Guten Tag, drones.

This week’s topic comes from me having to see ads for shows like The Voice or, even worse, The Masked Singer.

Celebrity Declines.

Pick anyone who was well known at one point who has, (or had; we don’t limit ourselves to the living around here), become a shell and/or parody of themselves.  Rules are pretty broad this week, which is good, since they’re generally pretty broadly ignored, too.  If you think they’re famous, and you think their current situation is not what one would have expected base don said earlier fame, go ahead and draft them.

The reason for the decline can be anything, including drugs, alcohol, a general willingness to do literally anything for a buck.  There are certainly people whose decline is going to be attributable to mental health, shitty childhoods, or some combination of the two.  Those people are eligible for the draft, but maybe don’t be an asshole about it.

With the first pick I will take former A-lister Mel Gibson

Mel.  Oh, Mel.  Gibson got his start as a hunky Australian import who didn’t say much, (and didn’t have to, amirite? /fans self furiously), in the Road Warrior movies.  Then he got the Lethal Weapon franchise and hoo boy!  he was shit-hot!!  Then he started directing movies, like Braveheart, and they were great and won Oscars!!

And then it came out the Mel was Catholic.  Like, wicked strict Catholic.  Like, kinda mad that they changed the Mass from Latin to various languages that people actually spoke.

OK, a little weird but, as long as they’re not hurting people, folks should be able to worship however they wish to worship, even if that involves a dead language and, from what I recall about the holy sacrifice of the Mass, a whole lotta incense.

And then in 2006 Mel got a DUI which is not great, but also not something that a lot of people haven’t made the mistake of doing, and when he did get popped for it Mel at least had the good grace not to have hurt anyone else.  Of course, what he did do, and what most people who get DUIs don’t do, (I’m speculating; I’m not actually going to do a study of this topic), is turn their DUI arrest into a spontaneous ‘Jews run and ruin the world’ speech.

And then, in 2010, Mel got himself involved in a bit of an issue over domestic violence, eventually pleading no contest to a misdemeanor battery charge, but not before his former partner released voice recordings in which Mel used language related to race and sexual violence that could charitably be described as ‘awful’ and threatened to burn the women’s house down with her in it.

Gibson eventually got back in Hollywood’s good graces, (I mean, he is white), long enough to make Hacksaw Ridge, which is a legitimately good movie, and which was nominated for multiple Oscars, including Best Director for Mel, winning two.  That was in 2016, however, and his IMB since then is filled with titles like ‘Blood Father’ ‘Dragged Across Concrete’ and ‘Hunting Season’ that probably aren’t getting Mel back to the A-list, or the Oscars, anytime soon.

So that’s what Mel Gibson is my #1 pick, for turning an A-list, and legit, career in film into what’s now little more than an afterthought, primarily be somehow stumbling into situations where he just happens to come off as homophobic, misogynistic, racists, anti-Semitic, and filled with barely suppressed rage.

Hopefully the piles and piles of money he made over the years get him over it.

The rest of you are on the clock.