Wrapping Up the JV Playoff Field – Nighty-Night Thread

Have you enjoyed the bread and circuses of JV NFL 2022?  I sure have.  My own team was mediocre and schizo, but I am used to that.  Twas nice to see U*NC get knowcked down off their “pillars of sand” pedestal, first by Georgia Tech, and then at home by my Shitty (but LITERATE) Wolves.  Enjoy Son de Clem force feeding you a shit sandwich tonight (8:00, ABC, Hippo refuses to fully preview a Holes game, as he hath done all season).

Thanks to Lincoln Riley’s “tackling is soooooo passe” philosophy, the stupid Bucknutz will make the field, despite having their cocks ripped off at home by Lesser Harbs last week.  Give us 12, and right soon.  I am so sick of the same asshole bunch every season.

But hey, at least Bloodeyes (America’s newest sweetheart) won I mean, fought valiantly to tie things up before losing by 3 in OT, so we don’t get to see if the not-Condi Committee would have boned TCU to put Saban’s worst Bama team of the last 10-15 years in instead.  They probably would have so done, had it ended 28-20 in Normal Time.

So, it’s all about seeding now.  Let’s look at the games going into the 2nd half, first!

Coastal Cakalaky (+7) at Troy  – Sun Belt Championship (3:30, ESPN)

Nobody in their right mind is betting on a SECONDARY Troy side after last night’s epic bedshitting.  How many of their recruits were totes excite, before finding out these Trojans…play in fookin’ podunk Alabama?  Chanticleers is also the best nickname in sportsball, and it’s not even close.  TRUE HIPPO STORY – my daughter confirmed (as we had coffee at The Chanicleer in Cary, North Cakalaky) that she didn’t read The Canterbury Tales in high school.  Welcome to Nobummer’s Murrika, libtards smgdh.  HIPPO 5:30-ish UPDATE – 7-31 at the half, this is why I remain in GAMBLOR timeout corner.

LSU (+17.5) v. Georgia  – Means MOAR Championship @ Megatron’s Butthole (4:00, CBS)

Brian Kelly would be a trendy pick for the upset and the 4 seed…but he got his fanny reddened by Jimbo Fisher last week.  Oh well, at least he didn’t kill anybody (else).  HIPPO 5:30-ish UPDATE – It turns out knowing the roolz is well important, and got the Dawgs a gift TD (on a blocked FG).  LSU responded, but that just made UGA mad.  It’s almost like the 800-lb gorilla in the best conference…is pretty good at FITBAW or sommet.

Central Florida (+4) at Tulane  – Murrika Conference Championship (4:00, ABC)

Didja know this is the first EVAR title game in Green Wave footed ball history?  And that they were in the SEC until sometime in the 60s?  Well, you fucking sure ’nuff does now.  Win and they’ll play The Very Disappoint Troi Bois on NYD.  HIPPO 5:30-ish UPDATE – The Green Wave are wearing blue.  Yes, I understand water is actually blue, but I still find this off-putting.  Maybe the Hitler Mice do as well?  We’uns at 17-7 aquamarines, as Q2 winds down.

Fresno State (+3) at Boise State  – Mountain West Championship (4:00, Fox)

I watch a shit ton of JV ball, but have no idea if either of these is worth a shit.  That squirrel memory and whatnot.  The Bulldogs have to be happy to be in not-Fresno, at least.  HIPPO 5:30-ish UPDATE – I briefly flipped to this, thinking “oooooh, maybe this is a SNOW game?”  NOPE – just hopelessly inept offense.  Boise lead 3-nil.

Purdue (+16.5) v. Michigan  – B1G Whatevs Championship @ The Gravy Boat (8:00, Fox)

I have a sneaky Purdue Pete vibe here, but it could just be gas.  Michigan has fuckall to play for.

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King Hippo
Reclusive, vulgar Broncos fan. Also a proud fookin' Evertonian. Likely dropped on my head repeatedly as a small child. [Insert George Carlin quote followed by thoughtful nod.]
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TheRevanchist

Now that the games are done, here is my list of top 4 teams
1. Georgia – probably going to curbstomp everyone’s hopes this year.
2. Michigan – well deserved and something I didn’t expect
3. Alabama – not because I want them to, but because we know they will
4. Carolina Panthers – even in the college rankings, they still aren’t good enough to be number 1.

WCS

Can’t rank anyone from Houston, since they don’t have a pro team.

Brocky

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Hey gumbygirl, did I ever tell you about the time I ran into your hubby on Halloween that one year on campus?

Gumbygirl

Imposter!

FjFC_-CUcAA12-t.jpeg
Gumbygirl

Also not the real Gumby, but getting closer!

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Brick Meathook

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Horatio Cornblower

I’m on to the UFC fights. There is absolutely no way they’re testing for PEDs.

Horatio Cornblower

One guy has just been introduced as a “street fighter” which is just another way to say “felon”

Horatio Cornblower

The street fighter has just been pummeled into a KO in less than one minute.

Brocky

Ah yes, the “Kimbo slice” method

WCS

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=f7cdrZvjUOc

I’m positive UFC has a stringent testing policy.

Brocky

Trickery in Indianapolis!!!!

Something Something low fat gravy!

Brocky

I did a search for Tennessee cheerleader and I found this. Close enough

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Horatio Cornblower

The Titans are, in fact, in Tennessee.

BeefReeferLives

I know the Bezozon commercial with the Dad & his daughter and the snow globe etc. is supposed to be sweet, but I can’t help thinking “that guy totally murdered his wife” every time I see it…

ballsofsteelandfury

Wait, OJ is doing commercials for Hertz again?

Horatio Cornblower

Motion to refer to the NFL as “Egghand” going forward. Do we have a second?

https://twitter.com/luchingD/status/1599123847865044992

BeefReeferLives

We play the egg hand
We play the egg hand
They play the ball foot
Koo koo ka choo

Last edited 1 year ago by BeefReeferLives
Brocky

Huck It!

Chuck It!

HANDEGGGGG!!!!

WCS

JV BLEERGH comes to Indy to feast on all the gravy frags!

Gumbygirl

SIL and I turfed out Gumby’s dad’s room today. They’re sending him home from rehab soon. He’s not even close to ready. He’s getting a hospital bed so we hauled his out, plus three completely packed bookcases and other shit. I cannot believe how much stuff the man has in such a small bedroom. And the dust. Holy shit. I can’t breathe, gonna need a few hits of Gumby’s Albuteral.

yeah right

Man accumulates a lot of collectibles over time.

I’m gifting mine for Christmas.
Eldest Granddaughter is getting a bad fucking ass Epiphone electric guitar. It was my practice guitar but she sounds fucking sweet.

It’s a Gibson SG knockoff but it looks exactly like Angus Young’s guitar.

I’m getting older and I’ve got many more guitars. Most of then more expensive.

Horatio Cornblower

“Horatio, how will this $100,000 check for tuition affect you.”

“It won’t because I went to school when college was still reasonably affordable. Since then UConn’s tuition has tripled with no correlating increase in the benefits of a degree. The whole thing is more or a terrible comment on where we are as a society at this point than it is a credit to Dr. Pepper, which frankly isn’t that good. Oh, and also Hail Satan.”

Last edited 1 year ago by Horatio Cornblower
BeefReeferLives

JV Humps are hanging with the Harberines thus far.
Nice to see ’em making a game of it.

BeefReeferLives

Whelp, so much for that. Fuck.

Horatio Cornblower

Bruins have started the season 14-0 at home. That’s insane.

WCS

“I’m inside your house right now.”

Downfield Matriculator

I read that as “I’m inside your mouth right now” after just one IPA and almost snorted it out.

Horatio Cornblower

Son’s ex went to Clemson, so for one night only I’m a UNC fan.

Family spite has the edge over Hippo spite.

Downfield Matriculator

Boilers boiled up — refs are gonna give Brohm a conniption fit

BeefReeferLives

Saw the 1st episode of “SAS Rouge Heroes” recently. Liked it. If gritty WWII dramas are up your alley, I would check it out. (& “Reek” from GOT plays a pretty stern badass.)

Brocky

Quitter!

Downfield Matriculator

But was it a catch?

BeefReeferLives

Godamnit Hippo. Beer almost came out my nose. LOL

BeefReeferLives

Alrighty. The Green Wave took care of bidness.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8u0HlsmbEBw

WCS

Ice Stillers-Ice ex-Rams gettin’ chippy!

Brocky

Does Lucas oil have natural grass?

The purdue fans might try grazing before long

Brocky

I’d just burn two big zeros into his lawn.

1 for the number of national championships won in sports that people care about.

And 1 for the number of people who care that Neil Armstrong did his undergrad at purdue

BeefReeferLives

I think that might be considered too healthy for your average fat hump. Maybe if you deep fried it and served it with ranch….

WCS

“You can deep fry a garden hose, and it would be good.”

— Jim Gaffigan

“Absolutely!”

— Humps

Brocky

Reminds me. I got to ask my dad how his diet is going

Last edited 1 year ago by Brocky
Brocky

I still want to know if that Tennessee cheerleader from 6 weeks ago has an instagram

Downfield Matriculator

This sounds about right, but I have not started drinking yet so YMMV!

/about to start, done with driving tasks for the day!

TheRevanchist

Supposed to be “endless fries” at Red Robin. And, here I am, waiting for more than 10 minutes for an order of the fries to come out. Do they cut you off at 4 or something? I demand justice for fat people!

Redshirt

(A. Reid has entered the chat)

Horatio Cornblower

When I was in college we’d go to Beefsteak Charlie’s for all-you-can-eat ribs, and after the first 4 or so servings you’d notice a decline in the quality of the ribs. Like pretty much all 80-20 in favor of the fat.

Which did not deter anyone.

Gumbygirl

My brother in law used to get banned from all you can eat seafood buffets.

BeefReeferLives
Redshirt

Does Michigan even play or dress their starters?

Redshirt

They’re playing. There’s no way they’d pass up the ratings for that. Also, they don’t trust Ohio State to beat Georgia.

WCS

Fresno State wins the Mountain West title.

/knows next to nothing about Fresno, California other than it exists and has a major university

TheRevanchist

That is about it, actually.

Brick Meathook

Raisin Capital of the World

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_79SiaBYudA

yeah right

I actually really liked Canterbury Tales.

Like some of the oldies just got to get used to the parlance then it’s a very fun read.

yeah right

If you want a super fun “try and get your brain around the language” read “Thrawn Janet” by Robert Louis Stevenson. It’s written in Scots so it will warp your mind getting into the narrative. Litre and Beer Guy would love it. Good tale too.

yeah right

Of course no list of books that you need to refer to the glossary to understand the language would be complete without “A Clockwork Orange.”

Goddamn is that an incredible book.

WCS

Most Dangerous Game!

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Gumbygirl

Thanne longen folk to goon on pilgrimages
And palmeres for to seken straunge strondes
To ferne halwes, kowthe in sondry londes;
And specially from every shires ende
Of Engelond to Caunterbury they wende,
The hooly blisful martir for to seke
That hem hath holpen whan that they were seeke.
Middle English is cool!

yeah right

Ran out of plus 1’s.

TheRevanchist

Fresno State pulls out another miracle win. 8 straight. But, thanks to those east coast bias folks, we won’t be playing for the national championship. But I am sure Alabama will be playing.

Downfield Matriculator

Because they could not go for 3

— Ghost of Woody Hayes

Downfield Matriculator

Believe so, I am old, but I think that happened when I was still an infant

WCS

Cousinfuckers hoopsball currently leading Xavier by the greatest score possible this early in the game.

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BeefReeferLives

THEY HAVE ASSUMED CONTROL
THEY HAVE ASSUMED CONTROL
THEY HAVE ASSUMED CONTROL

Downfield Matriculator

I am not looking forward to UGA putting another buttwhipping on my Buckeyes should the committee back them into the CFP . . . Redshirt, if you’re out there, do see it any differently?

/help me out here, Kommentariat, I have little to offer besides more mockery of Sonny Dykes

Downfield Matriculator

Perhaps if Ryan Day puts away the bubble screen and running plays on 3rd and long against a real defense. Would have been more fund if TCU got spanked and we had #1GA v #4UA and #2UM v #3 OSU! 🙂

BugEyedBoo

If them are your Buckeyes, then you need to fuckin’ fire your defensive coordinator.

Downfield Matriculator

Brian Kelly trying to take the heat off Sonny Dykes for pathetic 4th down playcalling

Downfield Matriculator

Stetson Bennett looking more and more like a guy who will be carrying clipboard in Dallas for a decade and making many millions per year to learn team mismanagement from Mike McCarthy

Downfield Matriculator

Unless Jerral takes the LSU backup QB, I guess . . . or Satan cashes in the IOU

ballsofsteelandfury

Where did everyone go?

Downfield Matriculator

Same place Sonny Dykes put his short yardage offense, apparently

yeah right

I also did a pot roast. Old school style with the carrots, onion and potatoes cooked in the pot together.
It also made a dynamite gravy.

I feel comfortable calling this “Soul Food” because it was fucking delicious and spoke to my soul.

BeefReeferLives

Pot roast is soul food for white people.

BeefReeferLives

“hate”? I luv me some pot roast, personally…

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FoJ4h2KuYW8

yeah right

True story: There has never been a slab of fat leftover on my plate.

That’s a clean motherfucking plate.

Game Time Decision

It’s playing-with-yourself-o’clock