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"I, frankly, am just amazed that someone from the Patriots organization would cheat!" – Dok

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Is DFO The Future Of BlogMAXXING? Experts Disagree.

scotchnaut

/

That title sure does reek of Oldman-itis doesn’t it? The use of a trendy (he thinks) word that he’s come across recently in order to seem relevant, the cynical/ ironic distance, the use of an old joke trope at the end, the re-purposing of the trendy word to point out its silliness-it’s all there for you to enjoy.

Personal News:

Our River Otter made it through the winter just fine as we spotted him a few days ago and that was cool. We’ve not spotted any pups/kits/otterlettes or what have you so the thought is that it’s a male, given its size. (yes, I do know that some females species are larger than their counterparts) I eagerly await the muskrat that snuffles along the hiding spots in our bay looking for food. The snapping turtle? Not looking forward to that guy.

Things!

Manziel Looking For a Fight:

If anyone knows the importance of a large payday for very little work it’s this guy and I don’t begrudge him because he has not a marketable skill that anyone could identify. Where? When? Against Whom? I’m leaving out the details because they’re unimportant.

To Jet Or To TV:

That is the question for Russell Wilson. Personally I’m hoping he heads to Woody’s Boys Team because the laughs but also to delay the appearance of that soulless, smarmy, Christ-loving, slightly off balance weirdo on my airwaves for years to come.

The Power of Books:

D.J. Reader, the nose tackle that has played for Cincy and Detroit the last few years, signed with the NY Giants. He’s not a stats -grabbing guy by any means but he just muddies up the middle so that rb’s have to bounce outside, which has it’s value. Pro Football Focus has yet to come up with a “Getting In The Way Above Replacement” stat unfortunately.

Playoffs!?

The Hurricanes and Philly play Game Three tonight. In their six games so far Carolina has trailed for all of one period. BASTARDS! But if the Sens lose to a Stanley finalist I’m good with that.

How was your work/retirement day today? Let me know what you did.

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WCS

https://www.wpxi.com/news/local/man-accused-hitting-3-people-with-vehicle-after-robbery-penn-hills/VQGGLYTKAJAVHH6YXELHKI3MZU/

Same guy from the attempted stabbing call I took earlier. This is straight out of a movie. There’s more goings on right now I can’t talk about yet. Right now.

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WCS

Suspect apprehended at 05:29 EST. The list of charges is going to be impressive.

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2Pack

Couldn’t get on the site before my run, so likely nobody is around for my days update.

Laid out the garden and switched over winter and summer shoes. Some action packed activities there folks…

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BugEyedBoo

Sexxy Rexxy reprinted in 0.2mm.

Rexxy2
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jjfozz

It’s cool when your boss tells you you’re shitcanned, cancels four meetings with you, finally meets with you and doesn’t even ask how shit’s going. yeah. fuck you.

-2
Bogdanski

-1 for your boss. Fuck them

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Sharkbait

Today was the culmination of a recipe attempt. Fallow posted something on their social channels about cooking leeks 3 ways: Charring the inedible green tops and using them to infuse an oil, that you then confit the bottom parts of the leeks in. Once they’re cooked, you char them and top with homemade Leek mayo. Made from the aforementioned leek oil.

This was theirs:
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This was mine
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I think I did OK

*Yes, my plating sucks, and yes, I forgot to char them. I have more that I cooked, and will char those tomorrow when I have them

Last edited 8 hours ago by Sharkbait
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BrettFavresColonoscopy

How did it taste?

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Sharkbait

Amazing. The smoked leek mayo is awesome, and I have a ton of it leftover.

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BrettFavresColonoscopy

Awesome work then!

1
Doktor Zymm

Alliums? or AlliYUMS?

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2Pack

Nailed it.

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Brocky

Found a funny:

It turns out a ceiling fan will not cut a bagel in half even on high speed.

I also need a new window.

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Senor Weaselo

Well yeah.

You have to sharpen it first.

0
Brick Meathook

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blaxabbath

Mike Vrabel needs to figure out some serious smoekshieldmaxxing.

Also, who is this person that has just been building a dossier on him for years, investing all this wait into this slow-bleed of Big Mike?

1
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I think part of it is that they were so brazen that anybody who saw them out and about simply assumed that Russini was his wife, and lots of Nashville locals are checking their camera rolls and finding old shots of them together.

Last edited 9 hours ago by Rikki-Tikki-Deadly
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Doktor Zymm

I’m just amazed that a story which boils down to “Sports coach is a bad spouse” has had this much staying power. In other news, water wet, Trump buffoon

Last edited 9 hours ago by Doktor Zymm
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Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Eh, it’s the deadest part of the offseason. If this story broke on Tuesday of Week 11 it would have been forgotten by Sunday.

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BrettFavresColonoscopy

I think if they hadn’t categorically denied it and gone on the offensive, this wouldn’t have had this much staying power. It’s not just “coach is bad spouse” it’s “coach is pathological liar willing to do what’s best for him no matter how many friends you lose or people you leave dead and bloodied and dying along the way”. And unlike with Presidents, we seem to remember not to trust sports people who brazenly lie to us.

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Doktor Zymm

Eh, I dunno, I think it’s just a combo of people being voyeUristic goons and Rikki’s offseason theory. I mean, everyone denies shit, nothing unusual there either

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ballsofsteelandfury

Also that Vrabel completely threw Russini under the bus.

Real quality guy there that can’t even take care of his mistress.

The French are farting in his general direction.

3
Don T

-Let’s have a nice dinner. What would you like?

-Tortellini

-YOU BASTARD /throws cellphone at Owl runner up coach

3
blaxabbath

Oh there’s no one else in my row! What a blessing!

1
SonOfSpam

Fartmaxxing works.

1
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

bogmaxxing is what conan o’brien’s ancestors perfected, ppl forget that

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blaxabbath

This week is just looking great. In fact, ASU finally held an introductory presser for their new mens basketball coach, St Mary’s Randy Bennett.

There were 45 days between Bennett taking the job and his introduction on Thursday.

He spent 10 days in the hospital and another two weeks after that unable to work. He will now be competing in the Big12.

Also from the article (re: NIL) –

1812
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Jimbo

.

Mets-Announcers-Tackle-Opposite-Ends-of-45-Hot-Dog-Create-Image-That-Will-Live-Forever
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blaxabbath

At least they aren’t kneeling.

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BrettFavresColonoscopy

See, we don’t need AI

0
Brick Meathook

Here’s a home-made Arnold Palmer except I made it in a restaurant.

Why? Because restaurant iced tea is usually okay, but invariably they use MinuteMaid industrial lemonade that tastes like floor cleaner.

So some iced tea, some fresh-squeezed lemons, a pinch of sugar to taste, and *poof* you got yourself an Arnold Palmer.

This is at Mo’s Place in Playa del Rey, a previous 2-time DFO-LA summit meeting venue, in CB lauding twice with the late great Seamus. Come down and see me.

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Brick Meathook

“in CB lauding” is the new cool way the kids are saying “including.” Groovy, man.

Last edited 9 hours ago by Brick Meathook
1
ballsofsteelandfury

Does BlogMaxxing refer to the gigantic pictures that are displayed on posts now?

6
blaxabbath

I’ll tell you what is not going on around here —

Pantsmaxxing

7
Fronkenshteen

Was that me? If that was me, I’m really sorry.

1
ballsofsteelandfury

No need to apologize for gigantic asses.

0
blaxabbath

I’m grabbing an airport bite before heading back to the Valley of the Sun.

My work conference went better than I had planned. Southern California truly is a place where magic happens.

/Steps on needle hidden in the human feces on the airport sidewalk

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Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

It’s your own fault for walking around the airport barefoot.

3
LemonJello

And for pooping on the sidewalk in the first place.

3
SonOfSpam

hey i’m gonna need that back

1
WCS

Jumper on the Smithfield Street Bridge, woman who cut herself, a welfare for someone that hasn’t been heard from since last Wednesday, and now a caller being chased by someone who tried to stab him.

On top of that, the Dirt Stillers beat the Dirt Cardinals, 4-2. I’m ready for some UFL action and hawkey.

0
blaxabbath

“He almost got me with that swipe! I’m running as fast as I can! GET SOMEONE DOWN HERE!”

2
Gumbygirl

Smithfield Street Bridge would be a good one to jump from.

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Doktor Zymm

Mark Sanchez is in Pittsburgh?

3
Brick Meathook

OMG that is all so Pittsburgh

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Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I want to do a welfare check on , he hasn’t shown up for Request Line in quite some time.

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SonOfSpam

“Help…911, there’s a guy on the Smithfield Street Bridge, I think he’s gonna jump!”

WCS: “Ok, ma’am, I need to talk to the guy…can you put me on speaker and get close?”

“I think so…ok, go ahead”

WCS stands up at his desk, takes a deep breath.

“I WISH YOU WOULD STEP BACK FROM THAT LEDGE MY FRIEND”

(other 911 operators stand in awe, holding their lit Zippos aloft)

4
Senor Weaselo

That wasn’t a jumper, that was a stunt from the new Dangeresque movie. Couldn’t they tell from the elephant legs man in a wrestling mask?

/I feel bad for this joke.

0
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

@Horatio in your vicinity in 10 days:

https://www.mountain-goats.com/tour/

0
SonOfSpam

Does he have an unkempt lawn?

0
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Amusingly, they actually have a song that begins with the lyrics: “Window facing an ill-kept front yard…”

The album is about an alcoholic couple who moves to Tallahassee to drink themselves to death.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3J66gvC0Vz8

Last edited 9 hours ago by Rikki-Tikki-Deadly
1
SonOfSpam

Oh. So it’s a nonfiction song.

2
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Their music was used quite perfectly in Moral Orel. Nobody does bleakness better.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=B0mvZ-X1gHA

1
Doktor Zymm

Can’t think of any other reason to move to Tallahassee, or anywhere else in most of Florida for that matter

1
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

There’s also mething yourself to death.

0
scotchnaut

MethMAXXING was right there.

0
BrettFavresColonoscopy

I think the phrase is “unkempt bush”

1
blaxabbath

When I was an aimless college sophomore, I spent a semester throwing these boxing matches in a park near ASU. I wont bother you with the impressive and embarrassing details of the events. But it was all as amateur as Fught Ckub when he punches Tyler in the ear.

That’s where Manziel belongs.

3
BrettFavresColonoscopy

Why were you intentionally losing fights?

2
blaxabbath

I won one once.

Then i kind of felt bad.

2
Don T

Could you kick in the nuts? Throw dirt to the face? Bite?
Oh excuse me, Lord Rulesy boy. There no honor in street boxing!

2
blaxabbath

We threw a lot of Custom Fights. 40’s of Death, for example, was both guys drinking a 40 then box.

6
Don T

Uncivilized, approved

1
ballsofsteelandfury

But were they dressed as cocks?

1
Senor Weaselo

Should have been an Edward 40Hands fight.

1
Brick Meathook

Tempe bum fights for the win. The ASU angle just makes it better.

1
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

That doesn’t sound aimless at all. Reaching for the sky, you were!

0
Doktor Zymm

I am Grumpmaxxing today
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Last edited 10 hours ago by Doktor Zymm
10
Don T

When I win the lotto, totally building a Grumpy Dome

1
BrettFavresColonoscopy

Do I once again have to be the one to share the news that otters are the fucking worst?

https://www.vox.com/2014/4/24/5640890/otters-rape-baby-seals-monsters-bad

1
SonOfSpam

Normally I like to learn stuff.

Normally.

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Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

That’s the most UNAMERICAN thing I’ve ever heard you say. I’m reporting you to Homeland Security.

1
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I’d report your dog too but apparently they have ended that policy.

0
BrettFavresColonoscopy

Read the article before you lump me in with the people signing up to join DHS nowadays.

0
ballsofsteelandfury

They’re asking for money. No deal.

0
BrettFavresColonoscopy

Here ya go: https://archive.ph/l50pr

Everyone should read the truth about otters

0
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I was talking to SoS, regarding his comment about learning stuff.

0
Doktor Zymm

There was one year they made it a game in Monterey Bay to bite the heads off birds for fun. Just headless birds everywhere.

1
LemonJello

That had to put a dent in NSA’s surveillance drone budget.

2
ballsofsteelandfury

Are otters the ones that build dams?

0
ballsofsteelandfury

Never mind, that’s beavers. We like Beaver

4
BrettFavresColonoscopy

Love a nice beaver

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