Hey.
We’ve reached the end of the Fantasy Football season. For some, it’s time to pop some bottles and celebrate!
For others, it’s a time of reflection and contemplation while drowning your sorrows in alcohol and also planning for next seaon’s draft. #RiseAndGrind #NoDaysOff #ThatBigBoardWontArrangeItself
Anyway. Let’s get to it.
Freezer Vodka League Champion: Dead Hobos
Congratulations Scotchnaut!
AJ Hawk Tua Tagovailoa ends the season in second place, followed by JD’s Chesterfield Dreams and Musical War Propheteers rounding out the top of the league this year.
Don’t forget, The Schlitzstains, Unnatural Gas, Free Thursday Night Points and Big Bag of Suck move “down” to Lowratio League for next season.
Lowratio League Champion: Gumbygirl’s Felonious Monks
Congratulations Gumbygirl!
Here’s how the Playoff Bracket shook out:
Aptly enough for this league, Shiba is for the People! came up just short in the championship matchup. War and Peace delivered a solid beating to regular season powerhouse Duke’s Chicago Waffles, locking up third place overall.
And with that, we bid farewell to the top four finishers this year: Gumbygirl’s Felonious Monks, Shiba is for the People!, War and Peace, and Duke’s Chicago Waffles will be wreaking havoc upon their opponents in Freezer Vodka League next season.
Here are the final standings for the league as a whole:
And here’s hoping Brick figures out which of his burner accounts he used to sign up so he can fully participate next time.
Until Next Season!
I didn’t do anything wrong. It’s the system that’s broken.
Using objective analysis, since I would have done the complete opposite of the system, IF ONLY THAT HAD BEEN POSSIBLE, we must reverse all my stats and therefore I am in fact the champion of the tWBS League and also have the best record in both leagues combined, so I am thusly the new King Of The World.
Now kiss my ass, peons. God Bless.
About to go swim some laps. This is how I achieve peak performance:
(checks Google translate)
Huh, so shrimp penis really does work?
Makes sense, since a swimming pool is kind of a tank, if you think about it.
There was shrinkage!!!
Let’s go! I won my big money league this year but this arguably feels more satisfying.
Cleaning up the Xmas decoration and I got myself a truly impressive splinter in my forefinger while taking boxes out of the attic.
Mrs. Horatio, who has some medical training, has to dig the remnants out of the finger after part of it broke off when I, who has no medical training, just yanked the top pat out while letting loose a stream of vulgarity so impressive the cat left the house rather than be subjected to more of it.
She finally gets it out, (about 1/8″ long, and buried deep) (Deanna Favre joke goes HERE), and tells me to clean it with hydrogen peroxide, then apply direct pressure to the wound while she gets the band-aids.
So I douse it with the HP and then hold my finger up to my face and yell “YOU!! STOP BLEEDING OR YOU’LL NEVER AMOUNT TO ANYTHING!!!”
Mrs. Horatio: (handing over Band-Aid) “You’re an idiot”
“HP Sauce on a wound-I like the way you think!”
A. Reid
Dan Snyder used to say the same thing to his secretary when she would try to take a personal day because of “cramps”.
Off topic, but I in light of the New Orleans attack I agree with Trump’s recent statements about strengthening our border, and firmly believe that we need to be doing everything we can to keep Texans in Texas and away from the rest of us.
Also my fantasy team sucked and Yahoo and its A- can blow me.
Marvin Harrison Jr. in the 3rd? Kyler Fucking Murray in the 4th? Hollywood Brown at all? FOH, Yahoo.
“Hollywood Brown” sounds like something tWBS would have procured on behalf of King Hippo from a Macy’s perfume counter girl who moonlights as a burlesque dancer on weekends. He would not have remembered where he met this person, when and where the transaction had taken place, or how much money changed hands. “It’s on me,” he would have said.
ICYMI (via blax):
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QbbXlMyq3Cs
But we can’t claim he didn’t warn us…
Too bad about all the dead, but the show itself was pretty good.
It’s very impressive footage.
I wonder how many boxes of counterfeit jeans were in that garage.
Fucking idiots. But I do love how the guy manning the drone goes, “Ooh, what’s going on there? Let’s go in for a closer look!”
Figures that I have the worst loss of my fantasy season in the CHAMPIONSHIP FINAL. Ugh. Major congrats to Scotchy on the big win. I will allow your village to remain unburned. For now…
In a few days’ time, I’ll have mini butt keychains to send to the winners!
Yay?
Oh, that’s perfect for Lowratio League!
I have a trophy (miniature) to print up on my 3D printer for Gumbygirl, too.
Will it be gently used?
Very exciting! I haven’t won a trophy since Jr. High.
Perfect! I am downsizing