Monday Morning Mock Drafts: Let’s Team Up

Today we’re going for a bit of a niche topic, but a niche topic with passionate fans.  Some of you are wrestling fans and will know whereof I speak.  Myself, I got way into wrestling in 7th or 8th grade.  Not the real wrestling mind you; that would have involved athletic ability and an insane amount of self-discipline, and like Katy Kat wearing clothes, that’s just not

Nope, I’m talking about fake wrestling, or better yet, rigged wrestling.  Yes, the matches are pre-determined, yes no one’s actually trying to hurt the other guy, (most of the time), but it still hurts being on the receiving end of a dropkick, suplex, or body slam.  Or so I would imagine.  I’m far too fragile to find out myself.

When I came in the Valentine Brothers were tag team champions, and they cheated.  Bad guys, they were or, in wrestling parlance, “heels.”  Since I was in Catholic school at the time I rooted for the good guys, they guys who played by the rules, no matter how many times those rules cost them.  Finally, the tag team of Ivan Putski and Tito Santana, (both good and ethnic!), caught up with the Valentines and took the tag team titles.  I was ecstatic, as dumb 12-year-olds tend to get about these things.  No doubt my father sighed and put all his hopes for living out his athletic dreams on my sister.

Since then I’ve fallen away from wrestling.  I find the real-life stories about what goes on behind the scene fascinating, but the in-ring action doesn’t do much for me anymore.  In a nod to my youth, however, this week I thought we’d go draft our favorite tag te…No, Balls, tag team wrestling.  WRESTLING!!  Goddammit I should have seen that one co…you know what, not even going to finish that.

You’re drafting wrestling tag teams.  Current, past, living, dead.  Only restriction is that it has to be a team.  And it can be a team with more than two members, because as Balls will tell you, the best things come in threes.  Although simultaneously gets kinda tricky in those circumstances.

Our commissioner is the late Bobby Heenan

who managed, (i.e. cheated) many a tag team to success, and who I just learned died of complication related to throat cancer, which sucks.  The Brain was an all-timer.

With the first pick I am taking The Road Warriors

a/k/a The Legion of Doom, individually known as Animal and Hawk.  These guys were the absolute shit back in what I’d consider the heyday, (i.e., the time when I was really into it), of wrestling, and legitimately terrifying guys.  Hawk eventually succumbed to a heart attack at 46.  Animal eventually succumbed to a heart attack, but at 60 and on a hotel bed during or after celebrating his anniversary with his wife. Wrestling is not good for a lengthy life-span, but at their peak The Road Warriors were, in my opinion, the absolute best when it came to tag team wrestling.  What a rush!

On that cheerful note