I am not watching, but Scotchy’s work ethic called and the content monster shall not rest.  So you get the below half-assedry!

10MW Colorado State (+2.5) v. 7MW Texas (6:50, TNT)

I feel like this is an animal-fondler Derby.  One knows all the Texas jokes already, but have you BEEN to Fort Collins?  What else are you gonna do, if not interested in talking about how Jesus Gets Us!

14S Oakland (+13.5) v. 3S Kenfucky (7:10, CBS)

As spam rightly (and hilariously noted), the underdog side are basically the hardwoom embodiment of Imposter Syndrome.  But on the bright side, they now have the same number of professional sportsball franchises as the real Oaktown!  Calipari by 20+ here.

12MW McNeese nee State (+6.5) v. 5MW Gonzaga (7:25, TBS)

Will “Strong-Ass Offer” Wade takes his silly, re-named(ish) team up against the formerly-relevenat-but-now-a-shell-of-they-former-selves Zags.  Hilarity to ensue.

15E South Dakota State (+15.5) v. 2E Iowa State (7:35, truTV)

Every goddamned year, I fall for one of the Montana/Dakotas teams, and every year, they get smashed into a bloody pulp.  Honestly, I had no idea Cornpone State was any good at all.

15MW St. Peter’s v. 2MW Tennessee (9:20, TNT)

Heh, St. PETER’s.  Peckers up, lads!  Rick Barnes won’t be able to make this one interesting.

11S NC State (+4.5) v. 6S Texas Tech (9:40, CBS)

These are two ideologically similar universities/paranoid fanbases, except (i) we Wolven Sort never had a Mike Leach experience to enjoy; and (ii) Guns Up!! have been relevant in basketball this century.  I appreciate the ACC being shitty enough for us to finally hang a banner this year, though.  #StillNotWatching

13MW Samford (+7.5) v. 4MW Kansas (9:55, TBS)

Wowzers.  Not only did Rock Chalk not win the Big Twaaaaalllllve (regular season or torneo) for like the first time in EVAR, but they are only single-digit faves against their opening round minnow foe.  But Samford is interesting, as they play 10 guys on the regular, and press like maniacs.  Maybe worth a watch, maybe they get ther shit pushed in.  Great analysis, I know.

10E Drake (-1.5) v. 7E Washington State (10:05, truTV)

Do we hate the Drake?  One suspects Cream Abdul-Jabbar surely does.  Valley teams almost always show up, and who knows what the PAC-2’s lone entrant is really capable of. Remember when Tony Bennett made the Sweet Sixteen with the Cougs?  The above-pictured gals don’t.