People are self-interested and never perfect: that’s as ironclad as human rules get. But I, a corny Old, also believe that sincere intentions are the best lubricant for human interactions, that understanding and generosity are high virtues, and that truth exists—“Truth” being something definite, beyond subjectivity and interpretation (like NFL final scores, cities being bombed, jury verdicts, and the conviction that taxes paid by me will never ever fund adequate public services). Even if you don’t share any of those beliefs, you still are ripe for a dupin’ every day because even saints are self-interested and never perfect.
Overt deception is easy to identify. For example,
That’s an actual fortune cookie packet filled with air and nothing else. However, an empty package is unique, and therefore more valuable than an actual fortune cookie. So getting all Karenned to demand a tasteless cookie and lottery numbers is kinda dumb—for me, a recovering impatient; YMMV. Imma hold on to this most apt metaphor for NFL Draft speculation season, thank you very much, and thus own my own deception.
In general, though, being deceived is something that happens while you don’t notice being duped. The Dolphins, who put their trust on Adam Gase’s competence as a head coach, could have been duped; the Jets, who hired Gase thereafter, nope. Another example: sexual infidelity is your spouse sleeping around and hiding it. But if you know about that infidelity and tolerate it, you are not being deceived—in fact, you might be in a very French or quite Italian marriage.
Then there are situations in which the potential for getting duped is high, but one nevertheless relents. Being broke and getting a substantial loan through usury is an example. Another is getting shafted monthly by subscription services you don’t use, and then cannot get out of, because you must first file for arbitration in the Cayman Islands to recover about $17.37 (to date). Yes, most of us have been duped that way, but that is not really deception. Getting into that situation was the result of going “Yeah yeah accept all terms and conditions GIMME THE FREE MONTH”. Those were acts involving impatience and wholly shunning the fine print. Ahhh, the fine print, the repugnant monolith of single-spaced, tiny text that sets out precisely the ways in which you will get shafted. Trying to parse the stodgy, overwritten legalese will turn your attention into boredom, which will turn into disgust—a dynamic that, biologically, causes the release of YOLO hormones into your bloodstream. Truly, consumers’ lack of impulse control is what makes capitalism great for capitalist pigs.
But can you really get deceived by the fine print? Yes, of course, when the text is false. If there’s a problem and the company sticks to the fine print, which you didn’t read, that’s on you—much like having voted for Donald Trump in 2016 and then being shocked (shocked!) by his stint as 45. By 2016, it was wide public knowledge that the man was a liar who made a business career out of bilking employees and business partners. This time around, Trump is a proven sexual aggressor and serial fraudster. The adoration for Trump by the Christian Right proves that ideology and self-deception go together like whipped cream and genitals.
Chances are we will all get duped sometime, however smart or guarded one lives life. Me, being impetuous and trusting, paid money to go last Saturday to a boxing card organized and sponsored by YouTuber Jake Paul. (If you have no idea who Jake Paul is, I envy your obliviousness.) The main event was a bout between Amanda Serrano and Nina Meinke, an actual boxing bout with professional boxers. Amanda Serrano, one of the top female boxers in the world, is managed by Paul’s camp, and she certainly has achieved notoriety thanks to her association with Paul.
Jake Paul, a Boxing Fantasy Camper, was also scheduled to fight in the Co-Main [sic] Event vs. Ryan Bourland. Bourland, 35, had a gaudy 17-2 record (six wins by KO), and is built like a plumber. Hey, don’t take my word for it; here’s a picture:
Jake Paul won in a TKO in the first round, with Bourland going all Homer Simpson in the ring. It was the sort of lopsided result that causes ripples in the world of professional boxing but is a transparent travesty in every other context. As expected, right after the win, Paul broadcast his status as a media machine with muscles that deserves a title bout—BUT! That win stood to be upstaged by the main event, an actual bout featuring Amanda Serrano and Nina Meinke. Alas, the Serrano – Meinke main event was cancelled about 15 minutes after the Paul bout.
The explanation was that, some days before the fight, Amanda Serrano suffered an eye injury due to a “chemical” that was used to braid her hair. Despite that happening days before the bout, nobody said anything—because DUH, cancelling before the day and time of the fight would have dissipated all the hype and attention for all of the bouts. Reportedly, Meinke received the full purse as if she had won and the promoters announced “full refunds” for tickets.
Of course, “full” = ticket price excluding fees and Ticketmaster gouging costs. No fine print is needed, this sort of chicanery is already well known. The refund is mitigation for being taken for a ride and brings no joy.
Deception should never excuse the bastard(s) that engage in it. Howevah, trusting a shady character and a rich self-promoter should entail some personal accountability. Choosing to give money to Jake Paul is all on me, yes. But screw that guy; never again. Turn the page, close the book, put the book in a trunk, load the trunk on a boat, set the boat out to sea, and blast that boat with two tons of dynamite.
Banner via onlinewebfonts.com
[…] I would love to tell you about it, but this blog is on enough watch lists already and Hippo already judges me plenty WASPily. Instead, I will give to you BALLS’ GUIDE TO BEING WITH A LATINA. There are a few things you need to know should you venture into this world. This was inspired by Don T’s Wednesday Motivational in which he talked about Owning Deception. […]
I mentioned before that last week I suddenly started getting right-wing emails on an old Yahoo address that is still active but I haven’t used actively for years. It must have been on some mailing list somebody bought.
Anyways, here’s a sample of some of the stuff I’ve been getting. This is probably the worst so far. This is what the half the country sees and it’s all they know (I edited out the contact info and donation info sections).
I actually know some Trump supporters and they are the nicest people in the world, and we don’t talk politics but they give it away occasionally, and they think it’s absolutely normal and rational. I never say anything but I always want to say that I like them a lot but when the civil war beaks out I’m going to sort of hate to shoot them.
https://ibb.co/LZZh52T
https://ibb.co/TTDWXXc
I’ve gotten tired of “not saying anything” when MAGAts spew their ignorance. I know we’re supposed to be the grownups in the room, but the rules shouldn’t be different. Anyway, yes there are people I no longer talk to, thanks for asking.
Also, goes without saying, but just fucking imagine reading this and rushing to your checkbook. Remarkable.
Turns out I’m gonna be on the Isles of Scilly at the same time as the World Pilot Gig Championships. Time to go figure out what that is so I know who to root for!
https://www.wpgc.uk/faqs.html
“Don’t get caught being Scilly! Come visit us instead!*”
-Charybdis Tourist Ministry motto
*Watch out for that whirlpool though!
I think she’s going to the Isle of Scully, where your crazy alien theories are mostly blunted by facts and reason. Even though you want to believe.
I would love to visit the Corryvrecken
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IkekcTMEHPc
RW: “Umm, yes hello Mr. Titan-have you the word of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ?”
Tennessee: [slams door loudly]
https://www.espn.com/nfl/story/_/id/39665336/sources-broncos-ok-russell-wilson-talk-teams-release
We had a by election on Monday in these parts and when looking up the results, I found that Canada has a Federal Rhino Party
A by-election! Just like the North Minehead by-election!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CAnHYYrzdvI
Is a by-election that thing where you vote both ways?
Oh good! Right about the time we have to head out to the airport to pick up my mother-in-law, it has started raining!
I have an extra vacuum I’m looking to get rid of, if that helps?
No need for things to suck any more than they already do; the flight got diverted to LAX *after* we’d already left for Burbank.
I’ve posted pictures from this French cafe before, but I went there again today and the most extraordinary thing happened.
I had my favorite order of French Onion Soup and a Gruyere Cheese Omelet with French herbs, and they were not only perfect as usual, they were extra perfect.
I was so impressed I called over the very gracious woman who owns the cafe, and in my great passion and enthusiasm I said to her:
“Holy shit, lady, how the fuck did you make this?”
She was so moved she began to sob, and she hugged me so tight and for so long I kinda had to peel her off of me. In a wonderful gesture of kindness and thanks, she lowered the mandatory 20% gratuity on my bill down to 18.75%, refilled my water glass, and gave me a discounted mint.
It was a precious fucking moment for all concerned.
https://ibb.co/PZZNyR9
Those fries are thinner than Macauley Caulkin during his meth phase.
Surprisingly, the French call them fritos (which I always thought was Tex-Mex) rather than French Fries, although some people say they were actually invented in Honduras. WEIRD.
Does anyone else brush their teeth before serious phone calls? Just me?
lol that’s just silly
/plucks pubes prior to manager call
THIS GUY SONOFSPAM I CALL HIM JEFFERY TOOBIN BECAUSE HE EXPOSES HIS GENITALS TO HIS COWORKERS VIA TELECONFERENCE.
they get what they pay for
That’s wonderful
I have a Zoom with an estate planner so I can update my will-do I go the “Leave something for the kids” route or barrel down MIL-influenced, “Spend every fucking penny and not only that, leave a considerable amount of debt behind” cul-de-sac?
I got my property tax assessment last week, and my townhouse (which I will die in) is now worth like double what I paid for it (like 8 years ago). They can sell that and rejoice, I says.
Can’t believe none of them want to live in the thriving metropolis of Dead End, North Carolina.
I thought he was in Bumfuckleburg?
That was his last residence-“too many Jews there and they spelled ‘berg’ wrong” he told me in a DM. smh…
I’ve been sending postcards to Hippo in Chapel Hill because I thought he went to school there, or Duke or somewhere, I get em all mixed up.
Might’ve been Wake Forest or Woke Woods or something
Did you hear?
We can’t build cities on Rock n’ Roll anymore.
Because woke.
Did the kids make that money? No, they did not. You spend it. Kids who demand their parents’ dough are ungrateful ghouls. Have I given this professional advice. No! [coughs] Sorry, comment
/dictated not reviewed
Most important thing you can leave the kids is an easy-to-follow estate plan.
If they get 10 bucks each, fine, as long as they don’t have to argue or jump thru legal hoops.
100% this. Also, a list of your passwords. Some tax advice on the best ways to cash out whatever retirement funds you have would be nice, but the passwords thing is way more important
Fortunately, both my siblings had the courtesy to die before me, leaving me the sole survivor. I even get 67% of the estate, the remainder split among the grandchildren and I plan on
fucking them hardcharging reasonably high executor’s fees and getting reimbursements for every airline flight, rental car, and major household purchase I’ve made by visiting here since 2019.That’s the spirit! Fuck them kids!
Settle down Jared Fogle
https://twitter.com/ArmandDoma/status/1765417894148734995
1) That is quite funny.
2) Adam Schiff will be an incredible Senator. Am TOTES jelly.
Yes, very happy with Senator Schiff. And he had a great strategy, elevating Garvey to ensure a walk in the park in November.
It was neat how the CA Senate primary results reflected historical norms:
First place: Athletic white dude
Second place: Less athletic white dude
Third place: White chick
Fourth place: Black chick
First place: Athletic Christian White Dude
Second place: Jewish White Dude
Third place: White chick, kind of a bitch tbh
Fourth place: Black chick
Ah, good catch, I totally forgot about religion there!
Most people who don’t like Schiff are well aware of his religion.
Also, YOU get to vote for a black holocaust-denier for governor – that’s like a unicorn!
That’s kinda neat that DeSean Jackson is running for governor.
Uncle Ruckus!
There’s a bunch of women’s college basketball on this afternoon. Is it International Athletic Women’s Day or did ESPN glean that Fox Sports female ball game numbers are beating the men’s this year?
https://awfulannouncing.com/fox/womens-college-hoops-more-viewers-mens.html?utm_source=dlvr.it&utm_medium=twitter
I think we’re all just tired of dunks.
Not much happening here at DFO but once again I’m killing it in the WSJ comments AND The Washington Post. My argument is how beneficial a nuclear war would be for humanity, and my logic is airtight.
Calm down there Captain Ramsey
Boxing promoter shenanigans? NFW!
Decision 2024
This simile brought to you by balls
Except the Christian mythology is built around love and forgiveness towards you and your fellow persons. Does this sound like Trump?
I’d accuse Trump of being the Antichrist but I don’t want to defame the Antichrist.
I like to imagine that the true Antichrist has *style*. Like, “The Most Interesting Man in the World” kind of energy.
The mythology, maybe, but is there even one historical example of Christianity espousing love and forgiveness? The Crusades? The Protestant v. Catholic wars? Missionaries justifying colonization? The KKK?
It would be the first time a righteous and just cause was perverted by men.
*wouldn’t
I’m not that naive.
I just assumed the ‘would’ was sarcastic, this is the internet after all
Sup folks. The usual blast here Don T.
If you date a Latina, you know what you’re getting into.
Trouble?
Part of the fun, yes.
My friends who are married to Latina women have usually met this model. Enduring of volatile moments with them, appreciative of the fierce Mothers they are, usually happy with the near constant mayhem, and totally nuts for the girl.
Right here in River City!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LI_Oe-jtgdI
With BoSaF, I expected the answer to be anal.
In that case the proper answer would be “rectums”.
Rectums? Damn near killed them!…s.
Applies to all minor European nobility.