INT. RECORDING STUDIO – DAY
The regular one again?
WILL YOU PLEASE SHUT THE FUCK UP I’M ON A TIGHT SCHEDULE HERE.
[huffily] INT. RECORDING STUDIO – DAY
The PRODUCER sits at his desk, with a pile of items in front of him. DJ 3000 is standing nearby, looking apprehensive. The PRODUCER carefully builds the items into a pyre that consists of…
a matchbox-sized version of a Ford Bronco…
…a home perm kit…
…a VHS tape of the low-budget comedy movie Beach Fever…
…and a pair of Bruno Magli shoes.
DJ 3000: ARE YOU SURE THIS IS A GOOD IDEA?
PRODUCER: Come on, it’s tradition! And besides, we’re an NFL-focused show.
The PRODUCER douses the pile with lighter fluid and drops a match on it.
— [portal to the spirit realm flies open] —
REX RYAN: How the fuck you doin’, boys?
DJ 3000: HEY ROB, THANKS FOR COMING BY.
PRODUCER: It’s Rex.
DJ 3000: NO IT’S NOT, IT’S ROB.
REX RYAN: No, it’s Rex. Did your circuits get scrambled, little buddy?
PRODUCER: I gotta be honest, Rex, I wasn’t expecting to see you. What’s with the horns?
REX RYAN: You didn’t know I was evil?
PRODUCER: Well…no.
REX RYAN: Anyhow, can we make this quick? I’m dealing with a new intake and things are kind of hectic around here.
PRODUCER: That “new intake” is actually who we were looking to speak to.
REX RYAN: He’s, uh, kind of busy.
The three fall silent for a moment, which allows us to hear the sound of tormented screaming in the background.
REX RYAN: But I’m authorized to speak on his behalf, so shoot.
PRODUCER: How are you authorized to speak for him?
REX RYAN: The lawyers here – there’s lots of lawyers here – make all the new recruits sign away power of attorney to someone before we get started with them. O.J. and I have got that Buffalo Bills connection, so he picked me.
DJ 3000: GIVING ROB RYAN POWER OF ATTORNEY, WHAT COULD POSSIB-LIE GO WRONG?
REX RYAN: [looks at him] It’s Rex, and…wait, hang on a second…
REX RYAN looks over DJ 3000 very carefully.
DJ 3000: WHAT?
REX RYAN: Ah, shit. Looks like we’ve got a cross-contamination situation going on here, better call my brother.
REX RYAN intones some mystical words in an arcane and unmentionable tongue.
— [second portal to the spirit world flies open, accompanied by the angelic tones of a celestial choir] —
DJ 3000: OH, HEY REX.
PRODUCER: It’s Rob.
ROB RYAN: [looks at DJ 3000 very carefully] Ah, shit. [to REX] Is this what it looks like?
REX RYAN: Afraid so.
ROB RYAN: Shit, sorry guys, we’re gonna have to make some calls and kick this one upstairs. [checks watch] In the meantime, don’t you fellas have a show to do?
PRODUCER: We do, but we need a topic.
REX RYAN: Oh, I’ve got a topic for you. I’m amazed – and frankly, a bit disappointed – that you haven’t done it before. I’ll get you started with the theme song from the greatest movie of all time and you can see if you can figure out what the topic is.
ROB RYAN: [rolls eyes]
REX RYAN: Okay, okay, maybe it’s not really the greatest movie of all time…but it’s pretty great.
ROB RYAN: You just like it because violence solves everything at the end.
REX RYAN: That’s true. But mainly I like it just because that pious fuck Tony Dungy hates it so damned much. And for one other reason…
Today’s theme is “feet”. We’re looking for songs about feet and footwear – songs that mention feet, toes, boots, shoes, heels, and even ankles are fair game. Post links as “https://www.youtube.com/watch?g!V3iTuP and they should embed in the comments after you refresh. Last week’s puzzle answer of “The Real Me” by The Who was solved by SonOfSpam. Let’s boogie!
Best opening line of any song ever?
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VHCowZEzUsY&ab_channel=Beat-Club
Another one from me, i’ve got to scrape the shit right off my shoes.Toodles poodles!
https://youtu.be/tIfQipkkOqs?si=8Xg7Z2rC-sMDGrzF
I gotta make some money
To buy some brand new shoes
Tryin’ to find somebody
To take away these blues
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_uJIKxglBvo
What do you do with feet?
https://youtu.be/bsRNCvHXHHU?si=_tpizYNygjsQl_FN
True Fact: Goody Two Shoes is the honorary name given to me by one of the tribes on Manitoulin Island!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=o41A91X5pns&ab_channel=AdamAntVEVO
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tg8k-GmJYfY
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ejvUHvU4iJk
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=z_gOri_WxD4
Your a-two-dollar shoe hurts my feet,
Your two-dollar shoe hurts my feet,
Yes, your two-dollar shoe hurts my feet, Lord, Lord,
An’ I ain’t a-gonna be treated this way.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sBso-UG8R_E
Lisa Lisa and the Cult Jam, anyone?
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=51Iq8JmmfxY&ab_channel=LisaLisaCultJamVEVO
Now I’m scared to post
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gkCYh1x44G8
i mean come on
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ROyk9PPBMTQ
THIS IS FOR ALL THE TOE-SUCKERS OUT THERE!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JHdCmNtFZ3w&ab_channel=ricardot.
Music by QOTSA, lyrics by Stepin Fetchit
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LxijhTgxkyk&ab_channel=QueensOfTheStoneAge
Rex Ryan calls this “well hung”
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=in1eK3x1PBI&ab_channel=0dot0
Not a song, but had to post one of my favorite Kids In the Hall skits:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XJqeIkV-THU
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ytQKqoWBRYA
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=J19drdGsyTw
Aw…my cousins used to have a cat named Sugarfoot.
A Rex Ryan/Matt Gaetz Venn Diagram?
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZLHv_0qhP1o
Miss you Bubba, RIP
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FNRps83DKRo
(Norm McDonald voice): “This just proves my theory, Swedes love Motorhead”
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QBQXn996k7A&ab_channel=kentjulnes
Did I win? Kick ass video alert!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GM1kzbAgo_E
[looks down below]
-Blair Witch
/it was just two minutes tho
He won a DVD of Blair Witch 2: Book of Secrets
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GAMIifAVro0
Cut off the song title: “Sex is in the Heel”
We saw that at the Hollywood Bowl. We were close enough to spit on Wayne Brady, if we’d wanted to.
Hot Take: Nancy was the most talented Sinatra.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GM1kzbAgo_E&ab_channel=NancySinatra
Looks like there was a time warp!
?w=790&h=530&crop=1
lol Alison you’re not that tall
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZZa6SXfRMYw&ab_channel=RedMeatHeart
Give me something to break
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AkFqg5wAuFk
Yeah my baby she’s long
My baby she’s tall
She’s sleepin’ with her head in the kitchen
And her feet’s out in the hall
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yhAoBHonaA8
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KIPwCJSo6LQ
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ldsdoeW7J6E
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vDGorIWYz-A
fuck yes
Well fuck yeah
O hell yes
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kbYy7t7Ly3I&ab_channel=TopPop
https://youtu.be/4iuO49jbovg?si=3-Rjr3ubem1xWCkw
DUDE.
This song rocks, I don’t want to hear it.
Whatever it does, this song absolutely does not rock.
Picked for album name:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iNd2GvhvHkY&list=OLAK5uy_l0lAHan9hSihmF4x0DJpI_Fo30jFoKK7w&index=2
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-67sl3Ghbt0
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rbB4Uje5m8w
Why Eli wasn’t invited back to play Guardians & Gladiators with Hunter Renfrow and the rest of the A/V Club crew.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ReZbIsk9hiI
Scuse me whilst I jam
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HGFITl5mFvs&ab_channel=FnacPortugal
ZEP DOUBLE SHOT
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_PFmGicOEeY&ab_channel=LedZeppelin
TRIPLE SHOT!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1t4KLOm7pO0
lol fuck you Aaron Rodgers
Also might as well mention this concept since the odds of me doing anything with it are very slow: Rex and Rob Ryan as versions of the angel and demon in “Good Omens”.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eN_SzObr1Ug
Another perhaps
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GGjKTD8WSu0
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VgGwI12zMJg
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-apmQZST6vg
Had this cued up to post on its own, but let’s make it a serendipitous DOUBLE SHOT for the color red!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=axkyYrismAw
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SDTZ7iX4vTQ
Ooh, excellent branch: kicks!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=b0p5vm6dDeg
The original concept for the post had O.J. Simpsons having to live a lifetime with his hands and feet switched (that was how it was going to segue from a discussion of the bloody glove to a theme of “feet”).
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WJ3NUHdL2Hw
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8bmbSC9c2ys
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Gk7X-_dWCOc
DOUBLE SHOT! (same album, even)
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VuCXo7Vtrks
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=L-AQTtXUxYU
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FAb2Mu0CRk4
[slaps BeefReeferLives on the ass, hard]
THAT’S GOOD DOUBLE-SHOOTIN’!
/ OW!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ErenIQorXac
Let us not forget the hokey pokey
https://youtu.be/eHs1WXp_syA?si=gw6a_uf9UA43EYQB
Are you ready for a triple shot?
https://youtu.be/F6y4-Rtf0W0?si=nLCYw8are7bKx7rx
Louisiana rain is falling at my feet
Baby, I’m noticing the change as I move down the street
Louisiana rain is soaking through my shoes
I may never be the same when I reach Baton Rouge
https://youtu.be/TQvasjlzrrU?si=G-2P5wsCQVpmsqbQ
This one’s my favorite
https://youtu.be/Ko83xRUKzjE?si=Sru0I95bVwlkMaJq
This song still fucks
https://youtu.be/Ia0zeuZMJbo?si=5q2-leIqLxPOh5MJ
Wait a sec… Is THIS the puzzle song??
[SLAPS BEEFREEFERLIVES ON THE ASS AGAIN, HARD]
THAT’S GOOD HUSTLE!
Woo! /Ow!
Don’t I get credit for posting it?
Lost my boots in transit, babe, a pile of smoking leather
I nailed a retread to my feet and prayed for better weather
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=q3O7iuhvcF8
See that girl barefooting along
Whistling and singing, she’s a-carrying on
Got laughing in her eyes
Dancing in her feet
She’s a neon diamond
She can live on the street
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PDJ9KnYcA9Q
I think one of you introduced me to this version via request line years ago:
https://youtu.be/9asndmJLYhQ?si=rR1EvLTJsgd0Rhpr
Footloose AND fancy free is even better.
https://youtu.be/Q6NQcO9KTBY?feature=shared
This feels obligatory:
https://youtu.be/JPOSGVUYgVQ?si=S6QZdvI8tWyYi3Wf
Dude.
Don’t be racist.
Her heritage is not the issue. For example, I love Cuban sandwiches.
Parenthetically related to the theme:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QUTD9ok997k
This the puzzle?
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xxXNSEOZHAI
[chuckles]
No, but you’re in the right headspace. There’s a second clue.
Ah. As in the last word. Looks like that ones been picked, but not guessed.
I couldn’t think of a direct clue that wouldn’t make it way too easy. Nice work!