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Your Sunday Evening NFL Football Open Thread

scotchnaut

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I thought that this would be a more engaging game but here we are.

To The Game!

Falcons/Commies:

-I grabbed Atlanta as the ‘sneaky good’ team of 2024 but like most of my thinkings I was incorrect.

-Is Pitts anything other than the biggest bust at tight end we’ve seen in quite some time? I can understand him failing under Arthur Smith but he seems to have just given up.

-The only way he can save his career is to go the Evan Engram route and just get the hell outta Dodge.

-The Commies are in the playoffs with a win. The NFC East was a disaster-kakke with respect to preseason expectations which I usually always love but when you’re emotionally invested it hits different.

That’s it-I’m done.

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Doktor Zymm

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4
Redshirt

Show the playoff probability with a tie!

5
Mr. Ayo

Hippo is going to be so mad he missed a glourioUs tie.

4
Unsurprised

Diddy visited the Commies during the last timeout.

0
Redshirt

Okay, Cris. Throttle it back a bit. He’s only 10-5 and we haven’t seen Playoff Daniels yet.

2
Gatoraids

not the QB i was expecting him to deepthroat first

4
Mr. Ayo

GO FOR TWO COWARD!

2
Mr. Ayo

Balls is a great muse. He knows after scoring #1 to always go for #2. That’s your best chance.

4
ballsofsteelandfury

Absolutely!

2
Unsurprised

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1
Unsurprised

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1
The Maestro

Kyle Pitts deserves to be cast back into the hell from whence he got his name.

4
The Maestro

I… rescind this remark.

2
The Maestro

Still… what a week to leave him on my bench.

3
Mr. Ayo

THE ATLANTOCRATS!

3
ballsofsteelandfury

Falcons gonna Falcon

1
Doktor Zymm

That ref is lucky he didn’t get flattened!

2
Redshirt

(four hours ago) “Falcons and Commanders. Probably gonna be a boring game.”

(four seconds ago; turns TV on) “I was mistaken.”

4
fleshwound_NPG

eternally, the falcons!

3
Doktor Zymm

Get some snakes out there, stat!

2
Doktor Zymm

SNAKES!

1
Mr. Ayo

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Doktor Zymm

Penix isn’t really much of a runner, definitely more of a thrower than a goer

4
WCS

Penix’s girth is more important than speed (or so I’m told)

4
Bogdanski

A goer? Nudge, nudge, wink, wink, eh
https://youtu.be/4Kwh3R0YjuQ?si=h7x3sHKxhA76oRij

2
LemonJello

Huh, threw to Pitts and its incomplete. Who saw that coming?

1
WCS

Apparently, he’s just not that great.

2
ballsofsteelandfury

He’s…. the Pitts?

3
Unsurprised

Penix flatteners

1
Doktor Zymm

So Penix wanted to send head pics to every team in the league?

3
rockingdog

Last funny:

the week between Christmas and New Year’s Day is like being at the airport

4
WCS

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bdkBDjtsURo

4
Unsurprised

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2
fleshwound_NPG

“I’m also cockfighting Manning.”

2
Doktor Zymm

Thank you snakes!
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1
WCS

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4
Unsurprised

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1
Unsurprised

I didn’t expect to see that when I switched back.

1
fleshwound_NPG

good thing commies made the 4th because packers gave up 3 points and failed a 4th down in FG range earlier today.

guess how many points they lost by

1
Doktor Zymm

The visitor’s locker room at fedex smells really bad and is full of snakes, so having to go in there at half time might slow the falcons down

2
Dunstan

Being a Dolphins fan right now is like Homer and that frozen yogurt.

“The Dolphins still have a chance to make the playoffs”
That’s good!
“But they’ll have to win their last game.”
That’s bad!
“It’s against the Jets”
That’s good!
“But Tua is hurt and probably can’t play”
That’s bad!
“But they won this week without him!”
That’s good!
“Even if they beat the Jets, they’ll still need the Broncos to lose at home”
That’s bad!
“Against the Chiefs”
That’s good!
“Who have nothing to play for and will be resting starters”
That’s bad!

14
Brick Meathook

Dunstan sighting!

4
Brick Meathook

Dunstan one time got me lost in downtown L.A.

4
Dunstan

Did I? Just because I didn’t get you where you wanted to be, doesn’t mean I didn’t get you where you needed to be.

Ok, actually, I didn’t do that either.

5
Gatoraids

its all bad, blowing the draft pick and giving another reason to keep shitty Grier and McDaniels. we were 6-3 vs a 3-13 team going into the half before the Browns to join next weeks Battle of Kursk tank royal

2
WCS

The LOLphins are also cursed.

3
fleshwound_NPG

BLEERGH wanting a commie loss to make wk 18 more interesting

1
fleshwound_NPG

…and then falcons gonna falcon

0
Unsurprised

This game is starting to look like winter 1991 for the Commies.

1
fleshwound_NPG

always having problems with unruly georgians

5
Unsurprised

Among otjer southern caucasians

1
Brick Meathook

I looked up last-minute tickets for this game and a cheap seat was $200. Fuck that.

The last Washington game I saw was in 1995 in a meaningless game against NYG in pouring rain and I drove there at halftime and parked right in front of the stadium and just walked in and sat right behind the Giant’s bench and nobody stopped me and I didn’t get a ticket.

6
Dunstan

I mean, this year, you could walk up to the Giants’ bench, go into the game as QB, and nobody would care.

9
rockingdog

Found a funny:

somewhere out there a tech bro is imagining eyeglasses that stop working if you cancel your subscription

4
Unsurprised

There are already so many instances where prosthetics stopped working because the companies stopped supporting them, often because they were acquired by some other company. So it’s only to be expected to turn that into more of a “feature”

1
Doktor Zymm

The worst one was the brain implant that stopped a lady’s seizures, it was repossessed when the company went bankrupt and she had to have it removed, they wouldn’t even let her buy it out

1
Unsurprised

What a wonderful legal system we have.

0
fleshwound_NPG

post-halloween kliff kingsbury, still a fucking issue

even against the fucking falcons at home

0
Brick Meathook

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1
litre_cola

Whoop whoop?

1
Unsurprised

The Juggalos accept everyone. But they wouldn’t accept him.

5
Gatoraids

even though he is down with the clown

0
Unsurprised

That clown definitely isn’t a thinly-veiled metaphor for Jesus, though.

0
rockingdog

I kinda want to see Darnold go to the Raiders. Also sounds like WR Garett Wilson wants out of the Jets, so Wilson should go to the Raiders too!

That would be Rocking!?!?

1
yeah right

As a Vikings fan, why would they let Darnold go?

Let other teams give up trade up picks for the rookie who hasn’t played shit.

It’s a good place to be.

2
SonOfSpam

Commies win and RAMMMMMMMIT is in somehow. Please stop sucking Daniels. Please start sucking Penix.

5
Gumbygirl

Wait, who is supposed to be sucking this Penix?

0
Unsurprised

Cousins?

1
blaxabbath

No real news today. I learned the dump is just down the street and free.

Such knowledge will considerably support my claims that we should move here full time.

2
LemonJello

“Lots of great finds at a dump.”
-J. Tomsula, parts unknown

4
litre_cola

Gang, I am really happy for Sam Darnold. Apart from the mono (hahahahaha) he appears to not be a dickhead.

4
blaxabbath

Your team should give him a huge contact.

3
litre_cola

Mine won’t, yours might if they move on from Xbox.

2
Doktor Zymm

Yeah, he’s gonna go somewhere he can start so most of the NFC East is safe

1
Mr. Ayo

So, 6 years, 325MM?

1
blaxabbath

What if he gets sent to like Carolina or Cleveland or some other doomed situation? What if the only underdog magic in the NFL is based on an underpaid quarterback?

Remember when the problem (until Bradford or Stafford i forget) was bad teams who picked first were anchored with massive rookie contracts? And so the best teams got better by virtue of drafting being such a huge financial risk for GMs?

But pivot now to the free agent prove it deal QB. Opportunities that seem to suggest Good Quarterbacks are out there — you can get them by draft or by signing but the idea that everyone can’t start with a good qb is bullshit. He may have rotted on the vine (Aaron) but you hadn’t taken your first real taste until this year. He may have Sam Darnold because there’s a class of QBs who Were On Loser Teams that you scout now. PIT has two fucking QBs now because they’re a pretty Understands The League ownership circle. Arizona had a guy who still could give a taste of It until you fucking gave him a week off and he spent it GETTING ADDICTED TO VIDEO GAMES AGAIN and then sucked out the schedule.

So here’s all I’m saying — Flaccos and Wilsons and Bryce Youngs and (who is Milf Hunter Z? Just my favorite nickname) are becoming more and more aplenty as the League stockpiles this ‘new generarion’ talent in all positions.

Tua’s gonna get a shot in a cold place with a bad franchise too late and that makes me feel good about our chances…

2
litre_cola

So if you are the Vikings do you keep him in a good sitch or go with cheap JJ?

0
Mr. Ayo

Franchise tag him and see if he can do it again. JJ needs another year anyway.

4
Doktor Zymm

I would be shocked if they kept him, Minnesota has a QB whisperer, I think JJ will be fine

0
Doktor Zymm

Although I’m just now seeing that they do want to bring him back for another year so I guess I’m shocked immediately after writing this, lol

4
Unsurprised

Makes sense. QB > QB Whisperer

0
blaxabbath

If I’m the Vikings I burn it down and move the team to Aloha Stadium and bring in Tua and Snoop. I stay forever hellbent on the team name retaining the Vikings and all associated presentations in a Snyderesque fashion.

If they’re the Vikings, he makes The Big Game or you move on. I think the worst they can do is nothing and kinda hope it “figures itself out” either by trade or by however the Browns make a decision (i assume flinging poo is involved). So they should probably just deal McCarthy and roll with what you have built for maybe 2-3 pretty special seasons maybe at the end.

But I don’t know nothing about the QB draft class this year.

4
Mr. Ayo

This draft class is ass. Sub-Darnold level ass. Unless you want the Deion show in town.

1
yeah right

Keep him.
Proven commodity at this point.

3
Gumbygirl

Agree. He’s earned a decent contract.

1
Unsurprised

The Telemundo guys love saying Scary Terry

4
Unsurprised

Historically, the commies are favored in winter. The Falcons don’t look Finnish to me.

4
litre_cola

We can haz a good game?

T’isnt Thursday.

3
Gatoraids

NFL has banned the Tush Push for this game

0
fleshwound_NPG

tush push using a penix is still banned in a few states

14
litre_cola

Banner this man

4
Unsurprised

Seconded

2
Doktor Zymm

Dumb defensive penalty part deux

1
Gatoraids

Kurt “the Fluffer” Cousins

3
litre_cola

“Michael Penis Jr?”

“No, its Penix, Michael Penis is also known as Ron Mexico.”

This joke bombed in this house. Why do I live with these people???

Last edited 1 year ago by litre_cola
14
Unsurprised

The sex?

1
litre_cola

It’s the pub I built in the basement.

3
Unsurprised

A sex pub?

1
litre_cola

Nay, futbol, and now has been overrun with lego

2
Doktor Zymm

comment image

6
Gumbygirl

It’s Deci, Mrs. Litre and the pug, whatever his name is. Frank?

0
Gatoraids

how much did Collinsworth workshop Penix throwing a rope out there

4
Mr. Ayo

Let me tell you, Mike, that throw, I call it an abortion because it was a rope that lead to a murder!

11
Unsurprised

Hmm. Dungy actually has a couple of reasons to be mad when people throw ropes.

0
Doktor Zymm

WOO!

2
Mr. Ayo

Early misfire. Happens to all guys the first few times out!

8
scotchnaut

It was just one time! She was from Canada so she didn’t notice!*

*Shut up!

10
Doktor Zymm

Good start!

0
Unsurprised

Damn I missed the fucking touchdown montage

0
Gatoraids

Me too
–A Rodgers

4
Mr. Ayo

I’m sure balls has a copy of it from the AVNs

3
litre_cola

So many avn jokes this week. I put it down to so many categories.

3
Gatoraids

Tragedy has stricken the sportscasting world twice in one week, we regret to inform you Cris Collinsworth is still alive. Our thought and prayers go out to the listeners

11
ballsofsteelandfury

The Mute button is our salvation!

2
litre_cola

Was -3.5
Mclaurin td
Mclaurin over 59.5

1
Gumbygirl

No, please!

0
litre_cola

If I bet on it, you win….

0
Gumbygirl

I don’t care if the Commies win, but Boo has Mc Laurin. He needs to have the worst game of his career, just for tonight,kaythanksbye!

1
yeah right

If you doubt the fact that I danced in my underwear after that win then you haven’t met me in person.

/ still dancing but with sweat pants on

4
yeah right

…

2
LemonJello

I’m sure the passing traffic appreciates the gesture.

2
litre_cola

I feel we are going to be friends off soon.

1
yeah right

I already said “Who said we’re playing in Philly?”

1
litre_cola

Oh sir, it could be in Minny.

2
yeah right

Pants off
Dance off!

2
Gumbygirl

I remember watching that on late night tv, it was hilarious!

2
ballsofsteelandfury

This may actually be a good game as both teams need to win to stay in the playoffs hunt.

/ Watches blowout

1
Doktor Zymm

Washington is win and in, but I don’t think they’re eliminated if they lose. Could be wrong, haven’t actually paid that much attention to the NFC

1
Doktor Zymm

Yeah, they’re still 79% if they lose this game, should be winnable tho

2
blaxabbath

It’s always wild to me that people here comment they could be wrong then return with the results/reason.

I get lied to my face constantly.

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