Yesterday afternoon, while perusing the Kentucky Derby comments and making my own pick to win, (can’t believe Emmitt Smith let me down like that), I noticed Dunstan suggesting, possibly without even knowing it, a draft of fictional animals. Goddamn! I thought, that’s not only a great idea but it’s way better than the one I had.
Worst Songs To Get A Lap Dance To, and I will be using that in the future and the first pick is The Wreck of The Edmund Fitzgerald. So just be prepared.
As to this topic the rules are easy, and should be obvious: Is it an animal? Is it fictional? If you can answer yes to both of these questions, you can draft that fictional animal. Now, anticipating a couple of issues it does not have to be a cartoon. Lassie was a real collie, but the character wasn’t real. You can draft Lassie. You could also draft Old Yeller, but if you do that you may as well just wear a big “I’m a psychopath” sign around your neck.
Item the second: it does not have to be a real animal the we would recognize on Earth. We’re talking fictional animals here, so if you wanted to draft Gleep, that green and useless monkey the Wonder Twins had you could do that. I have no idea why you’d want to, but you could. If whatever it is is recognized as an animal wherever it comes from, you can draft it.
Item the third: Your pick has to be something we recognize from pop culture. You can’t just say “I want a horse with the head of a duck!” even if I did use that for the featured image. Now, if that horse with the head of a duck has a name and has appeared in a work of fiction of any kind, go for it. If you just have a need to have a horse with the head of a duck well, keep that shit to yourself, weirdo.
Dunstan came up with this pick, so I’m awarding him the first pick. Of course, I also didn’t tell him about this like, ever, so I have to go by his comment and I will therefore award him:
Scooby Doo! I believe Dunstan preferred him over Snoopy, as Scooby Doo was perceived as being better for team chemistry. Probably true if somewhat unfair, since Snoopy clearly had issues with PTSD from his time as a WWI fighter pilot.
With the second pick I will take:
The Kraken. The oceans are mine, plus I’m guessing he can get me pretty good seats to Stanley Cup play-off games.
The rest of you are on the clock.
Canada gooses:
Unfortunately those are all too non-fictional.
Or, as a chum refers to them: flying carp.
Cobra chicken
Wile E. Coyote:
/Pssst!!
(Hey, RTD, unless I’m mistaken there is a certain cobra killing mongoose that is still on the board!)
This is an incredible oversight.
Childhood wish fulfillment, Michelangelo from the teenage mutant ninja turtles to hang out with.
The original one.
Okay, so the garbage disposal I am installing didn’t come with a cord. And since the Dr. Mrs. drove off to Sacramento for a few days, I don’t have a car. So now I have to ride my bike to the damned hardware store. I’m not sure whether to make a THIS GUY joke using Eli Manning, or Britt Reid.
Henry Ruggs
Send the Roomba to get it. It could probably use the fresh air.
.
Baloo. Great friend, a fighter and a fine voice.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=08NlhjpVFsU&ab_channel=DisneySingItVideos
How has Hippo not drafted his namesake yet?
Did he not get the thing you sent him?
Why would he draft him, he *is* him.
Is Santa’s Little Helper an UDFA?
No one has taken him yet.
He was considered late-round talent and was not invited to the green room.
But he has grit, and he eats tape constantly.
Yes, but he’s not supposed to be eating that tape.
*concedes that he’s a naughty dog*
Woody Woodpecker:
Just got a (shitty) picture of a Pileated Woodpecker yesterday. Little fuckers seem to know just when you’ve got them in focus and then move just out of range.
Fif Pick: Droopy
5th round. We are Siamese, if you please
Not you, Gumbygirl.
We know Herr Mouse ain’t care.
Woo, speaking of raycessness, I’m watching 80’s videos. The Cure is doing Why can’t I be you, and there’s a guy in blackface.
And since I’m being CANCELED BY THE WOKE MOB, I’m changing my 5th round pick to my girl Minnie
Lil’ and Lil’er WCS support this choice. Or Bluey.
Last pick, & also in memorium to Mr. Bun: Bigwig (Thlayi). He was rather gruff, but a smart, brave and valorous rabbit.
“My chief rabbit has told me to stay and defend this run, and until he says otherwise, I shall stay here.”
Watership Down really showed rabbits as a bunch of violent pricks.
‘Animals don’t behave like men,’ he said. ‘If they have to fight, they fight; and if they have to kill they kill. But they don’t sit down and set their wits to work to devise ways of spoiling other creatures’ lives and hurting them. They have dignity and animality.'” (Strawberry to -ironically enough- Gen. Woundwort)
Robin Hood
This is the best adaptation. Full stop
No doubt. That fox could act circles around Kevin Costner and by far the best Little John.
No shit. Oo-De-Lally JUST came on spotify after posting this. We’re all being spied on.
nothing to see here. move along *waves hand*
I was going to take Rin Tin Tin, but turns out he was a real dog.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Rin_Tin_Tin
Daffy Duck:
A dog that can drive stick? Yes, please. Muttley is off the board,
.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bt9I0plRoGs&ab_channel=Popiko
Rocket Raccoon
https://youtu.be/_g85U_MjrZY
Does anyone have the Addison cartoon from Deadspin? Someone did an awesome cartoon of Addison, Clark the Cub’s seductive mom.
Snagglepuss:
Lola Bunny, from the original Space Jam
Did BFC select her earlier, or was he just checking her ID?
I thought BFC just asked to make sure that there were no statutory issues. I don’t believe that he selected the 26-year old phenom.
There was no selection, just a request for an age check.
Correct. I was also kind of assuming Balls would take her
Ein, the hyperintellegent “data dog” from CowboyBebop. He is also, being a Welsh Corgi, adorable and affectionate.
Remy from Ratatouille
[Edit working picture link]
Great fucking pick.
Could Catherine the Great count since she’s got a little horse in her?
“a little”?
Speaking of, do not click on this link: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Enumclaw_horse_sex_case
Somehow he’s still on the board. He’s the Will Levis of this draft. I take Roger Rabbit.
I thought about taking him but thought he’d be annoying to have around 24/7. And he’s a terrible drinking buddy.
He brings along Jessica…And you know that Jessica would be down for some wild shit.
Just a little hanky panky. Otherwise she’s a one rabbit woman.
Pick 3: Arceus. Pokemon God? Yes.
Touchdown, Air Bud!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-_lsV1D9kG8
I’ll take Yoshi for transportation, companionship, and ability to reach things with his tongue that I can’t (not like that, ya perv)
Jordan Pickford has one of the more punchable faces in all of sports.
“Punchable Faces” could be a future draft idea…
[Jay Cutler stock soars on your suggestion]
I feel like it would work better as a tournament.
Martin Shkreli would be a 1 seed, right?
Sam Bankman-Fried would be another top selection.
And overall champion
Tucker could give him a run for his money
The answer is in the mirror, Tucky Boy.
I like this idea. We could do it over a couple of weeks. Probably need to come up with a consensus on 64, seed them, then set up…
This sounds like a lot of work. it’s a terrible idea.
Teddy the Niffler. An affectionate lil guy, who can find buried treasure.
Hooch was a good boy.
My 4th round pick is Card Shark. He’s great at those trick plays.
Bold of Everton to keep this team on ice until there were 3 weeks left in the season.
Name another Cold Warrior MOAR affable than Bullwinkle J. Moose U CAN’T!!!!
Goddammitt! I fucking love Bullwinkle!
WCS isn’t here, but I have his proxy, so I will draft Snowball II for him.
I’ll take Barf from Spaceballs since he’s a mawg
A horse is a horse, of course, of course. In the 4th round, Gumbygirl selects Mr. Ed
Haven’t seen Balthromaw taken yet, so I will.
He may be a bit of a slut, but hopefully I can get in some fun flights and have him incinerate my enemies (including every member of the Freedumb Caucus and Federalist Society) before soul bonding with everybody else I know…
This is fantastic value
That dolphin you know as Flipper, smh:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PZKo_enssAQ
Toothless from “How to train your dragon”
This is bonkers. Please stay weird, universe. PLEASE.
I had a 12:30 client call. Didn’t even see #1 go in the net. You can BET YOUR ASS Hippo left the teevee box on mute, I ain’t jinxing fuckshit.
BRB Going to your house to cut the power
Hippo and Other Hippo each grievoUsly regret how this turn of events aids the goddamned Redshite.
I’ll draft the Brighton Seagulls next because since they’re down 3-0 to relegation threatened Everton, they’re clearly imaginary today
Tough, but fair.
4th Round: Lockjaw
Who wouldn’t want a 1 ton pupper that can teleport?
One ton? Better get a big scoop for walk time!
Maybe he can make that teleport to the dumpster?
Or to your annoying neighbor’s yard…
Mickey fucking Mouse
You can have him once he’s done fucking the governor of Florida
Which he hopefully will never stop doing.
Imagine losing to a cartoon mouse
“Hey, you know what? Go fuck yourself.” – Tom
Ditto
-Scratchy
Others have underestimated him as well. Big mistake. That mouse is gangsta’.
The Babel Fish.
Damnit! I was sitting on this waiting for enough picks to pass so I could grab it. See?
Well, I think the Ravenous Bugblatter beast of Traal is still available….
I’ll take Speedy Gonzalez, who can quickly steal me some tequila, cheese, and probably crack.
I will take Slowpoke Rodriguez “He has a gun.”
In the 3rd round selecting the Great White Buffalo.
Oh my Gawd.
4. I’ll take the Goose that Lays Golden Eggs. Only I won’t be a stupid dumb shit and eat it, I’ll use the gold to buy *other* gooses to eat.
Andy Reiding intensifies
I assume his first pick would be Wilbur from Charlotte’s Web. Or maybe Pinky from A Day No Pigs Would Die.
He’d never take Wilbur.
Wilbur cared about Charlotte’s kids.
Is Nibbler an animal? If so I take him next.
He ain’t a person.
Fucking hell, Everton! That wasn’t disappointing at all.
Well that’s not an ideal start