Hello there fellow DFO’er.  Hope you’re well today.  And thanks for coming back to see last weeks comments of the week as decided by my brain.  There’s no reason as to why some comments make it and others don’t. Seriously. There isn’t.

This weeks cheesy motivational quote is:
There are moments when I wish I could roll back the clock and take all the sadness away, but I have the feeling that if I did, the joy would be gone as well [in bed].
Nicholas Sparks

So need to be sad sometimes to be happy in bed? That’s a lot of words to say make up sex is good.

Some site related news, we’ve enabled some new code, so when logged in now, you should land on the main page and not the hosting site. It’s something that’s bothered me for a long time and finally found a fix for it, but didn’t want to do anything before the Owl. So, if you have any issues with this, let us know in the comments, and we can undo this. And no, this isn’t gonna fix the issue with logging in, as that’s a cache and WP issue. Just force a refresh on the page once logged in, even if it says you aren’t logged in.

Without further ado, here are the comments of the week.

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So now it all makes sense…

2Pack

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I kind of wish I were a talking badger in a bowler hat that was also an old-timey English solicitor in the West Country
Doktor Zymm

WCS

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Well, THAT was fun. I forgot I moved the side table back when I was swapping carpet pads earlier today, and smashed my reverse mermaid glass full of wine on the floor where I walk barefoot and am likely to have similarly barefoot guests.

Cleaned it up fairly well, but donning slippers, and based on the amount of glass shards, will give it another going over tomorrow
Doktor Zymm

DR. MRS. DEADLY: Hey, I bought this really classy-looking bottle for our shower spray.

RIKKI-TIKKI-DEADLY: Um, I don’t think it’s a good idea to put a glass bottle in our shower.

DR. MRS. DEADLY: It’ll be fine.

RIKKI-TIKKI-DEADLY: No, seriously, it’s the same reason pools won’t let you bring glass on the deck. Anywhere that you are going to be walking around barefoot…

DR. MRS. DEADLY: [gives her husband “the look”]

RIKKI-TIKKI-DEADLY: [trails off, walks away]

—

[approximately one month later]

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RIKKI-TIKKI-DEADLY: [is relaxing on the couch]

A loud crash is heard from upstairs, followed by much swearing.
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

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Tom Brady in his prime was a near-perfect quarterback, particularly his form. It was like the Nazis built him. He was the Ivan Drago of quarterbacks, and really is the G.O.A.T.

But he always seemed to me to be really stupid outside of being a quarterback. Like literally that is the only thing he knows, and he knew it well, and it rewarded him well, but he doesn’t know anything else. I think Joe Montana was the same way, definitely Dan Marino and Bret Favre.
Brick Meathook

He’s exactly what every stereotypical jock-dad-who-peaked-in-high-school thinks they should have done athletically. Think Uncle Rico. Brady never has seemed to develop anything else, at least beyond the superficial level. He seems to have some traits sociopaths demonstrate.

Armchair psychoanalysis and Mke Bidwill’s sexual aside, Tawmmy is going to be our FOOBAWL syphilis forever.
WCS

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Just need to finish untaping, but otherwise the dining room is done!

Doktor Zymm

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My hate this week is for home improvement products. Our house is 105 years old, and there is a neighborhood Historic Preservation committee that is more invasive than a colonoscopy (a group of asshat friendless retired lawyers and history teachers).

I only can use very specific products on my house, even for only small exterior items. Fast forward to this morning when I’m in a hurry and trying to get a very specific product for touching up one of our wood windows before I miss a meeting to settle a lawsuit (about this house, nonetheless).

Me (in a hurry): “Can you please point me to this specific type of wood hardener?”
20-something female behind counter: “Uhhh…” [giggles, then calls overhead for help with wood hardener]
Me: [Facepalm]
LongtimeLionsLoser

You should have asked her to page Mike Hunt.

2Pack

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February 7, 2023 10:11 pm
I thought the GOP was against drag queen story hour? Why do they have Huck-Sanders doing the rebuttal?
clint greasewood

That was Sanders?! I had it on mute, and I thought it was Jabba the Hutt in another Special Edition Cut to A New Hope.
Redshirt

Take that back! Jabba was a better person than that.
TheRevanchist

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Sorry in advance for all non-Lakers fans here…

(sees everyone enthusiastically display middle fingers)

Ok. So. Many moons ago I watched Kareem (aka Captain Murdock) break the all-time NBA scoring record. Was pretty sure his record would never be broken.

Well, LeBron might do it tonight. I’d say 60% chance.

So maybe check it out on TNT. You are not required to root for the Lakers, just appreciate how completely insane this record is, and how fucking amazing LeBron has always been. (I have not generally rooted for him, but he’s better than Brady at his sport. Duh.)

And as always, Republicans can go fuck off straight to hell and/or Florida.
SonOfSpam

Can we choose which one or if it a random choice?
Redshirt

You just need to realize you’re not a Republican, especially as they define themselves today. And you’re already in Ohio, so neither of the other options will scare you.
SonOfSpam

Good points. Both of them.
Redshirt

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Joe Biden at the State of the Union is like my dad’s visit to the hospital. At the beginning, the way he talked, sounded and acted, it would be fairly reasonable to speculate if he would even survive the trip. But once he gets started, he sounds like he’s ready to grab life by the gonads.

Also, my dad or Vater Redsweater (TM WCS Enterprises LLC) is home. He did have a heart attack but the blockage was cleared. His heart does have some slight damage, but with diet and exercise, it should recover but he’s already lost nearly 65 pounds (heart attack was caused by genetics and poor diet before he lost weight).

But we were lucky. If that blockage was a few millimeters higher up, it would’ve been his widowmaker and Seamus would have a new drinking buddy.
Redshirt

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Here’s some classic hate!

Gumbygirl

There truly is no anger like the anger one feels towards someone who not only killed your loved one, but also ate them.
Brick Meathook

“Hear me out. What if they kinda, sorta, only ate their ass?”

-Balls, not asking for a friend
scotchnaut

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It’s bad enough that we have the 24 hour news cycle for regular world news (haha, just kidding, I mean National news because who gives a fuck about other countries? After all, foreigners live there!) Sports and other forms of entertainment do NAWT need their own 24 hour news cycles because that’s how all this crapola happens. This is all CNN’s fault for coming up with the dumb idea of a 24 hour news channel that no one asked for or wanted
Doktor Zymm

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My wife: (on phone with a client) Doesn’t matter, I’m pretty flexible

Me: (walking by). Yeah you are.

My wife: (whispering) Go to the fucking gym already!
Horatio Cornblower

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I’d play the 18 to establish the handicap, then enjoy the tournament. I had a friend who said if you only could use 1 club to play, use a 5 iron. Makes sense, length and face angle are middle of the road. So I have tried to base things off of my (lack of) skills on that.

And in other news… Nina tried to warn us…

2Pack

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There is NO SUCH THING as the sun.
King Hippo

Don’t listen to him! It’s the moon that’s fake!

Redshirt

WCS

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When I was on Jeopardy, this was a question that popped up (see below). While I was waiting on the buzzer activation light I kept thinking to myself, “Don’t say An Officer and a Gerbilman! Don’t say An Officer and a Gerbilman!”

BugEyedBoo

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I never drink tea.

But when I do, I load it up with honey and bourbon and then I drink alot of it.
jjfozz

They call that a “Fozzy Toddy”

And by “they,” I mean me. Starting now.
Dunstan

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Of course Rob dares not mention the reverse vampires, the one true secret “they” don’t want you to know about.

Horatio Cornblower

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We’re lucky to live in an age where every car allows for sleeping and making out #Progress
Don T

“Sure, sure, a car can be homey for a while, but for sheer luxury, nothing beats a CSX boxcar rolling along the rails.”

-J. Tomsula
LemonJello

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Well done.

In my scenario, the entire stadium would be subjected to a deluge of each city’s trademark cuisine, except they would be rock hard.

Imagine cheesesteak subs and loaves of sourdough bread raining down on these rich entitled ass-wanks from a mile up.

Note, this would come during the half time show so all of those bags of human waste would not be spared.
jjfozz

Cloudy with a Chance of Meatballs 3 is a lot darker than the first 2. Gonna be “R” rated.
Game Time Decision

“DAaawww, fiddlesticks!”

-Eli, kicking at rocks, knowing Olivia will never let him see it
LemonJello

My two oldest children, when they were much younger, would go around saying “It’s Cloudy with a Chance of MY BALLS!” Yes, the daycare center called us about that.
jjfozz

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Gisele is single again, and a mom. Will Belichick pull the ultimate heel move a week after the Owl and start banging her?
WCS

That would be fantastic, although it would be even better if he waits a year and somehow arranges it so Brady’s first job is reporting on their hookup
Doktor Zymm

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This week in JAPANESE TOILETS:

“The Aquarium”

Brick Meathook

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So does anyone have the answer key [ to the quiz from sexxy Friday]?
BrettFavresColonoscopy

Silly questions like that are how you get yourself disinvited from one of Horatio’s key parties.
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

With all the renovations we’ve had going on the last three weeks I have no idea where our keys are, so by all means please bring some over.
Horatio Cornblower

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So it seems Michael Irvin has been banned from all Marriotts, and also he is suing them for ‘canceling’ him
Doktor Zymm

Will Motel 6 still leave the light on for him?
2Pack

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Brick Meathook

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Some good Fozz vitriol is lined up for tonight. Y’all ain’t gonna wanna miss it.
King Hippo

“Vitriol” sounds like the name of a drug prescribed to people that should-but can’t-get worked up about something.

Did your mother-in-law once again question your career choice but you just can’t be bothered? Ask your doctor if Vitriol is right for you
scotchnaut

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Golf is kind of my life. It was about the only thing I’ve ever been any good at, so I realized I better figure out a way to make a living with it. I’ve somehow managed to stick around in this business for almost 30 years. But I’m not in love with it all the time. And the last three years of working at a high end country club has really soured me on some aspects of it. The money is good, but I’m kinda sick of working for these insular, wealthy fucks. I don’t believe the game should be locked up.

I’ve got an interview next week for an assistant’s job at a muni near my house. It’s a fun track and working there would kinda feel like I’m regaining my soul. [Good luck]
Col. Duke LaCross

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Tracked this ballon for over 200 miles… turned out to be bird shit on the window…

2Pack

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Just bit my tongue hard enough to draw blood. I’ll have a nice ulcer for the Superb Owl, so that’s great.
WCS

You mite b doing cunnilingus wrong smgdh
King Hippo

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Drunk putt putt is fun, until you get kicked out for reckless play
Doktor Zymm

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HOW THE FUCK YOU DOIN BOYS???

Boy, am I flaky.
Porky Prime

[gives Porky a huge hug]
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

[writes RTD up to HR]
Horatio Cornblower

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OK, I’m off to the gym to preemptively work off the beer and wings from later tonight.

It will not work, but the road to Hell is indeed paved with good intentions.
Horatio Cornblower

[drives at 95 mph down that road after washing down half a dozen Xanax with a 375 mL bottle of Jack, crashes into the back of a schoolbus] – Britt Reid
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

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Litrepug is ready.

litre_cola

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What time does “what time does the Superb Owl start” start?
LongtimeLionsLoser

The top 10 list of Superb Owl starting times. Number 4 will shock you!
Mr. Ayo

The Superb Owl start time that THEY don’t want you to know about! (Roger Goodell HATES this!)
Dunstan

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Hm, I guess Scientology is just based on the idea that quite a few aspiring actors are gullible and occasionally come into large amounts of money. I should try to start something similar for tech startups
Doktor Zymm

BAH GAWD THAT’S ELIZABETH HOLMES’ MUSIC
WCS

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TELL ME MORE
TELL ME MORE
WHAT IS SCIENTOLOGY FOR
WCS

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Chefs MVP

Don T

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The Arizona turf is as solid as their vote counts.
Beerguyrob

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Greg Olsen looks like David Harbor playing Philip Seymour Hoffman playing a man named Greg Olsen.
Porky Prime

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I don’t participate here much, but it is truly wonderful to know that there is one place on the internet where it’s safe to not give a single fuck about Rihanna.
Petronel

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As I take this halftime pee, I think now is a good time to remember why we are all here and remember those who are less fortunate than ourselves.

You see, the Super Bowl is more important than Christmas or Thanksgiving or Easter your birthday. It’s a time to reflect and love the ones around you and even mostly strangers.

I’d like to thank you all for the hours of shit talking, which is both fun and humbling. I’d like to thank my coworkers for being raiders fans reminding me that differences are only skin deep. And, most importantly, I’d like to thank my family for doing what they can to ruin this day, which is more important than Christmas or Easter or my birthday. Seriously. Just leave me alone to enjoy this day.
TheRevanchist

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“What if they both get to 30 at the same time, Greg?”
Beerguyrob

DiCaprio is turning the game off when it hits 25
Gatoraids

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My word, this pre-match segment has more pomp and circumstance than when Her Majesty Queen Victoria ascended to the throne! I could have captured another vital mineral deposit on a Zulu encampment between when I turned on my moving picture box and the inevitable start of the contest!
Cecil Rhodes

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I dug this out of the moth balls.

I made it for that glorious night five years ago.

This isn’t an endorsement, just a happy memory

Brocky

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All four of the right brothers are here plus Eldest Right, Eldest granddaughter and The Wahini are here with son in law due shortly with the craft beers.
I’m roasting a turkey breast homemade buns and TAJ has a little something cooking too. You’ll probably read about that.
Snacks are going, beers are flowing and it’s party time Owl style!

Ola everyone!
yeah right

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The US Military just shot down another mysterious flying object, this one over Michigan.

My father sent me a picture of it this morning, and I thought that he had gone batshit crazy. The fact that there WAS a spy balloon floating over his cottage now means I was wrong and have to apologize. Fuck the Chinese for that.
LongtimeLionsLoser

Gumbygirl

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All these games are called Bowls because they’re played in stadiums that resemble bowls, YET NO ONE HAS EVER TRIED TO FILL A STADIUM WITH SOUP
Doktor Zymm

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Thanks for all the comments and funny and everything else.

Stay busy and safe out there.

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