Of Age – Offseason Sunday Open Thread

The last couple of weeks I’ve stumbled upon articles about child labor violations in the US rising since 2015. Citing worker shortages, at least ten states have loosened child labor laws. I’m on record at hating kids, but I gotta say: 10 year-olds working in McDonalds, up to 2 AM for little or no pay is an outrage.

Incredible. The afternoon shift should be standard for 8-13 year-olds. But once they’re 14, kids are of age. Able to drive a car, smoke, steal liquor, and start codependent relationships / procreate. And, therefore, 14 year-olds are perfectly capable to close up the store PLUS square the cash register, after learning how to hack it from two web videos. Before you protest, sigh. Every 14 year old knows where to buy the narcotics to get them through a closing shift. You gotta learn to trust young people.

I bet some of those teens would make a point of taking leftover food for home or to the homeless. I mean, psht. You have to throw the leftovers away—or, if you take the food for yourself, that’s stealing. Classic logic from middle managers of age, whose greatest fear is the waves made in the workplace. Just be quiet and your time theft will be honored, is the motto. It’s not Veni Vidi Vici, but you get paid for dicking around on your cellphone.

NFL NEWS

-The Qards qut DeAndre Hopkins, who is definitely of age (30). Nobody knows exactly how much is left on the Nuk tank but, hypothesis: Hopkins can contribute. Proof: the Titans, historical deposit of washed WRs,* are not in the hunt. Thus, there’s juice.

* Randy Moss, Andre Johnson & Julio Jones. Moss, has to be said, later retired, unretired and went to the 49ers AND

appeared in an Owl while a Niner!

-In New Orleans, Derek Carr was reunited with Jon Gruden, mentor (2018-2021) and cautionary tale (2021-¿?). The item was behind a NOLA.com paywall, but SaintsWire says Gruden was “brought in”, not hired to the Saints coaching staff. But Jon and Nola are a great fit. You cannot find a better pariah halfway house outside the Paris of the South. Mmm… Maybe Grozny.

-The NFL and DirecTV [spits on ground] closed a deal for Sunday Ticket broadcasts in “restaurants, bars, hotels, and” blah blah blah. YouTube TV put a small nation’s worth of imaginary money to get the Sunday Ticket for the web, starting in the 2023 season, and YouTube TV is seemingly available everywhere BUT Puerto Rico. I may have to get a fokin Cuban VPN to be able to watch YTTV in a GOD DAMN U.S. TERRITORY. You’re worthless! [Opens drawer, gives passport the finger.] And Paramount+ can get fucked too.

And that is the last winging I’ll do about it. Now that I’m of age, I can appreciate the Old School maxim “suffer in silence”. In my case, that means stew in silence, but I would definitely add “plot in private”. [Googles FCC website, cellphone pings, Uuu je je un video de capybaras]

SPROTS TONITE

All times Central.

Grandes Ligas

Filis (Covey) @ Bravos (Strider) – 6:00

Stanley Cup Playoffs

Tomorrow night, sawrrie, Hey, if Kissinger’s getting pop, might as well jump on the wuvable genocider bandwagon. Hope K’s eventual death marks the end of an age.

TOP FLIGHT FÚTBOL

Schedule via espendeportes, information-y contentstuffs from via Wiki P.

Honduras

Olimpia hosts Olancho – 6:00

Olancho got to the Honduran top flight in 2022, but was founded in 2016. OUT of age.

EE.UU.

Nashville SC hosts Columbus Crew – 7:30

This listing is all about diversity coño.

Secsi Mexi

Guadalajara hosts Tigres – 8:35

If Guadalajara wins, city rival Chivas is the Clausura 2023 Champion—and, AND El Forastero in Guadalajara, will give away free tacos:

Now THAT is a clear, binding promise. Put on your Chivas shirt, arrive 9:30 – 10:30, and you walk away with 3 free tacos at most. Drink, not included. Guadalajara jersey? You will be laughed to death while getting your teeth kicked in. That is not on the contract / banner. It’s just common sense. Furthermore,

, obligatory.

 Perú

Triple header down by the Andes. I’m guessing. Nawt gonna fact check topography.

Sport Huancayo hosts Sporting Cristal – 6:00

Carlos A. Mannucci hosts Melgar – 6:30

Gotta say: love the Melgar crest

Alianza Lima hosts Deportivo Binacional – 8:30

Argentina

Newell’s Old Boys hosts Godoy Cruz Antonio Tomba – 7:30

Both teams ate mid-table in the 28-team farrago that is the Argie top flight. Godoy Cruz is the city, “Bodega Antonio Tomba” the business that gave them their first playing grounds. And thus is the origin story of Team Mouthful. The bit-consistent Old Boys are a famed club. Maradona played there, as did 23/24 Chelsea head coach Mauricio Pochettino, plus Gabriel Bati-Gol Batistuta, one the best fútbol players anywhere in the 90s. The current coach is Gabriel Heinze who, as an of age player, developed leadership–of the Bill Laimbeer type.

Ecuador

El Nacional hosts Barcelona SC – 6:00

Colombia

¡Oh sí!

Atlético Nacional hosts Alianza Petrolera – 6:05

América de Cali hosts Independiente Medellín – 8:15

Bolivia

Universitario de Vinto hosts Real Santa Cruz – 6:30

FINALLY,

Not to construct a Lawrence Kasdan mortality musings outlet and all here, but I like that with age comes: (1) the perspective of having gone through stuff, and ( 😖 ) maintaining the memory of fuckups, barely-made-its, and “Never break the ice with Hitler”. Experience can really take the edge off the worry, anxiety, and endless speculating about machinations against you–imaginings that in a hyper mind hopped up on, say… Nicotine gum may trigger the FIGHT / I’M FUCKING LEAVING response.

Trust past experience and go about in an open and mellow manner: this is what I tell myself every day. As a result, I’ve started letting go of trivial stuff. Here’s empirical proof, the last page of Monthly Slights (May, 2023)–less than 30 entires!

Regardless, barbaric stuff is not be tolerated. By which I mean: if you have a table that goes over one page, put the heading on the second page and all subsequent pages. This is how I try to inspire morans and loafers who tell the reader “Please sigh and skip over my data”.

PS- Per Ari Meirov, today is the 15th Sunday of the offseason. There are 15 more Sundays to go for the season. If you watched “Patriot” on Amazon, you know all you need is 50% plus very little more, and you’re there. I have to watch that series again.