Last week of byes, last week of pretending anyone is in Philly’s stratus.  Let’s get right to it.

Philly went into the Meadowlands, and absolutely ran train on the G-men.  Only a garbage time “subs on subs” 8-ball cut the marhin to 48-22.  Your NFL MVP vote has to be Jalen Hurts, or you should lose your voting privileges.  This is Lamar!’s MVP season, but on steroids.  He is unplayable.

There will many HAWT TAEKS on Hobo Lovie Smith’s CORRECT decision to go for it up 3, on the Non-Gendered three.  A kickoff gives up 20+ yards of field position anyway, and given that a TD beats you regardless?  I take my chances on the kill shot.  100 times out of 100.  They just got stopped.  But at least they took their shot.  Dallas 27, 500s 23.  Lucky team is lucky as fuck.  Still, an object leson why even imaginary professional teams ought not be 17.5-point dogs.

Bubble finally burst completely on the Vikings, despite Dingleberry going over 4 bills.  A lot of empty calories mixed in there.  But the LioUns completely bottled up Dalvin Cook (that soft run D is a figment of the past), and go home deserved 34-23 winners, and a veeerrrrryyyyyy dangerous 6-7.  There’s no way anybody would prefer to play the likes of the Commies or Giants in January,  You see DET coming to town, you shit your pants.  Period, end of.

Fun weather in WNY, but the game was kind of a slog.  Good Lord, can that Jets DL ever play some football.  That Quinnen Williams dude got a knee owie, but his pals just kept at it.  Speaking of keeping at it?  MIKE FUCKING WHITE.  He didn’t have a great statistical day, but he looked “off to hospital” not once, but TWICE – and returned to the game each time, #2 coming when the game was essentially lost.  Not mathematically, but surely less than 10% odds.  Tell me you wouldn’t run through walls for that guy, and that team is already doing so for Coach Saleh.  Bills grind it out, 20-12 – because their defense came to play, too.  This is a series to watch for at least the next five years, should be lots of fun.

Not much fun?  Ratbirds/Stillers.  OY.  Uncle Jack and Tyler Huntley each took game ending owies, and Bollo del Verdad sure as fuck reminded everyone why he is no longer an NFL starter (and why Ryan Pace got the sack).  Yinzers pulled within 16-14 late, but couldn’t get the three and out they needed to get the ball back.  Could Balmer be dangerous in the playoffs, once they have at least ONE healthy quartered back?  Meh, I still don’t see it.  Sorry, fozz.

Team WKRP reclaimed the State of Ohio from #ThePauls, 23-10.  The less said about this the better.  But at least Mister Bad Touch sucked for the 2nd week on the spin.  Long may it continue.

Can you make sense of the Jaguras?  FUCKING LIAR.  A week after getting their shit pushed in by Detroit, they marched into Nashville and beat DonT’s slightly-sagging Tits (first time in last 10 tries).  That DESPITE a blistering start by el Tractorcito.  They just can’t throw the ball, or play defense.  Prison Girlfriend shook off a foot injury, and balled out.  If they win out, they almost certainly steal the Surly Duff Division away, at 9-8.  They won’t, but give them credit for even getting into the conversation.  Evan Engram randomly went off, as I foreshadowed above.

Only three fixtures in the late window.  One called by Mark Schlereth, one MRSA Dreamboat ball-gargling session, and Denver.  BLECH.

But you never really know, do you?  That’s why we watch, yada yada.  Baby Shanny has an eerie Voodoo Eye for competent QB play.  One figures that would be sorely tested, with the first ever QB start by a “Mister Irrelevant” (or so I hear tell).  Deebo Samuel got carted off right before halftime.  And Purdy Mouth won in a walk, showing excellent footwork and vision.  The arm isn’t a cannon, but it’s enough.  Having good feet is really essential in the modern game, and brains.  The kid seems to have both.  Bitchy Brady was wonderful, as ever.  Still, a playoff lock at 6-7 and lucky not to be 3-10.  They’ll get a 13-4 Dallas squad come January, in all likelihood.  That should provide quality amusement.  Tomsulas 35, MRSA 7 is your final.

Absolutely give interim HC Steve Wilks all the credit in the world.  He might have the worst overall talent in the NFL, but his Black Panthers fight and claw every damned week.  This week?  They managed a 30-24 road win (finding a 2nd wind after 17-zip lead narrowed to 20-17), travelling cross-country against a playoff team.  Absolutely brilliant gameplan, and I wonder if maybe the SeaTruthers are just the Diet Vikings – they W/L record impresses, and surely outstrips all reasonable expectations.  But I just don’t see a good team there, certainly not likely to take a January punch.

Kansas City had the ball and a 27-nil lead under 4:00 in Q2, in Mile High.  Some brilliant fight by Judge Jeudy and Charmslinger, pulling the Donks within 27-14 at the half, and twice within 6 points (and DEN with the ball).  Alas, it was a cock tease eventually, and despite THREE Mahomes pickerceptions – they get the 34-28 road win.  Having finally found some form, Charmslinger also got a head owie late – because it’s just that kind of year for the mango and navy.  14 in a row for this “rivalry” series.  Better late than never for having some piss and vinegar, I guess.  But 3-10 is 3-10.  U-G-L-Y, no semblance of no alibi.

Fish and Clippers for SNF, thanks to the flexing out of Donks/Chefs.  I had to watch this for fantasy purposes.  Oy vey.  Aside from two fluky scores (one rugby scrum fumble that squirted to #10 who then outran everyone, not having been in said scrum – plus a catch where the defender fell over the turf monster), Tyreek and the LOLfin offense sleepwalked.  Kid Clearisil, on the other hand, went for almost 400 and gets the 23-17 victory.  It almost got fuckety at the end, when the Fish got a 55-yard FG then almost got the onside recovery.  But despite their best Clippers du Merde effort at Seppuku, they held onto the ball (eventually) and kneeled out matters.