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Hello there fellow DFO’er. Hope you’re well today. And thanks for coming back to see last weeks comments of the week as decided by my brain. There’s no reason as to why some comments make it and others don’t. Seriously. There isn’t.
This weeks cheesy motivational quote is:
There is no terror after the bang of the gun; only the anticipation in it [in bed].
Alfred Hitchcock
Not sure my safety blankie is bulletproof, but think we could market this.
As a reminder, Sunday comments stand alone and Monday comments will go on the next week’s post.
Note that during the offseason, I’ll probably look at the Sunday posts.
Without further ado, here are the comments of the week.
As God as my witness, the Alpha and the Omega of this [sitcom clip] draft is the WKRP Turkey Drop.
ballsofsteelandfury
Can we re-introduce trial by ordeal? I just want the simple pleasure of watching Trump play Aztec deathball or similar against far superior competition.
Doktor Zymm
Hell, just have Balls play him at golf. I guarantee that Trump can play nowhere near 15 strokes of his claimed handicap.
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly
Golf is kinda missing the death aspect though, unless it’s speed golf and he has a heart attack running between holes. I would dig that.
Doktor Zymm
No cart, no caddy. He’d be dead by hole 3, tops.
Gumbygirl
Fuck Calgary. Dirty fucking assholes.
Mr. Ayo
This comment is valid both in relation to hockey and politics!
Doktor Zymm
Today, I celebrated my 30th Anniversary in the golf business by not even thinking about work for the first time in like three months.
Col. Duke LaCross
Do tell! Vacation?
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly
Nope, just getting some shit done around the house. Going to New York with the future Duchess LaCross in May though.
Col. Duke LaCross
Brick Meathook
Bound by honor and blood oaths to post this when opportunity presents itself.
Redshirt
https://www.wtrf.com/news/balls-out-bowling-is-back-where-nudity-is-required/
IT’S BACK BABY
WCS
How did I not know about this??
ballsofsteelandfury
Plus: Nudity
Minus: Pittsburgh nudity
SonOfSpam
Facebook and Instagram is down. We’re just one XTwitter outage away from fixing society.
Redshirt
Been fucking with the Pollsters again, Brick? (or was that Gumby)
“For example, in a February 2022 survey experiment, we asked opt-in respondents if they were | licensed to operate a class SSGN (nuclear) submarine https://washstat.org/hansen/2022Kennedy.pdf|. In the opt-in survey, 12% of adults under 30 claimed this qualification, significantly higher than the share among older respondents. In reality, the share of Americans with this type of submarine license rounds to 0%.
The problem was even worse for Hispanic estimates. About a quarter (24%) of opt-in cases claiming to be Hispanic said they were licensed to operate a nuclear sub, versus 2% of non-Hispanics.”
BeefReeferLives
I’m only qualified (not licensed) to operate an SSBN submarine, and a particular one at that.
However, when I was sixteen I would have answered “yes” to all most of the fucked up questions just to skew the poll. I would have done this on general principal, and if it was a marketing poll I’d still do the same today.
Brick Meathook
Good news is that anyone can pilot a Titan submersible.
SonOfSpam
It’s looking very likely (up 8 points with 57% of the vote in) that my brother-in-law is going to win his race for judge.
WHO WANTS TO GO COMMIT SOME FELONIES IN [REDACTED] COUNTY?
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly
Found a funny;
gordon ramsay: you’re telling me you lost him after he ran through this tunnel?
[wile e coyote nods vigorously]
well let’s have a look at the tunnel then
[he faceplants into the wall]
fuck me it’s painted. that’s brilliant. he painted a tunnel onto the wall. incredible linework.
rockingdog
Proud dad moment: Daughter was trying to figure something out, then did figure it out, then pronounced “I am so smart…S-M-R-T…I mean S-M-A-R-T….”
SonOfSpam
Just got some Malort in the mail,
Today was a good day.
/because ai haven’t had any yet you see.
litre_cola
I love that the Jumbo Shrimp Legal Tampering period is about to start.
ballsofsteelandfury
Brinks Trucks are on standby waiting for the word to back into free agents driveways.
Redshirt
Tonka Trucks are lined up for Eli to load all the Legos off his bedroom floor, or else no Dunkeroos and Paw Patrol before bed.
LemonJello
Boxing promoter shenanigans? NFW!
BugEyedBoo
Don T
I’m so proud of my brother-in-law. He really put the work in for his campaign, and now he’s on his way to getting free motor coaches courtesy of a friendly billionaire sponsor that Leonard Leo will hook him up with.
I think the best way for me to show my appreciation for him is to drink some of the bourbon he bought me for Christmas.
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly
Found a Funny
rockingdog
This Gold Cup is a joke. They’re playing in a shallow lake.
Mr. Ayo
Are they showing pictures of me?
SonOfSpam
No, it appears their Spam filters are working
Mr. Ayo
SO MANY women have that setup.
SonOfSpam
SPLOOOOSH!
Mr. Ayo
Reports are that Joe Mixon is gonna be cut as well.
Redshirt
I think he’s got a puncher’s chance of hanging in there.
Horatio Cornblower
Never change Barrie, Ontario
litre_cola
Will Maker*: “So, say all four of you die in a plane crash, who should receive the proceeds from your estate?”
Wife: “Uhhh…”
Me: “Uhhh… first come, first served?”
*not his real name
scotchnaut
Door Flies Open Inc. We can finally get our place in the woods.
litre_cola
So what you’re saying is that Roger Goodell supplants Gary Bettman as inter-galactic disgrace?
ballsofsteelandfury
Roger Goodell supplants Gary Bettman as inter-galactic disgrace?
WCS
Found a funny;
Her: You lasted 38 seconds.
Me: It was doggy style so technically it was 266 seconds.
rockingdog
Wife is low-key pissed that the dogs decided to stay here with me after she called them to come down to be with her. #marriageissues
scotchnaut
How does this get ‘resolved’? By a snarky comment that she makes that I completely ignore.
/stay tuned for more successful marriage tips!
scotchnaut
The republicans even make their own congresswomen give speeches in the kitchen.
Col. Duke LaCross
Wow, the republicans are exiting the House Chamber in a fraction of the time they took on Jan 6th, 2021.
Col. Duke LaCross
clint greasewood
March 7, 2024 8:52 pm
Biden pushing Drugs on the American people.
Remember, if someone offers you free drugs, you say thank you, because drugs are expensive!
Senor Weaselo
Litre eats big Turks with the wrapper on
BC Dick
That would would make it no less inedible.
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly
This might be the future Mr. Gumbygirl, when Gumby shuffles off this mortal coil.
Gumbygirl
TIL that baby carrots are really full-sized carrots cut to length and carved into shape.
BugEyedBoo
Sexy Friday Appropriate?
Redshirt
It’s that Lowratio?
ballsofsteelandfury
It is now.
WCS
Goddammit.
Horatio Cornblower
Watching a random Netflix show, Cardinal, and the actors for McMurray and Gail from LetterKenny are in it. So used to them as the LetterKenny peeps that it’s weird to see them as something else
Game Time Decision
how’s the show itself?
King Hippo
Pretty good. It’s based in Northern Ontario, so fun when they go to Toronto to try to pick out landmarks.
/unknown if any transient people were harmed in the making
Game Time Decision
Scotchy isn’t gonna like you calling them “people”
King Hippo
I got a nice sleep on the flight back to SFO, and we’ll be getting to the gate about 40 minutes early. This doesn’t really make up for the delay fuckery yesterday, but it’s definitely gonna be helpful that I’m able to grab some coffee and breakfast before driving down to go horseback riding.
I just about covered my airfare in the poker game, and I had a great time which covers everything else!
Doktor Zymm
/wifey is visiting a friend in the hospital and this actually happened
Support Staff: “Here’s your beef broth.”
Friend: “I can’t have that, I’m a vegetarian.”
Support Staff: “Oops! My apologies. I’ll be back.”
Friend: “Thank you.”
/later
Support Staff: “Here you are.” [presents friend with a bowl of chicken broth]
scotchnaut
My gig ends at 1. I’MA TAKE AN EXTRA HOUR HOME DRIVING TONIGHT.
With any luck I’ll be in bed next to Senorita Weaselo by 3:30! Or parking will be trash and it’ll be after 4:30. We have a 1:30 call for a concert tomorrow where I have to pick someone up.
We’ll be back later to see how I do.
Senor Weaselo
Update: We are very not done and the choir leader estimates we’ll be done around 3. Meaning 4.
Senor Weaselo
My advice would be to fake an injury to your bow hand.
SonOfSpam
THIS COLLEGE BASKETBALL TEAM THE ARIZONA WILDCATS I CALL THEM LEBRON JAMES JR’S TRICUSPID VALVE BECAUSE THEY ARE OPERATING OUT OF RHYTHM!
blaxabbath
Announcer for the USC-Arizona game just blamed the university administrations for the demise of the PAC-12 because they got arrogant and overemphasized academics and didn’t recognize how much money football brought in.
Aren’t we about overdue for an extinction level event asteroid?
Horatio Cornblower
Here’s some history. US Festival 1983. Third day. Pictured is yeah right, DJ TAJ and friends.
You get to figure out who is who.
yeah right
My guess: DJ TAJ is in the back wearing jean shorts. Yeah Right is bare-chested on the right side.
ballsofsteelandfury
Actually I’m bare chested on the left side back.
yeah right
“A wall of Liverpudlian noise…”
Look, if you don’t like The Beatles just say so, announcer-guy.
Horatio Cornblower
/Wifey, working on a Sunday, has been able to place a homeless man with multiple health issues into a long-term care facility
Her: “He was so grateful, he said that you’re lucky to have me!”
Me: “Can you really trust the opinion of a guy that’s been homeless for two years, though? Seems like his decision-making skills aren’t exactly up to par.”
Her: “…”
scotchnaut
Buddy does Philadelphia
Buddy Cole’s Halftime Show
Found a funny;
7-11 CLERK: what are you doing
ME: staring at the hot dogs on the metal rollers watching the oscars
rockingdog
Ah, my favorite part of the Oscars!
Horatio Cornblower
I’m endlessly amused by the fact that Space Karen still seems to think he’s one of the cool, funny, popular kids.
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly
“Hey honey…here’s The Zone of Interest”
(points at penis)
Wife: (wholly uninterested)
SonOfSpam
“Oh is it called the ‘zone of interest’ because it takes an interminable amount of time for it to grow a mere three percent?” – WifeOfSpam
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly
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Thanks for all the comments and funny and everything else.
Stay busy and safe out there.
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