Adventures in Periscope-ing

Last night, I was unusually awake late on a work night for a couple of reasons: 1) I have a nagging tooth-ache that has made it difficult to sleep.  I’m going to the dentist this week and I am dreading it. 2) I was watching the NASCAR Daytona summer race and I really wanted to see if Kyle Busch could regain the two laps he lost at the beginning of the race (he did!)  and if he would end up with a good finish to get close to making the Chase (17th, better than expected under the circumstances).   Now that I’ve completely lost your respect, I’m about to add one more thing to make you feel embarrassed for me:  I discovered Periscope.

As an American born in Mexico, I am, by nature, paranoid about cops.  The default setting is that they are bad until proven otherwise.  Given recent events and the proliferation of videos, I thought it would be a good idea, if I ever got stopped, to broadcast it, just in case anything bad happened.  As I said, I’m paranoid about cops.  I heard about meerkat and periscope, but I hadn’t done anything until a NASCAR guy that I follow on Twitter started periscoping, so I created an account (periscope is somehow linked with Twitter) and it was super easy.

This is all prelude to last night when, as I was understandably bored by cars going around in circles, I started looking at periscope to see what was out there.  First, I stumbled on a Bree Olson broadcast.  I knew I had heard that name before, and a quick google reminded me that she used to be Charlie Sheen’s “something”.  I checked it out and she was boring.

Next, I found a broadcast that said it was an actual date.  This was intriguing.  I got in and it was a cute girl with librarian glasses and a hefty-looking dude with tattoos.  The girl was saying she was a comedian which automatically had me thinking, “Oh, ok, this is some gimmick, not a real date date.”  I still stayed tuned.

So, do you know who the girl turned out to be?

Yup, ole 4″ dick pic girl herself, Jenn Sterger!

Turns out the dude was some AAA baseball player and they were in El Paso having drinks at some restaurant.  The whole thing was super weird to watch.  It did not seem staged, but at the same time it wasn’t a normal date.  I mean, who the hell broadcasts their date and keeps their eyes on the phone to react to people’s comments?

Oh, and there were plenty of Favre comments, which was hilarious.   The guy was funny and seemed like a decent dude, so everyone was also pushing for him to get a kiss, which he did, and then for a bj, handy, etc.  He was very low-key and chill about the whole thing and was actually texting his mom during the “date”.

Eventually the thing ended and I was left wondering what the hell I had just watched.  Don’t get me wrong, it was kinda fun and funny, but it seemed really weird to watch two people on a date, no matter how real it was or not.

Pictured: Old Wrinkly Balls

And then Andy Isaac renewed my faith in Uproxx by posting this gem of a video.  I highly recommend you all watch it:

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ballsofsteelandfury
Balls somehow lost his bio and didn't realize it. He's now scrambling to write something clever and failing. He likes butts, boobs, most things that start with the letter B, and writing in the Second Person. Geelong, Toluca, Barcelona, and Steelers, in that order.
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sunrisesunrise

The only thing I took away from this was wanting to know who the AAA player was since I am a Padres fan and El Paso is their affiliate. So I used the google machine and found out it was Cody Decker.

Note: No one cares about the Padres. They are the Titans of MLB.

King Hippo

Oh my!

/just finished watching Cards series using Padres feed because Dick Enberg brought back all the 1980s AFC playoffs feels. Ya know, before the Super Bowls I try very hard to not remember.

scotchnaut

Ms. Garcia does indeed have a nice para hoy.

sunrisesunrise

She has that turn perfected.

makeitsnowondem

I’m 29 and what is this

King Hippo

Video depicts me amongst DBO Kommentariat:

The Right Reverend Electric Mayhem

Right? I seriously thought this was about the criminally-underrated Kelsey Grammer movie.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I saw this comment on Techcrunch a while back in response to a post about how, despite the fact that they “express themselves” to such an overwhelming degree, people just don’t understand Millennials. I think it does a fairly good job of encapsulating my feelings about things like Periscope:

You’re the most “outspoken” generation in history? How do you figure that? Seriously? (I guess this is where the narcissistic stereotype comes from) Let me guess, because you are the first generation to grow up with the tools that allow you to post any and all banalities online.

King Hippo

The thought of anyone, let alone EVERYONE, having a cellphone camera, let alone social media and the like whilst I was in undergrad makes me tremble in fear.

For that reason alone, I realize that I should be much less of a dick about the Millenial generation. There but for the grace of God, etc.

But my inner grumpy asshole usually wins out. Again, OFF MY LAWN!!

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Yeah, I’m not sure I’d have behaved differently if I had the tools that they do. I’d like to think I would, but I probably wouldn’t have.

King Hippo

Jim Beam (hai, Mila!) had the wheel for a good portion of my decision-making, so…

Old School Zero

There’s an app for that? I just use a telescope.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Why use a telescope when I’ve got this perfectly good ladder?

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5EXd95Be7wI

WhyEaglesWhy

I thought Periscope was only used by screenwriters and other nerdly creative types to bemoan the rampant sexism/racism/classism in everything you thought you liked.

This is definitely a step up.

VonTazeMeBro

I am what most would consider “young”, but I had no idea what you’re talking about and had to google Periscope. Seriously, get off my lawn.

King Hippo

This periscoping thingamajig the second post in a row that has terrified me with references I don’t even begin to understand. Not even when I read slow and move my lips at the same time.

Unlike VMB, I am NAWT what one would consider young. I’m cold and there are wolves after me.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh