Hello there fellow DFO’er.  Hope you’re well today.  And thanks for coming back to see last weeks comments of the week as decided by my brain.  There’s no reason as to why some comments make it and others don’t. Seriously. There isn’t.

HOLY FUCK WE MADE IT TO SPRING.

Looks outside and sees a good foot of snow covering most of the yard.

Well, spring by the calendar. I do hate the time here were the snow is gone, but nothing is growing and it’s still all grey and dead.

This weeks cheesy motivational quote is:
Self-love seems so often unrequited [in bed].
Anthony Powell

This is EXACTLY why we can’t have nice things.

As a reminder, Sunday comments stand alone and Monday comments will go on the next week’s post.

Note that during the offseason, I’ll probably look at the Sunday posts.

Without further ado, here are the comments of the week.

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[From the Plant draft]
Aloe.
BrettFavresColonoscopy

IS IT MEEEEEEE YOU’RE LOOKING FOR?
BrettFavresColonoscopy

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Hey, is there an equivalent to the “mile high club” for having had sex on a train? If not, please propose a name for such a club.
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Railin’ and Nailin’
Dunstan

I once “took a ride on the Orient Express”, which is three euphemisms in one.
Beerguyrob

The 3:10 To Yourmom
SonOfSpam

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For anyone who wants to know, the Ukrainian term for dumbass is “Bow-van”
LongtimeLionsLoser

I always heard it pronounced, “pooh-tynn.”
WCS

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My wife is yelling at my mother-in-law in Ukrainian. My mother-in-law has been staying with us for five months.

It is bourbon o’clock for this guy.
LongtimeLionsLoser

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Maybe I should cut down on the beverages but some of those words strike fear into my incomplete mind.

Not sure if:“bone-conduction” or using: goggles for backstroke is safe.
DJ TAJ

I believe Nina Hartley was one of the first bone conductors, if memory serves me correct.
litre_cola

[puts an engineer’s hat on the remains of one of his victims and works its like a puppet]
“Look at me, I’m a bone conductor!” – scotchnaut
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

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Don T

Sharkbait

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LemonJello doggo update: He’s home an resting next to me (took the day off to make sure he’s on the road to full health). He’s eating a little and drinking water (we’ll have a drink later to celebrate). Thanks for the thoughts and prayers, they worked better than Ivermectin!
LemonJello

Great news. Dogs > people.
LongtimeLionsLoser

Like, for instance, a dog would never draft 3 WRs with their first pick in consecutive drafts.
Horatio Cornblower

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Lil’ WCS’s first grade project was to write and mail a letter (actual letter with actual mail) to someone they love. She addressed and sent it to me without telling me as surprise, and NO YOU’RE CRYING
WCS

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Life cycle computer swap out at work today. My future is very uncertain

2Pack

“Military grade” chow!
WCS

Wash it down with some Malk

Sharkbait

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Cool News-my favorite niece*-she’s maybe 12 or 13 or 14 years old-is representing northern Ontario in a Canada-wide ski-racing competition in Quebec next month.

*when I showed up to an Xmas get-together I had a bottle of Fiji water. Her response was, “There’s my rich uncle, I bet you fill up that bottle with regular spring water, just to pretend you’re rich”. She’s got moxie.
scotchnaut

I’m buying her a case of Fiji 500ml bottles to help her out during the competition and for her to recognize who has the final flex.
scotchnaut

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When we spring forwarded on Sunday, I didn’t realize we skipped all the way to winter.

Redshirt

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That’s odd. Normally people stare into darkness after joining the New York Jets, not before.
Redshirt

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I filled out my bracket before this insightful guide came out. I want everyone to remember that. It wasn’t my fault! I had no idea what I was doing!
Gumbygirl

I had no idea what I was doing!

Sharkbait

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Not only do I have to put on pants, I have to put on a suit and go to an awards ceremony for my wife’s company, and you can bet your ass I’ll be cornering her boss and asking him what exactly it is he doesn’t;t understand about these two days in March.
Horatio Cornblower

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Oh god we’re doing call-and-response team building stuff.

If anyone needs me I’ll be at the bottom of the lake.
Horatio Cornblower

Try to get a TRUMP POWER shout going.
WCS

Woman next to me is a Trumper.
Horatio Cornblower

Ooooh, get her talking about the Jews and 9/11
King Hippo

Mrs. Horatio is getting a better award and it’s absolutely killing the other woman.
Horatio Cornblower

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Bacon bar run

Horatio Cornblower

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O/U on how many of these free margaritas I put away tonight? I am not driving.

Horatio Cornblower

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Folks, the Trumper is mentioning Satanists and her husband is shushing her and this night just got a whole lot more interesting!
Horatio Cornblower

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Quaren is in her husband’s face because she got a question right and has repeated the answer three times so far, saying “I was right” each time.
Horatio Cornblower

I need to redirect this back to Satan, but do so in a way that doesn’t get my spouse filled with murderous rage towards me.
Horatio Cornblower

Bill Gates. That’s the perfect trigger.
King Hippo

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Quaren got the lowest award and just complained that she’s going backwards and my wife smiled and agreed with her.

The boss is now shushing her.
Horatio Cornblower

Is this a MLM thing?
blaxabbath

Real estate, so yes.
Horatio Cornblower

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We’re back home. Karen’s husband told her that her conduct was “unbecoming”, (he actually used said that), and apparently that’s their safe word because instead of doing what my wife would do to me if I said that, (although in all fairness I’ve never had to stop her from going on a rant about Satanists during an awards dinner), she just sulked until she won $50 in a raffle.

Somewhat disappointing end to an evening that was showing some promise to turn into an absolute shitshow that for once would not have been my fault.

Mrs. Horatio would like it stressed that no flags were obtained during the evening.
Horatio Cornblower

I love how flag larceny is now a standard unit of measurement when it comes to evenings out.
Sharkbait

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I like this Princeton fan girl they keep showing on TV. She’ll make for a fine ballwasher for the Don Jr when she reaches her career peak.
blaxabbath

Kim Guilfoyle is going to be such a trainwreck of future ex-wife entertainment.
WCS

Desperate Housewives of Failsons
scotchnaut

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Correction: The Reddit note about the damage cost and redesign of Shrederator was Nicholas Nave’s Reddit, not Brian Nave’s. (Thanks to Nick for letting me know!)
Senor Weaselo

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The bananacakes of this tournament will all be worth it when Seamus reaches down from heaven to remind North Carolina they didn’t make the tourney.
Beerguyrob

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How is Northern Kentucky’s abbreviation “N Kent”? Are they afraid people don’t know the abbreviation for Kentucky?

And Louisiana is “L’Siana”? Are the Graphics People paid by the letter?
Redshirt

“NO KY” sounds like Ben Shapiro’s wife’s nightmare
SonOfSpam

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Tonight’s sports dinner is a brisket that was given a 21-hour sous vide and a three-hour pecan wood smoke. It is currently in the process of getting into my belly.

Beerguyrob

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Got a ticket to The Cure. Am as happy as you could get for something so sad!
litre_cola

Derek Carr can never get ahead.
WCS

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My hippie child just called (from a bar before some random concert), needing the code they texted to my phone b/c she was locked out of her snapchat.

Probably best I don’t think about that too hard. Oh HAI PILL BOTTLE my love
King Hippo

     some random concert

I saw “Arbitrary” open up for Random back in ’03. The show was kinda, ‘meh’.
scotchnaut

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/me, heading off to my wee tv nook

Wifey: “Where you going?”

Me: “It’s March Madness time.”

Wifey: “Oh, is that a hockey thing?”

Me: “Basketball. It’s the college basketball tournament.”

Wifey: “Oh, right.”

/bless her heart. We have this exchange Every. Single. Year.
scotchnaut

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Don T

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RIKKI-TIKKI-DEADLY: [turns on UConn game he’s loudly been anticipating for the last two days]

DR. MRS. DEADLY: Let’s plan our next trip! I’ll need your full attention, immediately.
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

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Brocky

The Horatio Dwarf backstory we all needed
Mr. Ayo

That motherfucker’s been holding out on us!
Horatio Cornblower

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“I’ve never had a Farleigh. All the one I’ve had have been at extremely close range.” – Deanna Favre
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

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I have been informed that in order to cook “butter chicken” you must have more ingredients than just butter and chicken. This seems wrong to me.
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

“Do you have a Dust Bunny recipe? Not that you’ll ever find one in this house.” [sets Dyson on ‘maximum suckage’]

-Ms. RTD
scotchnaut

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What a weekend. Skied yesterday in the pouring rain with my dad and cousin, visiting from Yellowknife, which despite all of us being drowned rats, enjoyed the lovely soft snow conditions and a nice home cooked meal and shit ton of drinks. Woke up at my parents’ place and continued to mooch off their food, finished off a metric dick ton of marking at the kitchen counter like I was back in high school, went on a great hike, and now get to enjoy a second massive dinner and drinks with family. After working all week over March Break, I also finally have some time to just sit and chill and watch March Madness like God intended.

Also, Duke lost. Life is good.
The Maestro

     finished off a metric dick ton of marking at the kitchen counter

Please clarify. This sounds like you weighed and measured your junk using the kitchen scale.
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I will neither confirm nor deny this.
The Maestro

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“For a tradition unlike any other.* The Masters.”

*I’d say excluding people of color for as long as possible is a very popular tradition
scotchnaut

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MIL: “What are you cooking for supper?”

Wifey: [on a strict weight-loss diet] “I’m just having some tuna salad with crackers.”

MIL: [disappears in a puff of smoke like The Roadrunner]
scotchnaut

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Just got an email from a cigar retailer titled “Five Inches of Fury!” Which would be a good name for a fantasy team.

“Oh, that is a fantasy, for sure.” — Deanna F.
Dunstan

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The same fucking commercials on a loop for 4 days on TSN for teh hoops up here. I am ready to smash my tv the next time this Amazon Prime commercial comes on.
litre_cola

“Perfect! You can order a new one using Amazon Prime!” – Jeff Bezos
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

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WCS

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Can the Big 12 swap Creighton for Baylor straight up?
WCS

Why ask for consent? It’s Baylor, they should understand.
LemonJello

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Thanks for all the comments and funny and everything else.

Stay busy and safe out there.

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