CFL Beat: Week 18

With four weeks left in the regular season, there’s still a final playoff spot up for grabs. Will it be the Saskatchewan Roughriders? Probably. Will it be the Stampeders or Elks? Almost definitely not. Will it be the Ottawa REDBLACKS making history and earning the CFL’s first-ever East to West crossover playoff spot in history? When pigs fly. But boy, there sure are a lot of bad teams duking it out for that third seed in the West.

In league news this week:

  • Longtime Saskatchewan Roughrider and legendary running back George Reed died on the weekend at the age of 83. One of the greatest CFL players of all time, Reed spent his entire career from 1963-1975 with the Roughriders, and retired as the league’s all-time rushing yards leader (held until 2004, when he was passed by Mike Pringle) and rushing TDs leader (a record he still owns today). To say that Reed was a beloved figure in his adopted province of Regina is an understatement – he overcame the hurdles of moving from rural Mississippi to a great college career at Washington State, and in permanently adopting Canada as his new nation, earned himself an Order of Canada in 1978 – the highest civilian award available in this nation. He also was inducted into the Canadian Football Hall of Fame in 1979 the minute he became eligible for the award.
  • The CFL announced that Green Day will be the halftime show at the Grey Cup this year. 12-year-old me is stoked. 30-something me doesn’t quite know how to feel about this just yet. I’m just a Canadian Idiot, though.
  • The Toronto Argonauts celebrated their 150th anniversary yesterday at City Hall, where the team flew their flag for all to see. Cool to see – the Argos are the oldest professional sports franchise using the same nickname in all of North America, and their October 4th, 1873 founding makes them 25 years older than the NFL’s Arizona Cardinals.
  • Former Argos WR Chad Owens, the CFL’s all-time single-season all-purpose yards record holder, will sign a one-day contract and officially retire with Toronto. Owens played with the Argos from 2010-2015, and had his best season in 2012, when won a Grey Cup and a Most Outstanding Player award and set a new single-season all-purpose yards record with 3863 total yards.

Onto the games!

WEEK 17 RECAPS

Toronto 21 vs. Winnipeg 31: The Bombers handed Toronto just their second loss of the season, but the Argos’ second-stringers put in an admirable showing in a tough contest that should prepare them well for postseason action. With head coach Ryan Dinwiddie electing to rest star QB Chad Kelly against a strong Winnipeg D due to already having the division title locked up, it still took until extremely late in the fourth quarter for Winnipeg to take the lead for the first time in the contest and ultimately win the game. RB Brady Oliveira had another excellent game for the Bombers with 169 rush yards and a TD, while backup QB Cameron Dukes led the way for Toronto with 211 pass yards and a score.

PICK: Winnipeg

RESULT: Winnipeg

Saskatchewan 26 vs. BC 33: Talk about a game of passing yards. Vernon Adams, Jr. set the 2023 season high for QBs with 458 yards and three TDs, while WR Keon Hatcher also had a huge night, with ten grabs for 172 yards and two scores to give the Lions the win and also ensure they’ll host at least one playoff game this season. Saskatchewan scored two late TDs to help make the score look a little more respectable, but Jake Dolegala, despite throwing for over 400 yards himself, couldn’t find the endzone at all and tossed two picks on the night to boot. The Riders are struggling, but may still find themselves in the playoffs thanks to a war of attrition with the other crappy teams that sit below them still in the standings.

PICK: BC

RESULT: BC

Montreal 32 vs. Ottawa 15: Ottawa’s a bad team, that’s had some bad luck over the course of the year. They should be better than their record indicates. They’ve lost a series of incredibly close games since Bob Dyce took over as head coach. However, for this one, the score doesn’t really indicated just how truly one-sided this game was for almost all of it; the Alouettes had the run of the show in a completely listless showing for the REDBLACKS in what should have been a do-or-die situation. Montreal roared to a 22-0 lead by the early third quarter, with Dustin Crum throwing a disastrous pick-six that DB Marc-Antoine Dequoy took 109 yards to the house to score for Montreal. This game also featured one of the craziest CFL rules in action: a one-yard onside punt by RB Jeshrun Antwi. Since he punted behind the line of scrimmage and was the first person to pounce on the ball after it crossed the line of scrimmage, the downs re-set and Montreal maintained possession. It’s crazy. Seriously, check this out:

PICK: Montreal

RESULT: Montreal

Calgary 15 vs. Hamilton 22: The Tiger-Cats were down early but battled back to win at home and clinch a playoff spot in a game that saw QB Matthew Shiltz finally make his return to the field after spending time on the six-game injured list. The Stamps’ offence sputtered once again, with Jake Maier failing to throw a touchdown to any of his receivers; luckily for Calgary, thanks to Rene Paredes, the league’s top kicker year in and year out, they managed to somehow hang around in this one despite the Tabbies rattling off 16 unanswered points in the second quarter. Calgary’s playoff hopes now dangle by an absolute thread, much as they do in Edmonton and Ottawa.

PICK: Hamilton

RESULT: Hamilton

BYE: Edmonton (4-11)

WEEK 18 PREVIEWS

Edmonton (4-11) vs. Toronto (12-2), Friday, October 6th, 7:00 PM EDT (TSN, CBSSN, CFL+): After a brief vacation last week, Chad Kelly will return to the lineup to ensure he stays sharp ahead of the East Final in just over a month from now. The Elks have made significant strides since the start of the season but of course remain an incredibly flawed team – they’re still, miraculously in the playoff hunt, but they’ll need to win, at the very least, two of their final three games, while also seeing Saskatchewan lose out. At least they’re much more fun to watch than a couple of months ago. Toronto continues to have the strongest D in the league – and an especially suited front seven to stopping the run – so Tre Ford, as shifty as he is when leaving the pocket, is not going to have a lot of lanes open for him.

PICK: Toronto

Winnipeg (11-4) vs. BC (11-4), Friday, October 6th, 10:00 PM EDT (TSN, CFL+): This is a humungous game and may likely be the difference maker in who wins the division. The Lions spanked the Bombers in their first meeting of the year at IG Field, while the Bombers responded by hanging a 50-burger on BC back in early August. This rubber match is for pretty well all the marbles; Winnipeg’s just 2-2 in their last four weeks, while BC’s won four straight. My own personal pick aside, this is gearing up to be a spectacularly entertaining matchup between the two clear Western favourites. That first-round bye is an incredibly important prize on the road to the Grey Cup.

PICK: BC

Hamilton (7-8) vs. Saskatchewan (6-9), Saturday, October 7th, 7:00 PM EDT (TSN, CBSSN, CFL+): The Ti-Cats have Matt Shiltz back in the lineup, and Bo Levi Mitchell is also back at practise after having broken his ankle back in early August. He’s not quite ready to go just yet, but his return is a great sign for a team that’s getting healthy at exactly the right time. The Tiger-Cats have clinched a playoff spot for the ninth season in a row, even with their rocky start to the year – this sure has been a recurring trend for them as of recent, so I guess in reflection, I’m not sure why all the pundits, myself included, were so worried at the start of the season. Still, to get by Montreal, let alone the Argos, in the postseason will be a big task. They’ll have to just simply focus on this current week’s opponent, and how fortunate for fans clamouring for a hometown Grey Cup appearance that Saskatchewan is imploding at an opportune time. That defence couldn’t stop a fart right now.

PICK: Hamilton

Ottawa (4-11) vs. Montreal (8-7), Monday, October 9th, 1:00 PM EDT (TSN, CFL+): With any combination of Ottawa loss and Saskatchewan win, the REDBLACKS are done. The only way to the playoffs now is a miraculous East to West crossover bid, which has never been done in the history of the league since the rule was introduced in 1996. Last week was arguably the REDBLACKS’ worst game of the year, and another lost season should prompt a ton of soul-searching from the organization about where it all went wrong. It’s true that losing a starting QB two seasons in a row hurts, no question, but good teams are resilient and can rebound from that. The REDBLACKS’ win totals over the last four seasons are, respectively, 3, 3, 4, and 4. That’s not good enough. Going into Montreal, who want to stay ahead of Hamilton and maintain that East semifinal host duty, just need to play another smart game like they did last week. At home, that’s also looking extremely possible right now.

PICK: Montreal

BYE: Calgary (4-11)

STANDINGS AND STATS

East Division Standings

Team Games Wins Losses Points For Points Against
y-Toronto 14 12 2 460 309
x-Montreal 15 8 7 356 348
x-Hamilton 15 7 8 320 393
Ottawa 15 4 11 363 411

West Division Standings

Team Games Wins Losses Points For Points Against
x-Winnipeg 15 11 4 479 313
x-BC 15 11 4 420 334
Saskatchewan 15 6 9 329 458
Calgary 15 4 11 332 400
Edmonton 15 4 11 309 402

x – clinched playoff spot
y – clinched division
e – eliminated from playoff contention

Passing Yards 

  1. Adams, Jr., BC – 4005
  2. Maier, CGY – 3820
  3. Collaros, WPG – 3738

Passing TDs

  1. Collaros, WPG – 30
  2. Adams, Jr., BC – 28
  3. Kelly, TOR – 21

Rushing Yards

  1. Oliveira, WPG – 1359
  2. Brown, EDM – 1022
  3. Butler, HAM – 942

Receiving Yards

  1. Schoen, WPG – 1136
  2. Hatcher, BC – 1103
  3. Mack, MTL – 1057

Defensive Tackles

  1. Awe, CGY – 107
  2. Pickett, TOR – 103
  3. Morgan, EDM – 98

Sacks

  1. Betts, BC – 15
  2. Carter, OTT – 11
  3. Leonard, EDM – 10

Interceptions

  1. Houston, WPG – 7
  2. Dequoy, MTL – 5
  3. Marshall, SSK – 4

Field Goals

  1. Paredes, CGY – 47
  2. Whyte, BC – 41
  3. Cote, MTL – 37

PICK POOL

Whole bunch of perfect weeks out there. Time’s running out to gain any ground on BC Dick, who’s still got a five-point lead on the rest of the field. Might have to break into his house and destroy his phone and laptop to pull off the upset.

Remember to submit your picks here! https://www.pooltracker.com/join.asp?poolid=205786

Rank Total Points Weekly Score Win Percentage
BC Dick 51 4-0 76.12%
SonOfSpam 46 4-0 68.66%
Ballsofsteelandfury 46 4-0 68.66%
The Maestro 46 4-0 68.66%
Mr. Ayo 44 4-0 65.67%
Game Time Decision 43 3-1 64.18%
Gumbygirl 41 3-1 61.19%
Litre_cola 40 3-1 59.70%
blaxabbath 40 1-3 63.49%
BugEyedBoo 38 1-3 56.72%
WCS 32 0-4 47.76%
Don T 17 1-3 53.13%
Tank Bricklayer 5 0-4 7.94%
The Revanchist 2 0-4 2.99%

Enjoy the games, everyone.

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The Maestro
The Maestro is a mystical Canadian internet user and New England Patriots fan; when the weather is cooperative and the TV signal at his igloo is strong enough, he enjoys watching the NFL, the Ottawa Senators & REDBLACKS, and yelling into the abyss on Twitter. He is somehow allowed to teach music to high school students when he isn't in a blind rage about sports, and is also a known connoisseur of cheap beers across the Great White North.
https://www.doorfliesopen.com/index.php/author/the-maestro/
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Brick Meathook

Oh boy, I can’t wait for Thursday Night Football!

/snorts several rails of coke off a hooker’s boob job

Brick Meathook

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SonOfSpam

Pour one out for Dick Buttkiss.

/holds hand to earpiece

I’m being told his name was actually Dickbutt Kiss.

fleshwound_NPG

had a butkus t-shirt and the jr. high basketball team made fun of me for it forever calling me buttkiss

prob my darkest days. i was decent at ball but shy-introvert mixed with jocks was kinda stupid on my part. they (the a-team, i was b-team…the jr varsity, if you will) then lost every game in 8th grade. i actually had my best year and played with the a a couple of times.

at the very end of the very last game sitting in the locker room a player dropped a homophobic slur towards yours truly and as soon as the coach entered one player had a meltdown tirade at the coach, changing the subject and mood of the scene entirely. he broke down into tears for not getting enough playing time. nobody walked outta there in a positive mood…except me. one of the very, very few good memories in jr high besides getting super mario rpg for xmas.

still brings a smile to my face.

rip uncle dick, fuck them hoes

Gumbygirl

I’m over 60%! That won’t last.

BeefReeferLives

“over 60%” what? THC?

Gumbygirl

Well, yes, but I was talking about correct picks in the CFL pool.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

What’s the exchange rate on third place in the CFL?

Last edited 6 months ago by BrettFavresColonoscopy
blaxabbath

Let’s be honest, they’re only marketing sports to young women because Nike knows it can charge thrice as much for the same pair of shorts when the customer is chicks.

Brick Meathook

That is true, and you are very close to a fundamental strategy in advertising campaigns: appealing to high profit margin demographics.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

It’s a shame about Uruguay (not being able to make this rugby game more competitive)

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GvNrxxDwJgM

King Hippo

Today in #WhitePplProblems. It’s currently pill o’clock, but I have a work call of indeterminate length in 10 minutes.

Thank you for tuning into this episode of #WhitePplProblems.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Coming to you live from our studios in [any town], Connecticut…

blaxabbath

I’m watching LIV v USG on spanish tv and am kinda high.

#weareallhippo

bk109

Also, I forgot to say “Hi, y’all on this rapidly shittifying day”

Game Time Decision

hopefully is the day that’s shittifying and not your bowels

bk109

Let’s just see that I see the long shadow of a big green weenie (or two) in my immediate future. Call it intuition, or just the fact that my room in DC got extended, my main job work trip got postponed and work’s ducking my calls ever since I found that :D.. Ah, and my presence is required at the embassy tomorrow.

King Hippo

look, ain’t nobody say pimpin’taking over the free world was gon’ be easy!

bk109

The thing is, I’d rather be coming off an adrenaline high at a border outpost in Tajikistan while mentally preparing for the next day’s activities than spending more time in DC.. Plus, I had museums and AK factory to see in Riyadh that were on my must see list. Hell, there was even a decent shot at my Saudi host allowing me to play with an Abrams 🙁

King Hippo

It’s not my favoUrite place on earth, neither. The traffic and the bureaucracy will drive one mad.

bk109

(the +1 is sympathy, btw, not.. y’know… cheering such a horrendous day). Also, isn’t it way too late to be cutting staff, since this all but guarantees that those people will be hard-pressed to find anything more than a supply teacher’s position somewhere 🙁 ?

bk109

Ah, so last in, first out is in play with you guys as well (thankfully my main job dumped that practice, but it seems that our eveeeel omnicorp’s in the minority on that front). It’s morbidly amusing that no one ever notices that this practice only ensures that more than its fair share of dead weight gets retained, as opposed to making these decisions based on actual performance 🙁

blaxabbath

“My +1 was cheering for the horrendous day. Just so we’re clear.”

-Sill Bimmons

Gumbygirl

Oh, boo! But why did it take the administrators until October to count the students? Sounds like they could use a few extra teachers themselves!

BeefReeferLives

I’d watch…

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Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I’m worried that the sharks might not be terribly interested if the billionaires are fully intact when tossed in. Perhaps they could be dragged across broken glass first, maybe? Or poked repeatedly with syringes found under Todd Marinovich’s couch cushions.

Fronkenshteen

I have never seen a professional athlete who is not a wrestler who has made a deliberate heel-turn mid-career the way Lucas Paquetá has this season. I’ll try to watch replays of last season’s matches, but I swear I don’t remember him being a CONSTANT, PREENING, ASSHOLE last year. It’s very effective, don’t get me wrong, because every time some dummy takes the bait and fouls him, it’s James Ward-Prowse sending in WICKED set piece deliveries. But Jesus Christ! He’s like Esa Tikkanen out there!

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Ha ha, yeah! He makes Alistair Tanhauser look like Jean-Paul Lisfrankenboeuf!

[assumes all of the above names were made up and is just playing along]

Fronkenshteen

I just laughed so loudly I’m getting some strange looks in this 7/11 parking lot.

SonOfSpam

That’s not why you’re getting the strange looks.

Fronkenshteen

We’ll only be able to keep him for a couple years before one of the blood oil tick clubs snaps him up, but this Kudus kid West Ham picked up is hot poop! Fun to watch! NICE GOAL!! Paquetá. 1-0 Hammers v Freiburg.

BugEyedBoo

I’d have better luck flipping a coin for my picks. Could it be that I’m too lazy to even look at the point spreads? Nah, can’t be that.

Anyway, for your edification.

Drunk dental receptionist who groped schoolboy, 13, and told him she wanted to ‘ride him till morning’ before exposing herself and waking up ‘remembering nothing’ after a white wine binge is spared jail

https://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-12591189/Drunk-dental-receptionist-groped-13-year-old-boy.html

BC Dick

I’d be hanging out at that bench a lot.
But – So traumatized that he tried to take his own life? I hope that’s just exaggerated lawyer BS because that would be pathetic.

BeefReeferLives

Yup. My reaction as well.

“The boys almost immediately left, leaving her on the bench. She removed her clothing and exposed her genitals and buttocks before passing out.
The victim described feeling low after the assault and described an occasion where he tried to take his own life. He had night terrors about the incident afterwards and nightmares.”

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blaxabbath

He’s gonna need a big settlement to repair his shoulder FROM THROWING UP FOR ALL THE HIGH FIVES HE GONNA GET!

Don T

Yeah, for adult males, this situation could even be in the top shelf of the Spank Bank vault. But c’mon. Even SOME grown-ass men get intimidated or repulsed by sexually aggressive women. A 13 year-old, beggining puberty, who’s heard “private parts” all his life (instead of genitals), might as well be a baby when it comes to sex. His brain may know arithmetic, but a vagina might as well be Fermat’s Theorem with a brassy lady attached to it. But of course, for sexualized guy minds of age, this is a fantasy–and for Alpha types, the kid is ripe for a lifetime of f*g shaming.
I think.

2Pack

I remember being 13, and unless this woman is cayote fugly, I would probably “developed the situation” as we say. But that’s just me.

If the kid was upset by this, that is sad. But at his age I wonder if he was sheltered or just not yet much interested in the ladies.

bk109

Or playing for the other team. Also, there are pictures of the drunk twat and while she’s no … uhhh, <insert hot Hollywood starlet name here>, she’s no Susan Boyle either.

BugEyedBoo

13-year-old me would’ve probably chickened out, then 15-year-old+ me would’ve kicked myself. I don’t think I would’ve cried to mommy regardless.

And as for coyote:

Screenshot 2023-10-05 145951.png
2Pack

Montreal is going late season sneak up on it again. I too was a late bloomer so I relate.

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BeefReeferLives

“2-Pac, I like your hustle. That’s why it was so hard to cut you”

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ballsofsteelandfury

I’m just happy with my pick percentage.

LemonJello

*squints*

“Nice.”