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scotchnaut

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A scant three games on offer. (we should be accustomed to this by now) One is a keeper, another is a stinker and the third is watchable if you’re a hardcore NFC South groupie.

To The Games!

Jags/Bucs:

Against all reasonable expectations Tampa has cobbled together a three game win streak. At the same time Jacktown has dropped three and can’t run the ball at all. Over their last four games runs between the tackles have averaged 10.5 yards, per game. P. Girlfriend cleared the protocol in the nick of time to be able to join the team. This brings to mind an image of him chasing the plane on the tarmac, his locks flowing behind him.

Cards/Bears:

Chicago is in the mess they’re in due in part to having blown three fourth quarter double digit leads. I don’t know what to say about the Cards-they’re not interesting in any way.

Cowboys/Fins:

Scorefest ahead? Vegas seems to think so and with scoring averages of 31.5 (Miami) and 30.8 (Dallas) they just might be right. Tyreek made it back to practice on Thursday and needs 153 yards to stay on track for his 2,000 yard mission. DaRon Bland’s play will be crucial as he’ll take on the Fins dynamic wr duo. He has the best EPA in the cb business but on a per play basis he’s given up more yards than the average corner. I’m guessing his INT returns skew that EPA stat and as I’ve proved over the years, math is a problem for me. With a W, Miami stays two games ahead of the Bills in the division.

On your marks!

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Brick Meathook

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Doktor Zymm

I think that game was the Ghost of Super Bowls past having a wet fart

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Horatio Cornblower

This game might have been the worst officiating I’ve ever seen, at least throughout the entire game. For single plays nothing will ever beat ‘Touchdown Seahawks!’

Now, that isn’t why Dallas lost. Dallas lost because they spent the first half trying to establish the run on offense and not covering the TE on defense. But what was interesting was how much the announcers, especially Olson, were criticizing the officials, to the point where on the last drive they went back two plays to show a blatant hold that hadn’t been called.

Got to believe that Fox is about to get a memo on letterhead saying ‘From the Desk of The Ginger Hammer’

1
King Hippo

It almost felt like they were constantly forcing “makeup calls” ever since the first roughing call they gave Dak. I think it was fairly even, but deffo evenly bad (like the play of both squadrons)

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Horatio Cornblower

Yeah, I don’t think the officiating affected one team more than the other; it was just really, really bad. The announcers usually gloss that over, or make excuses, but they certainly weren’t doing that tonight.

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Brick Meathook

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The Maestro

HAHAHAH EAT SHIT CAPTAIN BLUEBUNNY

Last edited 2 years ago by The Maestro
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Horatio Cornblower

If you put that shit in a carton of ice cream he’d probably come pretty close.

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King Hippo

He’d get at least halfway through, thinking there’s a 2nd layer he just needs to hit.

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Horatio Cornblower

Up by one and that famous McCarthy discipline rears its ugly head and a blatant facemask.

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King Hippo

This sure ain’t gonna be a great film watch for whoever loses. I truly don’t feel better about either’s January prospects.

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Horatio Cornblower

Oh, the only reason the Cowboys will get the second round is that they’re likely going to play whoever “wins” the NFC South. And while even that isn’t a guarantee, whoever they get in the second round will throw them off like a bad case of fleas, as your Mr. Carlin might say.

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Doktor Zymm

If they play in Santa Clara I might try to get last-minute tickets

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Horatio Cornblower

I think that’s where their second round game would be if they get in as the first wild card.

And if they can get past Tampa Bay, or whoever.

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King Hippo

FUCK YOU, DOLPHIN.

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Horatio Cornblower

The absolute slap-dickery of Dallas’ play-calling is made somewhat better for me by the shots of the whiny little Dolphins fan crying about the PI call against the Dolphins, after they weren’t called after nearly pantsing Lamb.

Kid, if you’re going to burst into tears every time the officials make a bad call against your team the NFL may not be for you.

Last edited 2 years ago by Horatio Cornblower
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King Hippo

I didn’t want y’all to win, but always happy to see a whiny bitch kid crying over sportsball.

1
Doktor Zymm

I’m sure there are plenty of things he could be crying about

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Horatio Cornblower

I spent 10+ years coaching Little League; I know when a kid is crying about the officiating.

1
King Hippo

#UnleashTheChubb

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Horatio Cornblower

Why would you block Chubb at first and goal to go? I mean, really, what’s the worst that could ha…

Oh. Oh right. That.

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King Hippo

Miami’s soft zone is terribad

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King Hippo

Lawrence had his halftime beak ingestion, per Cowperson tradition. Jesus, he’s scray when extra-motivated.

1
SonOfSpam

Just confirming you mean the Cowboys’ guy, not the Jaguars’ “guy”

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King Hippo

RIGHT! Poor Prison Girlfriend will be happy not to remember today’s “action”

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The Maestro

So… is Prison Girlfriend just permanently cooked now??

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King Hippo

I certainly question the wisdom of leaving him in a 4-score game, rushed through the protocol. Like 3 weeks after he played SIX DAYS off a high ankle sprain.

Sometimes you need to slow your roll, be the adult in the room.

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King Hippo

The punters stealing the show, as everyone expected from MIA/DAL

1
Beerguyrob

Made turkey for me and the brother-in-law for football, and Lambeau had opinions & desires.

I’m out tomorrow, so I wanted to make sure I said Merry HoHo’s to one and all. Despite my frequent absences these days, I miss you all.

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SonOfSpam

GIVE HIM ALL THE FOOD

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Beerguyrob

I made him & Riga extra yams, so they are thrilled. Plus, I just broken down the carcass & they have plenty for their meals over the next week.

3
Horatio Cornblower

We had corned beef tonight and I was getting the same look from mine.

Happy holidays to the BGR clan, canines included.

1
Doktor Zymm

That is a look that says “slide that plate over to this side of the table where it belongs”!

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Gumbygirl

Lambeau! Merry Christmas, Beerguyrob!

1
Horatio Cornblower

Well, now the BS personal foul calls are even.

1
Doktor Zymm

Makeup call or additional incompetence? (I wasn’t paying attention because I was reading Flyertalk and looking at kittehs)

1
Horatio Cornblower

“It can be both”

-The NFL

2
Doktor Zymm

How funny would it be if the Browns ended up hiring Baker back for a bunch of guaranteed cash?

2
Horatio Cornblower

Dan Marino has to sit on the steps?

1
yeah right

Well enough of this football season.

I’ve got family here and a lovely cheese board and the lasagne is out of the oven.

I can still be festive!

6
Doktor Zymm

Sounds a lot better than Lutefisk, so you’re definitely doing it right

2
ThePirateSloth

Hey Zymm – I got some kitten biscuits for you: https://www.instagram.com/reel/C1QKdaevSh6/

1
Doktor Zymm

Such a cutiepie! And bonus kitty paws in the background 😀

2
Doktor Zymm

Oh BS, that was a shit call

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Horatio Cornblower

I’m just surprised a Black QB got that call.

2
Doktor Zymm

Weren’t you at the last White People Meeting? JJ made him an honorary White QB, we’re supposed to call him ‘gritty’ now and talk about his leadership skills

2
King Hippo

ol’ hamhead is One of the Good Ones, ah sez!! – Jerral J., Arlington, TX

2
hippofant

Unnecessary roughness on the defense, getting judo thrown by the quarterback, 15 yards!

2
Horatio Cornblower

Andrew Van Ginkel, of the Fort Lauderdale Van Ginkels.

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Doktor Zymm

“It’s so unpleasant having one’s poor relations so nearby”
-The West Palm Beach Van Ginkels

1
Doktor Zymm

The Bears are Just Having Fun Out There

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Horatio Cornblower

“Promising drive for the Dolphins,”as they drive 70 yards for a FG and lose 3 players to back injuries, (concussion, eye, leg)

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Horatio Cornblower

I retract this comment, as the Dolphins did not, in fact, get a FG.

1
Doktor Zymm

You can tell Waddle doesn’t wear contacts

1
Doktor Zymm

It would be nice if new stadiums started including small sideline structure to replace the medical tent

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Horatio Cornblower

Chosen bounced his head off that turf pretty hard.

Hope Miami has their back specialist available.

2
Doktor Zymm

Also looked like the defender put his hands up to try and blunt and lower the impact, but at that speed still resulted in a good amount of force to the side of the head. That’s exactly how back injuries happen, smh.

Incidentally, adding ataxia to the list of no-go symptoms as a result of Tua staying in that game has actually been really helpful in catching more concussions this year, although there are still plenty that slip through. It’s kinda scary how many actually slip through still, there’s a big dependence on self-reporting since there frequently aren’t obvious symptoms and that sucks for all sorts of reasons.

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Horatio Cornblower

I mean, at the end of the day it’s a sport with massive human beings running into each other at very fast speeds, all while covered with armor.

No matter what you do there are going to be head injuries.

2
Doktor Zymm

Yet another reason why I support the Tush Push, they should be borrowing more from rugby where they’ve been more successful at mitigating injuries with rule changes

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Horatio Cornblower

If I were Dallas I would simply throw the ball to Cee Dee Lamb every play.

Now, if I were a Pallas cat I would simply be a bad ass 24/7.

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Doktor Zymm

FLOOF!

2
Gumbygirl

A zookeeper told me they were the most vicious animals of them all, pound for pound. But they look so cute!

2
Doktor Zymm

My vote would go to Tasmanian Devils. Also pretty adorable until you get up close and see all the scars they have from fighting, or until you hear the bones crunch during their lunch!

1
Horatio Cornblower

I’ve heard that, about Pallas cats. They look adorable but apparently are some nasty little fuckers.

1
Doktor Zymm

You can see it in the kittens, definitely some crazy eyes in these cute little serial killers
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2Pack

For those of you only getting the Arizona – Chicago game, you may want to put on a Christmas movie instead.

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Doktor Zymm

I will give everyone on the Dolphins FIVE DOLLARS if they do a fake kick here and run it in

1
Horatio Cornblower

I was telling my son they were going to fake it and they made me look stupid.

Thanks a lot you stupid cetaceans.

1
Horatio Cornblower

Tyreek Hill dropping a pass. Man, why do bad things keep happening to such good people?

1
WCS

THE DOUBLE J’S GODDAMNED STARS IN A GIVING MOOD THIS CHRISTMAS EVE YEEEEHHHHAAAAWWWWWW

2
Doktor Zymm

Sharing is caring!

1
Doktor Zymm

I guess we shouldn’t be surprised by Baker Baker’s run, there does tend to be a lot of good baking around the holidays.

LOL DALLAS BAKING DEM TURNOVERS

0
Horatio Cornblower

No, see, the thing about running the ball into the end zone is that you have to bring the ball with you.

3
King Hippo

NEVAR CHANGE, Cowpersons!!!

2
Doktor Zymm

Ow, my ankle hurts in sympathy with DJ Moore

0
Doktor Zymm

Ohhh, and digging the Ursine throwbacks! Stripy socks!

0
Doktor Zymm

The Porpoises are wearing throwbacks tonight and have the retro lettering in the end zones. Hopefully they aren’t throwing back to a year when the BovineFolk won playoff games

2
King Hippo

Either Dallas or Miami will get to at least pause their “Flat Track Bully” narrative. Unless we get Most Glorious Draw?

0
Doktor Zymm

Then we would get to watch everyone pretend to be sportsmanlike on Xmas Eve while they internally seethe with a lack of satisfaction!

0
Gumbygirl

On the way home from the store, I heard Henrix’s instrumental mashup of LDB/ Silent Night. Thank you, St. Jimi, for waiting till the challenge was over!

6
King Hippo

That’s not how he wanted to bring the boys to the yard!

1
WCS

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MimNvzESpkg&ab_channel=lonehearter

Christmas is always interesting around here. HAPPY CHRISTMAS BITCHES

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