TGIF! The come down from March Madness is terrible. For a very small few of us, our methadone is azaleas in full bloom, pine straw, fake bird noises, small creeks, and yellow pin flags. For the rest of you? Well, it’s the weekend to go do whatever you want.

Survival – Personal Edition

For those with daughters, the day is going to arrive of their first date. As a parent, this can be a very stressful event. Here are some tips to get through that evening.

• Meditate. This can be done the conventional way: breathing exercises, soothing music, antianxiety medication. Or the clubhouse favoUrite, cocktails! Have your first one about 45 minutes before the date’s arrival.
• Lay the ground rules to your daughter so that their is structure and framework for the evening:
  • You’ll need the name, age, and contact information of the date. Same for any other participants.
  • The venues and activities arranged for the date as well as the general time frame.
  • Pre-approval for all attire, makeup, and jewelry.
  • The date must come inside to pick her up. No honking or cell phone call when outside.
  • Curfew time.
  • Promise to call for any reason, including having a bad date or want a ride home.
• When the date arrives, greet them, shake their hand, and maintain steady eye contact. Pay attention to their body language at this time. If the date tries to dominate the handshake and stares you down, that’s a bad sign.
• This is superficial, but helpful. Assess the date by his attire and apparent age. You’re looking for a quick assessment to judge the date’s appropriateness for your daughter. Make small talk with the date, but keep it under 5 minutes, then send them on their way.

Once gone, distract yourself however needed. If you’re going to keep drinking be prepared to order a ride for her to get home. Just remember, you’re daughter is at least and probably more nervous about the date than you. Plus, it’ll be over soon enough. That’s why there’s a curfew.

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Survival – Species Edition

Time to put the sexy in Friday!

Enjoy the weekend, folks! Alright, now let’s get to the comments!