INT. RECORDING STUDIO – DAY(

All the lights are…actually, most of the lights are out.  A single spotlight is pointed at a disco ball on the ceiling, the reflections from which faintly illuminate DJ 3000′ as it boots up…

…to a studio that has remained empty during the entire NFL season and postseason so far.  As we watch, DJ 3000”s console flashes the text "TCP-IP connection request sent..." shortly followed by "TCP-IP connection secured...receiving data..." before cutting to a security camera displaying the A/V club room.

INT. A/V CLUB ROOM – NIGHT

HUNTER RENFROW, RACHEL DUNBARTON, ANGIE MARTINEZ, and RICHIE INCOGNITO are trapped in the A/V Club room.  The four of them are cowering behind a table covered in aging electronics equipment. Across the room, a small hole has been smashed in the glass of the A/V Club room’s door and we can see a small amount of movement through it, though it is hard to tell what is happening on the far side.  On the table by the promgoers one of the printers spools into action and spits out a page.  HUNTER RENFROW grabs it, revealing a photograph of himself printed to approximate life size on a sheet of paper.  He tapes it to the back of a manilla folder, which he then slowly raises above the surface of the table. There is a hissing noise, and an arrow flies through the hole of the door and punctures a hole right through the image of HUNTER RENFROW’s forehead. 

HUNTER RENFROW: Nuts.  Looks like Richie isn’t the only one he’s after.

RACHEL DUNBARTON: “He”?

HUNTER: Well, yeah. Are you implying that the killer might be a woman?

RACHEL: We do make up fifty percent of the population, you know.

HUNTER: Yeah, but you said you did that sociology project on mass killings – tell me, what percentage of spree killers are women?

RACHEL: [frowns] That’s not the point. When it doubt, would it kill you to get used to using a gender-neutral pronoun?

HUNTER: [glances in the direction of their assailant] I’m a little more worried about getting killed by, uh…them.

RICHIE INCOGNITO: [rolls his eyes] Oh my God.

RACHEL: Oh I’m sorry, do gender-neutral pronouns hurt your precious snowflake feelings?

RICHIE INCOGNITO: Whatever, I don’t care.

RACHEL: Obviously you do.

They are interrupted by another hissing sound, then a cracking noise as an arrow slams into a computer monitor on the table.

HUNTER: Oh man Mr. Baumgartner is going to be so heartbroken, he’s had that Commodore 64 since he was a teenager.

RACHEL: He’ll probably want to have a funeral for it.

The two of them guffaw nerdily.

— [Soscatee High School’s Public Address System Flies Open] —

DJ 3000′: HUNTER, I HAVE SOME TERRIBLE NEWS.

HUNTER: Great, just pile it on.

DJ 3000′: LOU HOLTZ IS DEAD.

HUNTER: Lou Holtz…the college football guy?

DJ 3000′: THAT’S RIGHT.

ANGIE MARTINEZ: The killer got to him too?

DJ 3000′: HUH? OH, NO. HE DIED OF NATURAL CAUSES.

HUNTER: Oh. Well, that’s a shame.

DJ 3000′: I THOUGHT YOU’D WANT TO KNOW.

HUNTER: Uh, yeah, I guess. Thanks for telling me.

DJ 3000′: AND MAYBE MAKE PLANS TO HEAD TO THE FUNERAL.

HUNTER: Lou Holtz’s funeral? Right now?

DJ 3000′: YEAH. HE HAD A LOT OF NICE THINGS TO SAY ABOUT YOU DURING YOUR TIME AT CLEMSON.

HUNTER: That’s, uh. I mean, that was nice of him. But I’m a little busy.

DJ 3000′: OH. [long pause] I THOUGHT YOU’D BE SAD.

HUNTER: Why would I be sad? I never met the guy. Unless…how old was he?

DJ 3000′: EIGHTY-NINE

HUNTER: Well that’s not that sad at all.  And in case you hadn’t noticed I’m a little preoccupied right now.

DJ 3000′: BELIEVE ME, I’VE NOTICED. I’M GUESSING YOU’RE SO PREOCCUPIED THAT YOU HAVEN’T EVEN THOUGHT OF A TOPIC FOR THIS WEEK’S REQUEST LINE.

There is a hissing noise as another arrow flies through the room and clatters against the back wall. 

HUNTER: [flinches, ducking further down behind the table] No, of course I haven’t!

DJ 3000′: FINE, FINE, I’LL DO IT MYSELF. LET’S GO WITH THE THING THAT STALKS US ALL.

RACHEL: Wait, is this some kind of riddle?

DJ 3000′: NO. IT’S DEATH. DEATH IS THE THING THAT STALKS US ALL.

HUNTER: Right, like the guy…I mean person on the far side of that door.  So instead of playing a bunch of music, I was hoping maybe you could help us out a little bit and…

DJ 3000′ [O/S]: I’D REALLY RATHER NOT GET INVOLVED. OH! THAT GIVES ME AN IDEA! LET’S GET THE MUSIC STARTED WITH THE SMITHS. AND LET’S MAKE IT A DOUBLE SHOT!

Today’s theme is “Death”.  We’re looking for songs that explicitly mention “death” (or “dying” or “die” or “died” or “dead”) in the title.  Please post links as “https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=f!3Ld5of0rTOn” and they should embed in the comments after you refresh.  Last week’s puzzle of “Backdoor Man” by The Doors was once again promptly solved by the dastardly BeefRiverLives. Remember, you can’t have a funeral with F-U-N! So let’s get to it.