I haven’t been looking forward to doing this because…Giants, but much like my guy I found an angle.

This interview is entirely unedited, fyi

Me: “Folks, I’ve got a lot of questions about the Giants upcoming year and I needed some extra insight so I reached out and was genuinely surprised that Sean Stellato was able to join us.”

Sean: “Hey, I’m always available for the right price. You got that coupon from WAwa we talked about?”

Me: “After the interview, like we agreed.”

Sean: “Ah, you’re a smart one, can’t put nothing over on you.”

Me: “Let’s get started, I guess we’ve got to talk about Tommy DeVito first.”

Sean: “Goddamn right! All the bozos out there were saying that my boy was headed to the practice squad but he made the 53, BABEEE!”

Me: “Is he going to contribute this year?”

Sean: “Are you kidding me? My boy is made of iron! A certain qb who shall not be named is not going to make it through the season.”

Me: “Well, I have to name him-what’s your honest opinion of Daniel Jones?”

Sean: “I hope he enjoys his last year ever as a starter in this league. He’s a scaredy cat but I feel a little sorry for him because he hasn’t played behind a good offensive line since maybe middle school. Poor kid.”

Me: “Ok, let’s talk about that offensive line that your guy might end up playing behind.”

Sean: “Yer putting me on the spot here, but I get it. These big mooks, they ain’t been good for going on four years now. Evan Neal is a basket case but you kinda can’t blame the GM-his name is Show-Hen? Anyway, everyone thought the dude was can’t miss but ya gotta show it on the field, bro.”

Me: “Sean, can you tell anything about the rookies coming in?”

Sean: “Whoa! Who else am I gonna talk about other than Nabers? Tommy tells me that he catches everything in sight. One thing I worry about is that Dimes has never had a #1 wide receiver ever and you could say that that loser has never really had a legit #2 either.”

Me: “Running back spot?”

Sean: “Dumbass goofballs are whining about Saquon leaving but the rushing offense was one of the worst in the NFL with State Farm Boy there. This Singletary kid will be just fine-he’s a move-the-chains dude and that’s what the offense needs if they’re going to go downfield. Daboll is the fattest big boy I know personally aside from your mom but he’s an above-average coach.”

Me: “Ok, what the hell was that? Anyway, the defense-any thoughts?”

Sean: “I don’t pay much attention to that side of the field but Lawrence at DL seems good as does Okereke at LB. As for the secondary, I can’t name anyone there just like everyone else in Secaucus.”

Me: “Thanks so much for your time, I really appreciate it. Anyone you want to thank or maybe mention any projects you’re working on?”

Sean: “Thanks for giving me this time and that coupon. I’d like to give a shoutout to Big Lou at the Sub-Basement School of Economics in Trenton. It was the worst two weeks of my life but it has paid untold diverdrends to me funianantially.”