Well that was a weekend of games, wasn’t it? All but two games went under the Vegas total so there vast swathes of game time that featured much ado about nothing. Oh, and the injuries, wow. Myself, I’m safely in last place in Freezer Vodka, need 35 points from Herbert to get the W in MATH HARD! and Skull Fracture Boy blew the engine on his ’16 pickup. The hits keep coming!
Fallout:
-Prison Girlfriend has but three days to get his knee right because he’s under the lights this Thursday. Might a call to Aaron “I Did My Own Homework” Rodgers be in order?
-Nothing worse than steadily improving play from your qb during a Tankathon season. So I’ve no doubt that the news of Fields’ dislocated thumb was met with stifled giggles from the Bears front office. No doubt he’ll return with ‘all deliberate speed’.
-The Porta-Potty Row of lousy teams includes the Bears but starts with the Panthers and includes Denver, the Giants, the Pats and the Cards. Of course Caleb is the shiny toy but the mock draft I saw includes a UNC qb (Hippo spits on ground) the son of a Hall of Fame wr, an Edge and a couple of Fat Boys on the o-line.
To The Game!
Cowboys/Chargers:
-It’s always tough for me to make a call on a game between two teams that almost always shit the bed in big tilts. Not that this one has long-term ramifications but it is a stand-alone fixture.
-Ready yourself for lots of shots of Dallas fans in the stands. Have the Chargers ever really had a home game since they arrived in L.A.? It must be exceptionally bad when they play a squadoo whose fans travel well.
-“Ekeler’s Back!” Nope, that’s not what the Dolphins medical staff exclaimed while checking out his high ankle sprain. He’s finally returning. (sniffs haughtily, “Saquon was only out two weeks with a similar injury”)
-Did the Chargers fix their secondary during their bye week? They are a qb’s Afternoon (or Evening, as the case may be) Delight, surrendering an average of 329 passing yards per. There should be some improvement given that they get back both Bosa and Derwin James.
-Get ready for an earful of Kellen Moore talk-revenge game, revamping the offense, the parting of ways was mutual but he wants to win-and all the other usual crap.
Let’s do this again.
So I take it the game had a lot of penalties? I didn’t watch it BTW saving my sorrow for Sunday.
He counted them with precision.
Flag football has been accepted as an Olympic sport for LA2028 and Goodell is super excited about it.
That’s where the NFL is going, boys and girls!
So you’re saying I still may have a shot at the pro’s?
I think you’ll like this movie as a digestif:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=quU4BeacTzM
Hey folks I was on the phone.
What’s the score now?
These are The San Diego Chargers of Los Angeles and I believe they lost.
No worries, it’s all about the gate receipts, thank you for coming.
All those Dallas fans are in for a treat when they find out how much an Uber is to get out of there.
This game means absolute dick, Dak. It means the Chargers suck more than Dallass. That is exactly what it means.
obligatory fuck spanos
I appreciate you for that.
Star of this game is the yellow flags. They really gave it their all this game; took a hell of a beating, too.
Yellow spank rags for everyone!
You can’t out Charger the Chargers.
Did Gilmor get shot in the knee?
turf monster channeling its inner dan campbell
Dammit, I was wrong
Welp. Extra Blue Bunny for the victory buffet in the visitor’s locker room.
Brandon Staley will take the intentional safety and then free kick, because the analytics say there’s a 0.0000051% chance of victory.
Aikman has about had it with Dak.
Absolutely expecting a back-breaking Dak pick-6 here.
What penalty hasn’t been called tonight?
Encroachment?
Clipping?
Taunting.
Sideline interference from Jerrah’s suite
This game is going to OT and will end in a tie.
I’d be up for that, but I don’t want to watch 15 more minutes of this.
I’m not sure I’ve seen two dumber teams on the same field.
It’s like you didn’t watch any of yesterday’s games
I think this game could use more flags.
It’s like a fuckin UN building over here.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PxrsrPgPL0w
I confess I don’t know the rule, but it seems like you shouldn’t be able to throw a blocker into a guy signaling for a fair catch.
It’s totally legal. And super hilarious to watch happen.
Wait, guys! I didn’t get to throw a flag yet.
-The water boy probably
Officials absolutely have the under in this game.
These officials are going to be needing some ice for those flag throwing shoulders after this game.
https://twitter.com/ESPNFantasy/status/1714105963848876281
Joe Buck is this close to calling Brandin Cooks “one of the good ones.”
Brandin knows his place.
Best play of the season and it was a scramble/improvisation?
If that’s not peak Captain Blue Bunny, I don’t know what is.
Mike McCarthy: I am getting rid of the offensive coordinator who had a lights out offense for the last few seasons so that I can run the ball more, something no team in the NFL is doing, and for a very good reason.
Jerry Jones:
The name’s Dicker. Cameron Dicker.
I’m the kicker.
He definitely thinks Limu Emu and Doug are peak Americana.
He definitely doesn’t like to bicker,
And he wouldn’t want you to snicker,
When he orders his favorite liquor
Dicker?
I don’t even know her!
That’s preposterous, Cameron Dicker always gets consent before he reaches for your zipper.
If you satisfy his desires, he’ll be a big tipper.
But not the licker.
It makes me sicker.
And my girlfriends snicker.
— Cameron’s girlfriend
Cameron Dicker also like his ladies to be thicker.
I never really was a Rams fan, but I’m kind of warming up to the Chargers. I think I like the number on the side of their helmet, although that never made me an Alabama fan.
I think I shall call them the San Diego Chargers of Los Angeles.
Dave Quinn?
“WHAT THE TINPLATED SHITBURGER IS THAT FATTY FUCKING COACH-A-MINE DOING? MY GOTTDAMMED STARS SHOULD BE RUNNING TRAIN ON THESE LOSERS LIKE I GO THROUGH HOOKERS AND BLOW! YEEEEEEEHHHAAAWAWWWwwwwww I AM FUCKING CRAZY!!”
BLUE IRVINE! HOUDINI!
That’s the play you call on 4th and inches inside the 10? That!?
Jesus, maybe Moore is an idiot.
What. The Fuck. They were a foot away!
BLEERGH is insatiable.
“Palmer’s been like a vacuum out there.”
-Dr. Mrs RTD (Retired) has entered the chat
The Cowboys lost 5 seconds because, rather than take a shot at a TD, Mike McCarthy wanted his FG and to get in for the halftime snack table.
Perfect. Just fucking perfect.
Did you see that beautiful, colorful shot of SoFi Stadium? Los Angeles is such a wonderful and magical place!
Until you gets shanked in the parking lot or carjacked on Prairie.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ysdiHTa_nTo
Fucking Clots are doing it again.
https://www.espn.com/nfl/story/_/id/38675826/colts-anthony-richardson-probably-done-season-irsay-says
I say we just give the state of Indiana back to the English, Native Americans, French… really, whoever wants it is free to take.
Haven’t the Native Americans suffered enough?
Have they? Seriously now, have they?
/Losing $40 in the slots machine at Foxwoods.
Now we’re even for all that smallpox.
no, dont do that. dont touch a thing, anything to keep this andrew luck curse from being interrupted nor upset. city of indy needs to suffer as long as possible for breaking him and booing him.
https://static.clubs.nfl.com/image/private/t_editorial_landscape_12_desktop/colts/pq6slu1hv2u4uo2v1m5k
What’s Matt Gaetz doing there?
All these flags make McCarthy nervous that his halftime treats are starting to melt.
Wow, what a sunset.
No, no, those are wildfires. My mistake.
This has been some truly wretched football so far.