 5:30-ish UPDATE – 7-31 at the half, this is why I remain in GAMBLOR timeout corner.
LSU (+17.5) v. Georgia – Means MOAR Championship @ Megatron’s Butthole (4:00, CBS)
Brian Kelly would be a trendy pick for the upset and the 4 seed…but he got his fanny reddened by Jimbo Fisher last week. Oh well, at least he didn’t kill anybody (else). HIPPO 5:30-ish UPDATE – It turns out knowing the roolz is well important, and got the Dawgs a gift TD (on a blocked FG). LSU responded, but that just made UGA mad. It’s almost like the 800-lb gorilla in the best conference…is pretty good at FITBAW or sommet.
Central Florida (+4) at Tulane – Murrika Conference Championship (4:00, ABC)
Didja know this is the first EVAR title game in Green Wave footed ball history? And that they were in the SEC until sometime in the 60s? Well, you fucking sure ’nuff does now. Win and they’ll play The Very Disappoint Troi Bois on NYD. HIPPO 5:30-ish UPDATE – The Green Wave are wearing blue. Yes, I understand water is actually blue, but I still find this off-putting. Maybe the Hitler Mice do as well? We’uns at 17-7 aquamarines, as Q2 winds down.
Fresno State (+3) at Boise State – Mountain West Championship (4:00, Fox)
I watch a shit ton of JV ball, but have no idea if either of these is worth a shit. That squirrel memory and whatnot. The Bulldogs have to be happy to be in not-Fresno, at least. HIPPO 5:30-ish UPDATE – I briefly flipped to this, thinking “oooooh, maybe this is a SNOW game?” NOPE – just hopelessly inept offense. Boise lead 3-nil.
Purdue (+16.5) v. Michigan – B1G Whatevs Championship @ The Gravy Boat (8:00, Fox)
I have a sneaky Purdue Pete vibe here, but it could just be gas. Michigan has fuckall to play for.
Now that the games are done, here is my list of top 4 teams
1. Georgia – probably going to curbstomp everyone’s hopes this year.
2. Michigan – well deserved and something I didn’t expect
3. Alabama – not because I want them to, but because we know they will
4. Carolina Panthers – even in the college rankings, they still aren’t good enough to be number 1.
Can’t rank anyone from Houston, since they don’t have a pro team.
Hey gumbygirl, did I ever tell you about the time I ran into your hubby on Halloween that one year on campus?
Imposter!
Also not the real Gumby, but getting closer!
I’m on to the UFC fights. There is absolutely no way they’re testing for PEDs.
One guy has just been introduced as a “street fighter” which is just another way to say “felon”
The street fighter has just been pummeled into a KO in less than one minute.
Ah yes, the “Kimbo slice” method
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=f7cdrZvjUOc
I’m positive UFC has a stringent testing policy.
Trickery in Indianapolis!!!!
Something Something low fat gravy!
I did a search for Tennessee cheerleader and I found this. Close enough
The Titans are, in fact, in Tennessee.
https://media3.giphy.com/media/6JB4v4xPTAQFi/giphy.webp?cid=6c09b952edd95dc5643b72e4cc99078b2433c10096ede1ac&rid=giphy.webp&ct=g
I know the Bezozon commercial with the Dad & his daughter and the snow globe etc. is supposed to be sweet, but I can’t help thinking “that guy totally murdered his wife” every time I see it…
Wait, OJ is doing commercials for Hertz again?
Motion to refer to the NFL as “Egghand” going forward. Do we have a second?
https://twitter.com/luchingD/status/1599123847865044992
We play the egg hand
We play the egg hand
They play the ball foot
Koo koo ka choo
Huck It!
Chuck It!
HANDEGGGGG!!!!
JV BLEERGH comes to Indy to feast on all the gravy frags!
SIL and I turfed out Gumby’s dad’s room today. They’re sending him home from rehab soon. He’s not even close to ready. He’s getting a hospital bed so we hauled his out, plus three completely packed bookcases and other shit. I cannot believe how much stuff the man has in such a small bedroom. And the dust. Holy shit. I can’t breathe, gonna need a few hits of Gumby’s Albuteral.
Man accumulates a lot of collectibles over time.
I’m gifting mine for Christmas.
Eldest Granddaughter is getting a bad fucking ass Epiphone electric guitar. It was my practice guitar but she sounds fucking sweet.
It’s a Gibson SG knockoff but it looks exactly like Angus Young’s guitar.
I’m getting older and I’ve got many more guitars. Most of then more expensive.
“Horatio, how will this $100,000 check for tuition affect you.”
“It won’t because I went to school when college was still reasonably affordable. Since then UConn’s tuition has tripled with no correlating increase in the benefits of a degree. The whole thing is more or a terrible comment on where we are as a society at this point than it is a credit to Dr. Pepper, which frankly isn’t that good. Oh, and also Hail Satan.”
JV Humps are hanging with the Harberines thus far.
Nice to see ’em making a game of it.
Whelp, so much for that. Fuck.
Bruins have started the season 14-0 at home. That’s insane.
Dear God.
https://twitter.com/pourmecoffee/status/1599221786985594880
“I’m inside your house right now.”
I read that as “I’m inside your mouth right now” after just one IPA and almost snorted it out.
Son’s ex went to Clemson, so for one night only I’m a UNC fan.
Family spite has the edge over Hippo spite.
Boilers boiled up — refs are gonna give Brohm a conniption fit
Saw the 1st episode of “SAS Rouge Heroes” recently. Liked it. If gritty WWII dramas are up your alley, I would check it out. (& “Reek” from GOT plays a pretty stern badass.)
yeah, I’mma turn the teevee box off and read, methinks
Quitter!
The grip strength on that honky WR. He must jerk off gorillas for training purposes.
But was it a catch?
Just that it’s even CLOSE defies my residual knowledge of particle dynamics.
Godamnit Hippo. Beer almost came out my nose. LOL
MOAR LIEK Pur-don’t gain no yardage
Alrighty. The Green Wave took care of bidness.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8u0HlsmbEBw
Ice Stillers-Ice ex-Rams gettin’ chippy!
Does Lucas oil have natural grass?
The purdue fans might try grazing before long
My new next-door neighboUr is a Purdue guy. You should swing by sometime, start a drunken brawl.
I’d just burn two big zeros into his lawn.
1 for the number of national championships won in sports that people care about.
And 1 for the number of people who care that Neil Armstrong did his undergrad at purdue
I like learning the specifics of hatreds that I have no personal history or vested interest in. It’s my “tell me about Xmas in your country” type curiosity.
I think that might be considered too healthy for your average fat hump. Maybe if you deep fried it and served it with ranch….
“You can deep fry a garden hose, and it would be good.”
— Jim Gaffigan
“Absolutely!”
— Humps
Reminds me. I got to ask my dad how his diet is going
Cheerleader close-up leg-cam is PERFECTION
I still want to know if that Tennessee cheerleader from 6 weeks ago has an instagram
slide into them DMs!
Spitballing – I expect UGA favoured (over tOSU) by 7-8.5, as noted below. Going 10.5-12 as the range for Michigan line over Bloodeyes. What y’all think? Keep within 1.5-point window
This sounds about right, but I have not started drinking yet so YMMV!
/about to start, done with driving tasks for the day!
Supposed to be “endless fries” at Red Robin. And, here I am, waiting for more than 10 minutes for an order of the fries to come out. Do they cut you off at 4 or something? I demand justice for fat people!
they reckon if they make you wait, your weak-willed brain will realize you are full/fat enough. BASTARDS.
(A. Reid has entered the chat)
When I was in college we’d go to Beefsteak Charlie’s for all-you-can-eat ribs, and after the first 4 or so servings you’d notice a decline in the quality of the ribs. Like pretty much all 80-20 in favor of the fat.
Which did not deter anyone.
My brother in law used to get banned from all you can eat seafood buffets.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=od0lwDxnB8o
Does Michigan even play or dress their starters?
Depends on how much they trust the Committee to not seed them against THEEEEE regardless.
They’re playing. There’s no way they’d pass up the ratings for that. Also, they don’t trust Ohio State to beat Georgia.
The seedings have always been jiggered away from first round re-matches. Even when the sleight of hand was obvious,
Things I learned searching for the EXCELLENT header pic – Tulane refers to they’s dance team as the Shockwaves.
Fresno State wins the Mountain West title.
/knows next to nothing about Fresno, California other than it exists and has a major university
That is about it, actually.
Raisin Capital of the World
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_79SiaBYudA
I actually really liked Canterbury Tales.
Like some of the oldies just got to get used to the parlance then it’s a very fun read.
As did I! Was a nice change of pace from the normal 11th grade fare.
If you want a super fun “try and get your brain around the language” read “Thrawn Janet” by Robert Louis Stevenson. It’s written in Scots so it will warp your mind getting into the narrative. Litre and Beer Guy would love it. Good tale too.
I shall add to me list. Sometimes my brain likes a challenge, sometimes not. I can always read the Rooskie stuff (bonus points for the immense booky-book size), but I absolutely HATED Moby Dick. One of the few I gave up on completely in favoUr of Cliffs Notes.
Of course no list of books that you need to refer to the glossary to understand the language would be complete without “A Clockwork Orange.”
Goddamn is that an incredible book.
Most Dangerous Game!
Thanne longen folk to goon on pilgrimages
And palmeres for to seken straunge strondes
To ferne halwes, kowthe in sondry londes;
And specially from every shires ende
Of Engelond to Caunterbury they wende,
The hooly blisful martir for to seke
That hem hath holpen whan that they were seeke.
Middle English is cool!
Ran out of plus 1’s.
Fresno State pulls out another miracle win. 8 straight. But, thanks to those east coast bias folks, we won’t be playing for the national championship. But I am sure Alabama will be playing.
Why did Jawja go for two there? Because they CAN
Because they could not go for 3
— Ghost of Woody Hayes
That was also timed after his THEEEEE hit 50, was it not?
Believe so, I am old, but I think that happened when I was still an infant
My only actual Woody Hayes memory (I am also an old) was the punching of that Son de Clem dude. It might also be that I only remember seeing a clip later in life, because my brain is basically pudding.
Cousinfuckers hoopsball currently leading Xavier by the greatest score possible this early in the game.
Sheeeeit, I can’t even remember 2112. Maybe I could still poop back then? – Bernard Gilkey, Salford, UK (2171)
THEY HAVE ASSUMED CONTROL
THEY HAVE ASSUMED CONTROL
THEY HAVE ASSUMED CONTROL
I am not looking forward to UGA putting another buttwhipping on my Buckeyes should the committee back them into the CFP . . . Redshirt, if you’re out there, do see it any differently?
/help me out here, Kommentariat, I have little to offer besides more mockery of Sonny Dykes
THEEEEEE has enough offense to keep pace, if they are at their best and Jawja is in 2nd gear. I wouldn’t expect the spread to be more than 7-8.5
Perhaps if Ryan Day puts away the bubble screen and running plays on 3rd and long against a real defense. Would have been more fund if TCU got spanked and we had #1GA v #4UA and #2UM v #3 OSU! 🙂
If them are your Buckeyes, then you need to fuckin’ fire your defensive coordinator.
Brian Kelly trying to take the heat off Sonny Dykes for pathetic 4th down playcalling
Stetson Bennett looking more and more like a guy who will be carrying clipboard in Dallas for a decade and making many millions per year to learn team mismanagement from Mike McCarthy
Unless Jerral takes the LSU backup QB, I guess . . . or Satan cashes in the IOU
Where did everyone go?
Same place Sonny Dykes put his short yardage offense, apparently
I hate some pot roast to eats, then clean up after.
I also did a pot roast. Old school style with the carrots, onion and potatoes cooked in the pot together.
It also made a dynamite gravy.
I feel comfortable calling this “Soul Food” because it was fucking delicious and spoke to my soul.
Pot roast is soul food for white people.
“hate”? I luv me some pot roast, personally…
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FoJ4h2KuYW8
I think I meant “had” – today’s roast had the PERFECT amount if fat. Happy Hippo. Fat piece of shit, but HAPPY.
True story: There has never been a slab of fat leftover on my plate.
That’s a clean motherfucking plate.
It’s playing-with-yourself-o’clock