[Interior] Early morning city sounds of waste collection and passing traffic bounce in and off the walls of a darkened makeshift office space. Cork boards line the walls and obstructing the views out most of the windows. Lines of thread in various colors convey small associations between the groupings of documents and images displayed. Through an uncovered slice of glass, a cloudy morning sky reflects the warm glow of the rising sun radiating a clean line of sunlight onto an unmanned computer station. A desktop computer speaker clicks quickly thrice before two lines of phone numbers display across the curved monitor, each of the twenty posted digits appearing with an accompanied button tone. No one enters from the peripheral offices.

MIKE BIDWILL: Mmmmm…..uh…hello? This is…this is Michael.

SEAN PAYTON: Oh shoot — I didn’t realize how it early it was there. Mike, this is Sean. Been trying to catch you for a few days.

BIDWILL: Sean Payton? Thought you were finalizing things with Denver. Congratulations on the deal too. Good morning, Sean.

PAYTON: So I did wake you. Sorry. I’m just on that Rocky Mountain time, you know? Russ — oh, I’m talking about Russell Wilson, you may know him from winning your division in the 2010, 2012, 2013, 2014, 2015, 2016, 2018, 2019, and 2020 seasons. And you’d be right that the Seahawks also won the division in 2022 but that was with Geno Smith under center; something we didn’t discuss in our meeting last week.  So, like I said, Russ is helping me get accustomed to this altitude. It really is no joke. Gonna see what flavored Nanowater Deion is finding gives him the best results.

BIDWILL: Sean. Why are you calling me?

PAYTON: Look Mike, I called initially to let you know I was taking the job in Denver. Left you a voicemail. Wanted you to know I was accepting a job from them, not rejecting one with you. Enjoyed our conversation. Appreciate the vision you have for the franchise. It’s….a change from the status quo. In a good way. I mean, you’re committed and I respect that.

BIDWILL: I appreciate it. Have a lot of people coming to town with Phoenix Open and Super Bowl festivities just keeping me busy. I heard about Denver, obviously. I’ve spoken with those guys, knew they were going after you hard. Glad you all found a good fit. Seasons like this aren’t good for the league. We like casual fans, not guys hanging onto hope because everyone in the conference is under .500 at the bye in November. Your February move to Colorado must be offering fine weather?

PAYTON: Yeah weather’s good. Listen, that was really the bulk of what I have to share.  It wasn’t a leverage meeting and, I have to say, I questioned if there was really much interest in hiring me on your end. In the conversations there seemed to be a lot about me and what the results should be for the franchise — just not much detail about how you’d like to build a coaching staff. If you liked Vance. What did working with a guy like Kingsbury teach you about the strengths of my style? Again, I don’t mean to insult at all. I guess…there’s my unsolicited feedback. I hope it’s helpful and think Wilks would be open to returning to Arizona in a coordinator capacity.

BIDWILL: Well thanks for waking me up to share your thoughts on how I should run my third-generation family business. The entity that financially provides the wealth off of which our entire family lives comfortable lifestyles. And you praise me for eating Kliff and Steve’s just-extended contracts? Of course I do. I’m wealthy. That’s my Stupid Tax. Things that destroy others are what it takes to teach me a lesson. I did learn a lesson about contracts but it’s none of your business. I brought you in to learn about you. To hear about your philosophy. I don’t want it. I don’t want some coach overshadowing me! But I will use the information you provided to destroy you.

PAYTON: Because I went to the Broncos?

BIDWILL: Because your darn Bountygate team ended our only modern day franchise hero’s, Kurt Warner, career with your cheap shots in the 2010 divisional round. That was a legit fucking team we were making a run with and you cheats robbed us.

PAYTON: 2010? Are you serious? That’s all behind me.

BIDWILL: It isn’t behind me. I’m still getting ripped for our family not delivering a single Super Bowl, despite being an oldest team in the league. It’s enough for me to get a playoff team and then you and GEEERRRRRRRRRRREG just straight cheat. Can only imagine how long Brock Purdy would have lasted against your Saints last week? Maybe until you send the kickoff coverage team into the 49ers bench to kill the kid before the first drive? You’re shit, Payton. Everyone knows Brees was the culture; you’re a hanger-on. I may fail alone but I’d rather operate this generation of this organization in failure before I’d ever welcome you into this team. That’s why I met with you personally and took the day as sick time — the Arizona Cardinals Football Club has no serious business with Sean Payton.

PAYTON: Bountygate was an absolute farce! It was an opportunistic effort by the league to mitigate losses in a major concussion lawsuit that year made possible by a jaded fired assistant coach and a small-time, player-organized side show that existed in every team’s locker room. Our 2009 Saints were one of the least penalized teams for late hits and personal fouls and at the bottom of the league as far as injuring opposing players! Look it up! The NFL counted on fans being gullible enough to believe that “18,000 pages of evidence” nonsense and they were 110% right! The players were all exonerated and the only reason the coaches weren’t is because there is no coaches union to protect us! The biggest example people hold up is Favre getting hit hard in the NFCCG but only one of those hits was illegal and the Vikings have since admitted that they had their own bounty program that very same year anyways!

BIDWILL: Own up to it or not, you monkeyman-mouth faced motherfucker, I just got one last thing: I didn’t appreciate you misspelling my name in that leak to RapSheet. I get it. I suck and to show their unhappiness, everyone is going to misspell my name as Bidwell — as if ignorance is ever a reason to be braggadocios — and you’re going to play that game like some kind of common mouthbreathing seat-filler fan who spends 75% of his time staring at his phone and just avoiding being in his/her own reality? That’s how you want to represent yourself? Fine. Welcome to behind the curtain, Sean. Drew  isn’t here to be your better half this time. And the Waltons? They don’t know this ownership cartel like I do. Their money can buy them only as far as a seat at the table. I interviewed Brian Flores to give our collective NFL cause a bump. I’m leaving his ass to die on the vine because he crossed us though. The Waltons are over here blindly chasing a Super Bowl. We’re operating a monopoly. Think competence matters? I’ll wait on hold while you call Kaep at the shelter. You’ve found your home now. Let’s see how long your Walton Window stays open when a $1,500 bounty to some nobody cornerback puts your aging quarterback’s knees on the chopping block every time he’s standing between those white lines. And your receivers. And your backs. You have a fraction of the wealth I do and $1,500 ain’t shit to you so imagine the pain on you I can buy. Sure hope Wilson doesn’t throw a pick.

PAYTON: You feel heard? Good, that’s why I called. See you around. I’ve got to go get ready for an introductory presser. And Mr Bidwill….

BIDWILL: Yeah?

PAYTON: Broncos Country. Let’s Ride.