Fun fact, per Wikipedia, the Danish Women’s National Lesser Footy team represents both Denmark and Greenland, so if you’ve been sitting tight on “how many Inuit does it take to get a soccer ball into a net” jokes, well, today is your day.  Also you’re probably a lunatic.

Nicknamed The Red & The White, in what is truly an amazing display of marketing creativity, the Danish women’s team has appeared in 5 World Cups, (look it’s all in the Wiki article, OK?), with two finishes in the quarter-finals in 1991 and 1995 being their best results.  They went 8-0 in qualifying for this year’s tournament, but looking at that group I wouldn’t expect that sort of a tear in the actual Cup tournament.  After all, they can’t count on someone in their group getting DQ’d for invading a neighboring country every year.

Denmark is ranked 13th in the world, behind England at 4, just ahead of China at 14, and (scrolls furiously), just a smidge better than 53rd-ranked Haiti.The Red & The White, (groan), play in Group D, opening against China on 7/22, then playing England 7/28 and ending against Haiti on 8/1, in what will probably be the equivalent of a snuff film.

Denmark’s best player is apparently an Afghan, Nadia Nadim, a striker who plays professionally for Racing Louisville FC in the NWSL and in her off-time disappoints xenophobic anti-immigrant types, although truth be told I have no idea if those exist in Denmark, (I mean, how could a people who invented Legos be mean) (steps on Lego while barefoot:  My God, they’re monsters), or if that’s mostly a US thing.  She also speaks nine languages, qualified as a medical doctor in 2022, and aims to become a reconstructive surgeon after her playing career is over.

I would suggest not getting in Ms. Nadim’s way.

The outlook for Denmark, according to me, a guy who knows nothing about women’s lesser footy, is a win against China in a close-fought game, a loss to England in which I make way too many jokes about The Daneland and King Canute, and then a resounding victory against an overwhelmed Haiti.  The Red & The White, (seriously, nothing else?), advance to the quarter, with some suggesting, (link not found, but I did read this), they would most likely meet Japan.  Since the Danettes (OK, we can workshop that), recently beat Japan I’ll pick them to do so again and advance to the…quarters?  Semis?

Look, I’m not really sure how this tournament works, OK?  But Denmark should give a good showing for themselves and maybe some countries with backasswards views of women’s rights should take a long hard look at themselves and then not only would they have better sports teams they might also have more surgeons.