Sorry folks, second week in a row that I forgot that Monday follows Sunday. Very busy weekend followed by last night planning the logistics to the family trip to my Grandmother’s funeral mass and burial later this week.
Pro-tip, do not live until 99; the last couple of years are not high on what you would call a “quality of life.” Also, Grandma died in November and we’re just getting to the internment now, (cremated back then, calm down), so apparently forgetting that you’re supposed to do things runs in the family.
Uh, let’s see. I think we might have done this one before, but I’m in too much of a rush to go back and check. I’ve been watching a lot of ‘Dark Side of the Ring’ lately and do you know what demographic has absolutely no chance of making it to 99?
Professional wrestlers. Jesus those guys are an absolute mess. Apparently massive steroid and cocaine abuse, combined with almost nightly car-crash-type abuse of one’s body, does not lend itself to a prolonged, or in most cases particularly happy, life.
So we’re going to draft a wrestler, but here’s the trick because I’m almost positive that we’ve done that before: You’re drafting them for their mic work, not their ring work. It’s a limited topic, probably, but we’re all just here to waste time, and anyway I keep losing my internet connection because Spectrum sucks. With the first pick I’ll take the greatest of them all on the mic, and one of the best to ever do it in the ring as well, and who, while still alive, is an absolute mess of a human being, the Rolex-wearing, jet-riding, champagne-sipping, kiss-stealing, no-income-tax paying Ric Flair.
WOOOOOO!
The rest of you are on the clock.
/revision/latest?cb=20150801162833
Hated that guy. Was a true artist at being a heel.
I WANT PUPPY PICTURES OF EVELYN JADE!
(which is a beautiful name btw but I don’t know how you call the dog by that name. “Hey Evy” and you hope she responds.
Evie or EJ during normal good dog behavior.
Evelyn for serious talk and commands.
Evelyn Jade when she done fucked up.
My final pick
ITS STING!
https://youtu.be/2j65DpagyhI?si=DytzxTADlzJsiwQe
1. Strong Bad, both in the ring and on the computer.
https://youtu.be/fbyk3g0jwr0
So we’re drafting for “mic work”, ie: the ability to produce a endless stream of self aggrandizing, baseless, deranged horseshit?
Well in that case, my one and only p(r)ick is Donald tRump.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jkghtyxZ6rc
/drops mic
You win.
Thanks, A&H!! (& whenever tRumpo opens his mouth, we all lose. Ugh.)
My next pick:
HULK HOGAN BROTHA!
I went down a youtube rabbit hole and found this. Enjoy:
https://youtu.be/hbgAbhHSseM?si=yEAO4Mr3hFzyAMjG
For context, I may or may not have been high as fuck when I first watched this
My pick is Bruno Sammartino. Not because he was a trash talker ( he wasn’t) but because he spoke out loudly, early, anf often against Villainous Vince Mc Mahon. And, he was a Yinzer!
Sammartino supposedly won his first title in a match he was supposed to lose. He locked up with the opponent and said “I’m leaving with the belt. Up to you if we do it the hard way or the easy way.”
Puppy update! Y’all meet Evelyn Jade. Yes, I call her Evil Lynn. She’s adorable and oh so puppy soft and sharp as fuck puppy teeth and so much gotdamn energy. And PUPPY BELLY.
https://www.instagram.com/p/C6E9iyCyfWc/?igsh=dG90azczeHllY3A2
HOOZA GOOD GIRL????
More puppy pictures!
Squeeeeeeeeeee! She’s so cute! Smooches for pooches!
Awwwwwwwww. She is just hands down adorable. I bet her ears are the softest ever.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FCyNRNumwxA
E-C-W! E-C-W!
Pick #2 Scott Steiner
https://youtu.be/WFoC3TR5rzI?si=8CFJsNYoZ5JFgc8H
3rd Pick: Alexa Bliss
The invisible hand of tWBS guides my selection.
As long as said hand stays above the desk, we’re good
Also, damn you for taking my next pick
(didn’t specify who’s hand)
Thing is a clubhouse member?
Who knew?
The Genius “Leaping” Lanny Poffo. Brother of “Macho Man” Randy Savage and perhaps the ballsiest wrestler of the era for trying to pull of this schtick:
&ct=g
Gorgeous George was only briefly mentioned below (if my search skills are intact) but not drafted, so I’m taking Gorgeous George.
If I get a Blair Witch somebody’s getting shot.
and once again I must lament my lack of access to slack, because redshirt is missing out!
God damn it, not onlybdid I once again forget about drafting, but for a subject I know far too much about…
For mic work, I choose the man that more or less created the snowball effect of wrestling becoming mainstream again in the late 90s by combining sex, violence, and counter culture.
Ladies and gentlemen, my draft pick, none other than Mr ECW, Paul Heyman
Also, this…
https://youtu.be/RIuRYish5vg?si=6Raf3s6_HYvriMqM
THIS CITY OF DENVER IN THE LAST 24 HOURS LEMME TELL YA I CALL IT THE WORLD TRADE CENTER BECAUSE IN A SHORT AMMOUNT OF TIME THEYVE BEEN ROCKED BY JETS NOT ONCE BUT TWICE
It’s Ian Rappoport, so there’s like a 35% chance this is accurate, but my god if so it will be hilarious.
https://twitter.com/RapSheet/status/1782476288776663309
“From Wilson to Wilson: How Denver Fucked Themselves”
Bobby “The Brain” Heenan
So great.
Lock up your mom’s hot friends, Denver! Here comes Zach Wilson!
GrumblegrumbleStayOnYourSideoftheMississippiKidgrumbelgrumble.
Hunter Wendelstadt, the guy umpiring the Yankees game, is either drunk or incredibly hungover from last night. Just called strike three on one of the A’s on a ball that was in the other batter’s box.
Considering the Boone ejection, yes.
I don’t follow wrestling or other soap operas, but I did listen to Dr. Demento, so I’m familiar with the work of Fred Blassie.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XkB_CFi9row&pp=ygUQcGVuY2lsIG5lY2sgZ2Vlaw%3D%3D
Supposedly blassie and gorgeous George were a huge influence on Muhammad Ali
Entirely plausible
Nacho Libre.
https://youtu.be/5Atg2aASyY4?si=nLPMz-0iCU6VCMdw
Arne Anderson.
My 3rd and final pick for this draft is the Baron. Always entertaining during interviews and creepy as shit to boot.
Aaron Boone just got thrown out of a game when the cameras were on him and his mouth wasn’t even moving. Someone from the crowd was yelling at the ump. The ump has a mic on him and says “I don’t care, you’re gone!”
Will anything happen to the umpire? Certainly not.
I’m convinced Hernandez is doing it deliberately at this point.
“Uhh…. can we draft those who wrestle with understanding, you know, your place in the Lord God’s Plan?
Because my mom wants to get an account and she thinks she has a GREAT LAST PICK that will take everyone but The Rock to the True Promised Land (he maintains the uncivilized island gods, even just commercially, and I’m sorry idolatry is idolatry).
🙂 Ephesians 5:4
”
-B Purdy, Santa Clara Commiefornia (it’s handwritten)
My first pick I’ll take the legend that is Stacy Keibler
I knew some angle existed there but I really exited hard around the time the women (and the old women) were being integrated.
I’m not sure she ever said anything, and I’m also not sure she ever needed to.
She made some light promo work, but she was almost used exclusively as arm candy to draw attention to those lacking in charisma
1. I haven’t given a tin shit about wrestling for many years, but Ricky “The Dragon” Steamboat was the one guy I loved as a kid.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gxo6sr1DuAE
Hebner was the original Pac-12 Referee.
The Dragon really Homer Simpsoned that victory.
More like Ricky “The Possum” Steamboat, amirite?
Hacksaw may have actually filmed this is in January 2021…
My second pick, going with Andre.
Beat me to it. Can’t beat these rhymes.
https://youtu.be/DP5-qJSzDUg?si=sTQtbaOSiZU_G8EN
I mean objectively speaking, andre was NOT a good promo guy by late 80s standards
Oh he was horrible on the mic.
Bobby Roode
Only cause he’s a somewhat local guy and the friend is a hall of fame lacrosse guy
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uezyED5IamM
/sees featured image
Goddammit, Rikki.
I mean, Vince McMahon wrestled a little so he counts, right? Fuck that guy but he’s a showman.
Just an absolutely loathsome human being.
But if we DQ’d wrestlers for being awful human beings you’d be left with Mick Foley and maybe The Rock.
Ravishing Rick Rude
My brother and I still do his opening statement before every match: “I would like for all of you fat, sweaty, disgusting, (insert name of mid-west city Rick was currently insulting) to SHUT UP for a minute so that your women can, for once, get a look at a real man.”
There’s also a great story about Curt Henig setting up a bunch of Alabama State Troopers in an arm-wrestling contest, eventually resulting in Rude (who was apparently a champion arm wrestler) winning a great deal of money from them. Then someone pointed out they were in Alabama and had just ripped off a bunch of State Troopers and all the wrestlers ran off.
Henig and Rude are now both dead, although somewhat surprisingly it was not at the hands of the cops.
2nd Pick: Iron Sheik
In the first round I’m taking the old All Star Wrestling icon from That ’70’s MLK… Dirty Dusty Rhoades.
In an interview he once boasted that he, “suproved his supremacy”. And an impressionable teenager nodded at the perfect sense of that.
Andy Kaufman. Possibly the greatest heel in history.
Never liked Kaufman as a comic, but his wrestling angle was superb
https://youtube.com/watch?v=tjWPoQWdmjg&si=9BygKEx6sY-rk_bu
STONE COLD BECOMES THE LEGEND
Macho Man Savage (mainly because I only know like 7 wrestlers)
https://youtu.be/PXTagE7BtRU?si=cSUc3MqCLAKLApQt
Rowdy Roddy Piper!
Would have been my second pick.
1st Pick: The Rock
Can you smell what the Rock is cookin?
-Rock
No, but I’d like to
-A Reid