Monday Morning Mock Drafts: Let’s Team Up

Today we’re going for a bit of a niche topic, but a niche topic with passionate fans.  Some of you are wrestling fans and will know whereof I speak.  Myself, I got way into wrestling in 7th or 8th grade.  Not the real wrestling mind you; that would have involved athletic ability and an insane amount of self-discipline, and like Katy Kat wearing clothes, that’s just not

Nope, I’m talking about fake wrestling, or better yet, rigged wrestling.  Yes, the matches are pre-determined, yes no one’s actually trying to hurt the other guy, (most of the time), but it still hurts being on the receiving end of a dropkick, suplex, or body slam.  Or so I would imagine.  I’m far too fragile to find out myself.

When I came in the Valentine Brothers were tag team champions, and they cheated.  Bad guys, they were or, in wrestling parlance, “heels.”  Since I was in Catholic school at the time I rooted for the good guys, they guys who played by the rules, no matter how many times those rules cost them.  Finally, the tag team of Ivan Putski and Tito Santana, (both good and ethnic!), caught up with the Valentines and took the tag team titles.  I was ecstatic, as dumb 12-year-olds tend to get about these things.  No doubt my father sighed and put all his hopes for living out his athletic dreams on my sister.

Since then I’ve fallen away from wrestling.  I find the real-life stories about what goes on behind the scene fascinating, but the in-ring action doesn’t do much for me anymore.  In a nod to my youth, however, this week I thought we’d go draft our favorite tag te…No, Balls, tag team wrestling.  WRESTLING!!  Goddammit I should have seen that one co…you know what, not even going to finish that.

You’re drafting wrestling tag teams.  Current, past, living, dead.  Only restriction is that it has to be a team.  And it can be a team with more than two members, because as Balls will tell you, the best things come in threes.  Although simultaneously gets kinda tricky in those circumstances.

Our commissioner is the late Bobby Heenan

who managed, (i.e. cheated) many a tag team to success, and who I just learned died of complication related to throat cancer, which sucks.  The Brain was an all-timer.

With the first pick I am taking The Road Warriors

a/k/a The Legion of Doom, individually known as Animal and Hawk.  These guys were the absolute shit back in what I’d consider the heyday, (i.e., the time when I was really into it), of wrestling, and legitimately terrifying guys.  Hawk eventually succumbed to a heart attack at 46.  Animal eventually succumbed to a heart attack, but at 60 and on a hotel bed during or after celebrating his anniversary with his wife. Wrestling is not good for a lengthy life-span, but at their peak The Road Warriors were, in my opinion, the absolute best when it came to tag team wrestling.  What a rush!

On that cheerful note

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Gumbygirl

Gumby’s pick is the Dream Team

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Gumbygirl

The Bushwackers!

Gumbygirl

.

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LongtimeLionsLoser

They licked each other’s heads for luck before matches!

Gumbygirl

They were actually from New Zealand. I looked it up, because I am a weirdo! Sorry, Kiwi’s, you own those head lickers!

ballsofsteelandfury

Great pick!!

LongtimeLionsLoser

The Godwinns…their story was that they were Arkansas pig farmers. OG MAGA.

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Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Seems kind of redundant; is there any other occupation in Arkansas?

LongtimeLionsLoser

Prison guards?

Gumbygirl

Meth manufacturers

Beerguyrob

The Midnight Express – OG version.

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LongtimeLionsLoser

The Twin Towers! Pete Carroll even believes in these Twin Towers!

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Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I assume their finishing move was some kind of dual clothesline called the “Steel Beam”?

2Pack

3rd round old school All Star Wrestling MLK 1973 or so… The Baron and the Mad Dog!

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Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Wait…the guy on the right isn’t Mike Ditka, is it?

BeefReeferLives

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ballsofsteelandfury

I’m pretty sure they wrestled in hot oil….

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LongtimeLionsLoser

Why didn’t I watch this wrestling growing up in the early 90’s?

2Pack

they can put me in a spinning toe hold anytime…

LongtimeLionsLoser

The Camel Toe?

WCS
WCS

Hearing that news was Layne Staley Pt. 2.

“That’s shitty, but not a surprise.”

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

grumble grumble me neither but let’s see where this takes us grumble grumble

blaxabbath

The only thing of value I can imagine a bank in Kentucky having inside that is worth mowing down a bunch of people is…more guns.

WCS

My cousin is a middle school teacher in Louisville, who is thankfully in Florida on vacation this week.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I assume it’s full of oxycodone pills, that’s the in-state currency, is it not?

LongtimeLionsLoser

But Raylan didn’t care about “shitkicker on shitkicker crime.”

LongtimeLionsLoser

I don’t think that his handling of Dewey Crowe was by the book.

King Hippo

Wrexham look like they are bottling the title race. Pity, that.

ballsofsteelandfury

They won!

TheRevanchist

That game was such a huge win. I can’t believe we might make a promotion finally. Last season was disappointing, and even more disappointing after watch the show to relive it all again. I have suffered with this team for 2 whole years. This must be what Rams fans felt like before The Greatest Show on Turf.

WCS

And right after Matt Vinterari murdered it.

blaxabbath

Hey! Now that we’re having mass shootings in banks, I actually believe we’re one step closer to routine gun violence happening to bank executives and, thus, meaningful action on gun reform.

Though, once it gets to that point, I’m think i may be more inclined to offer gun subsidies than legal restrictions on the average bank executive shooting American.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Steve Scalise getting shot and then hopping right back onto the gun-humping bandwagon (using a wheelchair assist, of course) killed any fantasies I had about the GOP’s views on gun violence changing once it hit close enough to home.

2Pack

In the second round, those Divas of Doom… Beth and Natalya

I will manage them both in the ring and out.

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2Pack

Leave it to me to go GLOW early… c’mon… catch up guys…

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

It was me. I know, I know, you don’t use the word “hero” very often…

scotchnaut

[makes “Yoink” gesture] Roddy Piper and Ricky Steamboat! So friggin’ entertaining.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

In my opinion Piper was *the* greatest entertainer that wrestling ever produced.

ballsofsteelandfury

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Gumbygirl

One million percent agree!

blaxabbath

Just glad I didn’t have to give up more than a 2nd here.

Rock n Sock Connection

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scotchnaut

One of your buddies skipped leg day on the regular.

2Pack

Lo Shirai and Mio Shirai

/turning Japanese – I really think so

// may not win much – but will have lots of fun losin…

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yeah right

Next pick and personal favorites:

The Hart Foundation!

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

These guys should have gone in the first round.

yeah right

Early 1st round.

yeah right

Correct.

blaxabbath

“Hitman” is not a nickname I could see flying today, even to describe a Sean Peyton linebacker.

TheRevanchist

Christian and Edge. They were absolutely hilarious and could perform. When they broke up, tag team wrestling just didn’t mean as much to me anymore.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

1. Gonna steal this one right out from under Horatio’s nose (or from straight out of his sex dungeon, as the case may be):

King Kong Bundy, Little Tokyo, and Lord Littlebrook

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Rikki-Tikki-Deadly
yeah right

British Bulldogs!

BrettFavresColonoscopy

What’s a Katy Kat?

LemonJello

And that’s what I appreciates about her.

Though she’s no Bonnie McMurray…

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BrettFavresColonoscopy

Ah I haven’t gotten around to Letterkenny yet. Appreciate it.

ballsofsteelandfury

You NEED to watch it!

Game Time Decision

and once started it, you ALSO need to watch Shoresy.

ballsofsteelandfury

I would dare say Shoresy is better than Letterkenny.

Last edited 1 year ago by ballsofsteelandfury
Redshirt

Two-Man Power Trip, Triple H and Stone Cold Steve Austin. They may not have been as long as most other tag teams, but they were one of the most dominant.

blaxabbath

Great Legion of Doom pick. Got a few but my draft consultant, Steve Keim, suggests I pick my choices in a specific order to maximize potential…..for an 0-17 season.

Hulk and Macho Man were my early tag team cheering interest.

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ballsofsteelandfury

Nikolai Volkoff and The Iron Sheik!!

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Last edited 1 year ago by ballsofsteelandfury
LemonJello

The WCW’s Four Horsemen! There will be no encore!

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King Hippo

Rock ‘n’ Roll Express!