God, this offseason just will not end. I cannot wait for Hippo Thoughts to move in here every Monday through the off-season, and not just because it’s always funny, to the extent I understand any of it.
Disturbingly, I am getting to the point that I understand most of it. Probably not a good sign.
Anyway, the point is that
coming up with a topic for a draft every week. I mean, it’s not coal mining or anything, but for a dainty-ass lawyer-type like myself, all this typing is giving me calluses on my fingertips, and the thinkin’ part is giving me debilitating headaches, the same kid my clientele usually doles out in low-speed accidents.
Last week we went full-on lowbrow, essentially drafting women with nice asses, with the occasional pork butt thrown in. This week we’re doing a quick 180 and going highbrow:
Works of Art.
That’s right, is it’s a painting, or a sculpture, it is eligible for this week’s draft. Yes, there are other forms of art, but I might need them for next offseason so don’t give me any shit, OK? AND DO NOT DRAFT EMILY RATA..RAJA…RAKA
LOOK, YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN, OK!? JUST DON’T. I WILL TURN THIS CAR AROUND SO FAST!!!
-ahem-
/assumes docent’s voice
With the first pick, I shall select Van Gogh’s ‘Starry Night’
I love this painting. It’s just so cool. I had a joke in here about how that girl should have taken one for the team and married Van Gogh so he wouldn’t cut off his ear and eventually kill himself, but apparently there wasn’t a girl involved, it was an incident over a possible debt and Vincent being generally, I believe the correct term here is ‘fucking batshit crazy,’ and the confusion stems from him later having the ear packaged up and sent to a brothel.
As one does.
On that happy note, the draft is open. The rules are noted above. Your commissioner is Vincent Van Gogh, of course.
Go ahead, piss him off. He’s got a razor blade and he’s already down one ear. He’s got nothing to lose.
The first pick is already made. The rest of you are on the clock. All artwork in the post is available, including the featured image, except Starry Night.
I’ll take William Blake not just a great writer but his poetry? Otherworldly. According to legend if you look at his painting “Red dragon on Field of Green” you will go straight to hell. So this means I am either burning in hell at this very moment or it is so much ass bologna.
Elvgren pin-up girls.
I have a tattoo of one of them similar to this one. Can’t find the exact one.
Have you checked both arms?
And since my third pick didn’t actually post thanks to goddamn WordPress having a tismy day…
Kasimir Malevich’s Black Square (aka the proof that if you find enough snooty arseholes, everything can be called art.. even this). Also, this pick is what got me thinking about the Banana 4th pick..
With my fourth pick, Maurizio Cattelan’s taped banana…
Are Simpsons gifs considered art?
They should be!
Given that a goddamn banana duct-taped to a wall was considered art enough to fetch 120 grand, why wouldn’t the Simpsons be art as well?!
For purposes of this draft no, simply because I might want to use animated gifs as a draft topic in the future. But realistically, yes.
Marcel Duchamp is better known for his installations but did you know he was a Cubist as well? This is Chess Players.
4. The Raft of the Medusa by Théodore Géricault.
Been trying to think of a good pick, so I decided to let Rodin do it for me
Titian’s Venus of Urbino.
Separating the link because titties
h
ttps://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/thumb/b/bb/Tiziano_-_Venere_di_Urbino_-_Google_Art_Project.jpg/800px-Tiziano_-_Venere_di_Urbino_-_Google_Art_Project.jpg
I’ll defer to the admins, but I’m OK with boobies being seen in classic art.
I am too but we have some prudes in the clubhouse.
Better safe than sorry.
STOP CALLING ME A PRUDE
Gonna be awkward when I draft Leonardo’s David.
Post a picture showing just his ass.
Since I realized some of my choices are a bit too dark or not too palatable for Western sensibilities… With my second pick I choose someone safe ‘n’ awesome – Derek Riggs’ album art for Iron Maiden.
For example –
Grrrr, wordpress, grrrrr….
Take two, I suppose?
There is no such thing as too dark
@bk109 pick suggestion and an article you might enjoy:
https://popdose.com/uncovered-zz-top-afterburner/
Not gonna pick those (even though I love ZZ Top’s album art judging by the dozen concert tees of theirs I already own), the article is fantastic, tho! Thanks for sharing it with me 🙂
My pleasure. The author is a dear friend of mine – I wish he’d done more installments in the series.
I cut my ear off with a razor after a fight over some debts, mailed the ear to a whore, and later shot myself in the chest, and you’re worried about “a bit too dark”?
I feel like each individual thing you mentioned there is something an NFL player has done at some point.
Paul Klee was a fascinating painter-went through several different periods. This is-you guessed it-Red Balloon.
Another Chicago pick: Monet’s Water Lily Bridge that I remember being captivated by as a young kid visiting the Art Institute.
Tom Lea, 2000 yard stare
First choice obviously Hieronymus Bosch, we all know the second artist and with my third choice I will go with staggering Mark Ryden.
Rene Magritte, The Son of Man. Completely absurd, in the best possible way!
Great pick
I came close to taking him with my 2nd pick. Well done.
This is my favorite painting I
ownknow of. I mean know of!Christ in the Storm on the Sea of Galilee because the edit button thinks I’m posting too fast
Selection the third: Washington Crossing the Delaware, Emanuel Leutze
https://collectionapi.metmuseum.org/api/collection/v1/iiif/11417/42494/main-image
3. Going with pure, unadulterated literal value here: The Mask of Tutankhamun.
No Turners? I’ll go with “Fishermen at Sea”
Nat Turner has selected “Wake Up America” by Jon McNaughton
What’s with the chicken?
Since someone already opened the door for photographs… I take William Anders’ Earthrise. Also good afternoon y’all.
Back to Chicago for Chagall’s windows
.
My 4th selection… Vargus…
With my next pick, I select Fragonard’s The Swing.
Specially because of her explanation:
https://youtu.be/eF3YsSW1tzE
The first upskirt!
He was of his time, not sure if his work will hold up but Keith Haring’s work was jarring and he did so many good things in his community.
That’s “Radiant Baby” by the way.
Always loved this portrait of Edward Gorey. (love his artwork, of course, but something about this portrait haunts me)
Selection the second: Death on the Pale Horse, Benjamin West
What? It’s an octopus pleasuring a lady
Truly stunned it took that long for one of those to show up.
No one will take this brilliant artist.
I will!
Thanks for the giggle Gumby
Nice topic
I pick the Louvre. Not the art on display inside, the building itself. Most ceilings are painted, marble and huge columns everywhere, the funky glass entrance.
St. Peter’s at the Vatican too. My son walked in, stopped dead in his tracks, and yelled “Jesus Christ!” Exactly, Ben. It is more than a little bit overwhelming.
Taking Guernica, and fascists can fuck right off forever
Damn that was related to my parliamentary inquiry
I worked for a company that had that on the conference room wall. I probably should have asked if they actually looked at this painting.
It’s horrific (as it should be)
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ul0uJfhywW8
Parliamentary inquiry: Once a piece by an artist is picked, is the rest of their catalog still available or are they off limits?
I would think the catalog is still in play since artists can have different periods of types of works
The rest of the catalog is in play. We’re going piece-by-piece here.
If you ever get the chance to stand next to this on a summer day you’ll know… you feel cooler. Bernini.
I could probably do this whole draft with Chicago themed picks but let’s switch to Spain and grab Saturn Devouring His Son before someone else tries to draft it.
2. The Temptation of St. Anthony by Salvador Dali.
If no one else wants it, I’ll take The Great Wave off Kanagawa, by Hokusai.
.
Edvard Munch – The Dance of Life.
I feel like we need some appropriate music in the art gallery
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pdsyNwUoON0
We already did music as art:
https://doorfliesopen.com/2019/08/02/dfo-art-week-request-line-radio/
I’m surprised there isn’t more overlap between the mock draft and request lines.
Wife and were in New York and walked into the Guggenheim and there was a small exhibition of Kandinsky, who is one of my top 5 painters. I was giggling like a schoolgirl the entire time, not believing my luck.
FTFY
Hopper’s Nighthawks.
One of my favorites, should have took that first.
Was on my board, too
Merican Gothic, Grant Wood taken in the second round…
Van Gogh- The Siesta [colors are off in this picture]
Keeping the Chicago theme going:
Seurat’s A Sunday Afternoon on the Island of La Grande Jatte.
(also obligatory:
?w=1024)
Had no idea Gordie Howe was such an art fan.
The technique used to paint that is insane.
is that what became pointillism?
I read about it and yes, that’s just nuts.
Look, he made a hat!
Tough day at the office.
1. Gotta stick with a blue chip pick and take Michelangelo’s Sistine Chapel.
I always liked Jackson Pollock. I’ll take Number 31.
I will select “Modesty” by Corradini.
Chit! I had that up next.
I’ve seen these close up… friggen amazing! Napoli has much more than Marika folks.
I don’t know who painted this, but I envy him for getting her to pose for him like that.
I will take those railway posters from the 20s and 30s. Love them!
This particular poster was on my wall for most of my 20s.
And this will be my #1 pick since I’m restricted to one.
Nice. I love vintage travel posters
An excellent subject to pick from, but you only get one of those posters. Just like I only get one ear.
I’ll take that Picasso they got over at Daley Plaza
(Obligatory: https://youtu.be/LMagP52BWG8)