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scotchnaut

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Three games on tap and nary an interesting fixture in sight.

To The Games!

Titans/Chargers:

LA is starting to assert themselves at the same time the leash on Herbert is coming off. The prime beneficiary is the young lad Ladd McConkey who didn’t waste much time asserting himself as the go-to wr in this revamped offense. The Chargers lockdown D shouldn’t have any problems putting the Titans in their place.

Eagles/Cowboys:

We all thought this was going to be a banger even a few weeks ago. Did you know that Saquon was tested immediately after the game last week? Do a little something unique on the field and the powers that be immediately suspect you’re juiced. Why the hell can’t fans have any fun without the league trying to undercut it?

Jets/Cards:

Play this game in a gravel pit and slowly fill it in.

Enjoy.

 

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Don T

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7
Doktor Zymm

Nico Collins is out.

I would make an effort to replace him in my superflex lineup, but my opponent started Mason Rudolph as his QB and I think I can risk the possibility that LaPorta and Tyreek outscore Goff by more than 50 pts

1
Gatoraids

Most sudden Nico departure since leaving the Velvet Underground

2
Horatio Cornblower

Just had a fantastic seafood paella. Now to turn on the Cowboys game while taking a big sip of coffee…

Last edited 1 year ago by Horatio Cornblower
2
Doktor Zymm

They’re not even down by 30, not bad for a home game this year!

3
Horatio Cornblower

Just saw the highlight down below of CD missing a TD because he was blinded by the Sun, and I haven’t stopped laughing since.

4
Gatoraids

I like Paella / Jambalaya where i go more of the jambalaya ingredients except for swapping normal with with saffron rice.

AI Summary that doesnt use slurs, what progress
:Jambalaya is thought to have originated in New Orleans when Spanish settlers tried to make paella but substituted tomatoes for saffron. The dish is also influenced by West African cooking, as slaves introduced rice irrigation methods to North America. The word “jambalaya” may come from the Provençal word jambalaia, which means “mishmash””

1
Redshirt

If there is justice in the world, Deion’s kid’ll be drafted by Dallas next year. It’ll be fun seeing Nepotism Sanders getting killed every week.

6
Doktor Zymm

I’m pretty sure it’ll happen as long as JJ is still alive

1
Gatoraids

Just had some Rocky Road ice cream since about 30 years ago, why did it take this long to go back to the true path of marshmallows

6
Doktor Zymm

There are a lot of classic ice cream flavors that have gone criminally underappreciated since the rise of Ben and Jerrys

1
Gatoraids

Pralines in your life is self improvement

2
Redshirt

Announcer: “Chain Gang, please return to the field! The Dallas Cowboys have achieved a first down!”

2
Mr. Ayo

… and they laughed and laughed before filing out of the stadium.

4
Gatoraids

Cowboys the biggest Pretenders of the season, other than them JV noles.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cMOKamtpUA8

2
Redshirt

Who brought back the 2000 Cincinnati Bengals and dressed them in white jerseys? I don’t want to see them again! I DON’T WANNA GO BACK TO THAT DARK PLACE!

2
LemonJello

Picket’s Charge is commencing in Dallas!

2
fleshwound_NPG

just in time for a LOT of white people down south to start crying after a poor showing against a team from pennsylvania

4
BeefReeferLives

Me during the week thinking about that dumb ass Commie jumping across the line:

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12
fleshwound_NPG

also, the rest of the nfc east (and i suppose the rest of the civilized world) thinking about the “effort” today by the cowboys

5
ballsofsteelandfury

Oh me too. Me too.

2
Mr. Ayo

Who knew playing Call of Duty was better prep for playing QB than ayahuasca darkness trip?

Aside from Xbox, Jr. of course.

4
Col. Duke LaCross

Liked the “Fuck Around and Find Out” t-shirt on live TV

2
Redshirt

You helped returned Cancun Cruz to Capital Hill, Dallas. You deserve this.

5
Redshirt

Rush is back in? New Theory: Jerry Jones hates Cowboys’ fans?

1
fleshwound_NPG

we will soon find out how bad trey lance was that cooper rush got THAT much playing time

1
fleshwound_NPG

lol what the ever loving fuck are the cowboys doing here

1
fleshwound_NPG

BWHAHAHAHAHA

2
BeefReeferLives

Jerrah must be having a conniption.. I love it.

3
Mr. Ayo

One snap? Hope he has his retirement plans in place.

1
Gatoraids

WOO BOY THAT BLINDING LIGHT IS FROM THE OWNERS BOX. WOO IM FUCKING SHINY

10
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

My television is telling me that the Chargers-Titans game has less than four minutes left in the 4th quarter, yet it’s only 3:30 p.m. local time. How on earth is this possible?

1
Don T

KO Rules clock

1
Mr. Ayo

Mercy rules. Running clock because c’mon we all know how this would end.

2
fleshwound_NPG

next year Qaron needs just ONE MORE former packer and it will work for the jets!comment image

6
Gatoraids

Sure he’s going to be Chairman of the President’s Council on Physical Fitness and Sports

3
Doktor Zymm

So why are the Iggles playing down to Bovine levels?
At least that was ok

1
Mr. Ayo

Birds aren’t real

3
BeefReeferLives

& QAaaaaron coughs it up…

I am so here for it.

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2
Mr. Ayo

Is QAaron washed? I’m just asking questions here.

3
BeefReeferLives

After ‘doing my own research’, I’m leaning towards “yes”.

3
Gatoraids

sounds too hygenic for him, dont need washing if you rub bath salts on yourself

2
BeefReeferLives

& now he gets brutally sacked. That’s schadenfreudalicious!!!

3
Redshirt

So..how bad is Trey Lance if they keep shoving Rush on the field.

2
Mr. Ayo

That’s your answer, obviously.

2
scotchnaut

There’s one thing I know about Jerry and Stephen Jones and their scouting department-had they drafted Brock Purdy as Mr. Irrelevant in 2022, they would have cut him after one week of training camp.

3
Redshirt

You honestly think Jerry Jones would have drafted someone with the names “Brock” and “Purdy”?

2
Gumbygirl

Jesus, I just got home and looked at my fantasy matchup. Brick would be absolutely crushing me now if he had played a qb and a wide receiver. Thanks bubblehead!

6
Col. Duke LaCross

It would appear that Mr Meathook is packing it in.

6
Mr. Ayo

Brick knows defense wins championships.

4
blaxabbath

I have a minor head cold today. I’m at the slamming menudo stage and, for some reason, had a hankering for a Pepsi with it.

Then I just had the biggest refreshing belch.

The body knows….

1
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Slamming Menudo?

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1
Don T

🥸

1
Spur

Eagle Derp!
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1
Spur

Little Red Birds take down planes
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4
blaxabbath

My goodness, the Jets, why bother making the trip?

2
Spur

Those chemtrails aren’t going to make themselves

8
Horatio Cornblower

The last time Jets performed this badly Boeing had to shut down an entire production line for two years.

6
BeefReeferLives

BAAAAHAAAHAHAHAHAHA! Fucking Cowboys…

1
fleshwound_NPG

nobody wants to win iggles/cowpersons

1
fleshwound_NPG

nfc least football baby

0
BeefReeferLives

“Oh no, you first. I insist.”

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3
blaxabbath

That was an NFL style hit on X Box Jr there.

0
Don T

Complete bullshit Herbert INT! Any US fella ever mentions “Rule of Law” to me GETS S FUCK YOU MAAAAAN!!!

2
BeefReeferLives

Yup, Tits got hosed…

/insert wet tee shirt contest gif here

0
BeefReeferLives

Oooo. Scoop ‘n score for Don T’s Tits?

0
Don T

Rules don’t apply to Tits

2
BeefReeferLives

Jeez, apparently not. Looked pretty cut & dried to me…

0
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I’m going to try not to click on a twitter link ever again in my life. We’ll see how this goes.

1
ballsofsteelandfury

It was the end of the Steelers game set to the music of Curb Your Enthusiasm

3
blaxabbath

Do you really need to be on twitter?

1
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Does anybody remember that short story “A Piece of Steak”? I am hoping that Tyson-Paul fight goes like that but it will probably end up more like that lawyer show episode (The Practice?) where they featured a broken down old boxer who couldn’t remember his childrens’ names or birthdays.

1
Horatio Cornblower

I’ll be shocked if that fight actually goes forward.

0
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

If someone ever invents a time machine the very first thing they should do is switch 2024 Mike Tyson with 1988 Mike Tyson, just for the one night.

1
blaxabbath

I feel like the Jets are sort of doing what the Lakers did with Kobe’s last season. Except, what has Aaron Rodgers done to earn a fuck-off-let-me-try-this-thing-offense season in New York?

0
Buddy Cole's Halftime Show

My butthole is listed as day to day after eating Chipotle for lunch and chicken smothered in Molè for dinner.

Thank you for your support.

7
blaxabbath

aquafor. It was blaxito’s redass cure-all.

1
BugEyedBoo

ISTR a 50/50 mix of maalox and aquafor for diaper rash.

1
blaxabbath

What’s the maalox for?

0
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

“Well for one thing, it makes overdoses less likely.” – Jim Irsay

1
BugEyedBoo

I think it has lidocaine in it.

1
BugEyedBoo

ETA: guess not. Interwebs says, “Maalox doesn’t do anything that plain old aquaphor/Desitin doesn’t.”

0
Horatio Cornblower

My opponent is playing Tyreek Hill against me, despite Hill being listed as questionable. To be fair, Tyreek is questionable in pretty much everything he does off the field, so there could just be some understandable confusion here.

3
ArmedandHammered

He was not questionable when I set the roster!

1
Horatio Cornblower

Tyreek Hill is questionable 24/7/365, sir.

3
Spur

Dallas stands no chance here but Coach Meatball is bound to show up a few times today.

2
Horatio Cornblower

“Meatballs? Where!?!?”

-Mike McCarthy, abandoning his team to rush towards the buffet table.

5
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

“…” – Tony Sparano’s football, reliving an awful memory

1
blaxabbath

Why didn’t Yinz keep RB Conner?

0
BugEyedBoo

Fumble + dum.

2
BugEyedBoo

Oh wait, that’s me.

1
BugEyedBoo

Got confused with “Why not leave Warren running.” I thought he was good, but PIT decided he wasn’t worth the money a new contract would have cost. I think. He was good at PIT too.

3
Horatio Cornblower

And just like that, an insurmountable lead for the Cardinals.

3
blaxabbath

Why even bother calling that back? You just added time to the game.

That Conner pass should have been a non-reviewable play at this point in the game.

2
Horatio Cornblower

As someone who unfortunately, and very much against his will, has Kyler Murray as his FF QB, I wholeheartedly endorse this position.

2
blaxabbath

That’s the 2024 American Voter Reasoning I’ve Come To Love!

3
blaxabbath

Wow — the Jets are absolute dogshit on D.

0
Doktor Zymm

Also on all the other letters

8
BeefReeferLives

Aaron probably has them well versed in Q by now, though…

0
LemonJello

-Iraqi Air Force General, circa 1991

7
Doktor Zymm

I mean, it was totally obvious that Saquon’s awesome levels were elevated. Maybe they just wanted some of his pee as a souvenir? Who runs those tests anyhoo?

3
fleshwound_NPG

plz iggles destroy the cowpersons so, with the exception of thanksgiving, we can never see them for the rest of the season

3
blaxabbath

The weather here is gorgeous today and, I understand, the roof is open in Glendale.

I bet those seats in the sliver of sun are loving life….

1
Col. Duke LaCross

It was ripping hot last week. They didn’t close the roof until it pissed down rain and stalled the only good Bears drive of the game.

1
blaxabbath

I want to see some of the snowbirds baking in the sun just fallout by halftime.

IF IT’S NOT ON THE FIELD, THEN I WANT TO SEE SOMEONE IN ATTENDANCE AT AN NFL GAME DIE ON TV!

1
Doktor Zymm

Still in survivor, although Vikes decided to make it close. A bunch of people picked the Giants this week, so down to 7k people or so from the original 935k!

4
Mr. Ayo

Go Birds

0
Mr. Ayo

CHARMSLINGER! TOMLIN!

They will not be denied.

2
BeefReeferLives

Russ is still a tricksey little hobbit.

2
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