Just look at that goofy grin! Only the Bills and Ravens have the bye but both teams need it badly. That leaves us with the oh-so-rare 6/4 split of games today. Not bad Shield, not bad at all.
To The Games!
Saints/Bears:
He’s not been lighting the world on fire but Rattler’s play has improved-his completion % is climbing towards 70 and he only has the one INT. He’s not asked to do too much but he’s a work in progress. The same can be said of Caleb Williams but there’s quite a bit more to work with. Chicago has dialed up three W’s in a row so they’re in the thick of it but oof! the NFC North is a killer.
Fins/Browns:
Each week I feel we get closer and closer to McDaniel’s end. It seems as though he’s just one blowout loss away his walking papers. Luckily they play a Cleveland side that hasn’t been able to put up more than 17 points in any game this season. Add to that the wonky weather. We can have a Wind Game? It may be difficult to throw today-could be a strange mixture of boring and comical if you haven’t been touching yourself too much recently.
Pats/Titans:
New England is another team that has cobbled together three consecutive wins including that surprise upset of Buffalo last week. Mike McCoy, a guy that threw together a 27-37 record at the helm of the Chargers is the retread that is the solution to the Titans problems. His first notion is to slow things down for Cam Ward, ‘simplifying the playbook’ they call it. I don’t see a new coach bump happening here.
Raiders/Chiefs:
Seems odd for K.C. to be playing in this spot but what do I know? By the way, Rice is back on the menu, boys! (Vegan version of The Lord of the Rings) He returns after his suspension. I’m quite worried that they’re coming into their own and that Spags hasn’t even begun to dip into his bag of tricks because Patty & Co are putting points on the board.
Eagles/Vikes:
I’ve no clue which team is better at this point in the season. Philly is underutilizing their skills guys and Minny with Wentz at QB is the Wildest of Cards. “Sk8erboi has more rushing yards than Saquon” is a thing that Giants fans say to console themselves though that won’t last much longer. Is Jalen Carter playing? That would make quite the difference in this tilt.
Panthers/Jets:
Carolina is ascending and now they have a two-headed monster in the backfield. That should open up the playbook a bit for Bryce Young. He needs all the help he can get. There’s nothing really to say about the Jets, good lord they’re bad. (Evergreen statement)
Be you in the comments.
That Browns interception seems like a metaphor how even when they do a good, they get in their own way.
THIS FACTORY OF SADNESS, I CALL IT A JAPANESE FISHING TRIP BECAUSE THEY ARE SLAUGHTERING THESE DOLPHINS
Time to give the fake Indian guy from Short Circuit another Oscar.
Rich Kotite 1-15 Jest season might be in danger as the worse ever for the franchise.
Daryl Johnston: We need to change the rules!!
Mike Pereira:
bearsenschiesse (non-derogatory, saves bears 3 points)
/”strategery” gif
THAT BEARS PLAY I CALL IT COLONOSCOPY PREP BECAUSE IT’S GOOD THAT THEY SHAT THEIR GUTS OUT
Fields to the Ravens to back up Lamar! next season?
nfl officials desperately kept the ‘aints from being destroyed by bearsenschiesse and now we got a game
nfl script writers undefeated
Whoops.
So what kind of action items and to-do items did you all pick up from the DNC at the pagea— protests, yesterday?
https://twitter.com/willmenaker/status/1979250026363727943#m
Ahahaha bless you Cleveland. Got freed from Napier today and this game should also make it a twofer with McDaniel
THIS JETS OFFENSE I CALL THEM POL POT BECAUSE THESE FIELDS ARE REDUCING THE WILL TO LIVE
Tom Brady investing in the Raiders should have been a sign that they are dogshit given his constantly failures with anything but playing football.
He just hasn’t figured out the best way to cheat yet, the whole commentator briefing thing doesn’t seem to be enough
If Pam Oliver gave me the stink eye I’d immediately apologize for everything I could think of.
Ruh Roh, Drake Maye have a head owie
Factory of Sadness desperately trying to match production of the dolphin-unsafe tuna canning facility
Doinklar strikes
officials desperate to keep the ‘aints from losing by 40. by halftime.
bears defense helping out the narrative
Holy shit. The first example this decade of a scrum play being whistled dead on forward progress.
Glad Monongai got the TD anyway, no thanks zebras
Fucking refs
Swift is surprisingly good at running considering the breed has such tiny, stubby legs

Always thought “Swift” & “Gainwell” were good names for RBs…
McDaniel looks like a corrupt cop from a 70’s movie who’s in over his head
Or the hacker nerd from an 80ies movie right after he realizes that the FBI is knocking at the door.
This guy McDaniel I call the Unabomber because he’s making the Factory of Sadness explosive
https://bsky.app/profile/marcusd.bsky.social/post/3m3ku3vdxqk2p
pritzker enjoying this bears game so far
Richie Incognito hasn’t changed a bit, has he?
Early slate is boring.
Still a valid question, though.
Jared showed himself to be immensely talented in his early work, only to be so annoyingly weird that everybody reflexively hates his guts now.
So, Qaaron Rodgers, but with acting instead of footballing…
His best role is getting his face crushed by Ed Norton in Fight Club.
bears defenders should get roughing calls on rattler at every turn: giving the ‘aints offense more plays is going to lead to more points
for the bears
These guys are pretty good at doing back somersaults in a helmet
What the hell was Brisker supposed to do there?
actually was a good call: clutch roughing call to give the ‘aints another BETTER opportunity to fuck up!
Thought about starting Bryce Young vs the Jets. Thank god-he’s got less than half of Hurts 5.76 points!
/Bears start a drive. Caleb makes some good decisions & passes.
Me:
Knew we could sink to the occasion
Jets O-Line: “Hey! No one tries to get our Quarterback maimed but us!”
FIGHT FIGHT FIGHT
Go Birds
Dike converts!
Easy there, Pentecostals
bearsenschiesse/‘aints is very bearsenschiesse/‘aints thus far
THIS DEEP PASS BY CAM WARD, I CALL IT A NO KINGS RALLY BECAUSE GUYS CALLING THEMSELVES PATRIOTS DIDN’T HAVE AN ANSWER FOR IT.
DikeDown!
“How anyone can cover that Chimera guy? I have no idea!”
-post-game quote
OH MY GAAA I LOVE LIFE
THIS JIHAD MOORE I CALL HIM IDF BECAUSE HE’S GONNA SACK REGARDLESS OF CEASE FIRE
The Jest/Panthers announcers sound like they’re calling this game from “somewhere in France, 1945”
“That forward pass sure was boss! He’ll be distributing nylons and chewing gum to the impoverished locals tonight!”
“We have liberated your village from the German invaders! Here’s an American flag.”
“…Merci?”
Sweat’s got the mobility of a Gibson washer snd dryer
After that Hurts passing TD my win probability dropped from the 40’s into the 30’s. This new math, smgdh
Alright. T’Vondre Sweat’s playing on the TEN DL. Less ridiculous defensive contingencies on sight.
BrownDown! He’ll be happy for a few series.
Looks like Bearsenschiesse is on the slate today at Soldier Field.
bearsenschiesse AND ‘aints!
Bears vs Saints
Get ready for some bike horns & clown shoes.
Woo! First TEN score on the 1st possession in ‘25. Jameson and milk was a GOOD choice 😝
“Let the curdling commence!”
-Don T’s belly
Gotta fight osteoporosis somehow!
I gotta try this at some point when I own milk and a mixing whisky at the same time
It’s a nog! John Barr TARIFF whisky works 👌🏼
Surmountable lead for DonT’s team!
I wish someone would at least try to have press conferences that are as fun as Clinton Portis’s were

Sigh. Let’s do this.
What do the Las Vegas Raiders, the Kansas City Chiefs, the Philadelphia Eagles and the Minnesota Vikings all have in common?
They don’t play in the same division as the Cincinnati Bengals, are not in the same region or even adjacent regions, are not being played in rain and wind like Cleveland, a city that does fulfill my previous two references, and are my only options in the Early PM because the NFL, CBS and Fox will never forgive me for the Incident of 1992, of which I have apologized profusely!
sk8rboi? You’ll see him LATER boi!!!