Happy PI day and happy Steak and BJ day, if you celebrate.  Hope you’re well today.  And thanks for coming back to see last weeks comments of the week as decided by my brain.  There’s no reason as to why some comments make it and others don’t. Seriously. There isn’t.

This weeks cheesy motivational quote is:
A mother is she who can take the place of all others but whose place no one else can take [in bed]
Cardinal Mermillod

I’m gonna take the high road and say that there’s nothing better than getting tucked in by your mom when you are a kid. These cheesy quotes turned into porn like overnight. Yikes. This is the first one that crosses the line for me.

As a reminder, Sunday comments stand alone and Monday comments will go on the next week’s post.

Note that during the offseason, I’ll probably look at the Sunday posts.

Without further ado, here are the comments of the week.

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Just to let Rikki know he is not alone, it is 9:07 and I just heard the vacuum fire up.
Horatio Cornblower

IMPORTANT UPDATE: My wife has hired a friend to come over and help her clean, our vacuum apparently not being enough.

/We do have a lot of dust left over from the renovation and I think Mrs. Horatio’s plan is to get this friend to take a bunch of stuff that we don’t want or need anymore. If the friend is smart she’ll demand more money to take it.

//Related: Do any of you need any tables, or perhaps a sleeper couch that’s been viciously clawed by a cat and/or cats? Because I can make it happen!
Horatio Cornblower

“Do I need a real address, or can you just drop it off next to, say, an Arby’s dumpster?”
-T. Marinovich
LemonJello

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Why did that Purim Bar Mitzvah I did a couple years back suck so much? I mean, the answer is the screaming kids and the way too loud DJ, but I mean on principle!
Senor Weaselo

That’s what happens when you don’t hire Boys II Menorah.
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

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Redshirt

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Do I have to be MoT to eat those cookies? Because, HOLY FUCK they look good.
King Hippo

Dr. Mrs. Mayhem went hard after it this year

The Right Reverend Electric Mayhem

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Based on the comments below, if we ever have to change the name of this little site of ours I’d like to nominate Lea Michele’s Reading Room as the next title.

I’d use it for fantasy football but, much like a Dr. Seuss book in Lea’s hands, it’s too wordy for Yahoo.
Horatio Cornblower

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“I loved this…”

-Jared Goff, thinking his market is now $170MM over 4 years for his next contract

LongtimeLionsLoser

I swear the collective hivemind here could build and reasonably run a football team. We can’t really do any worse that Hue Jackson’s two season 1-32 record.
Sharkbait

I also have a feeling that we know we don’t know it all, so would listen to the assistant and position coaches, and prob the scouts too
Game Time Decision

Just don’t put hippo in charge of the medical staff
BrettFavresColonoscopy

He can’t be worse than the Chargers.
Horatio Cornblower

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So my evening’s off to a pretty pleasant start…

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

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My workday, summarized:

Sharkbait

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I have to drive to Petsmart. It takes like 15 minutes, but it feels like driving to the moon. I’ll see how I feel about it after I eat something.
Gumbygirl

Maybe you’ll see Miss Hoover there.
WCS

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I hope Aaron Rodgers signs somewhere and immediately dies of dysentary
BrettFavresColonoscopy

WCS

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Did anyone see this?!? I can’t stop laughing.
https://www.espn.com/golf/story/_/id/35812811/tiger-woods-girlfriend-asks-judge-resolve-nda-dispute

Woods told his girlfriend to go to the airport because they were going on vacation, and then, when she arrived, his staff informed her that there was no vacation and she had been locked out of his house, and was no longer welcome.
LongtimeLionsLoser

Christ, and I thought HIPPO was conflict averse…
King Hippo

A couple 9 irons to the back window will shake you
SonOfSpam

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What’s the line of succession for a King Midget?

Horatio? Any ideas?
LemonJello

Does this succession also take into account midgets who are “spare” and have stepped out of their senior Royal positions?
LongtimeLionsLoser

I bet Horatio has spare midgets in case the primary needs a night off.
Sharkbait

I see can see the injury report now:

Out: Horatio’s primary midget (rest)

It’s all about LOAD management.
LongtimeLionsLoser

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Arizona GOP put an old institutional GOP blowhard in charge of schools last year and now he’s setting up a hotline for parents to report inappropriate lessons in school. It’s a ways of money so I am against it.

From the article:

Parents can submit reports by calling 602-771-3500 during business hours or by emailing [email protected]. The emails are subject to release as public records.

How can we can all ruin this the way they ruined a peaceful transition of power? In our of the internet loop good but remember like AMC and when they got that bad singer to keep advancing on American Idol.

Serious pro- conspiracy comments requested.
blaxabbath

K-Pop
BrettFavresColonoscopy

I called the hotline.

“Press 1 for English…”
blaxabbath

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The Lions are betting favorites to get Lamar Jackson

LongtimeLionsLoser

This is all part of Detroit’s master plan to end up with Carson Wentz
BrettFavresColonoscopy

Take it back! Take it back right now!!!
LongtimeLionsLoser

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How did Mitch McConnell sustain a concussion when he fell? He has padding, since his head is permanently lodged up his own ass.
LongtimeLionsLoser

I just want to know how the floor is doing. Thoughts and prayers!
LemonJello

No amount of scrubbing will get that stain out.
Gumbygirl

Nancy Reagan could probably have gotten it out. She was something of a human wet-dry vac, or so I’ve heard.
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

The Dr. Mrs. must worship her.
Dunstan

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I keep meaning to pick up a bottle of Jameson or something similar. Not like any of the Irish will put one down.
BrettFavresColonoscopy

I may be alone in this but I find Jameson highly overrated. Good for shots and not much else.
Horatio Cornblower

But we can’t drink Bushmill’s because that’s the Protestant whiskey.

So is there an Irish you like better?
SonOfSpam

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Big thumbs up to our hero… Mr. Ayo!
2Pack

That’s not your thumb.
Gumbygirl

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Brick Meathook

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Pirate Attack: Have a safe room inside the boat with functional engine room, navigation and communcation. Once activated, all power to the other areas of the ship will be cut off so the pirate can’t gain control of the ship. They’ll spend time looking for the crew and how to control the ship while you go Full Speed Ahead towards help.

The Safe Room will be deep inside the boat accessible by false door in the floor which will be locked inside once the ship is lost to the pirates. It will also be sound proof so the crew can’t be found and so the pirates can’t scare the crew into compliance.

In case of Pirate Alert, all crew immediately goes to the Safe Room for safety and to eliminate being used by the pirates as a hostage. Anyone who is slow or lazy, best of luck in your next life.
Redshirt

This is ideal. But the costs are usually in excess to the danger.
Mr. Ayo

What if I struck up a musical number with the pirates to get them engaged, then steal THEIR boat while they are performing the chorus?
litre_cola

Trick them into performing the finale on their boat. When they hit the last note, that’s the cue to fire a cannon at the side of their boat.
Redshirt

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Me: “My town is so small….”

Audience: “HOW SMALL IS IT, SCOTCHY?”

Me: “It’s so small, every time I run into one of my wife’s extended family members at the grocery store, they look at the items in my basket and make a comment about them relating to a health scare I experienced last September!”

/really and truly, What The Fucking What?
scotchnaut

An underrated feature of “big city” life is being able to go about your business all day and not run into people who know way too much shit about you.
Dunstan

Or in both Hippo and Ted Kaczynski’s case, just move out to the wilderness and be an angry loner writing manifestos.
WCS

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I’m still stuck on the first picture. I’m just going to assume the others are nice as well.
Horatio Cornblower

I don’t understand. The first picture is a full-sized woman, not a dwarf…perhaps I have misunderstood your proclivities.
LongtimeLionsLoser

The dwarf isn’t for me.

What am I, some kind of weirdo?
Horatio Cornblower

Yes. All kinds of weirdo.
Gumbygirl

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Pulled pork will be ready in 49 minutes…

LongtimeLionsLoser

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Today is my 28th wedding anniversary. And also my wife’s. Apparently the traditional gifts on such occasions are orchids or amethyst jewelry.

We’re going out for pizza.
Horatio Cornblower

“And it’s our 5th anniversary-what am I, chopped liver?”

-A small person, in his designated closet, sitting in his nest made of dish rags, twigs, gym socks, old Penthouse magazines, shredded legal documents, an expired blowup doll and some Andy Sedaris VHS tapes.
scotchnaut

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@blaxabbath I benched 175 this morning for the first time in about a year and it’s all thanks to you!
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

/tomorrow

“Blax, I can’t lift my shoulder above my head for the first time in about a year and it’s all thanks to you!”
Horatio Cornblower

Actually that’s one of the things I’m happy about – my shoulder feels…[arm falls off]
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

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Took big man to the D.C. United v Orlando game last night. On the way in to the city we stopped in Fairfax, VA and FEASTED at District Dumplings. We were part of a large group from his county soccer league. They let the kids on the field to wish the team well on their way out of the tunnel. Beautiful stadium! Weather was freezing, but the kids had a blast. 1-1 final. Hung around the player exit so Finn could get some autographs after all his teammates headed home. Didn’t see Rooney, but ran into this guy! United earned a draw last night, but I got a big fucking win.

Fronkenshteen

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Selection Sunday is one of my personal favorite sprots days of the year.

I’m predicting a DFO Clubhouse Derby in the Round of 32 between the #1 seed Blaxs vs. #9 seed Cousinfuckers for a Sweet 16 berth and renewed hostilities in the long, angry interstate rivalry of hillbillies vs. desertbillies.
WCS

How in the white hell have I never heard the term ‘desertbillies’ before?
scotchnaut

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THIS YEAH RIGHT I CALL HIM LT MICHAEL BYRD BECAUSE HE SHOWED US ALL HOW GREAT A PIG CAN BE WHEN SURROUNDED BY A BLEND OF FATS AND WHITES.
blaxabbath

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Why can’t Johnny read?
Gumbygirl

Lea Michelle was running the teleprompter.
Col. Duke LaCross

She’s gonna announce Best Picture as “Ben Roethlisberger”
SonOfSpam

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I’m in the industry and an (Television) Academy member and I’m at LAX flying to SLC. My uncle George was an AMPAS member and Writers Guild Communist.
Brick Meathook

What brings you to Salt Lick?
Col. Duke LaCross

An airplane. Weren’t you paying attention?
Dunstan

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JENNY LIVES
makeitsnowondem

Forrest Gump alternate ending?
LemonJello

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Feel-good Putin victim story up next.
SonOfSpam

The Steven Seagal Story?
WCS

“Under Siege 6: the Buffet Line”
LemonJello

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Jamie Lee Curtis is going to spit up Yoplait.
WCS

It’s a Hollywood tradition dating all the way back to Nancy Reagan.
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Throat GOAT never spit up
SonOfSpam

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Thanks for all the comments and funny and everything else.

Stay busy and safe out there.

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