Monday Morning Mock Draft: Pa-Rum-Pa-Rum-Pa, Mother F***ker

Oh my god, look at that dork.  Jesus, no wonder people hate that song so much.  If I hadn’t just spent my hard-earned American cash on this computer I’d be very tempted to drive my fist right through it.  I apologize if you have been unable to resist that temptation, but I am absolutely not going to reimburse you for it.

Anyway, today we’ll be drafting our own personal drummer boys, more specifically, drummers.  Did they play the drums?  Then they’re eligible.  Look, don’t fuck this up, because that goofy bastard up there is the commissioner, and I do not want to be posting him more than the one time I already did.

Side note before we get started, the last couple of draft I haven’t really been too active because work obligations have gotten in the way.  Tomorrow is no different, with two depositions in the afternoon.  So from 1:30 to 4 you’re on your own, and without telling him beforehand I am arbitrarily appointing Rikki to be substitute commissioner during that time.

What can I say, the guy knows how to abuse power, and I respect that.

Anyway, drummers.  With the first pick I’m taking Buddy Rich.

I’ll get a video of that drum solo in the comments, since I’m a moron and can’t figure out how to do it here.  Well, I probably could, but it’s 11:18 pm and I’m on my second beer, (it was a busy day and night, and you could ask the dwarf why, but that fucker’s signed to an ironclad NDA, so good luck), and I frankly don’t want to.

Quick story, so as to satisfy the #content overlords:  When I was a wee Cornblower I used to drive down to New Haven for the Jazzfest on the town green during the summers.  9 times out of 10 it was me and my friend Rick, neither of whom was 21, trying to find people who’d buy us booze, a goal I’d say we hit 50% of the time.  The rest of our time was spent striking out with various women.  Can’t imagine why women at a jazz fest weren’t interested in a couple of high school dorks with bad haircuts and worse social skills, but that’s New Haven for you!

Then we went on a night when Buddy Rich was the main event.  Rick, who drummed, told me on the way down that this time we were going to watch the show.  No Boone’s Farm, (strawberry, fuck yeah!), no humiliating efforts to get to second base.  Buddy Rich was a god, I was told, and we were by god going to to watch the man drum.  Which he did.

Rick was not wrong, Buddy Rich was a god, and he is the first pick in this week’s draft.  The rest of you are on the clock.

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2Pack

My 5th and final pick is Gina Schock from the Go Gos

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ballsofsteelandfury

Great pick!

SonOfSpam

Tony Thompson was awesome in Chic then beastly for Power Station

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=O2vHbXI2p4k&pp=ygUZcG93ZXIgc3RhdGlvbiBiYW5nIGEgZ29uZw%3D%3D

BeefReeferLives
SonOfSpam

He wears his war wound like a crown.

Fronkenshteen

Steve Gadd. Plays that great piece at the end of the song “Aja”, too. FUCK I miss when it absolutely didn’t matter what musicians looked like.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ou70vvjE8k4

BeefReeferLives

Solid pick. His work on “Atomic” is the shit.

& good to hear that your dog is safe. I was reminded of a certain cover from The National Lampoon.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

4. Gene Hoglan/Pickles the Drummer

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Don T

Ringo Starr. Anyone who can be on time to every recording session (source: Get Back doc) AND be quiet and professional all day while putting away at least four bottles of wine daily during work hours is a god damn GOD.
Plus he sobered up and became even happier. Exemplary in every way.

https://youtu.be/vWW2SzoAXMo

2Pack

I was wondering how much longer he was gonna hang around. Would have been my next pick.

WCS

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I grew up in a Beatles-centric household, so well done.

BeefReeferLives
BeefReeferLives
Don T

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2Pack

4th round… Meg White.

/ deftly ducks thrown objects
// flees venue quickly via backstage emergency exit

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BeefReeferLives

Well perhaps you should just tell us all who he is. I’m sure all of the totally ethical and not underhanded at all folks on here would be sure to not pick him for you.

WCS

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WCS

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Somehow, Danny Carey is still available? Uh, that’s the steal of steals.

BeefReeferLives
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

3. Jon Fishman. I don’t think he’s particularly highly regarded as a drummer, but a lot of his work has made me happy while I’ve been high, so I’ll give him some of that sweet third round money.

BeefReeferLives

Plays one helluva vacuum cleaner as well.

Fronkenshteen

George Hurley. The man’s chops make it an obscenity this band ends up in the punk bin:https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=g4QkQVJTuP8&pp=ygUebWludXRlbWVuIHRoZSBwb2xpdGljcyBvZiB0aW1l

BeefReeferLives
SonOfSpam
2Pack

3rd round – Ginger Baker

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5TH32ercNP0

Last edited 1 year ago by 2Pack
WCS

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yeah right

Bill Brufford.

Period.

yeah right
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

2. Ronnie Verrell/Animal. Say what you want but he held his own here, at least for a little while.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VJh9W3Gcpmo

Last edited 1 year ago by Rikki-Tikki-Deadly
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Is this what it feels like to be a Federalist Society lawyer presenting an argument before the Supreme Court?

LongtimeLionsLoser

With my second selection, I take Nirvana-era Dave Grohl.

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LongtimeLionsLoser

Whoa, whoa. Dave Grohl destroying his drums by jumping into them following the conclusion of a show was the coolest shit ever when I was kid.

This is some “completing the process of the catch” level assbackwardry.

However, I can see your point in that we wouldn’t want to confuse Eli Manning, who would see the guy from the “Food Fighters.”

LongtimeLionsLoser

Sorry, my mistake. I was definitely doing the faux outrage.

I thought that you meant that since he sings/plays guitar now he wasn’t eligible. As can often happen, I messed up.

LemonJello

“I gotta get my pick in now for Animal.”
-Eli Manning, from behind the battlements of his pillow fort

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Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

YOU SON OF A BITCH!

BeefReeferLives

Michael Shrieve. (Is still playing, I think)

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BeefReeferLives

Coincidence that Animal was picked right after I posted this?

i think not…

BeefReeferLives
BugEyedBoo

Since we’ve picked all the drummers I GAS about, here’s one for the shoulder guy, the foot guys, the cleavage guys, and the Tool fans. Meytal Cohen. Oy Vey!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4Yw8aaqnnrg

Last edited 1 year ago by BugEyedBoo
2Pack

2nd round, value pick, Mister Charlie Watts!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=93H2Oo7sQYQ

Last edited 1 year ago by 2Pack
BeefReeferLives

Interesting lil factoid:

“’Street Fighting Man’ was recorded on Keith’s cassette with a 1930s toy drum kit called a London Jazz Kit Set, which I bought in an antiques shop, and which I’ve still got at home,” Watts explained in 2003.

https://faroutmagazine.co.uk/the-rolling-stones-lo-fi-street-fighting-man/

2Pack

Explains the distinct sound on that song.

Gumbygirl

I just read his authorized biography. He was an interesting guy. Loved cars, had a bunch of classic ones, never learned to drive. That’s the epitome of cool!

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Unrelated, but if one acquires a gently used Fleshlight, does that make you and the previous owner Fleshkimo brothers?

BeefReeferLives

Buddy Miles (another Buddy to could really hit them skins)

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=w05CYrXe4p4

Game Time Decision

the TR808, making beats since 1980

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BrettFavresColonoscopy

You’re all just making it easy for the machines to take over.

Game Time Decision

DJ 3000 will never escape the loop, so we’re good.

BeefReeferLives
Last edited 1 year ago by BeefReeferLives
Game Time Decision

I saw in a documentary that they went in to buy guitars and came out with the TR808. They started as a punk band when they first got together

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

“Great pick.” – DJ 3000

Game Time Decision

“Great pick.” – DJ 3000

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

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Game Time Decision

I was going with a joke about recursion and DJ 3000 coming across this thread multiple times and commenting. Too obscure?

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

No, that’s on me for not getting it. It’s actually a terrific joke.

BeefReeferLives

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Game Time Decision

Thanks for the vote of confidence that my joke landed.
/lies. lol

Fronkenshteen

They used his beats to create hip-hop. He never saw a nickel. Clyde Stubblefield:
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=7WQmqIIlhZo&pp=ygUdY2x5ZGUgc3R1YmJsZWZpZWxkIGNvbGQgc3dlYXQ%3D

BeefReeferLives

The original “Funky Drummer”

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Man, how dare you do drummers while I’m driving up the coast?

Since Rikki stole my fave, I’ll start with Mitch Mitchell

BeefReeferLives

/pushes glasses up nose

I think that Jimi had moved on by then, and it was Buddy Miles on the drums for that song…

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Fuck you’re right and i knew that.

BeefReeferLives

That’s okay. You gave me the chance to be an insufferable know-it-all. So thanks!

yeah right

Jerry Marrotta.

This is where some kind person would post Peter Gabriel Kiss of Life for reference.

SonOfSpam
SonOfSpam

He was an Ayn Rand guy in his younger days, then grew out of it; it sucks but at least he didn’t die asking “Who is John Galt?”

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

“I don’t know him personally, but he’s got a file with us that’s about four inches thick.” – the records keeper at an Atlanta area STD clinic, circa 2005

2Pack

First round – Phil Rudd

Last edited 1 year ago by 2Pack
2Pack
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

1. Keith Moon.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Highly recommend this biography if you haven’t read it:

https://youtu.be/Lw2L_vGUMtE

Don T

This is my go-to song whenever I hear bad takes on Moon The Loon’s drumming

https://youtu.be/SKX6GOmTGBA

Don T

by my count, there are at least FIVE extremities being used while drumming

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Aw, but getting drunk with power will disrupt my plans for getting regular drunk! Unless…wait, can you get two different kinds of drunk at the same time?

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

“Yes. Five, in fact.” – Britt Reid

BugEyedBoo
LongtimeLionsLoser

With my first pick, I take the dude from Spaceballs, played by Terence Marsh (per The Google)

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Last edited 1 year ago by LongtimeLionsLoser
King Hippo

Christopher Guanlao, Silversun Pickups. The real-life incarnation of Animal (See video):

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AG8fugqFn9Q

LemonJello

1st selection: John Bonham!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UOSf9f5_qZ8

2Pack

5:45 in… we’ll throw hands if thats nawt kick ass drummin…

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oRkA7ZFoIgQ

Last edited 1 year ago by 2Pack
BugEyedBoo

See you that and raise you In My Time of Dying. Just go to 5:00 if you want to get to the kickass parts.

https://youtu.be/scpqae3P7Dg?t=300

ballsofsteelandfury

In honor of TWBS, there is this YouTube female drummer he always used to post:

A-YEON:

https://youtu.be/b_nGaikpN6k

LemonJello

“GODDAM, THAT’S JUST GOOD HUSTLE!”

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LongtimeLionsLoser

“The lower left view of her feet really should be featured in Sexy Friday.”

-Rex Ryan

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

“I don’t know, there’s just something about her I don’t trust.”

– Bill Parcells