Balls Magazine Year 2, Volume 6 (27 overall)

I’m doing a little bit of time jumping. This round actually happened before the May tournament that I told you about last time. I drove out to Palm Springs on a work day because 1) Stupid work makes me take vacation days every month or else I lose them, 2) I had no major meetings scheduled, and 3) My retired friend has a house on a golf course and invited me.

My retired friend also hosts an annual golf tournament in June every year and he’s switching up the format this year so he wanted to do a dry run. Along for the ride was another retired friend from work and his buddy.

This year’s format is called “Casino”. It works like this:

  • Shotgun start.
  • Each foursome is a team.
  • Each golfer in the foursome is assigned a different suit (clubs, spades, hearts, or diamonds) at the beginning of the tournament.
  • A card is placed on the green of every hole
  • The score of the golfer whose suit matches the card on the green counts towards the team score.
  • The best score out of the remaining three is also counted.
  • One hole in the Front and one hole in the Back has a Joker. On the Joker holes, the two WORST scores are counted towards the team score.
  • Add up all the scores and the team with the lowest count wins.

In addition, you have your usual Closest to the Pin, Longest Drive, and Skins contests.

My friend wanted to try it out to see if any issues would come up and also to try to figure out what a good score would be. It appears that an average group score of 10 per hole will win.

Anyway, it was 5:30 AM when I left Pasadena for an 8 AM tee time. I figured it would take 2 hours to get there, so that would give me 30 minutes to warm up and to join a 7:30 Zoom. There was no traffic and I was driving around 100 (he jokes, Mr. CHP officer that may be lurking), so I got there at 7. Plenty of time to pee, poop, and Zoom.

Yeah, I did actually do work on my vacation day. One Zoom in the morning and one in the afternoon while driving back.

I started the day off brilliantly with a textbook par on the Par 5 First. On the green in three plus two putts. It was unreal how easy it was.

Then a little bit of reality crept in. I got back to back sixes on the Par 4 Second and Third holes. Not horrible considering the Third is Stroke Index 1, but not great. I was still on track to break 100 though.

The Fourth was a Par 3 and I somehow managed to get a par. I followed it up with a Bogey 6 on the Par 5 Fifth and things were going well.

The Sixth was a bit of a disaster. I scored a NINE on the Par 4 and I was lucky that the max score for handicap purposes was a Snowman.

Things got back on track as I managed to score Bogeys on both the Par 4 Seventh and Eighth holes. I finished the Front Nine with a par on the Par 3 Ninth for a total of 48 (47 after the max handicap adjustment).

It was an up and down Front Nine but I had managed my best ever Front Nine score on that golf course! I felt encouraged as we headed to the Back. One of my friends got a bucket of airplane size Fireball bottles and offered me one. Fuck it, why not?

The Tenth used to be a Par 5 but Hurricane/Tropical Storm Hilary wreaked havoc on it. It is located next to a river bed that is normally bone dry. However, as Gumbygirl will vividly remember, all dry rivers were overrun with water during that storm and there was flooding.

The hole has now been shortened to a Par 3 while repairs are done. They estimate it may take a year to restore the hole to its previous condition.

I got a 5, which would have been great a year ago, but not so good in 2024. I think the most frustrating part is that I lost a ball in a thick patch of grass. I knew exactly where it landed, but I couldn’t find it. Oh well.

The Eleventh was another misadventure as I reacquainted myself with Monsieur Homme de Neige. For handicap purposes, it counted as a 7, but still.

The Twelfth was not any better. It was a Par 3 and I got a 6 on it. However, I righted the ship a bit with a par on the Par 3 Thirteenth.

And then things went to shit again.

My second NINE of the day occurred on the Par 5 Fourteenth and I wouldn’t sniff Bogey the rest of the Round.

It was a disappointing 58 on the Back Nine that gave me a 106 for the purposes of the tourney prep. On the GHIN app, it turned into a 104. Not great, considering how well I started, but not the worst score I’d ever had on that course.

It ended up giving me a score differential of 34.7, which was, at the time, the ninth best out of the last 20. That means my handicap Index did not change.

It also told me I didn’t do that badly. A little better play on the Back Nine and a sub 100 round is within reach!

PROS

I was not at work on a weekday.

I had a fun time with my friends.

I enjoyed the Casino format and I think it will make for a fun tourney.

CONS

I really screwed the pooch on the Back Nine. I think I lost focus after the Fireball shot.

Traffic on the way back was HORRIBLE. It was the Monday after Stagecoach, so it was stop and go out of Palm Springs until Riverside. On the plus side, I did spot some cute cowgirls.

OVERALL RATING:

I love playing golf in Palm Springs. I love the area period. Yeah, it’s hot as fuck a large portion of the year, but there is a cool vibe there.

I am still struggling to understand what happened on the Back. I played really well in the Front. Maybe next time I shouldn’t count my score during the round.

I return to Palm Springs in less than two weeks for the tourney. I can’t wait!

See you next time.

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ballsofsteelandfury
Balls somehow lost his bio and didn't realize it. He's now scrambling to write something clever and failing. He likes butts, boobs, most things that start with the letter B, and writing in the Second Person. Geelong, Toluca, Barcelona, and Steelers, in that order.
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BugEyedBoo

The story of the Phoenix Golf Course here in Columbus. It was a links-style (lots of heather off the fairway, no trees) course just outside of downtown Columbus. It was built on a landfill, which was capped off with clay and had methane extractors sticking out of the ground at various places on the course. It was really pretty in that links course way, but kind of funky. Word was to not golf there after it rained, unless you like the smell of wet, rotting garbage.

It soon started having problems; management ran the course on the cheap, and the landfill smell never went away. It started losing money, and it turned out that some issues with methane leaking out of the ground needed to be addressed. SWACO (Columbus solid waste authority) and the course owners got in a pissing contest over who was responsible, and finally SWACO paid the owners $2M to go away.

In a show of surprising self-awareness, SWACO realized that they didn’t know jack shit about running a golf course, and they couldn’t find any takers to buy it or even run it for a percentage of the take. So they shut it down about 10 years ago.

Doktor Zymm

You know, if you took actual time off you wouldn’t get close to the PTO limit…

Also, be glad they do it that way, because places that have unlimited PTO don’t pay out vacation days when you leave

BugEyedBoo

Yeah, they started that unlimited PTO bullshit here. ‘Real’ PTO is a liability on their books.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Is the trick that they have to *approve* PTO so they can avoid giving you more than a minimum amount, but also prevent accumulation?

2Pack

Concentration gets lax or just too much on your mind maybe. We like to think we get better as we go along but that’s frequently not the case.
More import to just have fun and enjoy the venue with friends.
Higher scores will come, but fun is fun.

Game Time Decision

went golfing on Sunday. The place had potential, but was NOT maintained at all. The “fairway” hadn’t been cut in awhile and the rough was full of weeds. It was almost impossible to find one’s ball in the fields of dandelions that had gone to seed ( the white round seed things) if you were not on the fairway, and even then. The “sand traps” were mostly weeds and were growing in. There wasn’t even a rake in them to fix your footsteps.
Oh and we had a 0730 tee off, but the first staff person didn’t arrive until 0740, so we started 20 minutes late.
Won’t be going back there, and for the price they were charging, it was not worth it at all.
But did have fun day out and the weather we perfect. I’m also starting to hit a bit better with my clubs, so pleased with that.

WCS

U.S. Open conditions!

WCS

This is will be my first day “rive broggin” a 9-1-1 PSAP’s double-shift. I know what I’m doing.

Disembodied voice of Ron Howard: “He didn’t.”

Game Time Decision

the live blog:
pocket dial
pocket dial
hang up
pocket dial
asks for information about parking
pocket dial
pocket dial
report of a theft
pocket dial
drunk driver
pocket dial
domestic
pocket dial
[edit] good luck today, tis a stressful job.

Last edited 6 months ago by Game Time Decision
Doktor Zymm

Replace those pocket dials with Apple Watch false alarms, this is 2024 when enshittification is in full swing!

WCS

In five hours, I’ve had three already.

WCS

Mrs. GTD knows the routine.

EDIT: Toss in the occasional OD and a lot of fender-benders.

Last edited 6 months ago by WCS
Game Time Decision

it is kinda crazy how many calls to 911 are butt dials, hangups or mistakes.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Yeah it’s not like you to do better on the front than from the back, right?