I have just two days left of work this summer. If I can also get this stupid summer course knocked off soon, my vacation is then truly right around the corner. So, so close. If the weather holds, you’ll probably catch me back for the second week in a row at the hill in Lansdowne Park, watching the REDBLACKS from afar. Gotta love free views and cheap beer from home.
In league news this week:
- Montreal signed WR Nate Behar, a former Ottawa REDBLACK, to their active roster. An effective player with Ottawa who was edged out due to ratio considerations and a depth chart that became a lot more loaded, Behar is probably the Canadian replacement for Kaion Julien-Grant, who’s again dealing with a shoulder injury – likely the same one that kept him out of half of the 2023 season.
- Toronto is bringing back DB Tarvarus McFadden; he signed with Ottawa in the off-season after two years with the Argos, but was released from REDBLACKS training camp as a late cut. He had 70 tackles, four picks, 13 knockdowns and 2 forced fumbles in 33 regular season games with the Argos in 2022 and ’23, and helped the team win the 2022 Grey Cup against Winnipeg.
- Winnipeg signed longtime Elks DB Aaron Grymes to their practise roster; a longtime CFL vet, he’s been out of the league rehabbing a knee injury these past two seasons and hasn’t played; he was released back in February by Edmonton. If Grymes can get healthy – and that’s a big if at this stage of his career – I think he can be an asset to the secondary, but the practise roster is definitely the right move for the time being for the Bombers.
- Edmonton released DL Robert Nkemdiche, a former NFL first-rounder, on July 23rd. He started the first four games of the season for the Elks before missing the last two with a knee injury; having bounced around football since 2019, when he was cut from the Arizona Cardinals for failing his training camp physical, this might be close to the end of the road for his football career, unfortunately. With seven tackles and two sacks, he wasn’t really a problem for the Elks – he just couldn’t stay healthy.
Onto the games!
WEEK 7 RECAPS
Edmonton 14 vs. Ottawa 20: This was a truly ugly football game, but credit to the REDBLACKS’ D for playing some hard-nosed, shutdown football to totally squander the Elks’ chances. McLeod Bethel-Thompson failed to throw a TD and Boris shanked three of his seven field goal attempts, which certainly didn’t help things much either. Ottawa’s very first drive resulted in a TD, but things really quieted down for the remainder of the game afterwards. Of note were two fairly significant injuries in this game that required the cart to come out twice – one for Elks DL Sam Acheampong, and another for Ottawa DB Tobias Harris. Elks special-teamer Scott Hutter also suffered a season-ending non-contact injury to his Playing on short rest (these teams faced off on Sunday of the week before in advance of their Friday night rematch), it’s very unfortunate to see, although not surprising. We’ll see how serious the injuries in short order, I’m sure.
PICK: Ottawa
RESULT: Ottawa
Winnipeg 9 vs. Saskatchewan 19: Not a great offensive night for the Blue Bombers. Ultimately a shame, since they’d looked more alive in recent weeks. Alas, the dominance that Winnipeg has shown this fierce prairie rivalry over the last few seasons was decidedly missing from this matchup, and Saskatchewan’s D stepped up in a major to help totally shut down the visitors. More importantly, Shea Patterson seemed to take a step forward as the current starting QB for the Riders, and he definitely outduelled Zach Collaros on the field this past week. Trevor Harris will unquestionably get his starter’s job back the second he’s declared good to go, but it’s good to see that the Riders might actually be doing alright at developing a QB – an area they’ve struggled at developing for years – and have a succession plan in mind. AJ Ouellette had a good game but limped off the field late with what turned out to be a hip injury – a bittersweet ending to a solid game for the Riders.
PICK: Winnipeg
RESULT: Saskatchewan
Toronto 24 vs. Hamilton 27: Toronto really didn’t look like they were invested much in this game. They were down 17-0 at the end of the first half in part due to Hamilton blocking a punt for a TD (always cool) and a forced fumble recovered for a TD. It was an excellent defensive effort for the Tabbies, keeping the pressure up on Cameron Dukes for the whole contest – while the Argos fought back a little more in the second half, it remained too little, too late. Hamilton may have been 0-5 going into this game, but they’d lost a series of close games – they are certainly a better team than their record suggests, and perhaps finally getting into the win column might start to see some of the luck factor in close games swing back in their favour over the next few weeks. Still, a big hole to in at the first third mark of the season.
PICK: Toronto
RESULT: Hamilton
BC 24 vs. Calgary 25: The Lions have been an offensive juggernaut to start the season, but a windy evening at McMahon Stadium blew things off course in this matchup. Vernon Adams, Jr. had two TDs and two interceptions on the night, as he struggled to make throws that have thus far looked routine this year and was held to just 192 pass yards on the night. Both teams committed a totally wild number of penalties – BC 11 for 70 yards and Calgary 12 for 180 yards (wow!!!!) – and undoubtedly both coaching staffs are not thrilled with those numbers. All the same, credit to Calgary’s defence for stepping up and finding a way to lock in on the Lions – not an easy feat to cover that many elite receivers all at the same time.
PICK: BC
RESULT: Calgary
BYE: Montreal (5-1)
WEEK 8 PREVIEWS
Saskatchewan (5-1) vs. Montreal (5-1), Thursday, July 25th, 7:30 PM EDT (TSN, CFL+): This matchup is a story about the two teams with the best records in the CFL through the first third of the season. It’s also a story about significant injuries; both teams are missing their starting QBs, while Montreal has a number of other players on the shelf including star receiver Kaion Julien-Grant, and Saskatchewan will not have leading rusher AJ Ouellette available either. It’s true that injuries are part of the game, and good teams figure out a way to overcome them – kudos to both sides for being able to weather the storm up to this point, but it still feels like we’re several weeks away from seeing both Cody Fajardo and Trevor Harris back out leading their teams on the field. Not sure this will be an offensive barn-burner due to having a number of second-stringers in, but I have no doubt it will be a fundamentally sound football game.
PICK: Saskatchewan
Calgary (3-3) vs. Ottawa (4-2), Friday, July 26th, 7:00 PM EDT (TSN, CFL+): I’m thrilled the REDBLACKS are 4-2 to start the season. They’ve already equalled their win total for all of 2023 in the first third of this current campaign. That said, I am watching with caution and apprehension. One must remember that the team was 3-3 after six weeks last year and then proceeded to absolutely implode. A lot of that collapse last year was due to injuries, to be fair, but it’s important that they learn from that terrible descent from 3-3 to 4-14. The team is overall healthier, but Ottawa’s schedule has also been very soft to start the year. Of their four wins, two have been against the sad-sack Elks, a third was against a similarly floundering Hamilton side, and the fourth was against the Bombers, who are still not looking very good this year. This next stretch of the sched is about to get much tougher. Calgary’s big win against BC last week is a sign that they shouldn’t be taken lightly. The Stamps are also looking better than last season despite sitting at a .500 record right now – I think there’s further improve to grow and improve here, but penalties aside, the offence appears to be able to execute much more consistently than last year’s team.
PICK: Calgary
Winnipeg (2-5) vs. Toronto (3-3), Saturday, July 27th, 7:00 PM EDT (TSN, CBSSN, CFL): Just three more games and the Argos will get Chad Kelly back. Despite his repugnant character, it’s clear that QB appears to be an issue for Toronto right now. Cameron Dukes has looked shaky, and some pundits are calling for #3 Nick Arbuckle to get the start this week. This is similarly confounding to me – Arbuckle’s bounced around the league in his career and has lost starting jobs twice now; I just don’t think he’s got the decision-making capabilities to be an upgrade over Dukes. Winnipeg also needs to figure out what’s causing their offensive woes – it continues to be very unusual to watch this team struggle to score consistently. To go from lighting it up against the Calgary secondary to getting totally kept out of the end zone against Saskatchewan suggests some significant issues are afoot. I’m not smart enough to figure it out, apparently. Getting Kenny Lawler back would probably help the passing game, though.
PICK: Toronto
Hamilton (1-5) vs. Edmonton (0-6), Sunday, July 28th, 7:00 PM EDT (TSN, CBSSN, CFL+): It’s a basement battle. The Ti-Cats finally got in the win column for the first time last week thanks to a complete effort, but especially from their D and special teams showing up in a major way. Edmonton continues to be winless; their offence sputtered last week against the REDBLACKS, failing to score any TDs. McLeod Bethel-Thompson has been… ok… this season, but fans are clamouring for change at every facet of the organization. Firing Chris Jones was one significant step towards sweeping reform, but it seems like what fans especially want to see is a chance for Canadian QB Tre Ford to have some extended playing time this year. He sparked the team to a better second half last year en route to a 4-14 finish, but the team looked remarkably more poised than it did when Taylor Cornelius was the team’s starter. If the incoming new ownership, coaching staff, and fans can all get on the same page with Ford, I think we’ll finally start to see some of those rifts begin to heal. Young QBs take time to develop – and not every team wants to give it to them – but right now, one can’t help but feel he’s being a little bit wasted on this organization. This is the problem when the rot runs deep. At least there appears to be momentum to actually address it this time around.
PICK: Hamilton
BYE: BC (5-2)
STANDINGS AND STATS
East Division Standings
Team | Games | Wins | Losses | Points For | Points Against |
Montreal | 6 | 5 | 1 | 175 | 136 |
Ottawa | 6 | 4 | 2 | 141 | 161 |
Toronto | 6 | 3 | 3 | 178 | 168 |
Hamilton | 6 | 1 | 5 | 151 | 193 |
West Division Standings
Team | Games | Wins | Losses | Points For | Points Against |
Saskatchewan | 6 | 5 | 1 | 167 | 138 |
BC | 7 | 5 | 2 | 206 | 170 |
Calgary | 6 | 3 | 3 | 159 | 164 |
Winnipeg | 7 | 2 | 5 | 149 | 170 |
Edmonton | 6 | 0 | 6 | 146 | 172 |
Passing Yards
- Adams, Jr., BC – 2395
- Mitchell, HAM – 1941
- Bethel-Thompson, EDM – 1703
Passing TDs
- Adams, Jr., BC – 14
- Mitchell, HAM – 12
- Maier, CGY – 11
Rushing Yards
- Carey, TOR – 429
- Oliveira, WPG – 415
- Ouellette, SSK – 389
Receiving Yards
- McInnis, BC – 780
- Hollins, BC – 663
- Philpot, MTL – 602
Defensive Tackles
- Hladik, BC – 41
- Wilson, HAM – 39
- Beverette, MTL – 38
Sacks
- Johnson, MTL – 4
- Curtis, EDM – 4
- Archibald, BC – 4
Interceptions
- Milligan, SSK – 4
- Roberson, CGY – 3
- Houston, CGY – 2
Field Goals
- Whyte, BC – 24
- Ward, OTT – 21
- Castillo, WPG – 20
PICK POOL
Rough outing for many of us last week. Lots of redemption in order for this upcoming weekend, it seems…
Remember to submit your picks here! https://www.pooltracker.com/join.asp?poolid=231808
Rank | Total Points | Weekly Score | Win Percentage |
WCS | 20 | 1-3 | 71.43% |
Ballsofsteelandfury | 20 | 3-1 | 71.43% |
The Maestro | 18 | 1-3 | 64.29% |
Gumbygirl | 16 | 3-1 | 57.14% |
SonOfSpam | 15 | 1-3 | 53.57% |
Game Time Decision | 15 | 1-3 | 53.57% |
BC Dick | 13 | 1-3 | 46.43% |
Don T | 13 | 2-2 | 46.43% |
The Right Reverend Electric Mayhem | 5 | 0-4 | 17.86% |
Enjoy the games, everyone.
(disgusted) “You look like a whore.”
“What do you expect when you upholster yourself like that?”
Just asking for it.
Voulez- vous coucher avec moi, ce soir?
JD and Troy McClure gonna tag team this
Orgy at JD’s place!
Emergency Rocking! 🚨
Padres pitcher Dylan Cease threw a No-Hitter today! ⚾️
2nd No-Hitter in franchise history!!!
Padres got the Win!
That’s ROCKINGGGG!!!
Vive la France!
Lulz: https://www.theverge.com/2024/7/25/24206088/jd-vance-fact-check-sex-couch-rumor-associated-press-retraction
♫…I FUCKED A COUCH AND I LIKED IT…♫
Now I want to get in touch with Rachel Bloom and see if she’ll do a parody of it.
Or Randy Rainbow
Plus, Randy probably has all the costuming he needs ready to roll.
JD: Are you up for a little role-play tonight?
USHA: What did you have in mind?
JD: Just slip this on.
Yeah, this is brilliant.
Gumby had one of those!
I am giving serious consideration to wearing this as a Halloween costume and introducing myself as JD Vance’s high school girlfriend.
DO IT
REPORTER: Any plans for the weekend, Senator Vance?
VANCE: Nothing much. Just plan to do some “pushin’ of the cushions” as I like to call it.
REPORTER: Oh, your wife makes you spend your time rearranging furniture in the living room too?
VANCE: Uh…yeah.
🛋️
Dylan Cease just threw a no-hitter for the Padres – 3 walks, 114 pitches.
As our canine friend would say, that’s ROCKING
It’s ROCKING!!!!
26 minutes into the US-Zambia game:
If there a Mercy Rule in soccer matches?
Gumby just said, “wow, that dude is flying!” He is not the most politically correct person.
Not great at picking out alternative bands or genders
He has other talents.
Make him play Fantasy Football with us.
He’s already in two leagues.
Well at least Zambia has those other Olympic sports to look forward to. They should medal in, um
Boxing. They have a shot at a medal in the lightest weight in men’s boxing.
And now it’s 2-0.
The game has basically been played inside Zambia’s box, which would lead to a whole bevy of terrible jokes if we weren’t all so focused on JD Vance and his upholstery fetish.
And now it’s 3-0.
I have spent the last ten minutes trying to find an image of adjacent furniture stores so I can make a joke about it being the red light district (JD Vance’s conception) but no such luck.
Hickory NC is Mecca for him.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MhQ5678cJU8
Dennis Rodman’s daughter just scored a sweet goal for the USWNT.
Got a sneak preview of next week’s Simpson’s opening gag:
Marge covering Maggie’s eyes is [chef’s kiss].
Hahahaha!
The field the US women’s soccer team is about to play on was only laid two weeks ago.
JD Vance’s couch wishes it got that kind of a break.
Hello there.
Maybe you know me from a small bit role in Hard Ride to Nowhere or maybe its from some of my stellar banner quotes and comedic genius in the now-discontinued Quoteables. Either way, do you have a couple minutes to talk? You do? Great.
Look, I’m going to just hit you with a hard truth. The fitbawl season is approaching, and you’re needed. Yes you!, Needed for what?
Fantasy Football.
That’s right. We’re starting the tWBS Memorial Lowratio League. We need one more team to give us a nice, even 14 teams.
You should be that 14th team. C’mon, you know you want to. All the cool kids are doing it.
Link: https://football.fantasysports.yahoo.com/f1/209105/invitation?key=3a07144c86507a29&soc_trk=lnk&ikey=79d23a09c66a6ad9
If you can’t get the 14th, I will give up my team for the common good. For the sake of the nation, I will make the ultimate sacrifice. No need to thank me!
Dammit! It was worth a try.
you can check out, but you can never leave.
Hey!
Can I possibly join??
Of course! Please do!
JOURNALIST: Any plans for the weekend, Senator Vance?
VANCE: Oh, nothing special. Plan to spend a lot of time on the couch, actually.
JOURNALIST: Watching the Olympics?
VANCE: Yeah…Olympics…
Did he say “on” “in” or “up”?
Yes.
Yes.
“on top of” probably would work too. These are important jokes as far as our nation’s history is concerned so it’s important to polish them up as much as I can.
https://youtu.be/mDt7q4fTx5w?si=3xoJxYnZAtadaIAj
Canadia women take the lead late against Newish Zealand.
And they hang on for the win…good job America Junior!
https://www.cnn.com/2024/07/25/entertainment/jennifer-aniston-jd-vance/index.html
You had one job, Trump VP Vetting Department. One job!
Who am I kidding? This comment probably won him the job.
Trump don’t vet, he vibes.
That is true, his “bone spurs” saw to that.
“Masturbating? Upholstered furniture? I still don’t understand why this was even a scandal- cancel culture has been out of control for a long time.” – JD Vance, reminiscing about his favorite childhood show
His first crush
JD’s Couch in College
JD Vance addressing the rumors about his relationship with Peter Thiel (artist’s conception):
Just back from the bank and that visit was such a clusterfuck that I’m pretty sure I’ll be doing online banking next week. Pretty obvious they’re getting ready to nuke that branch anyway.
Doesn’t help that the teller waiting on me is a kid I coached in Little League and now he’s bigger than me.
Olympics – US women’s soccer against Zambia at noon Pacific on USA network.
Canadia women currently tied 1-1 with Old Zealand early 2nd half (streaming only)
Listened to Harris speak at a rally. She was good. It didn’t energize me but I can see how it would a Democrat.
Depends on how she counterattacks to Trump. But he’s in trouble. He has no clue how to fight her other than racist and misogynistic dog whistles.
Buddy, with today’s GOP all you need is racist and misogynistic dog whistles.
I knew that as I typed but at least Harris sounded good. She came off like a hybrid of Obama and Biden, political bordering on inspirational preaching. Miles better than Hillary’s approach of “threatening to deny Seniors their Diplomas if they don’t play off all School Fees and Library Fines “.
She’s actually better than I remembered/expected. I figured all she needs to do is sound like a normal, sane person, and she’s actually coming across as a step up from that.
I think I’ve got it:
When they were passing out spouses, JD Vance thought they said “couches” and told them “gimme something curvy and exotic, like a Cabriole.”
I like it!
“When is this girl gonna leave?”
– JD Vance watching a casting couch video
One thing Kamala has to consider when vetting her Veep choices is that Buttigieg will want to fuck something other than couches. He’s probably into end tables.
WOOOOO! I’m gunning for WCS!
Easy there, Gavrilo Princep.