Monday Morning Mock Draft: Go Long!

People, we have some truly promising drafts coming up, courtesy of one Mr. Rikki Rikki Deadly.  I can only assume that the soothing hum of near constant vacuuming has something to do with triggering brain activity that leads to mock draft topics.

Or murder, but I’m going to lean into the draft topic idea.  Seems safer and less murdery.

This week, however, we’re going with one of mine because last week I made a promise to Hippo that we’d do a football-themed one and it seems the least, (like literally the very least), I can do to keep the guy who does the Monday recaps from September through February happy.

Next few weeks you’ll want to bone (heh) up on Canadiens, nudity, and possibly nude Canadiens.  Who knows where this will go?  This week, you’re going to need to know your spread (heh) offense (aww) options and your NFL history, because we’ll be drafting NFL wide receivers.

The rules are simple:  if they played so much as a snap or a trick play at WR they’re eligible to be drafted.  So yes, you could take Tom Brady as a WR although I don’t know why you’d want to when Big Dick Nick Foles is right there.

Slots, split-ends, possession guys, deep threats, doesn’t matter.  No limit on quantity, nor is there a minimum, (recall that we did do that with offensive lines), although ideally you should have three.

As with that time we drafted comedians, given the propensity of WRs, (even given their status of professional football players), to do a lot of stupid and occasionally criminal things, you’re just drafting them for their skills.  Much like the NFL ownership, we’re not here to comment on them being less-than-ideal husbands, fathers, significant others, sane, contributing members of society, or anything beyond what they did between the lines.

With the first pick I’m taking Drew Pearson, the primary deep threat on the first Dallas Cowboy team I was aware of, back when Dallas was truly America’s Team, an actual threat to do something in the post-season, and who totally didn’t commit pass interference on that pass from Roger Staubach that many consider the first Hail Mary.

#43 clearly trips over a gopher there.  Pesky things, those gophers.

The rest of you are on the clock.

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BrettFavresColonoscopy

Irving Fryar

scotchnaut

Angel Reese is going to get a taunting technical foul. Book it.

fleshwound_NPG

i would, too. iowa had a great start and it melted away so quick, which tells you how “talented” they are.

and not only do they run the bel air academy offense, they also run the bel air academy defense

scotchnaut

Iowa’s Lisa Bluder is that stern grandmother that hardly ever smiles but you know that she loves you. Kim Mulkey is that thrice-divorced aunt that has a few DUI’s on her record.

scotchnaut

No night thread yet so I’ll post here.

Caitlin Clark is leading LSU 17-9.

fleshwound_NPG

kim mulkey being that far into the live play tells me one thing and one thing only

she was at jan 6th

scotchnaut

She recruited Brittney Griner so hard but didn’t offer any support to her after she was imprisoned in Russia. Being gay and smoking weed is apparently a bridge too far. Fuck her.

fleshwound_NPG

made jim harbaugh look competent

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fleshwound_NPG

(yes harbaugh was the highest rated passer in ’95, but not has a bear. wearing a bears uni ruins accuracy, it is proven. waddle negated that the best he could)

Fronkenshteen

What, nobody else got their (figurative) balls kicked off their body in fantasy because of this guy? Well, I did. INCLUDING the ridiculous Bengals play. Le’Veon Bell:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WPTKa-lPgoc

Fronkenshteen

Wesley Walker. Caught over 70 TD passes for the Jets while legally blind in his left eye.

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Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I think I owned a football card with that picture of him on it!

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Surprised nobody has drafted “Mike Williams” yet in order to fill their entire receivers room with a single pick.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

I am fairly confident none of you are taking either, so I’ll take Mark Clayton and Mark Super (together as the Marks Brothers) next. I cannot explain why, but I was a huge fan as a kid.

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scotchnaut

For my last pic I’m going OBJ. His first three years were bananas-288 grabs, 4,122 yards and 25 TD’s. And of course there was that catch.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zxbz3DDQzHU&ab_channel=NFL

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

5. Rounding out my roster with a 2010’s guy, I’ll go with Brandon Marshall. That’s basically two players for the price of one pick!

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Last edited 7 months ago by Rikki-Tikki-Deadly
BrettFavresColonoscopy

Really thought you’d post the pic of linebacker Brandon Marshall to mess with us.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

The only April Fool’s joke I’ve played today is telling a high school friend / fellow UConn fan that ESPN was reporting that Zach Edey had been busted for PED’s.

BrettFavresColonoscopy
SonOfSpam

Raiders’ great Henry Ruggs

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Brocky

Pick # 3 Matt Forte

The rightful owner of the single season reception record for running backs.

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As opposed to Christian McCaffrey, who’s really just a wide receiver who exclusively comes out of the backfield

blaxabbath

I always liked Q because he looks like Avon Barksdale.

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